Absolutely retarded option

The author has something to say: Outlaws of the Marsh

What's it like to be a zombie?I couldn't be more clear.

I didn't paint a zombie makeup but really turned into a zombie, and I was terrified for several days.Because according to my experience, if zombies don't eat their brains, they will degenerate into zombies. It's better to tell me to die than to become zombies.

Last night, not long after I lay down, Kotaro woke us up with a horn.I squinted my sleepy eyes and complained, let no one sleep, I just lay down not long ago..."

"Y'all zombies don't need sleep at all!"

I almost forgot about this scene. Others don't seem to need to sleep, but I do!But I can't say it out, otherwise it will reveal that I am actually an outlier.

"What did you call us up for?"

"I think the moonlight is so good today, why don't we all have a symposium on strange things together?"

As the name suggests, the strange talk forum is that everyone gathers together to form a circle, light the same number of candles, and blow out one candle after each person tells a strange talk.If the candle is blown out before the ghost story is finished, or if the next ghost story is said before the candle is blown out after the ghost story is finished, the ghost story will become true.It's a very popular activity. I didn't expect Kotaro to be so childlike. I'm not interested.Besides, we are all zombies is a kind of urban ghost talk.

"Cheer up, you zombies! You must know that idol activities will start at any time, and you must be fully prepared anytime, anywhere!" Speaking of who is Kotaro, he is obviously a human being who dares to be so arrogant - I have already Take yourself to the identity of non-human beings.

The eight of us reluctantly formed a circle, and Kotaro took out a "white" candle and put one in front of each of us, and lit it with a lighter. Then he sat down and coughed pretendingly, "Okay , let's talk.Which of you will start first? "

I raised my hand cooperatively, "I'll come first."

In fact, I was thinking of finishing the sentence quickly and going to sleep.

The other 16 eyes looked at me instantly.

I cleared my throat and opened my lips lightly and said, "Let me tell you a strange story about a girl who wanted to become an idol but was resurrected as a zombie after ten years of death on the day of her debut." Nikaidou Saki jumped up and scolded me for being despicable , almost knocked her candle down, I quickly held onto the candle and said in a dark tone: "We are all zombies now, if we burn it casually, we will catch fire..."

"You're talking about a mummy, right? Although I'm still a zombie, I'm still a zombie full of collagen! Look at my skin is still very elastic, how could it be burnt?!" Although she said so, but The voice has already brought a vibrato, it is said that this guy was the leader of the Kyushu bosozoku clan back then, how dare he be so timid?

I dozed off with my head down, "We have already died once, so it doesn't matter if we die again. Why are you so scared? Are you still a bosozoku like this!"

"I don't need you, idiot zombie, to be a bosozoku!" Nikaido grabbed my collar angrily.

In fact, you are so angry because I preemptively tell you the strange story you want to tell.

Kotaro thumped my head very dissatisfied, and growled: "Quiet, you bastard! I have long seen that you are not as simple as you appear on the surface. Is the legend true? You have undergone sex reassignment surgery and turned out to be a man?"

As soon as I said this, the other seven girls looked at me in shock.

I was dizzy too, how could he know?Let alone the fact that ten years have passed since my death, any evidence should have vanished long ago. What's more, apart from the team leader and three other idiot idols, only a few medical staff in Thailand know about my sex reassignment surgery. How did he know?Could it be that he can still check the zombie's memory?What a horrible man.

I have nothing to dare to admit, "Yes, I used to be a man."

As soon as this remark came out, the other seven girl zombies rubbed back one after another, keeping a clear and definite distance from me.

Yuan Ying stammered, "Why did you change your gender? Could it be..."

Before I even opened my mouth, Kotaro helped me and said, "According to what I know, she underwent sex reassignment surgery because she wanted to become an idol, and I chose him to be one of you to save Saga based on this. I would rather be transgender." I also want to become an idol, this devotion to idols really moved me!"

So this is ah.I finally understand why he chose to resurrect me to join the zombie girl.

Yuan Ying looked at me with admiration. She also aspired to become an idol, but this devotion to idols was obviously lost to me.

And the truth of the matter is that I was punished for violating the rules of the group... Honestly, I don't know what rules I violated.

After a quarrel, Kotaro held down Nikaido and me who were about to fight, pointed to my nose and said, "You have to change to a strange story, the one just now won't work."

I glared, "Why not? That's the most real ghost story I've ever experienced. It must be super eye-catching if I tell it at the class reunion."

His face was close to mine, and he was spitting everywhere, "You bastard, do you think you're still a high school student? You're already dead!"

Not to be outdone, I scolded back, "Do you have to emphasize so many times that I'm already dead? Do you want to sprinkle salt on the zombie's wound?"

"Your heart has dried up a long time ago, the heart of an Egyptian mummy is so dry! You won't be able to jump a long time ago, so what's so sad about it?"

This bastard is so fucking meow when he quarrels.

Good-looking men quarrel like shrews.The old man said that he only likes sluts and not shrews.

He relighted the two candles that were knocked down and extinguished because of our quarrel and threatened us with his eyes, "Be sure to speak seriously this time, or I will take a cross and crucify you in your heart."

And isn't the vampire cross useful to us?I don't believe it.

After he found out that he couldn't control me, I became his most troublesome existence among the zombie girls, "Let me come first, I want to tell a story about the god of death."

It took about half an hour to talk about the love and hatred between Jinglingting, Xuquan and the human world.

Kotaro applauded with tears streaming down his face, "It's really wonderful! But do you think I haven't watched "Reaper"? Hundan! If you want to play tricks, be more advanced!"

He tried to hit me but I dodged it.

"Tell me one more time!"

"If you want to hear my story so much, why don't we have a private chat under the willow tree next month?"

Kotaro rejected me angrily and severely condemned me for playing his idea, "Yuriko refused to obey the discipline and was fined to be confined in a small black room for three days."

And what about the little black house?I didn't expect you to like this kind of play!

I was thrust into the dungeon.

Why is it a dungeon for the small black room that was agreed upon?

It would be perfect if there were a few zombies in the dungeon.

"Yuriko, you have to reflect on yourself!" After saying that, she slammed the door of the dungeon.Leaving me alone in the dark dungeon crying bitterly, I don't know how long it has passed, the old man is almost starving to death and no one comes to deliver the food, forget about Kotaro's turtle grandson, Miss Yugiri, don't you remember being with you Did I end up with Jinlan?The sisterhood of plastic flowers is really unreliable.

When I was almost hungry, the iron door above my head finally opened, and it wasn't Kotaro or the seven teammates who came, but a man in a bunt with a sloppy face—with lecherous eyes.

My tiger (jiao) body shook.

The fat and fat brother spoke in a dialect that I couldn't understand: "Miss Dao, you have become the king of my family now, and you will have to eat delicious food and spicy food in the future. What's so good about being a scholar? You must never leave him, my family The king can run horses on his shoulders, so he is a hero of the world. Just now he asked me to pick you up into the bridal chamber, so if you behave yourself, you will save yourself a lot of suffering!"

Absolute option suddenly revived, and got me a cheap translator, which can only translate my Chinese dialect.

I understand, Henan dialect, why did I come to Henan after being shut up in a small black room, it’s very convenient.

The enemy is dark and we are clear, it is better not to speak.

Seeing that I didn't speak, I thought I agreed, so I put down a basket and told me to sit on it and pulled me up.

"Big sister, be obedient, follow me to my brother... ouch!" Minoru's eyes popped out when I slashed him unconscious with a knife.

It's so dark outside that there aren't even a single star, it's really dark.

I kicked the fat brother into the dungeon, took his machete and sneaked into the night.

After some investigation, I found out that this place is a cottage, but I don't know where to sit on the mountain, let alone what era it is.

After thinking for three seconds, I decided to set fire to the mountain.

I went to the kitchen to get a bucket of oil, and wrapped it in a rag from a tree branch. I don’t know if the ghost is wearing an ancient woman’s skirt this time.

I ran to the grain warehouse and other places where there are few people and it is easy to catch fire. I set a few fires first. Anyway, the stockade is full of wooden structures and it is too easy to catch fire. I moved quickly and set dozens of fires everywhere within a few minutes. , and picked thatch for the roof, unless the gangsters have high-pressure injectors, they can't even try to put out the fire.

After the skyrocketing fire ignited, I smeared ashes on my face and joined the firefighting army.

"Why did it catch fire! Put out the fire!"

"It's too hot to save!"

Seeing that the family property accumulated over the years was about to be destroyed once the bandits were about to tear their eyes apart, the head of the family angrily cut off a section of the beam and shouted: "Who set the fire! Who set the fire? If grandpa catches you He must be skinned and boned!"

None of the bandits around dared to speak.

As for me, I went down the mountain lightly a long time ago.

A few hours later, I performed great lightness exercises and came to a place called Huiyang Pavilion, thirty or fifty miles away. Next to the pavilion, there was a hut selling refreshments and drinks. Four or five tables were set up. It was the owner's son who greeted the guests skillfully and enthusiastically. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw this scene with an ancient Chinese style. Dad, I strode into the restaurant and patted the table. Jin sauce beef! Five more big steamed buns!"

The second brother was immediately overwhelmed by my pride, "Hey, where is this guest from a foreign country? Don't you know that beef is forbidden in Song Dynasty?"

His father also leaned out from the kitchen and said worriedly: "Ah, I'm not allowed to kill cows if there is no law. Killing cows is against the law. Little brother, you can be more careful."

My mouth moved, "Old man, what are you talking about? Eat cows? I dare not eat cows. Do cows eat? If my father hears this, he will beat me to death. I want two catties of mutton, do you have it?"

The old man and his son plucked their ears suspiciously, why bother to ask, "Yes! The guest officer has a good appetite."

His son's shop waiter looked at me in rags, "I don't know if the customer can afford the money, we can't pay on credit for small businesses."

It's a lie to say that you can't pay on credit. It doesn't matter if you pay on credit in the city. After all, monks can't run away from the temple.

coming.The legendary shop bully customers.I heard from my father in my previous life that when he was young, he was in the countryside, and occasionally he went to the county town with his eyesight blurred.Really amazing my parents and folks.

I flicked up my coat, revealing my full purse, took out a string of money and slapped it on the table, "Is it enough?"

The second brother showed eight teeth, "Not enough."

Yo, this is embarrassing.

I took out another penny, "Is it enough?"

The second brother continued to shake his head, "It's still not enough."

Is mom's meal so expensive?Could it be that your place is a black shop?I was about to pour out all the money in my heart, when the pedestrian sitting on the other table laughed, "This brother must be from a foreign country who doesn't know the price of goods in Song Dynasty, a string of money is enough .”

The little second brother grinned, grabbed a string of money and went back to the kitchen.

The kind-hearted brother next to me beckoned me to do it, "You were too bold to stare at Cui Niang's breasts just now, and I'm not afraid that she will cut you with a bone cutter."

What?Cui Niang?

At this time, another peddler pushing a cart came, "Brother Cui! The flour you asked for is here!"

Cui Ge?

Is it male or female?

The man next to him continued: "Don't look at Cui Niang is a bit dark, but it doesn't affect the oil lamp at all..."

I slapped him backhandedly, "How can you swear at a girl in broad daylight?"

Cui Niang, who was holding a steamed bun and a jug of wine and holding a large plate of mutton on her head, smiled fiercely at me.

My dear brother covered his face and gasped, "I said brother, you are not authentic, I have been admiring Cuiniang for some time, you can't come from behind."

Don't worry, I don't like such vulgar fans.

We exchanged names.

"Brother Dao, where did you come from?"

"From everywhere to where to go."

"..."

"If brother has nowhere to go, why not go home with brother?" Brother Zhang said with a smile on his face.

It was the first time I met him, who was not relatives, so enthusiastic, maybe there was a fraud in it, I replied cautiously, "I'm afraid I'm bothering you."

"Don't bother, don't bother, the place is very big." While talking, he unceremoniously picked up my mutton with big chopsticks. Did he come here for the meat?

Cui Ge came over with another plate of roasted mutton, "This guest officer may not be a bad person, he lives in the Mercy Temple ten miles away, and he is a vegetable grower."

Zhang Qing smiled, "Hey, grow vegetables for the monk."

So I followed Brother Zhang enthusiastically back to the Mercy Temple. The monk guarding the gate saw that my nose was not my nose and my eyes were not eyes, "This is a pure place of Buddhism, Zhang Qing, you can't bring anyone back casually."

Zhang Qing has an ugly face. This Wu Ye has always been against him. On weekdays, he is responsible for the purchase of vegetables in the temple. Since the abbot took him in to grow vegetables in the temple to make a living, and sold half of the monks’ vegetables by himself, Wu Ye’s income has been reduced. How could he not target Zhang Qing?

Wu Ye looked at me with a face full of faults, "Who are you? You are sloppy and have a sharp mouth and monkey cheeks. You don't look like a good person! Zhang Qing, what if you bring such a person back and ruin the reputation of the Mercy Temple ?”

The Mercy Temple is also a first-class temple with a radius of dozens of miles. It is full of incense on weekdays, and the monks in the temple are all full of fat. It doesn't look like a pure Buddhist place.

"Wu Ye, I have a brother who doesn't want to argue with you."

When Wu Ye heard that Zhang Qing actually had the intention of admitting cowardice, he became even more excited and wanted to let him go, immediately grabbed Zhang Qing's hand, and said viciously: "The rules in the temple clearly prohibit bringing outsiders in privately, let alone staying overnight! You violated the temple rules, follow me to see the abbot!"

Meet the abbot!Zhang Qing didn't want to go, although the abbot took him in, but that person has always been the most disciplined person.Normally, Zhang Qing was able to turn defeat into victory from Wu Ye's calculations because he was sure of the abbot, but it was obviously his fault this time.It was precisely because of this that Wu Ye saw him so impatiently and dragged him to see the abbot.

In this situation, I just want to say, go to his mother's clean place.

I slashed the fat monk unconscious with a knife, Zhang Qing was dumbfounded, I greeted him and said, "What are you doing in a daze, do you have a rope? Tie him up and throw him into the mountain to feed the wolves."

Zhang Qing saw that this newly befriended brother was actually such a cold-blooded person who was about to kill him without blinking an eye, and he was frightened and said: "This... I'm afraid it's not right. Although I hate Wu Ye, I haven't arrived yet." Let him die."

"Who said let him die? It's just to scare him. He's afraid of you and will avoid you in the future. Brother, how much worry should he have?"

Zhang Qing looked at me with the big characters "Fourth Brother" written on his face-mistakenly handed over to the bandits.

I kept lifting Wu Ye's feet, damn it, this monk must not be a vegetarian, why is he so heavy?

"What are you doing in a daze? I can't lift him up by myself, you look up!" I woke up Zhang Qing who was in a daze, "Hurry up, it won't be good to be found out."

Zhang Qing quickly grabbed Wu Ye's head, "No one will come to this place except those who come to pick vegetables and go to the kitchen."

We struggled to carry Wu Ye, who weighed almost 180 catties, and staggered towards the forest, "Do you know where there is a wolf? Tie him to a tree branch."

Thinking of Wu Ye being tied up and under a tree, surrounded by a group of howling wolves, with their green eyes open, thinking about how to bite off his fat, Zhang Qing felt a little excited.

"It's too difficult for the two of us to get him on the tree."

After walking for a while, we arrived at the vegetable garden owned by Zhang Qing. The vegetables were neatly planted in furrows, furrows, and ridges. I praised him, "You grow vegetables well."

Zhang Qing: "Heirloom."

The two of us complimented each other, accidentally Zhang Qing tripped over a trap in the ditch, I shook my hand, and watched Wu Ye fly out, spin and roll a few times, and fell into— — cesspit.

Farming, after all, requires fertilizer.

Wu Ye fell into the cesspit with a large tonnage and the dung flower raised was also big. I hurriedly took a few steps, and saw that the place where I was standing was watered by a dung flower. Before Zhang Qing had time to run, he splashed a lot Concentrated juice from whole grains.

"vomit……"

Wu Ye fell into the cesspit with his head down. I was worried that he would choke to death. The fat man stood up all of a sudden, and let out a shocking, "vomit!!"

Zhang Qing and I looked at each other and quickly fled.

Wu Ye fell into the cesspit and finally climbed up, vomited in the dark, and ran to the main hall with physical evidence. It happened to be evening class time, and monks who had anything to do had to go to the main hall to sit and chant scriptures. The host called his name and frowned. : "Why isn't Wuye here?"

Although the Mercy Temple is said to be a large local temple, Mengzhou is a middle state after all, and its prosperity is not mediocre, so the Mercy Temple only has a hundred and eighty monks, which is very easy to remember.

The good thing is that there are enough rooms for everyone to have their own room.

"Wu Xiu, you live close to Wu Ye, do you know where he went?"

Wuxiu naturally knew that Wuye had trouble with Zhang Qing, but could he say that?

"Go back to the abbot, the disciples don't know."

The abbot is seven or eighty years old, his beard and eyebrows are all white, and he has a big round face. As the boss of the Mercy Temple, his tonnage is naturally not light.

The monks in the main hall held their rosary beads and said nothing. The abbot was quite dissatisfied, and when he was about to explode, an astonishing stench floated in, getting closer, followed by a familiar cry, "Abbot! Abbot—brother! Brother!" Junior Brother Junior Brother! Master! Master—"

As soon as the words were finished, a stinking fat man tripped over the threshold and rolled in. Several monks sitting cross-legged near the door couldn't dodge and were rubbed all over with feces, and couldn't help throwing up.

The abbot's face was livid: "Wu Ye! What have you done? You won't be afraid of being smoked by Buddha when you come here!"

Wu Ye wanted the abbot to make the decision for him, but he didn't expect that the abbot's first thought was to smell the Buddha, and for a while, he felt sad and cried.His master couldn't stand it anymore, "Okay, Wuye, if you want the abbot to be the master, just say why."

Wu Ye said heart-rendingly: "It's Zhang Qing! That Zhang Qing is not a thing with an accomplice who knocked me out and threw me into the cesspit to drown me!! If it weren't for the Buddha to bless this little disciple Life is gone, master abbot!"

"Wu Ye, Zhang Qing has always kept his duty, how could he do such a thing? Did you cause trouble again and angered him?" Wu Ye's master seemed to be scolding Wu Ye, but in fact he already thought that Zhang Qing had put Wu Ye in the wrong place. Leaves thrown into the cesspit.The reason why he was so anxious to deal with Zhang Qing was because the money that Wu Ye coveted on weekdays was a lot of filial piety to him.

"Master Rong, my disciple has always been in harmony with Zhang Qingjing. It's just that he is a layman in my Buddhist school and always has some behaviors that disciples can't understand. Last time he drank and ate meat in the temple. Disciple just said a few words about him and he dismissed him." The eye sockets of this disciple are all black."

Everyone knows that this matter cannot be faked.

The abbot said, "Call Zhang Qing over here."

After saying yes, the two monks got up from the futon and went to look for Zhang Qing in the vegetable garden.

Zhang Qing jumped into the river to take a bath. The weather is still very cold. He jumped down for 5 minutes and almost died of freezing. There is no good thing if everyone is decent...the abbot is still good."

I sat by the river and took out the mutton from my pocket, "Brother is really suffocated staying here, you and I are good boys, we can't go anywhere, why stay here and suffer from this bird!"

Zhang Qing sighed, "It's easier said than done but harder to say."

I looked at the nun's nunnery on the hill opposite the Mercy Temple. The nun in the gray and white flowing skirt was so charming that my blue eyes were straight. "Yes, I also know the difficulty. I don't know where the secret path is?"

After Zhang Qing’s explanation, I suddenly realized that the nunnery on the opposite mountain was indeed a large-scale role-playing scene, and there were even nuns pretending to be Guanyin Bodhisattva. You can’t underestimate the ancients. There are so many ways to play. I am curious, and I am itchy, "Brother , I think that Wuye will definitely go to the abbot to complain, you and I can't confront them head-on, why don't you just avoid it for now, go to the nunnery for a few days and wait for the limelight to pass before coming back?"

Zhang Qing patted me on the shoulder, "As expected, he is the brother Zhang Qing recognizes. It's a good idea, but the fees of Ganye Temple are not low."

It turns out that the nunnery is called Ganye Temple, isn't it the place where Wu Zetian became a monk?People in the Song Dynasty were very good at playing. I don’t know if there will be a nun named Mei Niang/Wu Cairen in it.

I took out the gold leaf that came along from the looting of the cottage before, and smiled at Zhang Qing that any man could understand, "Brothers have plenty of gold and silver."

Zhang Qing was really overjoyed, "Good brother! Zhang Qing will never hesitate to send me anything in the future."

The little nun who guards the gate of Ganye Temple on the opposite side of the mountain received us warmly, "Zhang Qing? You often pick our walls on weekdays, and why don't you come here without money?"

The little nun was not polite at all, Zhang Qing was very ashamed.When it was time for me to go up, I strode up to Zhang Qing, "Sister, what you said is wrong, you can't look at people with old eyes, don't look at people with admiration for three days! We have enough for today!" silver."

The little nun looked suspicious, "Oh? Who are you? Zhang Qing's friend."

I stuck out my hips, "I'm his brother."

Zhang Qing was moved to tears.

The little nun didn't bother, "I have to see if you have brought enough money."

In the future, I will have to check whether there is enough money in the card, otherwise I will not even be qualified to view the house. I didn’t expect that the ancients would have to check the purse even when entering the nunnery. My bag full of gold leaves lit up, and the little nun’s eyes dazzled It was on, and shyly made a gesture of invitation to us, "Please, the two officials."

I put away the money bag and walked into the nunnery with Zhang Qing in my arms.

Zhang Qing looked uncomfortable, "My dear brother, let me go..."

Hey?

"What are you doing with your arms around my waist?"

Only then did I realize that I had put my arms around his waist, so I let go of it in embarrassment, "I'm sorry brother, I'm used to it."

Zhang Qing gave me a thumbs up, "At first glance, my brother is a veteran of Hua Cong. I don't know if he is going by land or water?"

I nodded, "Go all the way, all roads lead to Bianjing."

Zhang Qing let go of his hand and distanced himself from me without leaving a trace.

Thinking that Zhang Qing is also a handsome young man with a white face, if Brother Dao is too drunk to destroy him, since his three punches and two kicks may not be able to resist, it is better to be cautious.

Ganye Temple is no different from other temples, even if there is a surprise inspection, they will not be able to find any secrets hidden inside.

A frowning woman in her 30s came out dressed in what looked like a nun's uniform but was not. "Are the two benefactors offering incense, fasting, or staying overnight?"

When I got excited, I said: "Full set!"