[Net King] Take away my heart

To good news:

'Finally found!

What?eternal.

That is the sea, into the sun. '

This is the last farewell poem you read to the whole school in the broadcasting department before I left.

You know I like Rimbaud, and I know you like Verlaine, and for many days in the second grade, we were obsessed with the stories of these two people.

"Genius" - there is no more accurate word to describe Rimbaud than these two words.His poems are so shocking that they almost completely subvert our outlook on life and values. However, when he wrote those poems, he was just a young boy about our age.

There are always some people in the world who are born with extraordinary talents, such as Rimbaud, such as your brother Yukimura.Rimbaud is destined to be a poet, he was born to write, which has nothing to do with the acquired training and growth environment, everything just comes from the special favor he received from the moment he was born.

Yukimura is also such a person, he is better than any of us, there seems to be nothing in this world that he cannot do.We often put in ten times the effort to achieve the state, he only needs to put out one tenth of the power to easily surpass the past.Everything is too easy for him, so sometimes he seems to have no desires, he doesn't care about those honors, he doesn't care about those who admire him, and he doesn't care about those who envy him.

So what exactly does Yukimura care about?Is it the promise that I made with you since childhood?

Rimbaud was unfortunate, geniuses are unfortunate.Because when you are born with that gifted talent, it also means that you will accept a curse from which you cannot escape for the rest of your life.

We all know what kind of fate Yukimura will face. Behind his countless halos, the disease has already swallowed up this supposedly fresh life, leaving only fragmented skeletons.

Son of God is such a miserable and ridiculous name.

The gods played a gigantic joke with your brother. They endowed him with unrivaled talents while destroying his feeble life.There is no merciful God, only human beings fooled by fate.If the gods asked your brother to choose between talent and life, what do you think he would choose?I think he would choose the former without hesitation.

You always say that you and Yukimura have almost no similarities from head to toe, you are wrong.You are used to being gentle and silent, used to not complaining about anything, and used to keep all your emotions in your heart and not expose them to the outside.This is not out of weakness, but out of incomprehensible aloofness that you are born with extraordinary talents.

Yukimura will not bow his head in front of fate, he will not cry out because of cruel illness, his heart that is infinitely close to God will not allow him to have the slightest unseemly behavior.To him, the injustice of fate seems to be just another way to communicate with the gods. He stares at everything indifferently, even with a faint smile on his face.

This is your elder brother, who is so extraordinary and amazingly talented, so arrogant that he can see through life and death like a god, and is so kind that he doesn't want to drag others into the bottomless whirlpool, but he only takes you—the only possible person in this world. The twin sister who continued the meaning of his existence was slowly devoured, and dragged step by step into that gloomy hell.

Jiayin, I want to save you so much, but I can't fight the gods, even I can't save myself.

I still remember your collection of Verlaine's poems that was not sent out in the end. You always put a transparent bookmark in the chapter "Falling Leaves", and you never touched it after flipping through it once.

It was by no means a book that middle school students could afford with their pocket money. It was Verlaine's out-of-print collection of poems.It was the book that you managed to scrape together enough money to buy after taking on a lot of jobs on the sly.

Write homework for others, write reports for others, and even write poems for others, and then publish them under other people's names...

You think I don't know, but I do.

It's not worth it.

You have been bound by him, you have been corrupted by that hateful agreement.Your brother is not protecting you, but exchanging his own misfortune for your greater misfortune.

You can’t like Marui, you can’t like Akaya, you can’t spend money to buy what you want, go against principles and self-esteem to do those shady things, just to buy that book as his birthday present... Good news, you Already caught in a trap.Yukimura is suffering, so you must also suffer, if you get happiness, it means betraying Yukimura - Yukimura is too pitiful, Yukimura has already been miserable to such a point, so you can't make him more sad - this is all you Idea and logic, no?

You are wrong, dead wrong.

I can't help you, every time I realize you're on the other side of the world, every time I realize that the sea separates us, the land separates us, the air separates us, even the sun, the moon and the stars, I feel The whole world seemed empty and meaningless as if it had collapsed.

Good news, only you can save yourself, never forget this.

I am a fool, obviously I am too stupid to be cured, but I am still here angrily teaching you.Will you see these letters?Now I can't be sure of that.

Good news, we are all fools.Sometimes I think, if you didn't meet me and know me at that time, then maybe you don't belong to my world, but their world.

You are on the other side of the sea, in that country, beside them, that is your world.And I'm not, I'm not there, and maybe I'll never get back there.

I don't want to die in this strange, distant country.

I want to go back to you, back to Lihai, back to our poetry club, back to those days when you can laugh and cry wantonly.

Jack... I want to go back to him too.

Although I have never really been the person next to him, I really want to see him again.Only one side is fine.

Maybe he has forgotten me?He must have forgotten me.I dare not confirm this to you. I don't want to hear from you that he already has a girlfriend. I don't want to hear from you that he is still as carefree as before after I left.I'm scared... I'm scared.

I was so scared.

When I step out of the house, when I walk on this land that does not belong to me, when I shuttle through the bustling crowds, when I stop and look up at the sky...

All I saw was boundless despair.

despair.

despair.

Everywhere is despair.

I can't cry, I can't laugh, and when I no longer have these emotional faculties, I realize that somewhere in my body an important control valve has broken.

I want to go to the seaside, I want to go to the grassland, I want to go to the end of the world, I want to go to any open place to scream and cry.But I can't, I can't go anywhere.

Good news, I'm trapped, I'm trapped in this cage, I can't break free, I can't escape, I can only watch my body crumble, wither, rot, and disappear.

I don't want you to see me the way I am, this is not me, this is not me at all.The real me is always by your side, I will protect you, I will hug you, and I will keep you safe from all harm.

But I am in too much pain, because it is too painful, so I have to keep destroying myself.

These letters may never reach your hands, and if you can't read them, then I will still be the brave man in your heart.

That's fine, just remember me like that, never, ever, never see me now.

...Promise me one thing.

If one day I die, don't let them burn me to ashes.Send me back to my hometown, keep me by your side, don't let me become a homeless ghost.

This is my only wish.

The author has something to say: Note 1: "I finally found it! What? Eternity..." The author is Jean Nicolas Arthur Rimbaud (Jean Nicolas Arthur Rimbaud), from Rimbaud's collection of poems "A Season in Hell Eternity" (translated Author: Wang Yipei).