[Net King] Take away my heart

Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains. ——jean jacques rousseau

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It was a grayer cloudy day than usual, as I vividly remember.

People often say that the weather in Kanagawa is as clear as its sea, but in my eyes, this school building, which is always emphasized by the principal as having history and honor, is special because of the footprints of the long past. Cold, depressing, revealing a decadent smell.

On the eve of the national conference, the school held a memorial service for Reika Miyake.Her father came to the school with the news of the death, and he handed over the cold and real death to Miyake's best friend, Jiayin.He brought an unprecedented breath of death to this school building, but he did not take away the shadow of death with him when he left.

Death, cold death.This shadow has always hovered over the heads of everyone in the Lihai campus, and it has taken away far more and more important things than we imagined.

Something like a thread was torn that day.This line originally connected me and Jiayin, connected her and Miyake, and connected all the last good things in our lives.That line was broken just like that, brutally cut short by the so-called cruel fate.It hangs limply on the ground, never to be connected again, never to be put back together again, lifeless like a cold corpse, hopeless.

I don't understand how it all happened.

I only remember Jiayin who was destroyed by the truth of death that day, Liu who was holding her in the corner and weeping silently, and the dark and miserable sky that was soaked in black mist.

Miyake was not my friend, and her death was not devastating enough for me.No one will intentionally and prematurely imagine their own death, but it is precisely because of Miyake's death that I, Jiayin, and even everyone who knew Miyake began to face every detail brought about by death irresistibly.

why?

Things are always developing in an uncontrollable direction, and the people we cherish are always leaving us, but I am still standing here, and I can only watch everything happen.

Death distances everyone, and secrets make us walk on eggshells.I looked at Jiayin and saw sadness in her eyes.I looked at Sanada and saw sadness in his eyes.I looked at Liu and saw sadness in his eyes.I looked at everyone, saw sadness or secrets in everyone's eyes, but in the end I couldn't tell the truth, and I couldn't do anything about it.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, I start to resent everything around me.

I resent Yoo for being able to cry with Jia Yin because I can't vent my emotions in front of people like that.I resent Sanada for being stuck in memories with Yoon, because I can't miss a person like they do.I resent Marui, I even resent Jack, I resent them all more or less because of this death and have some kind of more connection with Jiayin, even if this connection is negative and painful.

What I suffer is not Miyake's death, but death itself.

I'm not afraid of death. Years of illness have given me the awareness to face death.What I am afraid of is dying without knowing why, what I am afraid of is facing death with confusion and loneliness, what I am afraid of is dying humblely in anxiety.

Even though I keep telling myself to let nature take its course, if I can choose the way of dying, I think I will definitely choose to control my own destiny like Miyake.

It wasn't until then that I realized that I had changed.Maybe Miyake's death changed me, maybe the hope of recovery changed me, but more, I know that good news changed me.

She makes me sweet, she makes me miserable, she is the synthesis of all contradictions, the source of all hope and despair.After Miyake's death, she withdrew from the poetry club and began to be more solitary.We hadn't spoken for a long time and lived only minimally under the same roof.

Jiayin is about to leave, and she seems to be going to a far away place that I don't know at any time.This feeling is like the shadow of death, hovering in my heart all the time.

"You've been acting weird lately."

After regular training, Sanada said to me in front of the closet in the studio.

He took off his sweat-soaked sweatshirt and put on a white uniform shirt, without glancing at me the entire time.Recently, Sanada was unusually quiet, and he rarely heard him yelling at his staff, and he didn't even give much guidance. I thought he wasn't paying attention to my actions.

"If you want to say something strange, isn't Sanada the same as me?" I said, "Everyone will be affected to some extent during this time... After all, such a regrettable thing happened."

He stuffed the changed sweatshirt into the closet, slammed the door shut, and avoided talking about what I had mentioned.

With only a few months to go before the national convention, all participating clubs are straining their nerves and practicing desperately.The gloomy weather continues, and people have not yet completely emerged from the gray shadow.But no one gave up because of this, at least for now, they still know what they should do, or what they can only do.

"You don't have confidence in the racket. You should know where that shot is going to land."

Sanada's tone was straightforward and concise, leaving no room for me to argue.That was an accidental omission, or so it seems to me, it was just an accidental omission.

I am good at both offense and defense, and I have never conceded a goal due to carelessness in the department.The two second-year alternates were doing tee practice on the opposite side, and Sanada and I were just responsible for returning the ball.But for some reason, the racket that has just been restringed feels different from the usual feeling in the hand. It is obviously the same racket, but it has a vaguely unfamiliar touch.

While I was distracted thinking about this strange touch, the second grader's serve hit here.It was a serve that seemed to me to be easy to return with just a single swing of the racket. I had already judged the direction of the ball and my body was moving there.

In the split second before the tennis ball hits the ground, my racket is supposed to block it with a crisp return sound.But I didn't hear the crisp echo, but instead, the muffled sound of the tennis ball bouncing off the ground.

The racket stopped in mid-air, as if there was an invisible chain holding my wrist in the air.The racquet did go in the direction the tennis ball landed, but somehow it stopped quite a distance from where it actually hit the ball.

I fumbled the ball against a sophomore for the first time.

"It seems that I also need to increase the training intensity appropriately."

I answered Sanada calmly, pretending not to take this mistake to heart.He didn't say anything else, and silently tied his tie and put on his coat.

This is not the usual Sanada. If it were him, it is absolutely impossible not to realize that my mistakes are not limited to this one time.This is not my usual me either. If I were my normal me, it would be absolutely impossible for me to concede a goal from a backup second-year student, and it is impossible not to find the real reason for conceding a goal.

"Sanada, don't worry." I tried to convince Sanada and myself with confidence, "Three-in-a-row Lihai, there is no dead end."

I put my hand on his shoulder.

After that mistake, I increased my usual training volume, and at the same time strengthened the training volume of everyone in the department.Originally thought that Marui and Aka, who were afraid of suffering, would also yell and complain, but they didn't complain a word.Not only them, but everyone in the ministry willingly accepted this intensity of training.Everyone walks into the court clean and dry every day, and walks out soaked wet, ready to step on the top again with all their might.

The last national competition of the third grade is also the last national competition for me and Sanada.

There is no tolerance for mistakes, no hesitation, and no tolerance for failure.In order to get out of that shadow, everyone is working hard to move forward.Winning the game and getting a three-in-a-row seemed like a chance for a new lease on life, not only for us, but for the whole school.We are not only responsible for our own honor, but also responsible for sweeping away the haze and bringing back hope and smiles to everyone.

"Yukimura-kun, let's work hard with the tennis club!"

The cheers from students of all grades are endless, regardless of gender, everyone is looking forward to us taking home the glorious trophy.I will thank you for every support, so more people are willing to cheer for me. People always say that Yukimura-kun has a really good temper, and he doesn't have the airs of a minister at all.

I don't mind talking to anyone, but girls tend to be more willing to come up to me than guys.After class, there will always be a group of girls who will gather around and chat with me. The topics are nothing more than popular TV dramas, singers and stars.

To be honest, I am not very interested in popular topics. Of course, there will be people who try to ask me about tennis, but if I am not a member of the tennis club, I can only say a few words, there is no way Explain more in depth.

——Hey, have you watched the popular TV series Yukimura-kun recently?

Facing the chattering girls around the desk, I smiled and shook my head.If the TV series in this sentence were replaced by movies or cartoons, I would probably have the same reaction.

——Is it the one with the first ratings?I watched it too!Super super touching, the hero is super handsome, and the heroine is also very beautiful!

——Yes, yes, and the plot is great, although it is very bumpy but very romantic!

Even if I replied that I hadn't watched it, the girls would start discussing the plot of the TV series on their own, recommending them to me excitedly while discussing them.They can remember the opening lyrics of the TV series and even the scandals of the male and female protagonists like a few treasures. Sometimes I feel that if they put half of their efforts in watching TV series on tennis or art, maybe I will be more able to relate to them. Topic for them to talk about.

——Yukimura-kun, don't you like watching romantic dramas?Let me tell you, this TV series is different from other films!I cry every episode I watch!

——Everyone in it is acting with their lives, how can there be such a sad and tortuous story?Two people who love each other become family members by accident...

- that's it!I know that I will be opposed by everyone, so I keep a secret in my heart, but living together every day, how painful it is!

——I really understand that kind of feeling. I like it but dare not say it. If I say it, I will become a sinner!People who love each other can never be together because of secular prejudice...

The noise gradually became harsh.

I don't force myself to listen to content that I'm not interested in. I usually just take out a book and read it while distracting myself to cater to the topics that girls throw up from time to time.I am very good at separating the important from the irrelevant. I just listen to the irrelevant. When I come to the important, I stop reading and start listening carefully.

The plot that the girls said sounds like a vulgar story made up by one or two boring screenwriters to attract people's attention.I should have laughed it off, but I was unconsciously distracted, unable to continue reading the book in front of me, and instead focused on what they were discussing.

——The two of them are really pitiful. They are kind and filial to their parents. They sacrificed themselves for the sake of everyone's feelings!

——In the end, didn’t the heroine almost marry someone else at the order of her parents? I was so worried about the heroine when I saw that!I'm afraid he can't help going to extremes...

——The heroine is also in pain, but there is no way, everyone will think it is strange that they are not married!

As soon as the girl finished speaking, I couldn't help closing the book and asking, "And then?"

The girls who had been discussing in full swing suddenly quieted down and looked at me with wide eyes in surprise.

——Eh, I thought Yukimura-kun didn't like this TV series!Are you interested too?

One of the girls covered her mouth and said.

"Well... maybe a little."

——Later, the male lead eloped with the female lead!It's very courageous, and the two finally got everyone's understanding and got married!

——Happy happy ending Oh, the screenwriter is very conscientious, right!Did Yukimura-kun want to see it?I bought a full set of dvds, and I can lend them to you when the time comes!

——That, I also bought it!

The girls laughed again.

"Thank you, if you get the chance."

I, who was struggling in my heart, showed them the same calm smile as usual.

I'm not going to watch this TV series, and I'm not interested in it, I just want to know how those two people end up, that's all.

I don't like those superficial and ignorant plots in TV dramas, because I never put my hopes on unrealistic fictions.But only this time I really thought, it would be great if these plots could happen to me and Jiayin.

If I can easily let go of my burdens, if I can gain everyone's understanding, if I can break through the mundane world recklessly, if all the plots of TV dramas come true for us, maybe I won't have to suffer so much anymore.But is that possible?That's impossible, because TV dramas are just TV dramas after all.

I looked around the classroom and saw every familiar and unfamiliar face, and then I suddenly realized that after three years, I have lived every day of my life as a lie.Is all I want is this empty dialogue, just a polite fake smile, just that shiny trophy of the three-in-a-row?No, it's not.

Get along politely according to the agreement, and live together peacefully like ordinary family members, but this agreement is making us more and more alienated, and even become worse than strangers.

This is not my original intention.

His fingertips trembled uncontrollably on the writing.I wanted to see her very much, and at this moment I just suddenly wanted to see her.

It took me a long time to get myself together until the bell for class rang again.