[Comprehensive] Martyrdom is not a good civilization

1.

Ayako is four years old this year and is a freshman in the small class of Hong Kong and Black Kindergarten.

"Today is the first day of school, the children should introduce themselves first, which one is the most obedient child?"

"Is self-introduction the same as buying a buffalo in the village and introducing a breeder?"

"You are so stupid, Kenji, it's not the bull, it's your parents!"

Ayako didn't participate in the discussion of "self-introduction". She held her round face and her long eyelashes fluttered.

Speaking of being the best, she remembered what her father said.

——You stay at home obediently, and I will buy you toys in the future.

——You sleep well, and someone will take you out to play tomorrow.

——Be good...

As long as you are obedient, you will be liked.

Ayako looked expectantly at Koyo Ozaki with bright features on the podium.

"Old Hongye...uh, it hurts QAQ"

"Sorry, I accidentally pulled your hair."

Ayako turned her head, and it was the little boy with a bandage on his right eye who was talking. He apologized, while pulling at her hair and not letting go.

"My mother tied my hair, woo woo..."

Ayako kept calling her mother, and only blurted out the word "Mom" when she was alone or unable to restrain her emotions.

Today, it was rare for her mother to braid her hair by herself. Ayako felt the little jiujiu on the back of her head being torn loose, her big amber eyes were instantly flooded with mist, and her pink face was flushed red.

The classroom was full of chaos, the children who attended the class the first day were very excited, Ozaki Koyo didn't notice the little story that happened in the corner.

"Isn't there a kid who will be the first to introduce himself? Then follow the seating order~ the first one, Atsushi Nakajima."

"Well, I'm Atsushi Nakajima, please give me your advice!"

Following the concise self-introduction at the beginning, the following children became more concise and concise.

It will be Ayako soon, but with red eyes, she turns her head and lies on the little boy's table, her nose twitches, and tears are about to stay.

The little boy - Osamu Dazai stuck the napkin on Ayako's face at a loss. He rarely wanted to be funny, but he didn't expect that girls were no better than his playmates, and couldn't bear to make trouble at will.

"Woo, you pay me."

"I'll tie it back for you after class."

"I don't want to dismiss get out of class, I want to QAQ now"

"After class is over, I will tie your braids for you from now on."

Finally coaxing the little girl well before it was her turn to introduce herself, Dazai stroked his sweaty little head, and decided that he would never owe money again.

2.

"Your name is Osamu Dazai, your name is so strange."

Dazai wore a hair band around his fingers, held Ayako's hair with one hand, and tied her a small jiujiu with difficulty with the other hand.

"Don't talk."

"Oh."

Ayako sat on the swing in the kindergarten activity center, dangling her calf.

The swing swayed slightly with her movements, and the soft brown hair fell from Dazai's hand.

"Why are you wearing a bandage on your face? Is it because you dislike yourself for being ugly?"

"..."

"It doesn't matter if you don't look good, I don't despise you."

"..."

"why do not you talk?"

Ayako chattered alone for a long time, but she couldn't help but want to turn around when she didn't hear the reply from Dazai who had been twittering her.

Finally, the newly formed little Jiujiu broke up again.

"Be quiet, don't talk!" Dazai has always been the king of kids among kids his age, he pressed the veins popping on his forehead, feeling like he was being bullied by a fool.

"...Wow you are so fierce, bullying people QAQ"

This is probably the correct way to demonstrate how to get cheap and sell well?

3.

There are many activities among kindergarten children, such as beating drums and passing flowers, building sand castles, throwing handkerchiefs...all of which make the precocious Dazai feel childish.

He watched with cold eyes a group of childish ghosts playing in the sand.

"Zhizhi, look!"

Among the group of children, there are always a few who stand out, such as Ayako, whose sand castles are ugly and unique.

The crooked abstract style, Dazai took a look at it and turned his head away, he didn't want to take a second look.

"ugly."

"Really? I think it's pretty! Luanbu also thinks it's pretty!"

"Hmm." Luanbu sat on the sandpit without looking up at all. He was not interested in sandcastles, and only focused on eating the snacks in his hand.

Receiving Ranpo's response, Ayako happily continued to build sandcastles. The foundation of the sandcastle was unstable and the middle load was too heavy.Dazai wanted to go up to help, but for some reason he stood there in a bad mood.

"It's collapsed..." The small shovel was inserted into the sand, and Lingzi's white and tender bun face was covered with fine sand, she took a step back and fell to the ground in a daze.

"Zhizhi, it's not ugly, it died young because of its unlucky face."

Dazai finally couldn't stand Ayako's misuse after learning two words, he picked up the small sand shovel: "...you come here, I'll give it to you."

"Oh."

4.

"Zhizhi..." Sitting at the table in front of Dazai, Ayako turned her head several times, but hesitated to speak.

"Huh?" Dazai put down the "Complete Suicide Manual" in his hand, with the excitement still remaining in his eyes, he was eager to try the method mentioned in the book.

"You stink, my good boy needs to take a bath!" Ayako lost a front tooth, and the air leaked when she opened her mouth to speak.

"Smelly?" Dazai lowered his head, only smelling a faint smell of blood on his body.

"It smells like a puppy, fishy." Ayako rolled her eyes, racking her brains to describe it with her lacking adjectives.

"...I hate dogs."

"So Zhizhi needs to take a good bath, otherwise, otherwise I won't play with you!" Ayako wrinkled her nose in disgust, she picked up the book Dazai put on the table to cover half of her face, revealing her round almond eyes.

"It's not a dog..." He just tried to commit suicide by bloodletting yesterday, but the wound was cut shallow and failed. Dazai sighed, "Forget it, put down my book, and you should pay attention to the class."

""End#$%杀@&##"?" Ayako couldn't read a few big characters, and she couldn't see the color picture when she turned the pages of the book. She threw down the book and curled her lips in boredom.

Afterwards, more and more bandages wrapped Dazai's body, but Ayako never smelled that fishy smell again.

5.

Coincidentally, Ayako and Dazai were still in the same class in elementary school.

"Zhizhizhi! I want to sit in front of you!" Walking into the class door, Ayako saw Dazai sitting in the corner at a glance. She rushed to Dazai's front desk and quickly stuffed her schoolbag into the drawer.

When Ayako is happy, she likes to call out Dazai's name by repeating characters. The word "治" is the word Dazai hears the most in a day.

"Ayako, can I sit next to you?"

Little Sun Ayako is very popular, and someone wants to be at the same table as soon as she sits down.Dazai picked up the schoolbag and threw it on the seat where Ayako was at the same table, directly interrupting Ayako's answer.

"No, I'll sit here." Dazai smiled and forced people back.

When the male classmate left dejectedly, Ayako grabbed Dazai's school uniform cuff.

"Zhizhi, you can't say that."

Dazai didn't speak, the formulaic arc of the corner of his mouth gradually flattened and turned cold, he was about to pull out the cuffs that Ayako had grabbed.

"You should say—Ayako wants to sit at the same table with me, you are not considerate at all, you will be bullied!"

Ayako still learns a word and uses it blindly, expressing her point of view without expressing the meaning, but Dazai understands it.

"You say it yourself."

"Hmm! I want to be at the same table with Zhizhi!"

"..."

After waiting for a long time without getting a response, Ayako repeated it again, this time louder than last time: "I want to sit at the same table with Zhizhi!"

"it is good."

5.

Dazai has a high IQ and can learn everything quickly.

Usually, Dazai has already put down his pen to do other things while others are still pondering over what to do.

The more I grow up, the more I find the gap between myself and my peers, not only in IQ, but also in the way of thinking and understanding.

What's the point of living just to live.

Death is not the opposite of living, but touching death can indeed make you feel "alive" better.

"Zhizhi, you are in a daze again, you are coming home from school!"

"Didn't you say you want ice cream?"

"I made it myself yesterday, so come to my house to eat tonight."

At least, Dazai could see something alive in Ayako for the time being.

6.

If the world is colorful, then the divorce of parents is the beginning of color separation, and the death of mother is the end of innocence.

She blinked blankly and stood in front of the tombstone. On the tombstone was her mother's elegant and decent smile.She has not yet realized the true meaning of death.

Mother's departure was sudden, but not without warning, and her health gradually weakened, and she always had to take a lot of medicine before each meal.

Everyone, no matter the truth or not, was devastated by the 'death' of her mother, and all kinds of painful expressions made Ayako feel uneasy.

She tightly grasped the corner of Dazai's clothes: "Zhizhi, what is 'death'?"

Unknown emotions surged in his heart, and Dazai smiled viciously: "It was you who called mother, and no one will respond to you again."

When the numb Ayako heard these words, she stood in a daze for a long time, when tears suddenly rolled in her eyes and trickled down.

The bright amber darkened, tears hung on the tender bun face, and the thin shoulders twitched from crying.

"Mom... Mom woo..."

The soft and lustrous eyelashes were wet and drooped to cover the red eye sockets.

Dazai suddenly felt bored, he said softly, "Don't cry."

"woo woo woo woo……"

Dazai was annoyed by the child's sticky and thin cry, he tore off Ayako's hand that was clutching his cuff, and stretched out his hand to cover Ayako's mouth tightly.

The flickering shattered light in the kite-colored eyes collided with the deep ice in the eyes, unexpectedly revealing black tenderness.

"Don't cry."

Hot water drops slipped from under the eyelashes and hit the cold back of her hands. Ayako tried to open her eyes wide, but the water stains still kept accumulating in her eyes.

The force of covering her mouth became lighter, Ayako waved Dazai's hand away, and buried her face hard on his shoulder: "I'll just cry, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

The sad adult wiped the precious tears from the corners of his eyes with a handkerchief, and the ignorant child stood in the corner and cried loudly.

7.

The movement of time has always been reminded by others before I suddenly realize that it has been so long.

Ayako stood in the toilet cubicle, quietly listening to the gossip between the girls, about her and Dazai.

"Of all the couples in my grade, only Sakuraya and Dazai have never been named and criticized."

"Both of them are top students, and they are good-looking, so the teacher won't meddle in other people's business."

"Speaking of which, Sakuraguya calling Dazai's name is so cute!"

"Pfft, I can do it too, Yunmei, Yunyunyunyun—"

The girl's joking voice faded away, Ayako pursed her lips and her fingers felt cold.She has never felt that it was wrong to call her name since she was a child. To Ayako, Dazai is not only a playmate, but also a friend who will imprint each other's growth.

It's okay for others to misunderstand, but Dazai can't.Ayako Sakuraya has lost a lot, and she doesn't want to lose any of the rest.

school.

Ayako, who was more active than anyone else in the past, slowly packed her books.With his schoolbag on his left shoulder, Dazai leaned against the table and waited for her.

"Ji, Dazai, you go first..." Ayako's lips mumbled, the words "you go first" were almost pressed against the bottom of her throat.

Dazai put his hand on Ayako's shoulder, and the condescending shadow completely enveloped him. He whispered in Ayako's ear, "What did you say?"

"...I'm sorry, Zhizhi, wait for me a little longer." Ayako puffed up her face cowardly, recalling the fear of being caught by Dazai for stealing ice cream during her menstrual period.

"Yeah." Dazai lowered his head, rubbed his lips on Ayako's face twice, picked up her schoolbag and carried it on his shoulders.

Ayako touched her face with a blank expression: "Huh...?"

"I'm hungry." Dazai rubbed the top of Ayako's hair, with slight grievance in his voice.

"Then let's go home quickly."

8.

Time travels through the long river of memory, and the fine sand of the years is polished and shiny.

On the romantic Tanabata night, Ayako brought her boyfriend to send flowers, and sat on the swing chair in her backyard thinking about life.

"Aji, how did we get together?" Ayako rummaged through her memory, but couldn't remember the beginning of their relationship.

Dazai sprayed toilet water to drive away the big mosquitoes wandering around Ayako, he smiled lightly: "I confess to you, you agree."

"Confession? Do you have a confession?" Ayako had an expression of disbelief on her face. She stuffed flowers for Dazai, kicked off her sandals and sat cross-legged on the swing chair.

"Yes, that's it."

Dazai lowered his head, touching his soft lips.The bouquet fell on the grass, and no one cared about its condition.