Pilot

There is no scientific basis for the advent of love.It's also similar to Shi Ye's conceit, Midsummer's hesitation, and erroneous misunderstandings.

Midsummer couldn't sleep that night.He took out his laptop and hesitantly searched for something on the website.

During the process of watching, the brain is still wooden.He stared blankly at the burly white guys on the screen...in, listening to them..., yelling, different..., watching the expressions on their faces.

Just want to do this kind of thing with me?

Not uncomfortable?

After reading it, Sheng Xia turned off the computer, sighed deeply, and thought about life for half an hour with complicated expressions.

He recalled the details of getting along with Shi Ye, the words he said, the ambiguities and words he ignored, and the closer distance.

If you think about it carefully, there are indeed traces to follow.He didn't think about that at the beginning, because he didn't have any awareness of such things in Midsummer's world.Unlike Shi Ye, his circle is small and simple, at least he didn't have the opportunity to come into contact with such things when he was a student.

It should be said that he was lucky or not.

It was a bolt from the blue for him.But now that he has a rough understanding, Sheng Xia feels that although this matter is strange and a bit... strange, he doesn't feel disgusted or uncomfortable.The source of all his worries at the moment is the attitude of others towards this group in his inherent thinking.

What if I were.

What if someone finds out that I am.

Can I accept and bear it.

Am I really thinking about it?

Among the other people, the one who bore the brunt and disturbed him the most was Zhao Jie.

But... am I...?

Do I like him after all?Which one does he like, which one does he want?

How do you like it?

I liked him since I was 13 and only learned to smoke while listening to his songs.I stayed up late at night watching his tour video, watched it 10 times, 20 times, 30 times, quietly swearing to dream, saying that I would become a rock star like him.In the ordinary and boring daily life, I always need his voice, he makes me dream, I applaud his every move, dazzled.

Does it count?

Midsummer closed her eyes.

He is a man, and so am I.He is my dream and I am ordinary reality.

I need him all the time.

I need him, I need him to save me.

It doesn't matter whether it's true or false, or it's a man, the difference... Let's talk about it.

I need him, be it, it should be, there is nothing wrong with it.

In the end, midsummer accidentally went downstairs and knocked on Zhao Jie's door.

At two o'clock in the morning, Zhao Jie was still awake.

She was wearing a facial mask and watching a show about a college student who was caught driving without a license by the traffic police, and the traffic police's safety reminder was being played on the screen.

"Stay up so late?" The mask prevented Shengxia from seeing Zhao Jie's expression, "Your friend left?" She frowned when she smelled something suddenly, "Have you been drinking?"

Sheng Xia was silent for a while before saying, "Mom, I'm a little hungry."

Zhao Jie glanced at Sheng Xia, and asked after a long time: "Eat noodles and leftovers?"

"Let's face."

Zhao Jie took off the mask, and took Sheng Xia downstairs to have a supper.When she was cooking, Sheng Xia was staring at the side all the time, neither mother nor son spoke, one was cooking the noodles and adding seasonings, while the other was sitting at the table in a daze.

When they started eating, they still didn't speak.The air was purely still, and something seemed to be brewing, about to ferment and become irreversible.

During that time, Sheng Xia racked his brains thinking, thinking, what should he do?He even started to bring others into thinking... Zhao Jie is such a powerful person, what would she do if this happened to her?What if I tell her?Will she teach me?What big reason will you say to wake me up?

Midsummer's heart is in a mess.

He knew this kind of thing for the first time, and the stick knocked him dizzy and caught him off guard.No one told him right or wrong, pros and cons, told him how to choose the right one, and how to face it.He is too young, and his understanding of feelings can be said to be ignorant, and he couldn't calm down at all after such a disturbance just now.

He had no one to tell, and he even had an urge to tell Zhao Jie in a daze.

There is no time to weigh the pros and cons, and to care about the gains and losses.Teenagers like to be impulsive, and impulsiveness often reflects instinct, and Shengxia's instinct at this moment tells herself: I want to find him.

Zhao Jie suddenly said: "The birthday present that Mom bought for you is placed next to your cabinet, have you opened it and looked at it?"

Sheng Xia was absent-minded: "Yes."

"Have you tried it? Is the sound good?"

"good."

"It's okay." Zhao Jie suddenly started another topic, "The grades are out. I asked your school teacher. This score is a waste for us to consider Dali's school. You go to Kunming Gongxuan, but you study music. I can go to Yunda University. So I thought about it today, and it just so happens that the housing price is also suitable recently. I mean, my mother bought a suite in Kunming to accompany you to school, and it is convenient to take care of you. Anyway, Kunming has done a lot of business these years... ..."

"Mom." Sheng Xia's heart skipped a beat and he interrupted him directly, "I don't want to stay in Yunnan to study, and you don't have to accompany me, I myself..."

Zhao Jie completely ignored Midsummer, and continued on her own: "Yunda is pretty good. Although Kunming's climate is not as good as Dali's, it's still not far behind in Yunnan, so..."

Sheng Xia directly interrupted: "Mom, I want to go to Beijing to go to university."

He was also startled when he said it.

Probably because the impulsiveness at that moment was too unthinking, Sheng Xia was stunned and finally determined belatedly, what he likes, what he chooses, and what he wants him to change.

Zhao Jie paused.

She closed her eyes, as if she was holding back something.After the emotional ups and downs were suppressed, she said: "Forget it, let's not talk about this first, we will talk about it after eating."

"Mom," Sheng Xia was still repeating, he had cried before, his eyes were still red, "I want to go to Beijing."

Zhao Jie's voice was steady: "I said it, let's talk after eating."

"Mom," he repeated a third time, but changed the phrase, "I'm going to Beijing to go to university."

Zhao Jie ate the chopsticks, "I said, eat, can't you hear me?!"

Sometimes the scariest and most frustrating thing is not the direct quarrel and abuse, but the other party seems to know what you think, but avoids talking about it.

Sheng Xia also put down her chopsticks.

He pointed to the noodle bowls in front of him and Zhao Jie and said, "Mom, look at these two bowls of noodles."

"It's all made by you." Sheng Xia said, "But you have your noodles, I have mine, and we each eat our own. Just like you have your life, shouldn't I also have my own? I Since you were young, you said that you can't stick your chopsticks into other people's bowls, so shouldn't we..."

"Face is face, life is life, don't talk nonsense." Zhao Jie interrupted him without changing her tone, "Analyze the specific situation, you are still young, I have gone through many detours, I am telling you what is right .”

Sheng Xia shook his head, he was very stubborn: "It's wrong, I also want to take a walk." He paused, "I want to go to Beijing...I want to go to Beijing."

"Go to Beijing? What are you going to do in Beijing? Midsummer, I saved face for you and your friend, don't be ignorant." Zhao Jie's face was very ugly, her tone did not fluctuate, but she was choking own palm, "You want your mother to die, don't you? Do you know what you're doing?"

Zhao Jie knew.

She really does.

She didn't say anything, she just watched, with cold eyes.Yes, Zhao Jie is so smart, she is not an ordinary mother, she always has everything in mind, and she doesn't say a word.She controls you, but she doesn't say control, she just says it's love, that's caring, that's mother.She crouches behind the light watching you, staring at you.It's not her who is crying and fussing, she will tell you in other ways that she will win.

She is a mother, and she is a matter of course in the world, which cannot be denied.

"I know!" Sheng Xia shouted suddenly, "I know everything, don't treat me like a fool or a child, I grow up, and I know everything!"

Midsummer, who was still dazed and hesitant, was agitated by Zhao Jie's resolute words, and all the rebellious factors that had been buried for 18 years came out.Once a person has been suppressed for a long time, it is always surprising when he resists, and it is very sad to think about it. This is actually the first time he has quarreled with Zhao Jie and said to Zhao Jie, "No."

"You know? What do you know?" Zhao Jie asked sharply after being startled, "Why did you go to Beijing and post it upside down to find a man, how old are you, how old is he? What is your identity, what is his identity? What do you have? ? Have you ever thought about what capital you have to make people value you, and what protection do you have when you are with him? You tell me, you answer me!"

Sheng Xia shook his head stubbornly, "He is a good man." He kept shaking his head, "Those are not important."

"It's not important?" Zhao Jie slammed the table down, "Midsummer, you can't be so selfish. I raised you, how did I treat you badly? You said that you have grown up and become an adult, then I ask you to think about it." I think, is it heartless for you to say these things to me now? Our family is just you and me, you are going to Beijing, have you considered my feelings? What kind of family are we, what kind of place is Dali, you Let others think of you, how will you live in the future? You have been obedient since you were a child, and you will give me a big one when you grow up, right?!"

Sheng Xia yelled back emotionally: "I'm disobedient! I'm not happy, I want to make you happy! You don't understand me at all, I am disobedient, I will smoke in junior high school, you know!? What are you Do not know at all."

Zhao Jie was so angry that her chest rose and fell, she got up and slapped Sheng Xia resoundingly.

Sheng Xia was stunned by that slap.

Zhao Jie never hit him.The last time Midsummer remembered being beaten was at his father's funeral.Sheng Xia didn't want to cry in front of relatives that day, so she kept a straight face, because she felt very scared and didn't want to cry in front of others.That day, Zhao Jie cried and slapped him. After the slap, she hugged him and coaxed him, saying that mother loves you and mother is sorry for you.

After that day, Zhao Jie never hit him again, never again.

After the fight, Zhao Jie pushed the dazed Sheng Xia to a room on the left side of the living room.There was nothing in that room, only a futon, and an urn was placed on the small table.

"Kneel down!" Zhao Jie sternly yelled, "Look at your father and say, you like men, don't want me, don't want this family, don't want anything. Say, tell me where you want to go No matter you... say it! You say it!"

Sheng Xia bent her upper body to the ground.He opened his eyes and watched his tears fall down, creating two puddles of water.

Zhao Jie calmed down a bit before continuing the game.

She has been in business for many years, and dealing with people is her job.Convince my son to have a rhythm too, like now.

Zhao Jie's tone softened a bit: "You are not in good health, can you adapt from the south to the north? You are sick every three days, who will take care of you when you go out? Take ten thousand steps back, how many people you like in a lifetime, how many people do you like? impossible……"

Sheng Xia laughed in his heart, Zhao Jie is always like this, and he likes to deal with him like this, first say a few words of truth, and then give you a sweet date to make you happy.

He interrupted Zhao Jie: "Mom, is it because Teacher Shi Ye is a man?"

Zhao Jie's tone was flat, "Don't discuss this with me, and don't tell me what's right and wrong. I'm not that enlightened. I only know that you're sick now. I'm your mother. I can't let you go wrong. You say Now that you have grown up, can you think about the consequences when you do things?"

Sheng Xia shook his head, and he replied blankly: "I... I don't know what the consequences are, and I'm also very scared. I don't know anything, but I can't take care of it now..."

"Can't care? If people don't think about the consequences because they don't care, what will society become?" Zhao Jie said faster and faster, and the pressure became tighter and tighter, "You have to kill someone before thinking about whether it will be okay. Go to jail, take drugs and then think about whether you will be addicted, and be cheated by a man to know that you are sick?"

"Mom—" Sheng Xia was a little unbelievable, "Is this the same thing as killing people and taking drugs? How can you say that—"

Zhao Jie's words were categorical: "It's the same with me."

Sheng Xia couldn't refute her.

He knelt, shaking his head on the futon.

After a long time, he said: "I just made him very sad. Mom, let me try...he is...he is my dream, my future, let me try, I I really grew up, and I can be responsible for myself..."

Very quietly, as if talking to yourself.

"Midsummer." Zhao Jie sighed, "I really don't want to tell you these things today, but you just want to come. Okay, listen to me. Think about it yourself, your friend... I was I checked, he already won a lot of awards when he was your age, he is very popular, right? What about you, what do you have? Think about it for yourself, what does he think of you? You are his fan, he What do you call being with you, what do other people think? Although we are ordinary people, we are not short of food and clothing, and we are considered rich, so why do you rush to make a deal that you will lose yourself?"

Sheng Xia cried back: "How could this be a deal? I said that I like him, and he said that he also likes me..."

"Did he say it? So what, what I say today, I can go back on tomorrow, can life be decided by one sentence?" Zhao Jie sneered, "How long have you known each other? One week, two weeks? You Don't be stupid, okay, people might just regard you as a fun during the trip, and you can pat your ass and leave tomorrow after playing, what about you? Who are you? Who are you in Midsummer? What do you have?"

Zhao Jie hit the nail on the head with every word of her heart.

"What does he like about you? Is he like you stupid? You're a fart!"

She is sober, always sober, and even knows to directly attack Shengxia's most unconfident vulnerability.

Zhao Jie kept talking, but Sheng Xia couldn't hear anything after that.Too many things happened that night that he couldn't digest for a while, and he chose the most extreme solution, and there was no way to turn back.

Don't look back, just do it to the end.When I made a decision, ten cows could not be pulled back.

In the middle of the night, he ran out quietly, found the place where Shi Ye lived, and knocked on the door, but found that Shi Ye had already checked out.

gone.

Not waiting all night, this is Shi Ye, Shi Ye's cleanliness.

He called Shi Ye, and the phone's answer was: Sorry, the phone you dialed has been turned off.

Say sorry to me?Even the mobile phone knows that he is sad?

There is no rental at all in the ancient city in the middle of the night.He stopped a passing truck, gave the other party all the cash on his body, and asked the other party to take him to the city.When he arrived in the urban area, he took a taxi to the airport.

Can't find, can't find.

Looking for it today, and looking for it tomorrow?

find it.

stupid.

Really stupid.

Looking for a needle in a haystack, of course he couldn't find it.

Airport, train station, bus station, he can't find Shi Ye anymore.

When he was looking for it, he kept thinking, what to say when he found it.say what?Say I like you... no, say I love you?Not serious, so casual.But say it, never mind, I love you I love you I love you, say it three times?Said that I ran out, said that you are my future, I don't want to take responsibility and be a good boy, you take me away?So silly, but say it anyway.Just like in the movie, you take me away, go to Beijing, you hug me, I try to love you with my clumsiness, I try to live hard and become a bright star like you?Say you don't go, say I always need you, it's true, I'm not lying.

Too stupid.He wasn't even wearing glasses when he ran out.He was very anxious, his body was dirty and messy, and he started to panic when he found the back, he couldn't see clearly, why couldn't he see clearly, didn't he see clearly earlier?

It was noon when I went back.

It was raining in Dali that day.He took the bus back, it was the No. [-] bus that Shi Ye took.When he went back, he kept crying. The half of his face that had been beaten by Zhao Jie was very painful, and his knee after kneeling for half the night was also very painful. The most painful thing was his heart.

He came home in the rain, dejected.When walking in the rain, Sheng Xia indifferently took off his shoes, threw them into the trash bin nervously, and continued walking towards home.

Sheng Xia was afraid and sad, wronged and painful... He grew up and only did two extraordinary things.The first one was learning to smoke when he was 13 years old, and the second one was falling in love with a man who was seven years older than him when he was an adult.

The rain is so annoying, why is it today, and this moment, when he is so lost.Or is the sky sad?The people around were laughing at him, laughing and laughing—you see, that man is so strange, so nervous, so downcast, like a dog.

He returned home in a daze.Zhao Jie has been looking for him for a day, and now she is in a hurry at home.When she saw her drenched son walking back, Zhao Jie's throat choked up, and she was full of great truths, but she couldn't say anything for a while.

Sheng Xia cried until her eyes were red.He only felt that his brain was groggy, and his whole body was hot and cold.

He looked around in a daze, gradually unable to find his place and existence in the rain.He understands that if something is missed, it is missed. When Shi Ye is gone, their lives will probably not have any intersection in the future.Just like this rain, after the sun came out, the water vapor evaporated after the rain, and the overwhelming rain and tears disappeared in the space, and there will be no trace again.

Sheng Xia saw Zhao Jie in a daze.He saw his repressed and bewildered youth, he saw himself who was ignorant and obedient, he saw those who were not reconciled, those who couldn't ask for it, saw greed, hatred and ignorance, saw many things, and even saw a little bit of starlight.

He heard a muffled thunder in his heart, a loud rumbling sound—the youth that had never had ups and downs in the past was severely torn apart, fell apart, dust was flying, and the whole world became nothing after the collapse.

I'm an adult, an adult, at least... to decide my own life.

Standing in the rain, Sheng Xia cried and said to Zhao Jie: "Mom—you... let me go find him."