Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

I always feel that Dazai did it on purpose.

During the next process of applying the medicine, as revenge for my words, Dazai kept moaning and screaming, and gasped with pain every now and then, which made me tremble with fear.

Every time he groaned, it hit my heart like a hammer, making my heart ache.

But no matter how distressed I am, I can't help it. I still have to apply a little bit of medicine, and when I encounter bruises, I have to rub them hard, otherwise it will make him more painful later.

Pressing down on the wound with his fingers, Dazai let out a muffled groan, and the brown hair on his forehead was wet with sweat.

"Qiu, your hands are really strong..."

I had to argue: "I haven't started pushing hard yet."

Dazai: "..."

"If it hurts, why don't you beat me too?"

I have completely regretted it.

Why on earth did I attack Dazai?What was in my head? ?

Knowing that he suffered any injuries, I was the one who felt uncomfortable, so why would I stab myself in the heart?

After the stabbing, you have to sprinkle a handful of salt, savoring the incision carefully and repeatedly - giving Dazai medicine is a torture and torture to my conscience, which is more cruel than the most cruel torture in Hong Kong and black.

I even considered taking the medicine and committing suicide to apologize, so that Dazai would not be tired from doing it.

Dazai smiled angrily: "You...you're such an idiot."

"Yeah, it's astonishingly stupid." I resignedly echoed, "I must have put my mind in nothingness and forgot to bring it out."

"Hmph...hahaha..."

Dazai was lying on the sofa, his upper body trembling with laughter.He looked back at me, laughed out loud again, and asked, "Hey, it's me who hurts, not you, why are you frowning so tightly? You look like you're facing an enemy."

"Keep quiet, I won't be so nervous."

So Dazai stopped talking.

But his silence made me sick all the more, and I couldn't help guessing that he was suffering terrible pain.

Me: "...Forget it, you can do whatever you want."

Dazai smiled triumphantly: "Hahahahaha."

Alas, what else can I do with Dazai-san.

After finally taking the medicine, I was sweating all over.Medication for Dazai was much more difficult than medicine for himself.

Dazai collapsed on the sofa as if collapsed, closed his eyes, and praised in a light voice: "Qiu's technique is really good~"

"You flatter me."

Finally the "atonement" was over, and I said to him, "I'm going to clean it up."

I turned on the faucet and washed my hands that smelled of medicinal wine with clean water, and a strong sense of unreality slowly came to my heart.

With these hands, I beat Mr. Dazai, carried him home, and gave him medicine?

Under the absurdity and regret, it seems that there is some courage and desire to break through the soil of anxiety and restlessness, and grow branches that are about to move, ugly and excited to cling to my heart.

Ordinary people, who can face the perpetrator calmly and happily after the other party beats himself half to death?

Mr. Dazai is not an ordinary person, so he can.

He is pampering me.

So, does this mean that I have a different status in Mr. Dazai's heart?

——Different status from those women.

There was a sudden bitterness in my mouth.

I took off my coat while administering the medicine to Dazai. My personal cell phone was in the coat pocket, and it was draped over a chair with the coat.

I had just come out of the bathroom when the phone rang.

When I realized that it was my personal mobile phone, Dazai had already turned my mobile phone out and was playing with it lightly in his hand.

Dazai said, "It's a strange call~"

Only a few people know my private number, and all of them have a name note, so there is a high probability that the wrong number is dialed for an unfamiliar call.

Just as I was about to say "hang up", Dazai pressed the answer button, and it was still a hands-free answer.

As soon as the call was connected, a surprised young female voice came from over there, asking questions like a cannonball.

"Benefactor! Is it you? Do you remember me? Some time ago I wanted to commit suicide by jumping off a building, and you saved my life!"

This "benefactor" shouted so impatiently and enthusiastically that I was shocked.

Dazai: "..."

I:"……"

Dazai looked at me with interested eyes.

I remembered that I had indeed given my mobile phone number to the woman who jumped off the building, but she never contacted me, so I forgot her.

As a result, he didn't come early and didn't come late, but he called in front of Mr. Dazai.

A bad premonition came to my mind.

Seeing that there was no response, a suspicious female voice came from the loudspeaker: "Is that you? Your benefactor?"

Under Dazai's watchful eyes, I bite the bullet and said, "It's me, miss, what's the matter?"

"That's great! I've been busy breaking up and moving a few days ago, and I didn't thank you properly. I don't know what to call you?"

"No thanks. My surname is Takeshita."

"Takeshita-san! I really want to tell you that the feeling of starting a new life is really good. After the breakup, I feel like I was born again. I was the one who got into a dead end. Fortunately, you pulled me out of the situation of self-pity."

"...Really, congratulations."

From the phone, one can hear her voice is full of energy, and it is hard to imagine her crying over the emotional pain by the railing on the top of the building.

After returning from the brink of death, she can be called a free and easy-going woman who dares to love and hate.

She said, "I still remember what you said to me..."

My bad premonition intensified.

Sure enough, the next moment, the woman who dared to love and hate said: "Mr. Takeshita, do you want to think about it and try to let go of the gentleman you have loved for seven years?"

Her voice came from my personal cell phone and echoed throughout Dazai's residence.

My thoughts froze for a moment, and I slowly raised my head, meeting Dazai's kite-colored eyes.

Dazai rolled his eyes at me.

I:"………………"

It's over.

Before my confused mind could organize the words, the woman began to persuasion endlessly: "I don't disrespect your persistence, it's just that the person you love is not a good person. Since he has never liked you, he has never given you any love." Think about it, if you are still missing now, instead of being stuck in the past and waiting, why not give yourself a new chance?"

Her words are sincere and sincere.

"You are so young and so outstanding. There must be many people who admire you. There are many outstanding men and women in the world..."

I vaguely sensed that Dazai was getting more and more anxious, so I hurriedly interrupted her earnest words: "Stop talking!"

I sneaked a glance at Dazai, but he caught me right away. I quickly looked away, not daring to look directly at him.

The woman probably didn't expect me to be so stubborn, and her voice became louder: "There are always some men who are heartless and ungrateful, and falling in love with them is just torturing yourself! I know how painful you are, and even the pain is so painful that you want to commit suicide. Didn’t you say that? Then why don’t you try to come out and have a look, you can’t live in the past forever!”

She spoke so fast that I couldn't find room to interrupt, so I could only frown in confusion and listen.

The woman said: "Since you can't find him..."

Me: "I found him."

Finally had a chance to refute.

Woman: "How about... huh? Found it??"

"Yeah, it's so tragic—you actually found me, a heartless and ungrateful man, with no chance to start over."

During the interval of our silence, Dazai Yunyun, who was the person under discussion, spoke, with a strong sense of ridicule in his words.

The woman's shocked voice came from the handset of the mobile phone: "You are the scumbag that your benefactor likes?!"

The phrase "scumbag" blurted out, sonorously and forcefully, it was obvious that this title had been hovering in her heart for a long time.

"That's right. What did Takeshita-kun say to you, this stranger, that made you so dissatisfied with me?"

Dazai held my mobile phone and talked to the woman, his voice was gentle, and the emotion was beyond his eyes.

I wanted to interrupt them from the bottom of my heart, but the coldness in Dazai's smile captured me for a moment.

The girl never expected such a coincidence that Dazai was by my side, listening to my conversation with her the whole time.

She was even more excited after hearing Dazai's question: "He told me all the things you did to him! How can you belittle his feelings like this?"

Dazai continued casually, "So what?"

"Scumbag, you are one of the worst scumbags I've ever seen! Only a kind person like Takeshita-kun will tolerate and forgive you time and time again..."

She yelled at Dazai.

Distraught, I rushed over to snatch the phone from Dazai's hand: "Shut up! It's not like that! You don't know anything!"

Then press the hang up button.

The living room suddenly fell silent.

I couldn't agree with her words at all, and I was even more worried that Dazai would mistake them for my thoughts.

I explained to Dazai at a loss: "I didn't say anything to her. Those words were all made by her, and she was very wrong. Don't worry..."

After hanging up the phone, Dazai put away his smile and became expressionless.

The coldness and sarcasm in his eyes made me think I was back when I first met him.

"Onlookers know. I'm not a good match, and she's right. Since we've known each other for several years, I would like to advise you, stop wasting time on me, Qiu."

Dazai said lightly, he still has bruises from my punching on his face, ruining the handsomeness of his entire face.

My hands and feet felt cold all of a sudden: "No..."

Dazai: "Give up your love and liking for me and find someone better."

The distance between us is less than half a meter, yet he seems to be standing a world away from me.

I tried my best to get closer to him, but no matter what, I couldn't get any closer.

I'm still trying to justify: "It's not like that..."

There is no one better than you.

But facing such a Dazai, I found that I was still as cowardly and powerless as before.

This is the first time that Dazai has persuaded me to give up pursuing him so bluntly.With a peaceful and unquestionable tone, push me out of the abyss called "Dazai Osamu".

Give up—he actually told me so.

"What's so good about me? Qiu, think about it clearly, whether your 'like' for me is just the result of a possessive desire created by obsession."

Dazai spread his hands and asked sharply.

"...And, if you really like me, why would you beat me up like this?"

……

It's not like that, of course I like him, and I didn't do it until I couldn't bear his temptation.

After doing it, it's obvious that I'm harder than him.

But I can't say no to him.

I forced my almost frozen brain to work and find a way to cope.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

How to prove my love?How can I tell Mr. Dazai that it is completely impossible to give up loving him?

Do I have to cut open my chest and take out my heart and present it to him, so that he can believe my love for him?

The more anxious I was, the more confused my thinking became.

It was as if I had been stripped naked and stood in a world of ice and snow, accepting Dazai's cold scrutiny.

My intuition told me that something was wrong, but under the pressure of Dazai, my panic and nervousness made me ignore the slightest thing that was wrong.

Can't stand like this.

I tried to speak, but I opened my mouth and couldn't speak.No matter what he said, Dazai would definitely see through it in advance, and then he would ask new questions.

Thinking about it, my eyes are sore.

I bit my lip to calm myself down, not to be in a mess like before.

At that moment, I hated Dazai's unreasonable question.

I thought to myself, if I beat Dazai again until his hands and feet are weak, then I kiss his mouth that keeps chattering so that he can't speak.

I have loved him for so many years, yet he still doubts my sincerity.Why don't you waste time on me, why go find someone better, listen, is this human?

Sure enough, it would be more appropriate to beat him up and kiss him forcefully to show his heart, right?

……

When I was about to execute this ultimate plan, Dazai suddenly laughed out loud.

"Hahaha... Qiu you look so cute. I'm just kidding~"

The smile on his lips and the frivolous tone with the tilde all showed that this was not the Dazai four years ago, but the Dazai who was always smiling when I saw him at the Armed Detective Agency.

I:"……"

Dazai was proud: "Qiu has become too powerful in the past two years, which gave me the illusion that I am useless. Now it seems that it is indeed an illusion. Didn't you see it? Am I superb acting skills?"

"........."

The brown-haired young man circled around me, touched his chin, and wondered, "Why didn't you cry just now?"

"........."

So, Mr. Dazai was playing tricks on me just now.One of the goals is still to make me cry.

Turns out that's what's wrong.

I said blankly, "I didn't cry out, I let you down."

Emotionally, my desire to kiss Dazai-san and kiss him until he can't speak became stronger.

However, reason tells me that my current state is not suitable for communicating with him, and it is better to stay away from him, otherwise I will continue to be teased by him.

I closed my eyes, and Dazai's indifferent expression of persuading me to give up appeared in my mind, and I felt sad without much preparation.

I said, "Mr. Dazai, please don't make fun of this, it's not a joke."

Immediately after I finished speaking, I activated "Nothingness" and disappeared in front of Dazai.

Dazai reached out his hand quickly in response.

Once touched by him, my "nothingness" will be invalidated.Therefore, I had prepared long ago, and the soul body in the nothingness retreated quickly, avoiding Dazai's touch.

"... Qiu, are you angry?"

After Dazai caught the air, a look of astonishment appeared on his face.

I drifted away and saw the brown-haired young man rubbing his nose in place, with an unexpected look of annoyance.

"Well, it was my fault, sorry," he said.

"I'm sorry, Qiu~ come out?"

"You don't want your clothes anymore?"

"If you don't come out, I'll be angry."

Is he really angry?

Even if he is angry, can it be my fault?

I hid in nothingness and thought depressingly.

"Aren't you really angry? Qiu? Qiu? Are you still there?"

Dazai looked helpless.

"Oops, it's off. It seems that I really shouldn't make fun of Qiu's feelings..."

I watched Dazai talking to himself in the air of the living room alone, angry and funny.

Laughing and laughing, tears fell down.

I'm really good at fooling Mr. Dazai.