White Moonlight Nobody Wants

He just wants to find someone to love him.

Gu Qingyan's mother was a young man when she was young, and she named her son Gu Qingyan.The metaphysical ethos of the Wei and Jin Dynasties also implies the originator of Japanese prose, Qing Shao Na Yan.

When he was a child, he could often hear his mother chanting a sentence, "I long to be collected, properly placed, and carefully preserved all my life."Don't be surprised, don't suffer, don't wander around, don't have branches to cling to. '

She always smiled at him, she said, "Xiaoyan, with you, my mother has a branch to rely on."

But she never told him, said the woman who longed to be carefully collected and cherished all her life, but that person, I knew, I always knew, he would never come.

The first person Gu Qingyan ever loved was his own brother Gu Yue. When he was a child, he always chased after Gu Yue and Gu Qing. Whenever he saw Gu Yue sitting on a swing with Gu Qing in his arms, Gu Qingyan would lean over and ask, " Brother, why don't you hug me."

The young Gu Qingyan really liked Gu Yue so much that he was like an unlovable mangy dog, and he didn't even notice Gu Yue's dislike for him.

At that time, Gu Qingyan always thought that maybe he only needed Gu Yue to hug him, and he felt that even if he died in the next second, he would have no regrets.

After his mother died, Gu Yue hugged him to comfort him, and Gu Qingyan ran towards the embrace that only belonged to Gu Qing in disbelief.

Gu Yue kept touching his head, comforting him softly, and he said, "Sleep, sleep, tomorrow is a brand new day."

Later, Gu Qingyan really fell asleep, in Gu Yue's gentle embrace.

When he woke up, his world was in darkness. Gu Qingyan tried to open his eyes wide, and he shouted, "Brother, he said brother, it's so dark, I'm afraid."

But Gu Yue didn't come, Gu Qingyan struggled to get up with tears all over his face, but fell to the ground in embarrassment.

At that moment, Gu Qingyan finally knew that his sky was completely dark, and there would be no more sunshine left.

Gu Qingyan, who was blind, was sent to the orphanage by Gu Yue. Gu Qingyan heard Gu Yue say, "My younger brother is only Gu Qing. What right does your son born to a whore have to call me brother?"

When Gu Qingyan was sent to the orphanage, he was 15 years old. This time, he didn't want to be someone else's support, nor did he want to be a lonely person with no branches.

He thought that Gu Yue and Gu Qing were lingering in his life, but now Gu Qingyan's life should be decided by himself.

The first lover who belonged to Gu Qingyan was called Ruan Yuezhi. Unlike Gu Yue, Ruan Yuezhi was a gentle person.He would hug him like Gu Yue hugged Gu Qing, Ruan Yuezhi said he loved him, he said they would be together for a long, long time.

Gu Qingyan really believed in that for a long time, he sketched the future of him and Ruan Yuezhi in the dark.

Later Ruan Yuezhi got married with Gu Qing.

Hearing this name, Gu Qingyan seemed to return to that childhood, the childhood with Gu Yue and Gu Qing.

Gu Qing is still so beautiful, as beautiful as a doll as when she was a child, but Gu Qingyan can't see it anymore, he can't see Gu Qing, and he can't see Gu Yue beside Gu Qing either.

Gu Qingyan said to Ruan Yuezhi, "I don't want to treat my eyes anymore, so don't marry Gu Qing, okay?"

Ruan Yuezhi pressed him down and kissed him hot, and he said, "Xiaoyan, don't make trouble."

That kiss was very warm, but it couldn't warm Gu Qingyan's gradually freezing heart.

As expected, before Ruan Yuezhi and Gu Qing got married, Gu Yue found him.

Gu Yue pressed him and violently entered his body, Gu Qingyan cried out in pain, he said brother, you can't do this to me.

Probably because he thought he was upset about crying, Gu Yue covered his mouth, separated his thighs and continued to manipulate him.

Gu Qingyan's tears were gone, he heard Gu Yue say, "Bitch, what qualifications do you have to compare with my Gu Qing."

Later, someone entered his body violently, Gu Qingyan couldn't see it, but he knew that Gu Yue was not the only one who did the violence.

In the end, Gu Qingyan raised his chin with his feet and said, "Born to be a bitch, you dare to snatch Gu Qing's things."

Gu Qingyan was not reconciled, although she couldn't see Gu Yue, she tried her best to widen her eyes, "What is Gu Qing, you call me a bitch, but in Ruan Yuezhi's eyes, Gu Qing is just a bitch who doesn't spend money..."

Gu Yue stepped on Gu Qingyan's hand, and stopped him from blurting out the next thing.

Gu Qingyan couldn't see Gu Yue's ferocious face, he heard his command to his subordinates, "Throw him into the sea to feed the sharks."

The sea in March was very cold, and when he sank into the sea, Gu Qingyan was still reborn.

He thought: If there is an afterlife, I hope to have someone who loves me like life.

Gu Qingyan didn't die, he was rescued.The man would never speak to him, but he felt that it must be a gentle man.

Sometimes Gu Qingyan would also say to the person who was applying medicine to him, have you ever loved someone?

The man's hand that wiped the medicine for him paused, and Gu Qingyan spoke out about himself without hesitation.

He felt that person's tears falling on his body drop by drop, Gu Qingyan asked with a smile, "Why are you crying, I didn't even cry, why are you crying?"

The man hugged him gently, and Gu Qingyan felt that he wrote a few words gently in his palm, cry, I won't laugh at you.

Gu Qingyan was still crying, and he didn't know if it was because of the warmth of the hug, or because of the words that fell on his palm.

When the injury recovered, Gu Qingyan asked, "Will we be together? Will you leave me?"

The man couldn't speak, but just wrote two words on his palm, no.

No, these two words carried a burning temperature and warmed Gu Qingyan's whole heart.

The second person Gu Qingyan likes is Lin Ran. Like him, they both have a secret that is hard to tell.

But Gu Qingyan didn't care, he thought he would be with Lin Ran, and they would be together for a long, long time.

Being alone is lonely, but with one more company, no matter who you are, you will feel warm.

In this kind of warmth, Gu Qingyan regained his light.

He thought that the first person he saw was Lin Ran, but the reality showed him a mocking smile.

Sitting there, Gu Qingyan smiled ironically and arrogantly with his chin raised slightly, looking at him with disdainful eyes.

Gu Qingyan grabbed the quilt tightly and called out, "Lin Ran."

Lin Ran wasn't there, but Gu Yue smiled and said, "I'm married, Lin Ran and I."

There was a buzzing in Gu Qingyan's mind, and there was no time to react.

He only remembered the temperature of Lin Ran's fingers on the palm of his hand.

"You still don't want me."

Gu Qingyan trembled, but did not make a sound.

Just tell yourself in your heart, look, you are still being left behind.

Later, many things happened later, and it was these that shook his original determination to stay with Lin Ran for the rest of his life.

Lin Ran was once his light, even if the two were completely separated, Gu Qingyan still thought so.

But Lin Ran is destined not to be the light that only belongs to him, or the light brought by Lin Ran is too weak to save his heart that has been pierced by helplessness.

For many years to come, Gu Qingyan always thought about the first time he met Jiang Lifei, the sun was very warm that day, and Jiang Lifei's pheromone fused in the sunlight to cool down was a rare redemption for him who lost the pheromone.

He always recalled over and over again what Jiang Lifei gave him.He never used anything to describe those things that existed in his heart, they were just things that he missed little by little.

Encounter, miss, dream, tenderness, silence, separation...

Like those pains hovering in the chest, lonely and twisted,

Whether it's the tightly clenched hands, or the tenderness hidden in those eyes.

Like the new moon that night.

All of them make people fall in love.

Gu Qingyan never thought about whether it was worth it to exchange three years for a lifetime, he only remembered what he got, and those things were far more than what he lost.

Just like the child in his womb, like the memories Jiang Lifei left for him.

Many people looked at him with sympathetic eyes, but Gu Qingyan never felt sorry for himself, nor did he understand or even loathe others' pity for him.

It doesn't matter that no one understands, and it doesn't matter that no one understands.

I already have Plato's eternity.