Pseudo-white lotus survival diary

After coming out of the emergency room and transferred to the general ward, Dou Yang was still awake.

"Doctor, why didn't he wake up?" Lin Qingye asked anxiously.

The doctor said, "I'll wake up after a while, don't worry."

Lin Qingye sat on the stool beside the hospital bed and waited.

The person on the hospital bed was on a drip, with his eyes closed.

A lovely nurse sister came over and handed the clothes in her hand to Lin Qingye, "This is the patient's stuff, please put it away."

Lin Qingye thanked her and took the clothes.As soon as I got it, I heard the phone ringing from the clothes.

Lin Qingye quickly picked up Dou Yang's cell phone, and the caller ID on it was "Doctor Wei".

doctor?

Is it...

Lin Qingye picked it up, "Hello."

"Aren't you Dou Yang?"

Lin Qingye glanced at the person on the bed, and asked softly, "Are you Dou Yang's psychiatrist?"

"Yes. Excuse me, are you...?"

"I'm Dou Yang's friend." Lin Qingye glanced at the person lying on the bed. The LED lights in the hospital were bright, illuminating Dou Yang's skin as pale as paper, as if it would shatter if touched.

Lin Qingye saw his heart twitch slightly, took a deep breath and said: "He... just took a lot of sleeping pills, I found out, and now he is in the hospital..."

"What?!" Dr. Wei seemed taken aback, "No wonder he still didn't show up at the appointment time! His depression is getting worse and his mental state is also extremely unstable. I was worried about him so I called... But it shouldn't be. , He said that he would actively treat him, why did he suddenly commit suicide, could it be that he was stimulated by something?"

Doctor Wei's question was like a knife piercing into Lin Qingye's heart. He had never encountered such a thing in his life for so many years. A life was almost lost because of him.Dou Yang has become like this, he has to bear a lot of responsibility.

If he hadn't stimulated him, he wouldn't have committed suicide. If he hadn't been presumed to have mental illness and depression, Dou Yang would definitely not be what he is today.

Today's shock was really too great, a living person almost died in front of him, Lin Qingye was full of self-blame, he felt that it was all his fault.

"How is he now?"

Lin Qingye suppressed the soreness in his chest, and reluctantly said: "The doctor said that he is out of danger, and he is not awake yet."

"It's good to get out of danger, you guard him, I will come over to chat with him after get off work."

Dr. Wei explained some precautions and hung up the phone.

Putting the phone back in his pocket, Lin Qingye pulled the chair to the side of the bed, rested his chin on the bed, blinked and asked, "When will you wake up?"

He took out his mobile phone and started looking up information about depression and schizophrenia. After checking, perhaps because he was too nervous and relaxed, Lin Qingye fell asleep lying on the bedside unconsciously.

In a daze, he felt a hand on his head.

Lin Qingye woke up suddenly, raised her head, and found that Dou Yang had woken up at some point.

Lin Qingye was surprised and delighted, "Are you awake? When did you wake up? Why didn't you call me?"

Dou Yang leaned on the bed, with a slight smile on his pale face, "Seeing that you are sleeping soundly, I am not willing to call you."

"It's great that you can wake up!" Lin Qingye was so excited that she almost shed tears, and then asked with concern, "How is it? What's wrong with your body?"

Dou Yang shook his head lightly. After a while, he stared at Lin Qingye and said, "I'm sorry."

The ending sound is very light, and the breath is a little weak, but it contains a strong apology.

"Why do you have to apologize?" Lin Qingye was stunned for a moment.

"It's my fault for making you worry." Dou Yang forced a smile, "You saved me, right? I'm causing you trouble."

After waking up, only Lin Qingye was watching in the ward, everything was self-explanatory.

"It's too outrageous for you to say that!" Lin Qingye immediately stood up and said, "Dou Yang, we are friends, and we should save you."

"Just friends?"

The words in Lin Qingye's mouth stopped abruptly, "I..."

Dou Yang sighed lightly, then laughed again, "It's nothing, I know everything."

His smile is like a warm light, shining alone in the dark, not too dazzling, but giving some hope to lost travelers.

"When I get along with you, I always feel that you are deliberately pleasing me." Dou Yang said, "Probably, what kind of person do you think I will like, so you try your best to play that kind of person."

"I……"

"It's my fault." Dou Yang interrupted him, apologizing again, "I know, but I deceived myself and wanted to create the most perfect lover with you, but it turned out to be a joke."

Lin Qingye didn't speak.

Dou Yang smiled, "You don't need to explain anything, I am a painter, and the most important ability of a painter is observation."

He smiled lightly, as if he knew everything already.

Lin Qingye's heart was shaken violently, he was thinking whether to tell him that he was a counterfeit.

"You go, I will take care of myself..." Dou Yang said calmly, "I have been restraining you, I'm sorry."

Dou Yang apologized.

Lin Qingye looked at him, met those dark, empty eyes that seemed to be boundless, and suddenly woke up - Dou Yang, he was lying!

No, it should be said that what he just said is true, but his attitude is false.

It seems calm, it seems to penetrate everything, it seems to be an understatement, but his heart is dark, like being in a glass house, everything is very clear, but the people in the house cannot change the status quo, there is nothing they can do.

Even without the strength to change, accept the reality.

The reason why he said that was just to comfort himself and let himself go!

What would happen if I really listened to his words and left?

Would he feel that everyone had left him, and he committed suicide when he couldn't think about it for a while?

Lin Qingye's fingers curled up slightly.

"I won't leave!" He said with red eyes, "Why do you need to take medicine? Why can't you think about it? Can you tell me how many difficulties in the world you can't get over, you are not even afraid of death, why don't you hold on?"

Dou Yang stared at him quietly and said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize! You didn't feel sorry for me, but I was sorry for you!" Lin Qingye covered her ears, "Is it because I misunderstood that you wanted to kill me and broke your heart, that's why you wanted to commit suicide?"

"No!" Dou Yang hurriedly stood up and took his hand, "It's none of your business, it's all my fault!"

"Then why do you need to take medicine?" Lin Qingye took a step back, "You almost died... It's not worth dying for someone like me!"

Dou Yang was startled, "Baby..."

Lin Qingye was still emotional, "Don't call me."

Dou Yang got off the bed, the IV in his hand was shaking randomly.

Lin Qingye ignored his complicated emotions, and hurried up to hold him down, "Don't move!"

Dou Yang hugged him suddenly, holding him tightly in his arms.

His body is very thin, he should be very weak due to poisoning, but that embrace is very powerful, there is no problem in trapping a grown man.

Lin Qingye, a healthy adult, did not resist at all.

"I'm sorry for making you worry." Dou Yang hugged him, with a look of regret on his fair face, his expression was sad, "I was wrong, I will never take medicine again, and I will never commit suicide again."

"you swear?"

"I swear!"

Lin Qingye stopped all movements, hugged him back hard, and gradually began to sob, "Why? Why? Why do you have any difficulty in getting over it? Why did you commit suicide?"

Dou Yang rubbed his chin on the top of his head, his eyes filled with tenderness, remorse and pain, "I'm sorry, I can't control myself, sometimes, I feel like there is another person living in my body, wanting to destroy everything... Sometimes, I feel that life is meaningless. Yesterday I drew for a long time, and at four o'clock in the middle of the night, I suddenly felt... What is the use of my painting, and then I went to the house to sleep, but I couldn't fall asleep... ..."

"I really wanted to destroy, destroy everything, I got up and cut off all the paintings... I often have chest pains, that kind of pain makes me want to cut something, and I feel comfortable when I see blood flowing... "

"I never dare to say, I am afraid that you are afraid of me, I am afraid that the people around me are afraid, even I am afraid of myself..."

"I cut off all the paintings, but I still couldn't sleep, so I took out the sleeping pill... the moment I took it out, I suddenly thought, what's the point of living? It doesn't seem to be, it's better to die, so I poured it down and took it ..."

"It was really a sudden idea, and then I put it into action, sorry..."

Dou Yang hugged him, and kept murmuring repeated apologies in his ear.

After venting, Lin Qingye calmed down, let go of Dou Yang, sat up, and stared at him seriously.

Before, he had only heard of depression and mental illness, and these two words were like some kind of symbol.When the people around me are under a lot of pressure, they will say "I'm about to suffer from depression". Some female or male students who are so natural will often claim that they have depression.There are also people who, under the name of depression, make excuses for some of their "work", in fact, they are trying to win sympathy by selling misery and forcing others to care.

That's right, it's been used too much, and people around feel that the word "depression" is very cheap, just like a cold and fever, anyone can get it, and they feel that it can be cured anytime, anywhere like a cold and fever.

But at this moment, seeing Dou Yang like this, Lin Qingye finally understood what "depression" is like.

It’s not that people who have broken families and people who are full of suffering are eligible for depression. Sometimes, it’s really trifling little things that add up one by one and make people depressed.Sometimes, the reasons for depression are unimaginable.The more sensitive people are, the more likely they are to be depressed.It is easier for an artist like Dou Yang who has a strong observation ability to suffer from depression.

When suffering from depression, the sense of identity, sympathy and care of the people around is the best medicine. Once the people around are in a state of hostility and disapproval, the depressed patients will fall into a deeper abyss.However, people in the world don't understand this disease, and often turn a blind eye to the real depression patients, but have sympathy for those who "do" things in the name of depression.

At the beginning, he adjusted the outline and personality, adding depression and mental illness to the sunny and gentle Dou Yang, the purpose was just to give him a reason to commit murder, but today, facing Dou Yang who almost died, he suddenly understood that he was just a bad boy. One of the many who know about this condition.

--very scary.

He has to heal him.

Fortunately, when he set up Dou Yang with a knot of depression in his heart, as long as he untie the knot, he can recover slowly.

Dou Yang is very unfortunate, but in a certain sense, he is also very lucky, because many truly depressed patients cannot even find the reason for their depression.

"Dou Yang, can you tell me when did you start to have such symptoms?" Lin Qingye asked.