Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

I was still driven away by Mr. Dazai in the most cruel and hurtful way.

I didn't want to embarrass myself in the hospital, so I hid in Lupin's Tavern--this is a place where Mr. Dazai will not be visiting at the moment.It's a place for alcoholics who don't care about anything other than drinking.

In the dead of night, I sat at the bar and said to the old bartender who always wore a red vest, "Please have a glass of the wine they usually drink."

The bartender hesitated: "You shouldn't drink."

I said, "Today is an exception."

I looked at him quietly, with tears on my face.

The old bartender said: "You obviously don't like drinking."

He pushed the glass over, and the spherical ice cubes floated and sank in the bright yellow wine, "I can only take one sip, Mr. Xiao."

Me: "Thank you."

taste not good.

In fact, for me, the wine is not good at all.Not as good as milk at all.

Even the distilled liquor that Mr. Dazai is always drinking.

But... this is what he likes to drink...

I drank the whole glass in one gulp.After the throat rolled, the bitter taste spread in my mouth, I heard my own sobbing, and the tears rushed down.

Dazai said——

You love me like a mad dog, like a beast.

Love without bottom line and personality.

From the very beginning, nothing changed at all.

What else can I do?

My love for him is so unbearable and unwelcome.But what else can I do but love him?

Dazai said, "I thought something unexpected would happen. It turned out to be nothing less than this."

Dazai-san always counts on everything.He calculated the reaction of the enemy, the support of Hong Kong and black, the arrival of the Central Plains and me, and even his own serious injury and my loss of control, all of which were just right.

And I let him down.

Mr. Dazai asked me to be calm about his death, but I couldn't.

I don't care about anything but him, I don't care whether others are dead or alive, I don't care about the brutal name in their mouths, I don't care how I live.

But I faintly noticed that during his "death", some unique things in me were completely uncovered and displayed nakedly in front of the world—and once these things are exposed, they will never come back went.

I wept in confusion and sorrow, not knowing why.

There might be drinkers watching me in the tavern, but I didn't care, lying on the bar alone and sobbing softly.

I was so uncomfortable that my chest was about to explode.

……

After an unknown amount of time, two people sat down next to me, one on the left and the other on the right.

The seat I chose is the one where Mr. Dazai usually sits.Naturally, the identities of the two people on the left and right are also very clear - Ango Sakaguchi and Sakunosuke Oda.

"Mr. Dazai asked me just now, what is the difference between me and a dog." I said suddenly, and asked Oda sadly, "Is there really no difference between me and a dog?"

Oda glanced at the empty wine glass in front of me.

He said, "Yes."

"What is that?" I chased after him.

"This..." Oda said, "That's a lot to say."

He looked like he didn't know where to start. I turned around, turned the round stool to the other side, and stared at Ango Sakaguchi: "What do you think?"

Sakaguchi pushed his glasses: "First of all, Takeshita-kun is a human being who walks upright, while a dog is a creature that walks on all fours."

This answer is too standard, and I have a hunch that it will not be an answer that satisfies Mr. Dazai.

"not enough."

"You use tools, dogs don't."

"not enough."

"You can think complex problems and have self-control, which is difficult for dogs to do."

"Somewhat," I said, "but not enough."

Sakaguchi smiled bitterly and said, "Takeshita, your question is too broad, it's like answering a brain teaser."

"That's right, it's obviously a difficult question to answer." I raised my head and said aggrievedly, my voice was full of depression, "Then why did he make things difficult for me?"

"Maybe Dazai wants you to find the answer yourself." Oda said.

"I know." I slapped the table angrily, causing the wine in their glasses to ripple, "There's nothing I don't know."

"No one in the world understands Mr. Dazai better than me!

"He wants me to be self-respecting and self-loving, he wants me to have my own independent personality and preferences, he wants me not to be a survival machine that lives only for him, and he wants me to live on after he dies.

"He hoped that I, Takeshita Akira, would be a human being, a person with a stand, not a beast that Osamu Dazai said he would do, a lowly person who was so humble and self-contemptuous that he got into the dirt."

The bartender faltered slightly when he mixed the drink.

Oda and Sakaguchi showed obvious surprise and surprise on their faces.

"But I also know."

I said calmly, "You're a heartless monster—he's been called that in the past, so he tried me by pointing my nose too.

"He is afraid that I am the same kind of person as him, but he is looking forward to it.

"I just want him to know that I'm trying to get close to him and I'm willing to be his dog for it."

The two of them were silent.

"But...but..."

I choked up.

—You look like you wanted to tear up the guy who shot me.Zhong Ye stopped you one step later, are you going to eat his flesh and blood?

"But I really didn't! I didn't want to drink that person's blood. His meat...was too dirty...how could it be, how could I do that?"

My fingers gripping the wine glass tightened until my fingertips and knuckles turned white.

"I'm just... so scared."

Afraid that he would die there.

Sakaguchi asked, "Did you tell Dazai about this?"

I said, "No."

Sakaguchi: "Why didn't you tell him?"

Me: "How could it be possible to speak in front of him."

I stared at the vaguely empty wine glass on the bar in front of me, and said with difficulty:

"Because it's Dazai-san, I can't keep my mind in front of him. When he collapses in front of me, I can't think clearly, let alone take revenge.

"He hates me like this, I know that.

"But what can I do? No matter how many times I do it again, I will tear the person who hurt him like this."

"Hahahahaha..."

I covered my face and smiled bitterly.

"That's what my love is like."

"I couldn't restrain myself at all because—"

"I love him."

From birth to the world, love him till now, unchanged.

Ango Sakaguchi pushed his glasses and broke the depressed silence: "Takeshita-kun is the most emotional and persistent person I have ever met. Dazai-kun is really enviable."

Me: "It's a pity that he doesn't think this is something to be envied."

Sakaguchi: "It's a good thing after all, why would someone not want to be loved wholeheartedly?"

"..."

"Besides, isn't your analysis very clear now? It's organized and logical, and it may not be as exaggerated as what Dazai said, such as mad dogs and beasts."

I swallowed bitterly: "It's only when I'm drunk. You can't drink as soon as you see Mr. Dazai."

This time Sakaguchi was speechless: "..."

Oda sighed, and said, "It would be great if you have a drunken mind when facing Dazai."

Sakaguchi nodded approvingly.

I nodded approvingly.

I said: "When I sober up, I will completely forget about this time. Please keep it a secret for me, and don't mention it in front of Mr. Dazai."

I sat on a round stool and begged them earnestly.

"That is necessary." The two said.

Sakaguchi said: "It's the first time I've seen Takeshita-kun like this. It's quite different from the rumors I heard outside."

I wiped away my tears with a wet tissue handed by the bartender, and squinted at him: "What? Did you hear any rumors again?"

Sakaguchi didn't dare to catch his breath just now, but now he finally took a sip of his wine with peace of mind, and said: "The rumors are spreading outside now, the ghost assassins went berserk, and one person wiped out an organization.

"'Ghost' has a ferocious temperament and is addicted to whipping corpses. The deceased died in a miserable state, and no whole body was left.

"His deeds are unpredictable, and every time he appears, he will take a life away. His eyes are soul-absorbing lamps from the other side, and the eye sockets are filled with unwavering blue blood..."

I:"……"

Which literary ghost wrote Port Mafia.

"...the part in the middle sounds familiar."

Sakaguchi: "Yes, 'Death is miserable, no body left', that's what I said last time. It may be that the person who spread the rumors didn't have enough vocabulary and couldn't find new words."

I:"……"

Ango Sakaguchi, you are such a fucking genius.

I just vented my embarrassing and sad emotions with alcohol, and I have vented to the fullest. After being interrupted by Ango Sakaguchi, I didn't have much energy to continue crying.

I asked the bartender to refill my glass with half a glass.

"Cheers?"

"Why cheers?" Oda asked.

Me: "For the ghost assassins who live like dogs today."

Sakaguchi: "In order for the ghost assassin to confess his love to his sweetheart one day in the future."

Oda: "Hmmm... for the ghost assassin who becomes talkative after getting drunk."

Me: "It's also for the speedy recovery of Mr. Dazai."

Sakaguchi: "That doesn't sound easy."

Me: "Shut up."

"what."

The rims of the three glasses slammed together.

With a crisp sound——

"Ding!"