Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

After Kunikida Doppo was angry and left, Yosano Akiko also left.In the end, Edogawa Ranpo looked at the two couples hugging each other stickily on our side, shook his head, and left.

The air in the office heated up rapidly.

Under Dazai's smiling gaze, I lightly touched his lips, but didn't penetrate deeply.

My sweetheart is extremely sweet, but it is not suitable for tasting here.

"Let's go back." I said to Dazai.

"it is good."

We say goodbye to the Tanizaki brothers and sisters.

Tanizaki Naomi: "Brother, look at him."

Tanizaki Junichiro: "Uh..."

Tanizaki Naomi: "Autumn, come and play next time!"

Me: "Okay, see you later."

I don't know why, but Tanizaki Naomi is obviously the same age as me, but it gives me the illusion of a veteran in love.

...well, maybe it's not an illusion either?

The sky is getting dark again, and the night in Yokohama is coming day after day.

I was standing quietly by the bookshelf in Dazai's study, not feeling sleepy at all.

It may be the sequelae of carbon monoxide poisoning. Dazai was very tired. After returning to the residence, he said "I want to take a rest" and entered the room without ever coming out.

Dazai ignored the promised massage again, and I was not annoyed either.

From Dazai saying "I will try to fall in love with you" until night falls, everything is as unreal as a dream.

I need time to calm down.

But my heart is already on fire, and solitude cannot cool my blood, nor can the cool night breeze.

Thinking of what Dazai said to me, how Dazai treated me in front of others, I almost laughed out loud.

Standing by Dazai's bookshelf, I run my fingertips along the spine of a book.

Dazai bought a wide variety of books, of all types.And most of them are very new. It can be guessed that he has only read them once and never read them again.

I imagined when Dazai bought them, and what kind of mood he was looking through them.Such speculation pleases me.

After touching all kinds of book titles, my fingers suddenly stopped.

I remembered one thing, the progress between Dazai and I needed to be reported to the friend who advised me, so I took out my phone and sent a message to Kobayakawa Keiko.

"Keiko, Mr. Dazai told me that I was his future lover, and he asked me to give him some time, and he will try to fall in love with me before he dies."

"For ordinary people, this may be too vague a promise; but in Mr. Dazai's life that may end at any time, this is tantamount to me being the only thing he pursues besides suicide."

"Although we haven't established a formal relationship, Mr. Dazai's colleagues think that the intimacy between me and him is far beyond the relationship between the pursuer and the pursued. Some people even think that Mr. Dazai and I have slept together. gone."

As I write this, I almost laugh out loud again.

Being recognized by the colleagues around Dazai for my relationship with him makes me happy.

"Keiko, what should I do next? Besides waiting by Mr. Dazai's side, what else can I do to make him accept me sooner?"

Maybe because it was late at night, Keiko Kobayakawa had already fallen asleep, so she didn't reply in time.

When I sent these messages, I couldn't help reviewing the day's events from beginning to end, with an uncontrollable smile on my lips.

When he raised his head inadvertently, there was a dark figure at the door of the study, and he didn't know how long he stood there.

In the dimly lit corridor, Dazai's hair color and eye color appeared even darker.Compared with the unscrupulous and out-of-the-ordinary people who are always smiling and smiling during the day, they are a little more quiet at this moment.

I asked, "Mr. Dazai, what's the matter?"

"Qiu, don't you want to sleep?" Dazai yawned while leaning on the door frame, and he spoke in a teasing tone, "Or in the middle of the night while I was asleep, secretly texting other lovers? Laughing so happily."

I can't laugh or cry.

"No, you misunderstood."

"Oh~ Then why are you laughing secretly in the study?"

"Because I was thinking of you."

Dazai finally nodded in satisfaction.

He clearly knew it a long time ago, and he has to force me to say it before he is satisfied.

Dazai: "Then when are you going to think about me before going to bed?"

Me: "I'm not sleepy, Mr. Dazai."

Since the night shift was raised at work, I have become accustomed to going out at night.If I hadn't asked for leave, it would be my working hours at the Port Mafia, with no breaks from early morning to midday.

Like being sick last night and sleeping at Dazai's house from night to afternoon, it is completely a special case.

"The resilience of young people is really good. After a day's sleep, they are full of energy." Dazai seemed to envy and complain.

"What about you? Why..." Why aren't you sleeping yet?

I approached Dazai, and suddenly realized that his face was very pale, and his soft tone was not just a habit, but also because of his weak state.

The next second when I realized this, Dazai closed his eyes and fell to me.

"!!!"

What happened next happened of course.

I carried Dazai into the bedroom and supported him to lie flat on the bed.

I asked him what was wrong, but Dazai closed his eyes and pretended to be unconscious, and didn't answer any questions.

I was worried and had no choice but to put my hand on his forehead to test the temperature.

"It's not hot... what's wrong with you?"

As an assassin, it is absolutely impossible to make a mistake in judging whether the opponent is awake or unconscious at such a close distance—not to mention, Dazai did not hide it much.

Dazai was clearly awake, but ignored me, lying motionless and pretending to be dead.

He let go of all his defenses, as if to say: Now the time is up to you, you can do whatever you want to me.

What exactly is Dazai-san's intention?

My fingers slid down and traced the contours of the cheeks of the closed eyes.I gently pinched the flesh on his cheek with two fingers and pulled it out, but he still didn't respond.

My fingers slid down his side cheeks, down to his chin, and finally pressed on the peak of his lips.

The skin touched by my hands was slightly cool, but it made me burn from my fingertips to my heart, and aroused the raging desires in the bottom of my heart in the clear and quiet night.

Do you want to try, like the previous two times?

A voice bewitched me like this.

Mr. Dazai, whom you have been thinking about for a long time, is lying in front of you without any resistance. Try the soft and sweet taste of your sweetheart's lips, try to kiss him until his breath is short, and make his pale skin dyed a thin red... …

Let's see if he can remain so indifferent.

Pale skin.

Suddenly there was a jolt, and I woke up.

It was as if a basin of cold water had been poured on my brain, extinguishing all my charming desires, leaving only worry and heartache.

Mr. Dazai has no blood on his face now, obviously he is not in a good condition.

Of course I can do excessive things to Dazai, and he has acquiesced in my rights, but I am not willing.

And, I remembered.

A long time ago, as a soul, I followed Dazai all the time for three years. I saw with my own eyes how Dazai's work and rest were chaotic, and his day and night were reversed.

He prefers to travel at night than during the day.It wasn't that the night was more comfortable than the day, but that Dazai had trouble falling asleep at night.

Mr. Dazai suffers from severe insomnia.

Perhaps this is the price a wise man has to pay for his "inhuman intelligence", and he can only fall asleep when he is extremely tired.

During those sleepless days and nights when I was with him, the young Dazai's cold and empty eyes merged with the desolate night, silent, like a lifeless corpse.

In the state of a soul, I watched him silently, from the darkness of the night to the dawn of the morning, night after night.

At that time, I could only stare at him like this.

The young man with a more mature and profound face was lying weakly on the bed, overlapping with the lifeless figure back then.

Standing by the bed, I brushed aside Dazai's messy brown hair, and gently covered his temples. With my fingertips, I could clearly feel the twitching and throbbing of the meridians underneath through the thin skin.

I just touched it, and the "asleep" Dazai frowned in pain.

—He is having a hard time now.

This realization broke my heart.

But, why didn't he say it, and insisted on waiting for me to find out?

Fortunately, he was surrounded by me who knew him well.What if I change someone and don't find him in so much pain?

"Ugh……"

I was abused by my own brain, and I sighed deeply.

Seeing that Dazai didn't have the slightest intention to say anything or move, I could only start working according to my own ideas.

The first step is to pick up someone who is pretending to be dead from the bed, and turn the direction of his lying corpse so that his head is facing the end of the bed and his feet are facing the head of the bed.

The second step is to stuff the pillow behind Dazai's head, and spread the quilt to cover his hands, feet and body to avoid catching cold.

The third step is to move a chair and sit at the end of the bed, ready to start work.

The person I love is within reach of kissing him as soon as I lower my head, but I have no distracting thoughts, even touching him is light and light.

"Mr. Dazai, please be patient."

My strength increased gradually from light to heavy, and I massaged Dazai's entire head with professional techniques.

As the massage lasted longer, Dazai's breathing became softer and longer, presumably the pain eased.

Feeling that the meridians under my hands were pressed and rubbed open, and I no longer tortured Dazai rampantly, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

After thinking about it, I decided to temporarily suspend the massage.

As soon as he let go, Dazai frowned again, looking very uncomfortable.

I:"……"

Mr. Dazai, just pretend.

I ignored Dazai's silent "hint", and rubbed the palms of both hands back and forth until the palms became hot, and then pressed down to cover Dazai's closed eyes.

Dazai's frowning brows immediately relaxed.

I just wanted to laugh, and then I noticed that the eyeballs under my palm were moving, and the man's eyelashes fluttered against my palm like a small fan, tickling my palm and my heart.

I couldn't laugh anymore and warned him: "Mr. Dazai, don't move around."

Unexpectedly, the eyelashes fluttered even more fiercely, and my heartbeat would lose control if I covered them further.

I let go.

He lowered his head, facing the pair of smiling tea-brown eyes, the upturned eyes were full of cunning and gentleness.

"Hey! Congratulations, Mr. Qiu, you successfully resurrected your dog~"

I:"……"

My heart skipped a beat, and I covered his charming eyes with my still-heated palm, and said ruthlessly, "Next time you have a headache and feel uncomfortable, you can just tell me if you need a massage. I will be very worried if you suddenly pass out."

Dazai, who was covered by my eyes, said, "No—yes, I just want you to worry!"

Playing tricks aboveboard.

I:"……"

"Okay, you succeeded."

What else can I do, what else can I do except continue to massage this rascal.

Salad.

Who made me like him so much.

"Qiu is amazing...it's super~super~comfortable."

Finally "resurrected" Dazai let out a low hum during my massage.

"When did you learn it?"

"Just these two years."

"How did you even think of learning this?"

"Because Oda-san."

"Oh?"

"His massage technique is very professional. I got his help once when I was drunk. It was very comfortable and impressive. I took the opportunity to learn it."

Dazai asked me sentence by sentence, and I answered sentence by sentence.

Dazai muttered, "Odasaku used to know how to massage, I didn't even know about it."

"You don't know?"

"I do not know."

"Is there something you don't know?"

"There are actually a lot of things I don't know."

"yes."

Dazai closed his eyes, and said lazily while enjoying my massage: "There is one more thing I can't figure out."

"what?"

It's normal for Dazai to have things he doesn't know about; things that even Dazai can't figure out are relatively rare and rare.

Dazai said, "Seven years."

"The woman on the phone that day told you to let go of the gentleman you've loved for seven years—but it's only been four years since we first met. Qiu, what's going on?"

My movements froze for a moment.

Seven years is the time when I told Kobayakawa Keiko the story between me and Dazai. That day she called and mentioned "seven years", and Dazai happened to hear it.

Dazai was very keen and noticed this detail.

"You wouldn't lie about something like this." Dazai asked, "Aki, where were you during the three years I didn't know?"

……

The air froze at this moment, and Dazai's words penetrated time and space, bringing me back to the place where my soul is, tearing out my unique past from my memories.

I was silent for a while before answering: "I am right beside you. I was born as a spirit, looking at you in nothingness."

This is where I come from, the first secret of my love for him.

Dazai: "Three years?"

Me: "Three years."

"What about before these three years?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean no more?"

"When it's gone, it's gone. I have no memory of before that."

"Since when do you have memories?"

"From meeting you."

"What was I doing then?"

"You're trying to kill yourself by slitting your wrists."

"You just watch?"

"I can only watch."

"Are you human?"

"It should be by now."

"What if you don't show up in that warehouse?"

"It will always float by your side as a soul."

"Where would you go if I died?"

"Maybe the consciousness will dissipate, I don't know."

"This is really..."

"Ok?"

"Ah, it's unbelievable."

"So... you were born because of me?"

"In a sense, so to speak."

Dazai and I asked and answered questions in a normal tone as if we were having a normal conversation about "what's the weather like tonight" and "it's not bad".

Dazai didn't show much surprise, and even said: "I see. No wonder."

Dazai smiled and said, "Following someone like me will make you suffer, if you met someone else in the first place—"

"impossible!"

My voice was very soft, but decisive: "It can't be someone else."

Hearing Dazai's hypothesis of "if you met someone else in the first place", an unspeakable anger surged into my heart instantly, and I blurted out: "Impossible, absolutely impossible!"

I follow Osamu Dazai, the person I care about is Osamu Dazai, and the person I love is Osamu Dazai.

Only Osamu Dazai, no one else!

"Okay, okay, no one else—I said something wrong, it's my fault, Qiu, don't be angry."

Dazai apologized repeatedly and calmed down my emotions gently.

He closed his eyes and sighed, saying.

"Only Osamu Dazai, no one else."

"It's really reassuring."

In the second half of the night, my hands were almost sore, but Dazai didn't call to stop, and I didn't intend to stop either.

I ran my fingers through his thick, curly brown hair, surrounded by soft strands.

Dazai has completely relaxed.We were silent for a while without saying anything.

Just when I thought he was asleep, Dazai's sleepy voice suddenly rang out in the silence.

"It would be nice if I could die like this."

He muttered to himself, as if talking in his sleep.

"That's it... stop."

I couldn't tell for a moment if he was talking to me.

Dazai continued: "Aki's killing techniques and massage techniques should be as superb, right? It will definitely make me die without pain just like how I fall asleep without pain."

"..."

He was enthusiastic about the idea.

Dazai suddenly stretched out his hands to touch my cheeks, making me bend down and meet his eyes.

The iris-colored eyes reflected my figure, and there was an ecstatic brilliance in them.

"Qiu, I have a wish."

"Let's die together."