Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

I was knocked unconscious by Nakahara and woke up again, and followed him silently to take Dazai to the hospital.

Along the way, members of the Hong Kong Black Support Force deliberately kept a distance from me.When my eyes swept over them, they didn't dare to look at me, and lowered their heads in fear as if they were being stared at by something terrifying.

When I entered the hospital, the nurse who usually greeted me covered her mouth in panic when she saw me.They hurried past me for Dazai, and all of them deliberately avoided me.

No one dared to talk to me.

"That kid..."

"The murderous intent is terrifying..."

"This is how many people have been killed to become like this."

"...Don't talk about it, I heard that Takeshita-kun just went crazy just now."

"I couldn't help shivering when I saw those eyes."

"It's horrible! There's absolutely no emotion in it."

"Don't disturb Mr. Dazai Osamu before he wakes up... he will be killed."

"He is the terrifying..."

"Shh! Shh! Shh!"

……

"However, he looks so pitiful."

I stood blankly in front of the door of the emergency room, with my palms curled up, cold and stiff, maintaining the posture of holding the dagger with my backhand when stabbing the knife.

It wasn't the first time I stood outside waiting for Mr. Dazai like this, nor was it the first time I was so uncertain about his life or death.

But this is the first time it has gotten out of control to such an extent.

--why?

"Pfft!"

Suddenly someone kicked my knee hard from behind, my legs went limp, and I fell to my knees.

Only then did I see that blood was dripping from my clothes on the ground where I was standing, and it had accumulated into a small patch, dripping everywhere outside the emergency room.

The palm of my hand was propped on the floor tiles of the hospital, and there were a lot of broken internal organs and flesh between my fingers, which had solidified into black and red, and it was extremely dirty.

There seemed to be low exclamations from all around.

The position and strength of this kick, I don't need to look back to know who it is.

"What are you doing standing here? Rotten and smelly? Polluting the air?"

There was uncontrollable irritability in Zhong Yuan's voice, for his worrying partner and worrying subordinates.

"I……"

I do not know.

I opened my mouth, but couldn't speak, and didn't dare to look back.

"Go take a bath! It's too dirty, do you think you are an orc who eats blood?"

Central Plains gave direct instructions.

"……Yes."

When I left from the door of the emergency room, I seemed to be able to hear the voices of patients and nurses who came and went with a deep sigh of relief.

"Finally, we don't have to worry about him violently killing people."

Dazai who was shot did not really die, he just stopped breathing for a while.

After being sent to the hospital, after emergency treatment, although weak, his vital signs finally stabilized.

With a blank mind, I took a shower, changed into clean private clothes, and sat beside Dazai's hospital bed.

After the operation, Dazai fell asleep.

He lay here quietly with his eyes closed, the bandages and gauze on his face were removed, and there were slight scars on his delicate and pale cheeks.

If you only look at his appearance, no one will connect him with the Port Mafia, the most dangerous and vicious criminal organization in Yokohama;

I don't know how many gangsters who kill without batting an eye will be frightened when they hear that their opponent is named "Dazai Osamu";

No one would have thought that he could even happily study difficult game strategies in the bloody storm, and his teammates would not know that his companion was operating the game online, and at the same time, he made a decision to wipe out with a wave of his hand in reality.

Mr. Dazai is too smart, so smart that it is difficult for him to expect anything in the world.In his eyes, human psychology is probably as easy to grasp as the growth law of wild flowers.

Therefore, for Mr. Dazai, life is not something to be feared. Violence and death are as natural as eating and drinking.He despises every human life as he despises his own.

He is like a passer-by watching with cold eyes, everything in the world is just passing by, and nothing can keep him.

He wants nothing but death.

And this is Mr. Dazai.

Everything about him has long been deeply engraved in my heart, and every expression affects my most sensitive nerves.

Mr. Dazai didn't ask for anything, but I did.

The bullet went into his body, and I hurt more than he did.

I reached out to straighten his messy brown hair.

But just before touching the sleeping person on the hospital bed, I withdrew my hand as if I had been electrocuted.His arms trembled uncontrollably, like an old man at the end of his life.

No.

This hand has just touched someone else's blood, it is too dirty.

I kind of regret it.At that time, I really couldn't think about it, so I acted recklessly and made it so dirty.

……

It must be scary when I lose control.

Nakahara said, I was like an irrational, mad beast.

Crying and laughing, roaring, screaming, venting, slaughtering, whipping corpses.

I remembered what happened back then.

When I smashed the traitor's body with a dagger, all the Hong Kong black people were dumbfounded, and no one dared to make a sound, for fear of offending me.

They later took the news to the hospital.After the news spread, no one dared to condemn me. They only discussed it in private, and then avoided it in fear.

I don't care what others say.

I am only afraid of scolding by one person-the most important person in my life who is still lying in the hospital bed.

The trauma of the bullet was extensive, and the doctor said that Mr. Dazai may take a long time to wake up.

I just stood by his bed in silence, neither eating nor drinking, not moving, no matter how persuaded by others, I would not leave.

After a day and night, Dazai woke up.

Like every time he was rescued before, Dazai who opened his eyes was disappointed that he was still alive.

"Do you need water?"

"Has the effect of the anesthesia worn off?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Does it hurt, shall I call the doctor and nurse over?"

I imitated how the medical staff treat seriously injured patients, asking him how he was feeling, and asking him how he was.

Dazai was always calm about my attention.Calm as if the indifferent voice I heard before passing out was just an illusion.

It is absolutely impossible for Mr. Dazai to be discharged within 24 hours this time.I was afraid that his needs would not be met in time, so I asked Zhong Yuan Zhongya for leave to run errands for him.

"Would you like an apple? I can peel it for you."

Dazai: "I don't want to eat now."

"Then what do you want to eat? I can bring it over."

So he ordered the meal without hesitation.

I'll buy him whatever he wants, using my own savings.

Dazai didn't chase me away, but he never thanked me either.

"Takeshita, what do you want in return for doing this?"

Once, Dazai asked me this.

"I don't need anything in return," I said.

Dazai: "Then why did you do that?"

I guess I was out of my mind at that time, and I actually said what Mr. Dazai didn't want to hear the most.

"Because I love you."

"You love me, why don't you let me die quickly?"

Dazai asked me with a smile.

"You know it's my wish, but you still block me again and again. The way you love me is against my will, why are you against me? Takeshita."

The word love was sarcastically spoken by Dazai.

I lost my ability to speak for a moment: "It's not like this..."

"Ok?"

"..."

In front of the aggressive Mr. Dazai, I was at a loss and wished I could bury myself in the soil.

"Another question - you love me."

Dazai repeated it again, asking, "But what's the difference between your love for me and a dog's love for its master?"

"..."

This kind of temporary question and instant answer is too embarrassing for me.What's more, the author of the question is Mr. Dazai.

Dazai suddenly said to me, "Give me the gun."

I did.

Dazai "clicked" the bolt to be loaded, put the muzzle of the gun against my forehead, and asked in a low voice:

"What are you thinking? What would happen to you if I shot you now? Answer me honestly."

I will answer this question.

I said obediently, "I am willing to die by your hands."

"Huh? Hahahahahahahaha..."

Dazai withdrew his pistol, and slammed the jet-black pistol hard at my face, making my face hot and I turned my head away.

Then Dazai burst out laughing violently, out of breath.

"What's the difference between you and a dog?"

"……I am human……"

Dazai: "Don't be kidding me. You thought I was dead when I got shot. What did you do?"

"You're crazy."

Dazai said calmly.

"You're only 15 years old, Takeshita Akira. You're a heartless monster. You're not afraid of pain or death. You're a survival machine that doesn't care about anyone except Osamu Dazai."

"You look like you want to tear the person who shot me alive. Nakaya stopped you one step later, are you going to eat his flesh and blood?"

"You love me like a mad dog, like a beast."

"Love without boundaries and personality."

"It hasn't changed at all from the very beginning."

Dazai leaned on the bed, with bottomless whirlpools in his eyes.

His voice was light and fluttering, so weak that it could be blown away by the wind, but it pierced straight into my heart like a sharp sword.

……

I thought I could accept everything that Osamu Dazai gave me.

He called me around at will, and I didn't cry.

He trampled on my love, and I didn't cry.

He really wanted to kill me, and I didn't cry.

He smashed his pistol in my face and I didn't cry.

He said I was a mad dog or a beast, but I didn't cry.

When he said "it hasn't changed at all from the beginning", I suddenly felt like a knife was stabbing my heart.

Finally bowed his head deeply, tears streaming down his face.