Absolutely retarded option

I decided to hide first and give the Cowherd and the Queen Mother a chance to develop.Seeing that the fairies flew away, the young cowherd, an illiterate, kind, industrious, simple, and handsome man in the countryside, got out of the grass and took the clothes.

You must know that fairies often exist, but fairy mothers do not often exist. Although the queen mother looks about the same age as her daughters, she is also beautiful, and the naked eye of a cowherd can't tell the difference between a fairy and a fairy mother.His wishful thinking will definitely come to nothing, even if the queen mother is affected by the influence of the halo, she must remember her identity as a married woman, and she must not be fooled after living for so long, I will wait for the cowherd to leave in a daze and then Go to his house and lead the demon cow away.

Maybe it can lead away a love sage bull devil.

That's what I planned, but human calculations are not as good as heaven's. The bellyband came swaying like a zombie.

It is worth mentioning that the Seven Fairies wore a bright red dress, and the Queen Mother wore a youthful rose red dress, but in the eyes of straight men, there is no big difference between rose red and bright red.

The cowherd's eyes were a bit puzzled. Just now when he peeked at the Seven Fairies from a distance, he felt that the girl in the lake was thin and frail, but now the woman in the pool, with her hands on her shoulders, was panicked and helpless, and could not hide her fiery figure. .

Like the poor and weak literati and bureaucrats in the Song Dynasty, he also prefers young girls who have not bloomed.The reason? Everyone understands.

Moreover, a woman who is too protruding and backward, in the eyes of the country people, is not serious at first glance. If such a woman is married back home, the three aunts and six wives will inevitably gossip.

But for the sake of her being a fairy, Niu Lang felt that he could make do with it. He pretended to be chic, and brushed his hair, "I picked up the dress that was blown by a gust of wind just now. I came here specially to return it." , is it a girl's?"

I said coolly: "Unexpectedly, you are a kind-hearted person who knows to return the things you pick up. You give clothes to girls but don't know what to do. What should you do? You have ruined their innocence."

This sentence hit the cowherd's heart. He said, "But I saw the girl's body, so I can only marry the girl."

Do I have to accompany you with a dowry of one hundred and eighty boxes?

You are so fucking beautiful, I slapped my thighs and looked at the Queen Mother: "Mother, mother, what should I do. What are you going to say to your father and sisters?"

The queen mother has no master, she doesn't look like a big man who commands half of the heavens. It stands to reason that she has seen the world and the gods and talents. How could she be fascinated by a cowherd who has never read a book, but Jiang Zhi's halo is so unreal reason.We can also talk nonsense with our eyes open. For example, even if the Seven Fairies have lived for thousands of years, they are still a teenage girl with an undeveloped mind.But the queen mother is different. She has lived for thousands of years and hasn't seen any big storms, but now her face turns red and she shrinks into the water and doesn't speak. Amazing.

He was dumbfounded when he heard my name was Queen Mother, "This girl, you said this girl is..."

I said impatiently, "What is this girl, this girl's tongue twister? Listen, this girl in the lake is not a girl, she is my mother, mother, don't you think so?"

The Queen Mother naturally wanted to refute, so I quickly interrupted her: "Since you returned the clothes, get out of here, why do you want to get paid for staying here?"

Of course the cowherd doesn't want to leave, but he has had enough of the hard life in the countryside. Not only must he be enslaved by his elder brother and sister-in-law, but he will lead the old cow to live in the shack. The life is miserable. I heard that the fairies can do all kinds of magic. It can make him live a good life. Although she doesn't look like a woman from a good family from the neck down, her face is a bit coquettish, she doesn't look like a woman from an IKEA house, but everything is good for the money.Maybe in the future he will be able to marry a good concubine when he becomes a master.Cowherd thought happily.

But everyone told him to leave. If he still insisted on not leaving, wouldn't he be revealing his wishful thinking?

So he simply pretended not to hear.

What an audacity.I twitched the corner of my mouth.

I kicked him mercilessly and opened his mouth in a Hong Kong accent: "Fuck you! Don't get out!"

Although Niulang looks weak, he is a country boy with a solid skin.After being kicked down violently, he rolled on the ground, "Why did you kick me!"

"You have nails in your feet, can you roll without kicking you?" I said bluntly.

At this time, I became a woman who should be immersed in a pig cage in the eyes of the cowherd.

I quickly put on clothes for the queen mother, "Go back to heaven."

The Queen Mother didn't say a word, just shook her head.

And I wanted to fly back to the heaven, but I was constrained by a force somewhere, so I couldn't fly. I tried to leave with the Queen Mother, but every time I left the Cowherd for a certain distance, I couldn't move forward unless I let the Queen Mother go.It's really disgusting, it must be a piece of rubbish to rule Kyushu.I know that at this time, someone must excuse Tiandao and say that gods are also ordinary people... There are some mentally retarded people in this world who I will tell you to the end and you will tell me about human feelings.

I yelled at Tiandao that he was a fool and was almost struck by lightning again. I was far away from the cowherd, and the queen mother also realized something, "Monkey, Aijia, there is something wrong with Aijia."

I said angrily: "No, Tiandao just wants to tie a fairy to that mortal ass, and don't even think about leaving if you don't have a baby." Well, thinking about it this way, Tiandao is no different from the political prisoner village chief who abducts women and children Well.

"You are a woman with power, think about your status, you cannot be controlled, as one of the women with the highest status, you have to stand up and fight against Heaven!" I said righteously.

The queen mother looked at me as if she was looking at a fool, and I knew what she was thinking: that was the way of heaven.There is also the Great Dao above the Dao of Heaven, and the Dao of Heaven may not even be ranked second. If the Dao is the law of the universe, then the Dao of Heaven is at best the will of a planet, which is easy to resist.It is true that there is no chance of manipulation in destroying the universe, but it is not difficult to destroy a star.

"Mother, I will tell you a story... It is said that a long time ago, there was a group of Asgardians on the other side of the mountain and the other side of the sea. They were a group of aliens who thought they were gods..."

After listening to the story, the Queen Mother said disdainfully: "It's just a bunch of barbarian false gods."

What?This is what you heard after talking dryly for a long time?What about other brilliant revelations?

This is the difference. As soon as people mentioned it, they thought of rebels and carried Cixi Ci'an to their kang in a roll of mattresses, but you were thinking of grabbing a cucumber with a group of women.It is said that the Jade Emperor has cheated so many times openly and secretly. You are the queen mother and you have the right to convene a council to remove him. Why bother with the face of heaven.Therefore, you, as the rulers of the heavenly court, have to maintain the purity of the heavenly court team and cover up everywhere until you can't cover it up, and then you express your misstep sadly.

The Queen Mother looked at me angrily: "Why are you talking to Aijia so presumptuously?"

Fuck, I almost forgot that even if this woman becomes a fairy, she is still a defender of the heavenly court ruled by brainwashed male immortals. One can imagine the level of Hongjun's ancestor.

I pushed the queen mother away, "Okay, okay, you and the cowherd love each other and have a son early, just because the Jade Emperor despised you many times because you didn't have a son, taunted Sang and scolded Huai, and you also because of this matter I have never been able to take the lead to indulge him in stealing fairies and Chang'e who can't be stolen...but now you can rest assured that the cowherd will definitely let you have a son, although there is only a cowshed to inherit. But you are so hardworking and capable. Three years of holding the two together and getting rich. I will not accompany you."

Cleanly throwing off the Queen Mother, ignoring her frightened expression, this immortal is like a fish leaping over a dragon's gate, which is called a carefree life.

Every now and then I would go back to Niujia Village to have a look. Sure enough, the Queen Mother was taken home by the Cowherd. Her mana was suppressed and she could only use a few low-level spells, such as the five ghosts carrying Dafa, and the method of stealing gold and silver. The Queen Mother was named Guoer.The two were planning to get married when the house was built.Damn, I don't know what expression the Jade Emperor will have when he finds out.

When it was late at night, the cowherd took the old cow back to the cowshed. Although he knew that the old cow was a monster, the cowherd seemed to ignore it subconsciously. I feel a little strange that the old cow nestled by the haystack eats grass slowly, because in my memory, herbivores always chew grass slowly, but omnivores like our scary upright ape sometimes really eat grass. gobbled it up.I kicked the fodder aside.Hey, it's strange, I've been using my feet a lot lately.

I held the horn with one hand, "Don't pretend I know you are a monster."

The old cow spat out the fodder with a pooh: "Don't touch my horn."

"You look like a cow, and you can pull the mill and plow the ground." I just didn't let go, "Why, the horns of the cow can't be touched? It's not a tiger's butt."

"I can't touch it."

"Why can't I touch it?"

The old cow is worthy of being a cow. He said honestly and honestly: "The horns of the cow are my sensitive points, and the lower they go, the more sensitive they become."

Hun Dan, now I let go, and it’s not like I continue to hold it, but I’m a witty person who doesn’t understand Brother Dao Le, “What are you talking about, who doesn’t know that the main component of cow horns is keratin, and I’ve never felt horny all over my body. How sensitive."

To be honest, I haven't had a good bath for a long time, and I suddenly remembered the Huaqingchi hot soup restaurant opened in Qinghe County, and I don't know what happened to my poor ghost girl.

"I advise you to respect yourself, ape." The old cow said.

"I am the Monkey Immortal."

The old cow said disappointedly: "It's great to be a demon, but you have to become a fairy, what a fool."

I, Dao Leyan, can't bear the fact that someone can pretend to be better than me. When I take a closer look, this old cow's eyelashes are even longer than mine. "You are a big stupid cow."

"I'm a buffalo, and a stupid cow usually refers to a scalper."

The old cow cared about race as much as I did, "Come on, what's wrong with the buffalo, compared to the yak, you buffalo are just..." Before finishing speaking, the old cow stared at the bull's eyes, "Why, the cow got angry and wanted to push me Aren’t you calm enough to pretend to be a stupid cow and hang out with humans? A good monster has to be a bull for a cowherd? What are you trying to do? Could it be that you fell in love with him?”

Cowherd's little boyish face seemed to be a bit of a deal, I looked at the old cow suspiciously.

Everyone knows the character of a cow, which is relatively dead-headed.

I don’t know which day or which evening I fell in love with the green young man who was herding cows at first sight in the sunset. How to say that sentence: I have confirmed my eyes, and you are the cowherd boy I want.I would rather put on a nose ring for you, from an honest person to a bohemian non-mainstream.

"Although you are a cow, this is not an insult to your cow's IQ. Seeing that you and the cowherd have lived together for many years, it should be clear that he is an older man from the countryside who is rich in gold and jade but not in ruins. Young man, is it because you have seen too few people and just came down the mountain, and you were moved by a greasy look casually?" I doubted the old cow's feelings for the cowherd.

The old cow kept spraying hot air from his nostrils, and he seemed impatient. I was afraid that he would bite me.

Although Niulang is a serious cowherd boy, he didn't bathe the old cow every day. He sweated a lot in summer, and the old cow often went into the water, so his body was not clean. Only leech.I couldn't bear the obsessive-compulsive disorder, and felt uncomfortable all over: "Have you been a cow for a long time? Don't know how to get rid of the leeches?"

The old cow felt the leech on his back, it didn't hurt or itch, it swept its tail, and shot a bolt of lightning and hit the leech, the one inch wide and two inch long leech was sucking blood and energy, and it didn't hurt. Knowing why the blood he drank this time had a special taste that made him feel warm all over, as if there was a stream of air passing through the meridians, and he couldn't stop it at all.Unexpectedly, he was suddenly shocked, and he rolled down from the cow's back with black smoke coming out of his body, convulsed twice, and died of exhaustion.I heard his desperate wailing before he died: I think I, Han Lin, was a mayor in my previous life. It is just a test of sanctification in the future.There will be a day when he will practice supreme spells, and the sky will no longer be able to cover his eyes, and all the gods and Buddhas in the sky will disappear in thin air.But people have misfortunes and blessings, and they die when they say they die, and insects are even more, they are ants, and it is even more difficult to cultivate.

I stared at Brother Leech and recited Amitabha.

After finally traveling through time, I didn't expect that the middle way collapsed, and the great cause was not accomplished.Miserable.

The old cow said: "I can feel it. This leech is so extraordinary that it has some wisdom. I wanted to use my blood to bless him, but since you said you want me to kill it, then I will kill it."

I'm not your master, why are you so obedient.

"Okay, now that the nonsense is over, let's get serious. Do you know who the woman the Cowherd brought back is?"

"Seven fairies."

I shook my head, "No."

The old cow frowned, it wasn't the Seven Fairies, could it be that there was a mistake in the secret?

"She's not the Seventh Fairy, who is that?"

I chuckled: "It's the old lady of Seven Fairies."

The old cow jumped up in surprise, "Yes, it's the Queen Mother!"

I nodded with a playful smile, "Exactly."

The old cow kept talking about what to do.

I said: "Through the matter now, tell me honestly, who told you to persuade the Cowherd to steal Seven Fairies' clothes?"

"The secret cannot be leaked."

I sneered non-stop: "It's shameless to call yourself Tianji when you're so wretched. Who is the woman in the room? If she gets married to the cowherd, she will be the laughing stock of the Three Realms. This big tooth who laughs all over the world can laugh at you." The East China Sea has been filled."

Suddenly, the old cow looked at me vigilantly, "Who are you, why do you seem to know everything?"

"What do I know, I don't know anything. Tell me who is instigating you?"

"I don't know, I have to say it's probably the apocalypse."

Oh aliens.

Manipulating mortals through superstition.

I can't ask anything from the old cow. I slipped and ran to the thatched cottage. With the help of the Queen Mother, the life of the poor cowherd has improved visibly. Although it is a temporary thatched cottage, it is also solid. The yard is still Planted flowers and plants, raised livestock and poultry, and pasted paper on the windows.I slipped under the wall and learned the Chinese nation's skill of "listening to the corner of the wall" without a teacher. The old cow's mouth moved to stop me, but I don't know why it closed.

I put my ears on the window and listened carefully, oh, at this time the Queen Mother and the Cowherd were already sleeping in the same bed.How about using the spiritual heritage of our ancestors?Oh, this is called adultery or adultery without a matchmaker. Even if you get married, it is illegal. The child born is considered a bastard, because there is no consent from the woman's family.It won't be long before the Yangtze River bursts and the Niujia Village will be flooded. Niulang saves the whole village and sends two or three of the queen mother, mother and son into the bathtub. There is also Goldfinger Fox mother and son jumping into it... Of course, all of this is based on the fact that Cowherd is a loyal, honest, strong and good man, so it doesn't stand up at all.I'm afraid that when the flood came, the four of them climbed into the bathtub and couldn't squeeze in. The cowherd would inherit Liu Da'er's belief and kick his wife out first to raise his children as rations.

In the thatched hut, the queen mother and the cowherd are passionate about adultery. Facts have proved that age is not a problem. The key is to have a young and beautiful face. Being old is not a problem, but you can’t look old... Ugly people who are three or five years old can be seen It is too old to say, of course, if you have money, everything will not be a problem.

They called each other Guoer and Brother Alang.It was so fucking hard for me to hold back my stomachache and laugh.

"Brother Alang, after we build a big house, I want a big bed."

"Big bed? Do you want to sleep separately from me? Huh?"

The Queen Mother, who has been separated for thousands of years, is now like a little girl with her second first love. Well, maybe she and the Jade Emperor had an arranged marriage back then, and they were stuffed into the bridal chamber for breeding without even looking at it. How can I say that she must have been empty, lonely and cold these years, and the cowherd is very good at coaxing people, and also very good at pretending to be cute, not only men like tenderness, but women sometimes too.

After a while, there was a great harmony in the room.

It really makes me a pure girl shy.

One day in the sky and one year in the ground, although it is very difficult to withstand scrutiny, but as it is, the fairies returned to the sky, after a period of panic, fear, hesitation and quarrel for a few days, it will take about ten days, when the Jade Emperor finally finds his wife If it's gone, maybe you'll feel secretly happy that you don't have to see Huanglian Po at last, and go to the lower realms to find someone, and the younger brothers and sisters of the Seven Fairies will herd cattle.

It might even be technically sophisticated.

But at that time, the cowherd should have made a fortune and didn't need a baby to herd cattle.

In fact, Niulang is a young man with aspirations, at least he has other things in his mind other than herding cattle-marrying-married-giving birth-giving birth to a baby and letting the baby herd cattle.

I went back to the cowshed, the sky was full of stars, fireflies were dotted, the smell of grass and earth was mixed together, and the air was particularly fresh. I really wanted to just lie down like this, and of course I had to have an absolutely defensive mosquito net.

"Why don't you go?" the old cow asked me.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm here to steal cattle." I smiled cunningly at him, "It's been a long night of sleepless nights, why don't you and I chat about the vicissitudes of life, how about it?"

The old ox still swept the ground with its tail, "Can you talk?"

"Come on, then let's talk about each other's personality, identity, interests, and whether we can get along." I said, "In order to show my sincerity, let me first say that I am Dongsheng Shenzhou Huaguoshan Water Curtain As you can see, Sun Wufan is the most beautiful person in the world, and his favorite is my king, his hobbies are peeling peaches and combing his hair, and he also likes conquest and war."

Lao Niu: The gap between your front and back is too big.

"I'm done, it's your turn."

The old cow looked at me quietly, and said: "I was originally a bison in the countryside. I met a sage by chance and was enlightened to my spiritual wisdom. I didn't do anything important. I only learned a principle from the sage who enlightened me. I am quiet and do nothing. .”

It turned out to be an honest cow.Met the Saints got me a little bit concerned though.

The old cow continued: "...that year, I rode a green bull out of Hangu Pass, and that green bull was me."

No one can call himself Laozi in front of his father.

Well, I... oh oh oh oh!Lao Tzu, the father of the ancestor of the ghost, the ghost, and the snake god!

What is low-key is the most advanced show off, this is it!

Being tripped by a cow on the pretentious journey again, or tripped twice in place, Uncle Keren and Auntie couldn't bear it.

His voice was confused with reminiscence, "I think back then, one person and one cow passed the customs, and the cattle herded Yanzhi Mountain..." This cow is still a sacred cow, and it is definitely the ancestor of the cow clan. All cows in the world should respect Respectfully call him an old ancestor.

Lao Niu still has the same face, but it seems to me that he is smug. I am very familiar with this expression, and it is the same expression when I pretend to be successful.

At this time, a woman dragged her child to a distant village in a hurry, and said: "It is said in the county that a monster came from Jilei Mountain, a hundred miles away, and lost several children. Do you want to be arrested?" Walk!"

Here it comes, one of the tricks for ignorant and stupid parents to raise children-basically rely on scaring.

As expected, the child had tears in his eyes and did not dare to say a word, but the woman was proud that she had bluffed the child by relying on her age and cleverness.

Um?Jilei Mountain sounds familiar.

After all, it was getting late, so I turned into a hedgehog and got into the old cow's grass, which was dry and cool.

After midnight, there was a sudden sound of drums beating in the distant sky, and a large black cloud suddenly floated in the clear night sky, and the fire was shining on the dark cloud.The old cow opened his eyes suddenly, and I got out of the haystack and looked up.

After a while, dark clouds floated over our heads and gradually fell down. The Queen Mother and the Cowherd also came out of the thatched hut in disheveled clothes.

Taking a closer look under the moonlight, these people who came by night were all bull demons with human bodies and bull heads.

I subconsciously glanced at Lao Niu.

An old bull demon stepped forward and said: "I heard that there is a beautiful woman named Guo'er in Niujia Village, and my king is in his prime, so he should marry a bride! Give birth to the next king of Jilei Mountain!"

I have a bad guess.

I saw the bull demons surrounded a tall man in black, he was quite handsome, a veteran cadre with a very temperament, but he had a pair of horns on his head.

What the hell!

I remembered!

Where is Jilei Mountain!The lair of the Great Bull Demon King!

He is also so courageous that he dared to snatch the Queen Mother from the Cowherd... Hey, is there something wrong with this sentence?What do you make Jade Emperor think?

If he knew the true identity of the Queen Mother, it would be very exciting. I don't know where is the original match of the Bull Demon King, Princess Iron Fan?

Niulang, a mortal, has never seen such a scene of monsters all over the sky. If he didn't scare the urine, he had extraordinary concentration. He said in a trembling voice: "Guo'er, how did you provoke these kings to come back."

Brother Niulang, who was affectionately calling her a good sister just now, suddenly turned his face and refused to recognize anyone. Even the Queen Mother, who was surrounded by the aura of Jiangzhi, was a little bit heartbroken, "How could you be like this..."

The Bull Demon King looked at Cowherd quite disdainfully. This mortal didn't even have the right to enter his eyes. He walked over the Cowherd and stood in front of the Queen Mother, and said softly and emotionally: "That day in the county town, you were in front of me. Do you remember what noodles you ordered in the noodle shop?"

The Queen Mother frowned, "I remember, I remember ordering beef noodles that day."

A smile appeared on the serious face of the Bull Demon King, "This is my territory for hundreds of miles, you dare to order beef noodles, you are really brave." After speaking, he scratched the Queen Mother's nose.

I think you are the most courageous.

"Where does the noodle shop I run have beef noodles..." He showed his arm, and there was a flesh-red scar on his forearm, "So, I cut my own flesh for you. You and I have already been fused together. You deserve it." It's my woman, Guo'er."

I want to add a sentence at this moment, woman, follow me.Should be very fitting.

Fortunately, the queen mother still remembers her identity, but it is the identity of the cowboy's fiancée after she has set up the aura of Jiangzhi. She thought that she ate the meat of the cow demon. He was picked up by the waist, the Jade Emperor was just a scholar with no strength to restrain a chicken before he became a fairy, and he even washed the feet of the ancestor Hongjun, so he was naturally not a tough guy, let alone the Cowherd, who was suddenly caught She couldn't think of anything as soon as the Bull Demon King's aggressive aura smoked her.It's like an Omega.

Cowherd didn't dare to stop him, so he had to watch Meijiao Niang and Jinyinbaobao rush away.Heartbroken and unable to breathe.

I quietly said to Lao Niu: "If the Bull Demon King takes away the Queen Mother, the people above you will definitely not allow it. Is it time for you to appear?"

The bull devil's face was ashen. Although I couldn't see and I couldn't see anything, he must have gotten angry. He stood up steadily, and his four hooves stepped on the ground, shaking violently every time he stepped on the ground. This is a big man The momentum of his appearance will shake the ground.

The old cow was so angry that many little demons fainted on the spot. He said: "Young man, you are too presumptuous! I'm still here? If you want to touch my granddaughter-in-law, be prepared to lose your mind!"

The Bull Demon King looked at the old Qingniu who suddenly appeared, his tongue gaped and he almost couldn't keep the old cadre's face. As soon as he loosened his hand, the Queen Mother fell down: "Father? Why are you here?"

I looked at Old Qingniu suspiciously, and saw that you were serious and didn't expect to make mistakes sometimes.

Robbery suddenly becomes a family ethics drama. Although there is no blood relationship, the cowherd is the grandson of the old green cow and the nephew of the bull devil... There are cows everywhere, so they fell into the cowshed!This village is also called Niujia Village, and the county seat is also called Wuniu City!

I jumped into the horns of the old green cow, "You bastard, what kind of shit and dirty things did you do behind my back! Are you worthy of me!" It's always our housekeeping skill to make trouble.

Old Qingniu was startled, "Don't talk nonsense."

Yao Lei didn't really care much about the blood relationship, and the Bull Demon King was not angry when Lao Niu denied him, saying: "You forgot, when I was in Yanzhi Mountain, my mother was Bai Zhenzhen, the yak demon in Huanshou Cave of Yanzhi Mountain. "

Damn, does your mother have a sister who is married to Jinlan and lives next door in Pansidong, also surnamed Bai!

The old Qingniu suddenly remembered that spring in Yanzhi Mountain thousands of years ago, when Lao Tzu floated away, he stayed in Yanzhi Mountain, and at the same time, he and the fat and strong yak beauty fell in love with a piece of green grass, and then their mouths were close to each other. Together, it took half a quarter of an hour to chew a foot-long green grass before eating it.

What a romantic time.

After that, Bai Zhenzhen will return to the Western Regions, and he will guard Lao Tzu's green cottage.

Unexpectedly, Zhenzhen gave birth to a child for him.

Old Qingniu was very excited.

Now he is in a difficult situation. On the one hand, he recognizes his grandson and the mission he shoulders, and on the other hand, he has wronged his own flesh and blood from the year before last... He is really in a dilemma between benevolence and righteousness.

Old Qingniu was depressed.