I debuted on a talent show with my ex-boyfriend

It's a very long day for many people.

In the early hours of the morning, Yu Fei posted a long Weibo, and there was a suspected dispute with his former company, while Leshi liked the Weibo that questioned the authenticity of the vote increase at about the same time. The hint to the show aroused speculation.

However, NBS, which must clear up rumors, and HP, which has a strong public relations style, did not choose to face this matter in the first place.For a while, doubts and speculations arose.

Just as Yu Fei's fans and HP's fans were at war, at 21:[-] in the evening, a frontline account in the entertainment circle posted a Weibo.

"Kan Junhuan, the captain and lead singer of the well-known mainland male idol group HopE, is suspected of committing suicide at home. The police are now involved in the investigation."

Baitao is in a state of distress because of Leshi's likes. I know that he has a straightforward personality, but I don't know that he is so decisive and bold, and he still has the statement written by Leshi in his hand. Baitao originally planned to post it again tonight. , The phone rang suddenly when it was about to get off work.

When I picked it up, it was Kan Junhuan's sister in the station, and said to her in a trembling voice of panic, "Taozi, read the news."

When Baitao saw the topic that exploded in popularity for the first time, her mind, which was originally a mess, suddenly went blank.

Her fingers trembled unconsciously, and she squeezed tightly again.

It is false, it must be false.She told herself repeatedly that to calm down, it must be a rumor.

After switching Zhanzi's subcutaneous account, Baitao sent three prayer emojis.

"Before the official announcement comes out, don't panic, don't be afraid, and don't spread rumors, brother will be fine."

In the past, Baitao would not have worried about the authenticity of this matter, but now, she is not sure.

Baitao has put off the idea of ​​making a statement, and can no longer settle down to work. From time to time, she has to look at the small group with the management of the station. After posting that persuasive Weibo, the fans' emotions have calmed down a lot. Over the years, there have been great storms I've seen it before. This critical moment is unusual. The eccentric fans were still mocking Yu Fei for quitting the company and turning against his connotation. Official results", "Be safe and don't be impatient", "I hope nothing will happen", "Believe rumors nmsl" and so on.

At nine o'clock in the evening, the restless fans did not wait for the good news to refute the rumors, but waited for a regular Weibo post from Kan Junhuan.

"I double-checked the time when this Weibo was posted, and by the time I posted it, I should have gone to another sky.

Today, I can finally say without hesitation that I am sick.

In the past year and a half, I have seen with my own eyes that the degree words on the medical certificate have changed from moderate to severe.

I try to control it with medication.

But I found that I didn't seem to be strong enough to overcome it. I was afraid of the beginning of each day, afraid of participating in activities, and afraid of singing.

At the same time, I found that I could no longer write good songs.I started denying myself from within.

My heart is closing from the inside out, falling down, separating me from the people who love me with an invisible barrier.

I hate myself because of this, I can't perceive the feelings of the outside world, I can't feel my own feelings, and I have always been troubled and painful because of this.

Nobody wanted to really know what I looked like, and I started feeling strange to myself.When I realized that it would not get better if I kept going, I began to think about the day of liberation.

So the idea of ​​leaving came up, but because there were too many things that hindered me this year, I had to postpone this day again and again.

I read every word everyone said to me, good or bad.

But it has come to this point, I hope we can forgive each other.

I have always been too willful and caused too much trouble for my fans, parents, and friends.I'm really sorry.

I don’t want you to thank me. It’s been too hard so far. All the results are because of my illness, my heart, and my whole body.

During this time, tell me that you have worked hard.Because I have been worrying for so long, now I can finally stop.The weather is fine today.

I wish you all the best. "

Baitao stood up abruptly, grabbed the bag on the back of the chair, she didn't even have time to change into her high heels, she walked away wearing flat indoor shoes, the colleagues who stayed in the office to work overtime also saw it, and yelled from behind She called a few times, but she couldn't hear her anymore.

When going downstairs, Baitao felt severe pain in her ankle. She staggered on the corridor and almost fell down the steps.

Her cell phone rang in her palm, and when she looked down, it was "Aunt Kan".

Baitao stood still, her heart didn't seem to be beating anymore, she was in a dull silence, she answered the phone, and heard the panicked voice of the woman pretending to be calm: "Taotao, where are you now? Me and Junjun's father, Now on the way to the Tenth Hospital. Auntie understands that you have been with him for a long time, let’s take a look now.” The other end of the phone paused, and a dull inhalation sounded, “Maybe this is the last one, let’s take a look. .”

Bai Tao nodded in agreement, and wrote down the departments of the ward. She quickly opened the door of the company and waved for a car.In the taxi, she typed to the little sisters in the group, saying, "I'm on my way to the hospital now."

"What's the matter? Is it true...? Is it true? I can't do it..."

"Tell me it's fake, please God...he's so broken and can't think about it, why didn't I notice it at all. I was still watching the video of his last activity period yesterday...laughing so much I'm happy, have you already decided this day in your heart?"

"Crying all the time, can't stop, don't have an accident TT, really don't have an accident..."

"What should I do, sister, what should I do...I want to go to the hospital too, so I'll go too, is that okay?"

Baitao gritted her teeth and wrote: "I don't know the situation yet, we should be resuscitating. It's all right, everything will be all right. We love him so much, how could God have the heart to take him away so soon. The doctor must be doing his best If you try to rescue him, he will definitely get better. We have made an appointment with them for ten years, 20 years, and we will be old together, and nothing will happen."

She comforted the crying friends one by one, and leaned against the car window, staring blankly at the gorgeous swimming street scene.

The phone suddenly vibrated again, she jumped up in her seat, but saw that it was a call from Yu Juan, she slid the slider a few times, but did not unlock the phone, only to realize that her hand was shaking badly, she finally answered it After getting off the phone, Yu Juan was silent for a while before saying, "Taotao, it will be fine."

The moment she heard Yu Jun's voice, Bai Tao couldn't hold back any longer. She grabbed her phone and sat alone in the empty car, remembering that she had been following Kan Junhuan since he hadn't debuted. Unhappy for a long time—she was powerless, unable to do anything, until he finally left.

She shared the darkest and brightest youth with him, but in the end, she actually asked her to send him away helplessly.

It seems like yesterday, he was still the boy who ran out of the old building because he wanted to meet fans, and he was so nervous that he washed his hair and changed his clothes. When he smiled at her, his eyes were so clear, it seemed that there was a summer star hidden inside. , illuminated her, but failed to illuminate herself.

Baitao burst into tears, choked her voice and shed tears, and said: "He is too much, he is going to leave alone before he grows old together, he is too much, I hate him...I really, really ..."

"...I beg him, please stay..."

When Jin Yu arrived at the hospital, hundreds of fans and dozens of reporters in full armor had already surrounded the door.

As soon as she got out of the car, the flashing lights hit her face.

Jin Yu had just got off work on a radio show, her make-up hadn't been removed, she was wearing a black mask, barely waiting for the protection of her manager, she stepped on high heels and rushed to the door of the hospital, after a simple confirmation, she came to the emergency room , happened to see the doctor who was talking with Tang Zhiyang, Le Shi and Yu Fei were also there, with serious faces.

"...So the situation is not very good, the pupils are also dilated, the heartbeat and oxygen saturation are not good. I am going to be critically ill here, is my family here?"

Tang Zhiyang replied: "On the way."

His face was terrifying. Jin Yu had never seen Tang Zhiyang's face like this. Even though his heart was already shaky, he still insisted on holding up his defense. His face was gray and his lips had no color at all.

At this time, Kan Junhuan's parents came over, Jin Yu hurriedly turned around to receive them, and saw Tang Zhiyang briefly repeating the specific situation, Kan Junhuan's mother's legs went limp immediately, Yu Fei came to help her when seeing this.

Signing, the doctor also urged several phone calls, asking the intensive care unit to vacate the bed quickly, because the breathing was getting worse and worse.Opening countless bills and paying fees back and forth, Jin Yu comforted the crying female relatives, and accompanied Tang Zhiyang to get various materials when he was happy, while Yu Fei and Kan Junhuan's father briefly talked about the accident and stayed outside the emergency room. waiting.

Tang Zhiyang only collapsed briefly when he was transferred to the ICU, because he took one more look at the person on the hospital bed, and saw the familiar face, the person who was smiling not long ago, with tubes to maintain vital signs all over his body , It looks strange and scary.

Tang Zhiyang's heart felt like a knife was piercing him, he felt pain, the pervasive pain, it was only at this moment that he came alive and bit his whole body.

He almost couldn't stand still, Leshi supported him behind him, Tang Zhiyang blinked, knowing that he should be strong.

"...I'm fine."

He said, his voice was hoarse, and his words seemed to be tearing with blood.

In the family lounge of the ICU, they were not the only tired people, most of them were silent.

Tang Zhiyang sat for a while and left the waiting room.Looking at his back, Leshi said to Fei, "I'm going to see brother. I'm a little worried."

Yu Fei patted his arm, and put his arm around Le Shi's shoulder in a vain and comforting way: "Go."

Yu Fei hadn't seen Kan Junhuan for a long time, and he never thought that goodbye would be like this.

He still has no sense of reality.Yu Feiyin will know his unhappiness. Kan Junhuan is so optimistic and gentle on the surface, but the songs he writes have no positive feeling. Those songs that are too sad and humming in a sad and low way, maybe he has been singing since a long time ago. He started to ask for help, but he didn't realize it, and everyone had no premonition.

Yu Fei sighed deeply, buried his head in the crook of his arms, and let the darkness come to comfort his shaking emotions.

When the screen of the mobile phone hiding in the darkness lit up, it was Zhang Lan.

"You don't return my calls when you're happy. Do you know about seniors?"

Yu Fei pressed his temple hard and replied: "I'm in the hospital."

"How's it going?"

"In the ICU."

Zhang Lan didn't return, Yu Fei thought for a while, and then replied: "Don't come here. They are all reporters."

"Of course. I'm not stupid."

After being silent for a long time, Zhang Lan kept showing that he was typing, but in the end he only squeezed out a few dry black characters.

"You said he'd be all right, didn't you?"

"I said I'm going to be an MC on our first singing stage, why are you lying now?"

Yu Fei looked up at the white fluorescent lamp and took a deep breath. Kan Junhuan's father sat beside him and patted him on the back silently.

Tang Zhiyang sat on the steps waiting outside, sat for a while, and looked at his mobile phone for a while, and found that only 2 minutes had passed, but to him, it seemed like two centuries had passed.

He rubbed his temples, then covered his browbones with his palms, rubbing unconsciously.Tang Zhiyang turned on his phone again, looked at the trending searches on Weibo, and it turned out that it was the news that Kan Junhuan was being rescued.

He suddenly felt extremely tired. He knew that tomorrow he had to go back to the field for training, and the third round of elimination was about to begin. Numbly, he turned to the current real-time rankings, and saw that Leshi had returned to the debut list, and he was in No. .1.

In the private message interface, there are people who cheer for him, and their language is careful and sincere.He didn't have the strength to reply, and he forgot the content out of ten in a blink of an eye, and he couldn't divert his attention.

Full of heart, eyes, and the world, he looks like Kan Junhuan. The endotracheal tube is connected to the ventilator. The blood in his body is drawn out by a thick needle, and the carbon monoxide is purified before being injected.

He lay quietly among those instruments. It is said that he vomited blood when he was rescued.

The doctor told Tang Zhiyang that if he was half an hour late, he would definitely not be able to hold on—Kan Junhuan had already made up his mind, and when he came to his home with flowers, Tang Zhiyang could only present him the last bouquet and become the first a mourner.

After an unknown amount of time, there was movement around him, Le Shi handed a bottle of water to his hand, and said, "Drink a little." Tang Zhiyang didn't answer, and Le Shi said, "You can't hold on without drinking."

Tang Zhiyang took the water bottle, raised his neck and took a big sip. The water was ice-cold, which made his back molars slightly sore.

"He really planned it for a long time." Tang Zhiyang said suddenly, "Send Yu Fei out of the company, watch the youngest in the group come out solo, accompany Zhang Lan to a music festival, send the cat to the cafe, and finally Once we met, I sent me a bouquet of flowers. I did so many outrageous things. At that time, I really believed that he was already healed, even if I think about it a little bit—" Tang Zhiyang's voice choked, "Think about it Parents, and sister Jin Yu. I always thought he would get better. But in the end, I was the one who didn’t know him the least.”

"Did it make him feel tired and troubled all this time? It's my fault that I didn't realize all that."

Tang Zhiyang's body trembled, "So he crossed out everything one by one, and the last thing to do is to leave."

"I feel like I love him, but I don't know him, I don't know his pain... In the end, I can't do anything—"

Without letting him continue, in the light darkness, Le Shi leaned forward and hugged him, with his strong arms around his shoulders, Tang Zhiyang's voice stopped, and there was a long silence.

The red time light board is reflected on the cold corridor, the seconds are beating again and again, and life is passing by with time.

The air was filled with the smell of clean and bitter disinfectant, Tang Zhiyang put down the bottle in his hand, his body was stiff for a long time.

He felt Leshi's hands gently pat his back, again and again, soft and comforting.

Tang Zhiyang took a deep breath, buried his face in Le Shi's shoulder, and clasped the opponent's shoulder blades with his hands. He trembled, his chest and waist and abdomen violently heaved and contracted, and his breathing was broken and messy.

Tang Zhiyang arched his back, tightened his fingers, and let out a dull and broken cry.

The author says:

These two chapters made me a little ptsd.Thanks for watching!There must be no knives after this paragraph (sigh).