Pilot

Instead of driving, they exited the hospital parking lot and began walking aimlessly.

They walked side by side on the street, through the crowds, through the fallen leaves, through the noisy streets of Beijing.

Sheng Xia took Huamei out of her pocket and handed it to Shi Ye.When Shi Ye said he wouldn't eat, Sheng Xia went over and pulled Shi Ye's mask down without any explanation, stuffed a plum into his mouth, and helped him put on the mask again.

Shi Ye is the kind of person who says fiercely that I don't want to eat, but when Sheng Xia feeds him, he will still open his mouth obediently.

In fact, he likes to be fed, Sheng Xia thought.

After walking down, Sheng Xia suddenly said: "Teacher Shi Ye, let's play a game. The rule is that you ask me a question, and I ask you another question. In exchange, the other party must answer honestly."

Shi Ye was actually not in the mood to play boring games with him, he was in a bad mood because of Xie Hong's illness.But the gaze that Sheng Xia sent over was soothing, probably to divert his attention.

He was watched calmly, and simply nodded.

"Let me ask first." Sheng Xia glanced at him, "Do you think playing games with me is boring?"

"Cooperate with your performance, I will raise a child and accompany you to be naive." Shi Ye said, "I will be happier next time playing the kind of game I like, and I will be very cooperative."

Sheng Xia blushed: "Obviously you enjoy it every time, how naive am I! You are naive if you want to play like that!"

"Okay, I'm naive. The next question is up to me." Shi Ye glanced at him, "Why don't you seem to be very sad when you hear about Xie Hong? It's strange that you are sad. You still watched the video of the dog saving the old lady yesterday. I cried, but when I went to see Xie Hong, I was very indifferent."

"I feel sad. I wrote a lot of songs for Sister Hong these days. How do you know I haven't cried? Being sad doesn't necessarily mean losing your temper like you do."

Sheng Xia's expression didn't change, "I think it would be better if I could make her happy for the rest of her days and have nothing to worry about instead of being sad. I will never forget her, I will always miss her, and I will think of her in many moments She, until I die too."

They were all silent after speaking.

"I always seem to be a person who can't let go." Shi Ye laughed at himself, "It's funny, you understand life better than me."

"I think less than you, so it's easier to be happy. It's good not to let go. You'd better not let me go."

Sheng Xia smiled, and continued: "The next question. Teacher Shi Ye, are you fantasizing?"

Shi Ye was startled: "Fantasy?"

"Well, fantasy." Sheng Xia nodded, "Are you fantasizing?"

A delivery motorcycle and a bicycle collided in front of them, and the two owners quarreled. Someone was watching, and they passed by the crowd of onlookers.

Shi Ye tasted the sweet and sour taste in his mouth, his thoughts began to loosen.

He thought for a while and said: "Of course I will fantasize. When I fantasize, I always feel that I am a lunatic. There is an unreal world in my fantasy. The world is interlaced. One, three, five, seven people are crazy, two, four, six. People are calm. That world does not have your red, orange, yellow, green, indigo, blue and purple, but only a vast expanse of gray. People build the world in one day, and destroy the world in two days. Repeatedly, endlessly. Every time you fantasize When I finish writing, I write songs and lyrics. When I write, I don’t belong to myself. I am divided and impatient. I can only give myself up. I will forget to breathe and forget everything. I can only hear a voice in my brain saying: time Ye, hurry up, write quickly."

He paused, then continued: "I used to fantasize about having sex with you, on my bed. I fantasized about meeting you when I was very young, and fantasizing about what we would say. I also fantasized... Xie Hong will be with you tomorrow. It will be fine, fantasy that there is no breast cancer, AIDS and diabetes without these fucking diseases, fantasy that we will not grow old, death, and wrinkles, fantasy world peace, there is no such thing as a class, the world is one, fantasy... fantasy everything, fantasy mess .”

"Great, ideal world." Sheng Xia said and smiled again, "Mr. Shi Ye, I feel like you haven't changed. You played the guitar the same way when you were 19 and 29, and you said your fantasy When you were young, you were very handsome, and I kind of want to kiss you!"

Shi Ye raised his eyebrows, and before he could speak, his mask was pulled off and stuffed with a plum.

Sheng Xia said he was thirsty, so Shi Ye went to the convenience store to buy a bottle of water, and after paying the money, Ye Ye asked, "It's my turn to ask. Tell me, what kind of future do you want in the pilot?"

After coming out, Shi Ye unscrewed the water to feed him, and Sheng Xia took a sip of water from Shi Ye's hand, staring at Shi Ye's slender hand, thinking of something, his face began to red.

"I don't know." Sheng Xia shook his head, trying to get rid of the yellow waste in his mind, "I said that you are my direction, I watched you work hard, I don't know where I should go, what is it? Meaning... But recently I went to see Xie Hong, and every time I saw her, I felt that I was changed a little. She was sick, and she was still writing letters and sending CDs to elementary school students in impoverished counties. I was a little envious of her. Look at her, Even if she is sick, she is still very happy every day and feels that what she is doing is meaningful and valuable."

"And me? Many people like me now, but I don't seem to get the matching pleasure from my work. Teacher Shi Ye, you seem to be similar. So I envy Sister Xie Hong, I envy her freedom, she is not Limiting herself. She traveled through those places and seemed to see the world as it really was."

Shi Ye didn't comment, and took Sheng Xia aside, avoiding a husky that was dragging its owner and galloping towards him.

"It's your turn to ask." Seeing that Sheng Xia was still looking back at the dog, Shi Ye turned his head around, "Don't look at the dog, look at the road."

"Oh." Sheng Xia pursed her lips, "Mr. Shi Ye, what if I get sick tomorrow, very seriously ill, and can't be with you?"

Shi Ye paused.

He suddenly felt bored, so he simply took off his mask, and it didn't matter if someone recognized him.He spit out the plum pit in his mouth on a paper towel, wrapped it carefully, threw it into the trash can, and rinsed his mouth with water.

After walking a few steps, few pedestrians in front of them looked at them, and everyone looked down at their phones.

"If you're not here, then I'll live a good life." Shi Ye spoke quickly, "I'll help you write and record the songs you haven't finished writing, and even sing for you on tour if your voice is dead. Help you take care of you Mom, take care of your figures and dolls. Take a notebook to record dreams and memorandum events like you, and burn it for you once a year to tell you that I have a good life. If I meet someone else, like you, Better than you, I will also write it in the notebook to tell you that I want to be very nice to him, and then record the happy life between me and him every day, write every bit, burn it for you to see, let you Seeing in the sky, I regret that I died so early."

Listen, Sheng Xia's face darkened.

He didn't move forward, grabbed Shi Ye's clothes and called him: "Teacher Shi Ye——"

Shi Ye turned to look at him.

The sky was getting dark, and the city in front of me suddenly became lazy.People who get off work and get off from get out of class are in a hurry, with tired faces and different moods on their faces.They wore earphones, stared at the screen of their mobile phones, separated themselves from the noise around them, and walked towards their own home.

They were the only ones wandering the streets aimlessly, with nothing to do, and panicked.

But it seems that there is no difference between them and themselves, they are all empty.Who on this street can answer what meaning and destination are?There is no standard answer.Everyone is just moving forward, moving forward in constant gain and loss, until they can't go any further.

"Life is too short, I want to do something, be with you." Sheng Xia suddenly felt sad, "Don't like others, or I will cry and come back to life after I die."

"I can't tell you're selfish. You're gone and you want me not to like others." Shi Ye raised his eyelids, "Then don't die, there won't be so many things."

"I'm just selfish to you." Sheng Xia lowered her head, "You should be so selfish to me too."

After listening, Ye was silent for a while.

In the end, he still didn't answer this question, but said in a low voice:

"It's my turn to ask. Let me ask you, do you want to waste your life with me in Beijing, or... like Xie Hong, let's go to other places together?"

This time his tone was much more serious.

"Where do you go and what do you do, I will follow you. You don't need to ask about this in the future. The answer is the same."

After Sheng Xia finished answering, he asked again, "It's time for me to ask. Teacher Shi Ye, can you not write about others in my notebook? Don't do it at any time."

Shi Ye dragged Sheng Xia into an alley, surrounded by old men walking.The scene in front of me became narrower, and the sky I saw was also much narrower.

"Look at your performance, I'll think about it."

Shi Ye answered concisely, and immediately asked a question, "It's my turn to ask. I want to ask... If I want to continue Xie Hong's ideal and go on that kind of tour, would you like to do it with me?

After Shi Ye finished speaking, he began to add: "You may lose the opportunity to be seen by most people. We will be poor, unable to make money, encounter many difficulties, be questioned, and be called crazy. But if we don't , continue with the current plan, release an album on the show, you will have a lot of money after you become popular, you can buy a lot of family barrels and huskies, and maybe you can also buy a house in the third ring road. Many people will like you, listen to your songs and dream, you These things will be lost. Think about it, are you willing to dream of Xie Hong with me?"

Sheng Xia repeated it in her heart, dreaming.

Shi Ye looks mature and cold, but Sheng Xia always feels in a trance at such moments that this person has a youthful air in his bones, he is always enthusiastic and impulsive at such times, so charming, like rock and roll itself.

He won't grow old, Sheng Xia thought to himself.

"I am willing. It is a dream for me to be with you, and it is good to be someone else's dream by the way."

Shi Ye said: "You will be poor, and I may be too."

"I've been quite poor in the past few years, and I'm used to it. I don't have much pursuit of material things." Sheng Xia said in a nonchalant tone, "It's really not possible... I'll start a live broadcast to support you? Anyway, I'm alive, and I will do it with you I feel very happy about it.”

"It's not just poor." Shi Ye said seriously, "You won't be able to go to a bigger stage, and you will lose a lot of opportunities. Do you really care?"

"Tens of thousands of people listen to it, hundreds of people listen to it, dozens of people listen to it, I sing the same way, and I can't see the people below clearly on the stage, I can only see you who is closest to me."

After Sheng Xia finished speaking, he said again, "Okay, you asked too many questions, you can't continue asking, it's my turn... Teacher Shi Ye, can I kiss you?"

Shi Ye didn't answer, he stopped and said, "Have you really thought about it? After you become popular, there will be many unimaginable benefits waiting for you. You should think about it carefully, don't just because..."

"You asked me before you answered, it's a foul." Sheng Xia interrupted him, and asked again, but actually changed the subject of the question, "Teacher Shi Ye, can you give me a kiss?"

He looked at me, Shi Ye thought, and looked at me like that again.

Shi Ye felt that his whole being was sucked into the gaze of the other party looking at him - the place was bottomless, full of hot and fiery things, as thick as syrup.

He nodded and said, "Okay."

Yes, at this moment we should indeed kiss, as it should be.No matter how much I ask you, no matter how much I worry about you, you will only say, can you kiss me.

Shi Ye leaned against the wall against Midsummer, with a parked car beside him.He wrapped the whole person in his arms, pressed down to Sheng Xia's face, and they kissed in this somewhat dark corner.

would you like?Are you willing to give everything to me?You want my failure, you want my sorrow, why are you so greedy?

Shi Ye's movements are actually not gentle, he always has great strength when he hugs Sheng Xia, and sometimes he can't control the strength enough to bite Sheng Xia's lips when he kisses.He was chaotic and cranky, and his kisses were equally chaotic and inconsiderate.

Shi Ye thought to himself, it seems that this second really has a feeling of soul resonance.They really have mutual understanding and consideration, companionship, empathy, and response.

Every time he feels that he can't suppress some sadistic desires rising in his heart, Sheng Xia will always do other actions at the right time to bring back his reason - such as hooking his legs, rubbing his ears, or simply His waist collapsed and he jumped on him, as if he had forgotten that they were still outside, and he was even more anxious than him. He looked messed up, and seemed to be enjoying and indulging in his loss of control.

Probably, probably.The fact that I want you is dark in itself.I'm dark, you said it, you said I was dark and exuberant.I am not the light, you are the light, I want to engulf you, make you dirty, push you to the ground, make you cry, hear you beg me, hear you cry, hear you gasp.You should be as messy as I am, not so flawless and bright.

Temperature rises, sweating, wanting to do something else.When I want to do other things, I don't have time to think... How can I bite Sheng Xia's mouth off without letting him bleed?Shi Ye thought about tearing the other person up, destroying him, and pinching his face so hard that he only looked at himself. This kind of thinking would give Shi Ye the illusion that he owns a person completely, and this illusion is unparalleled , You hate yourself for being dazed, but you can't help but want to go crazy.

But midsummer will hurt. As soon as he opened his eyes and saw those eyes, he forgot that he wanted to destroy them.

The rear lights next to him suddenly turned on.Suddenly bright, Sheng Xia was blinded by the flash.

Shi Ye let go of him, covered Sheng Xia's eyes, and hugged him tightly, covering him from the light beside him and the eyes of passers-by.

really.It's you, you changed me from a destroyer to a builder, we pursue meaning together, you are not only love, but also an ideal.

Sheng Xia said in his arms: "I was too sober just now, I just wanted to kiss you so I won't be sober."

"Are you sober now?"

Sheng Xia shook his head, then nodded again: "It seems that you are not awake, and you are awake again, but I seem to understand you a little more. Sometimes you are far away from me, and I think that distance is very safe, like when you are fantasizing, when you are angry... ...that you have nothing to do with me, very independent and free, very handsome, very attractive to me. You are close to me now, your heart is beating, you are hot, and your emotions are crimson."

After Shi Ye finished listening, he asked him, "Every time you look at me, are you thinking about this?"

Sheng Xia looked at him, they were very focused.

"Not really. Now I'm thinking, red, death, disease, ideal, future, Yuanyuan, your hand, your smell," Sheng Xia said slowly, "a lot. They become a song. These It's all going to happen, it's all unknown, and so are you. I think it's worth crying out for with you, and I feel like you do too."

Shi Ye quietly listened to Sheng Xia's usual incomprehension, and smiled in relief.

"Forget it, you still say I love you."

"Well, I love you."

"say it one more time."

"You are so naive." Sheng Xia smiled, but still replied, "I love you."

"One last time, thank you."

"I love you." Sheng Xia said, "I will send you off again - I love you."

Shi Ye seemed satisfied.

He asked again, "Shall we do it together?"

Sheng Xia smiled: "What are you doing? What kind of doing?"

Seeing him smile, Shi Ye felt his mood clear up.

He held Sheng Xia's hand and said, "To dream, to be you."