why are they still in love

Xiao Chining was happy and relaxed, but he didn't want him to know the exact address, so he just asked him to take him to the school gate.

In fact, Xiao Zhaoshan didn't have the slightest interest in the two children's secret base, and he didn't bother to ask after hearing Xiao Chining's concealment, so he sent him outside the school as promised, and told him to remember to eat and take medicine when he went back later. Leave to go about your own business.

Xiao Chining felt that Xiao Zhaoshan's sympathy for him had been increasing recently, and he was quite resistant and uncomfortable, even though the attention brought by this sympathy was once what he had hoped for.

Therefore, after Hu Yingxue's death, he felt lost again.

Compared with the previous 16 years, this year he has changed a lot, becoming indecisive, frequently compassionate, more pathetic, more terrifying, and ignorant of himself.He didn't know if it was good or not.

At the end of the daylight, he hurried to the woods, circling around on the deserted hillside like a headless chicken.

Hu Yingxue said she was in the woods, so where would she be in the woods?

Xiao Chining didn't have much strength, and after searching along the edge of the forest for a while, he had to sit down on a rock to rest.

While breathing, he recalled the scene when he and Hu Yingxue got acquainted.

In the darkness of that moment, he was taken aback by her wild, alert eyes, and at the same time intrigued by her duplicity, cruelty and bloodlust.Who would have thought that what was most likely the only friendship in his life would start like this?

Xiao Chining was taken aback for a moment, and hurriedly got up and climbed up the slope.

The slopes were covered with dead leaves in late autumn, thicker than when they sat here smoking together over the dead cat.He couldn't clean his feet, so he squatted down and went crazy like Hu Yingxue, and went to plan with his bare hands with red eyes.

The weather has been fine recently, and the fallen leaves can be peeled away, and the soil underneath still retains traces of artificial loosening.Xiao Chining stopped, held his breath, and stared fixedly at the black plastic bag, which was mostly exposed from the soil.

He never expected that Hu Yingxue came back here that day to bury her diary.

There are a total of eight books, including the candy house that was popular many years ago, the hard-shell book with a combination lock that has been opened, and the soft copy with floral covers on the front and back.Later, I guess it grew up a little, and the book became smaller and thicker, and the colors were only black, white and gray.

He randomly opened the pink candy house diary that looked the oldest and most naive, and on the title page was the blurred words "Hu Yingxue" written in pencil.

"August 2008, 8 Weather: Sunny Mood: Overcast

Going to elementary school soon, my mother asked me to Lianwen, Lian for a long time.Not going to lou to play with my sister, not happy. "

"October 2008, 10 Weather: Rain Mood: Good

I got two 2 points in the test today, my parents were happy, they praised me for being smart, and I was also happy.When they are happy, I am happy. "

Hu Yingxue finished writing the row of big characters crookedly, and then drew a big smiling face.

Xiao Chining flipped through it. This book roughly records what happened before her second grade in elementary school.There was the nervousness of the first final exam, the pride of her parents when relatives asked about the school and grades during the Chinese New Year, the self-doubt of attending the Mathematical Olympiad cram school for the first time, and the stealing of popsicles that were not usually eaten during the spring outing. happiness.

Xiao Chining never kept a diary, and he had forgotten all the trivial things in elementary school. He didn't even remember when he learned to write his own name, or when he learned to write Xiao Zhaoshan and Chi Yan's name.

He sat cross-legged on the ground, compared to Hu Yingxue's diary to restore his childhood, and actually smiled sincerely after a long time.

However, in the two password-locked diaries that were opened later, the daily diary gradually turned into a weekly diary, and the atmosphere between the lines gradually became depressed.

"Sunday December 2010, 12 Weather: Overcast Mood: Overcast

It's been a long time since I recorded my mood, let me write a sentence.After a day of class, I was so tired and sleepy, it was over. "

"Wednesday February 2011, 2 Weather: Snow Mood: Crying

Today's New Year's Eve, everyone is happy, but I am not.Dad found my final report card that I had hidden away. He was very angry when he knew that I only got a 94 in math. He slapped me and asked me what I had learned in school.I don't know what I learned, why was I beaten? "

"Thursday June 2011, 6 Weather: Don't know Mood: Overcast

Today is actually July 7nd. Two days ago, I went to the Mathematics Olympiad class and suffered from heat stroke. I just came home from the hospital today.My mother asked me to do my summer homework quickly, which is so annoying. "

"Wednesday February 2011, 12 Weather: Snow Mood: Crying

The lie was discovered, and he was beaten, and his teeth bleed a lot. "

"Saturday December 2011, 12 Weather: __ Mood: __

The nail turned up, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. "

"Sunday December 2011, 12 Weather: __ Mood: __

It hurts so much. "

"Weather of week of ____________________________________________________________________________

I really want to leave home, I really want to die!I don't want mom and dad, I don't want to go to school, I'm going to die!Why no one came to rescue me? !Why!Can't the neighbors hear me cry? "

Xiao Chining could no longer laugh as he read the increasingly confusing sentences.

He quickly browsed through the fourth book, the fifth book, the sixth book and the seventh book. In every book, Hu Yingxue wrote about her experience of being beaten. Sometimes it's because I'm lazy in practicing calligraphy.

There were various reasons for the beatings, but Hu Yingxue's descriptions became more and more similar—first she wrote about where she was injured, and then filled the article with shocking words of "pain" soaked in tears.

The record of being subjected to violence lasted from her third grade of elementary school to her graduation from junior high school. Xiao Chining witnessed the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys that Hu Yingxue wanted to remember in the increasingly infrequent diaries, and witnessed that she was unhappy, even dark. In a short life, I witnessed how every pencil and pen word pointed to the current ending.

The cover of the last diary was still stained with blood. Xiao Chining opened it with trembling hands and found that Hu Yingxue had only written four pages.

He glanced at the date and determined that this was the diary she started writing this semester.

On the first page, she wrote about how she felt when she was promoted to the third year of high school: "I don't feel it", "What's the difference from the previous 17 years", "After a few years, everyone will know that the teacher is talking nonsense, and the college entrance examination will never be completed." Tomorrow, every day I live will be a senior year in high school."

The second page is about his breaking her secret in the woods.Hu Yingxue described it as "a day that is destined to happen", "it's not Xiao Chining, it will be other Zhao Chining, Li Chining, Wang Chining", she said that the moment she picked up the cigarette he gave her "unexpectedly Feeling relieved" and "felt belonging" because "he seems like the same kind of love-hate guy".

The third page has no date, and the content has already begun to take shape.

Hu Yingxue's handwriting was scrawled, and she wrote "Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell" with a signature pen as if venting, and the tip of the pen was so forceful that the paper was cut several times.

Xiao Chining can clearly feel the direction of each word "death" and the deep hatred that Hu Yingxue has accumulated for many years in the fingertips on the back of the paper.

He didn't know when he got up and knelt on the ground, holding the book with red eyes and trembling all over.He didn't dare to turn over the word "death" on this page, and didn't dare to explore what words were covered by blood on the next page.

He knew with incomparable certainty that turning this page was Hu Yingxue's endless repentance and hopeless entrustment in the face of her life that was about to end.

People generally call such texts "suicide notes"——

"Xiao Chining, at [-]:[-] this morning, or maybe [-]:[-], I stabbed my parents with a kitchen fruit knife.

I don't care what other people think of me, I just hope you don't get scared, don't be afraid of me, don't give up on me, I have very important things, I want you to always remember them for me.

At the age of eight and a half, I was slapped for the first time, and at the age of nine, my father beat me until I bled for the first time.When I was ten years old, I thought that as long as I graduated from elementary school, I would not be beaten again. When I entered junior high school, I thought that as long as I entered high school, I would not be beaten again.And I am now in my third year of high school, 17 and a half years old, and I was still beaten by my dad yesterday because I was sick and didn't want to go to school.

When I was a child, I used to ask for help from adults I trusted.I told my aunt about it, and she told me that my parents did it for my own good; I complained to my grandparents, and they told me that everyone came here like this when they were young; I even called the police crying, But the police told me to listen to my parents and not disturb the neighbors.

The consequences of asking for help were more severe beatings and more shameless insults. No one believed me. On the contrary, they felt that my parents were always worried and considerate as if they were spoiling me. They were right and wrong. I.

I shouldn't sleep in, I shouldn't lie to hang out with my classmates, I shouldn't only get No.2 in the exam, I shouldn't want to go to school when I'm sick, it's all my fault!I should never have been born! "

After writing this, Hu Yingxue seemed to be crying bitterly, and several tears bloomed in the blood splattered on the paper.

She forcefully wrote:

"I wanted to die countless times, and I wanted to live countless times. I gritted my teeth and persisted for so many years. I was really reconciled. I was reconciled that no one believed me. I was reconciled that no one knew the truth. I was reconciled. I can get a sentence of 'I'm sorry, it's my parents who made a mistake'.

Xiao Chining, I am not reconciled, but I am also very tired.I can't hold on anymore, I'm going to die, if you can find this diary, and have the patience to read these words, please, don't be afraid, don't give up on me!please!Believe me once! !Only you can remember for me, please!Gotta trust me! ! ! "

The familiar three words "Hu Yingxue" fell below the consecutive exclamation marks.

As if to win the final trust, she also used blood to cover a thumbprint with clear fingerprints on her name.

Xiao Chining looked at this blood mark, and later realized that it was not a confession or entrustment at all, but a lonely cry of a dying girl that had been buried in "common sense" several times.

Only then did he truly understand why Hu Yingxue had to cross half of the city to seek death in a bustling business district that day, why she had to jump off a building in her school uniform, why she wanted to talk to him but didn't want to wait for him for a few more minutes, why the last One sentence is "I am in the woods".

Xiao Zhaoshan is right, no one in this world is omnipotent and has the time to save others every day.When her cry for help was repeatedly dismissed by the indifference of adults who are not omnipotent, she might have been shaken: Is it my fault?Do all children in the world grow up like this, and do all parents in the world treat their children like this?Is this how the world works?

Xiao Chining didn't know how to tell Hu Yingxue that he was not afraid of her, and he did not give up on her. He believed in her and would never forget her.

How should he convey it? You are not wrong. There are indeed parents who do not love their children, and there are indeed children who hate their parents.

With a heart full of resentment, he couldn't speak, and in vain he held the bloody diary and fell into the dead leaves, crying bitterly.

The sun went down suddenly, and he got up from the woods where the ants and mice were infested, all covered in dust, and wandered on the street in a daze, with dried tears hanging from his eyes.

He didn't want to go home, and he had no other choice, so he walked into a chaotic bar aimlessly, asked the boss to refill a dozen glasses of spirits and drank it all down, and then rushed to the toilet to vomit.

When lying on the dirty toilet and retching, he suddenly remembered how much he wanted to live a healthy and normal life in the afternoon, so he drank two cups of warm water obediently, and went for a walk in the yard with Xiao Zhaoshan. He opened his mouth, obediently swallowed a capsule with a camera, and listened to the doctor's advice, let him lie flat and turn over.

However, within a few hours, everything changed drastically.

At the moment when he saw the ridiculousness of life, Xiao Chining accepted his fate, "accepted" as Xiao Zhaoshan said.He collapsed exhausted in the corridor between the toilet and the bar, leaning on the pillars and treating himself as a piece of garbage that could be kicked around by people who came and went.

I don't know if it was a dream or he regained consciousness for a moment. When he raised his head again in a daze, he found that there seemed to be a little light in a corner that had been unnoticed before his eyes.

The light was very faint, but it looked brilliant in the dark bar.

Xiao Chining rubbed his eyes, stood up holding the pillar, knocked down two chairs in a row, bumped into the shoulders of three people, and barely walked to the side of the bright light.

Huang Mao, who was sitting in the booth facing the lobby, stared at the staggering boy, and elbowed Hong Mao's waist, who was intoxicated in the boiling smoke, and gave a silent warning.

The red hair extinguished the lighter, slumped on the back of the chair, squinted happily, and let the moth approaching the flame confidently.

Wine bottles, dice, used tin foil, and some auxiliary tools were scattered on the table, and Xiao Chining, who lost his guidance, glanced at it, knocked on the table dissatisfied, and asked Hongmao vaguely: "Why is it not lit? "

Huang Mao, who was still sober for the time being, covered the table with his coat and cursed: "None of your business, get out of here."

Xiao Chining didn't get the answer he wanted, so he patted the table and raised the volume: "I'm asking you, why isn't the light on!"

Huang Mao violently raised his hand and pushed him away, cursing a string of authentic Beijing-style swear words.

Xiao Chining barely stabilized his figure by supporting the chair on the empty table behind him, fumbled around with a blank face, and finally found the phone in his trouser pocket.

He turned on the screen, and issued a command to Siri with his tongue out, then swayed back to the table, kicked over the trash can under the table, slammed the phone on Huang Mao's chest, and said with a belch : "The rest, these, I bought them all, you see if the money is enough."

Huang Mao was irritated by his provocative actions, and he had already stood up and prepared to strike, but after seeing the numbers on the screen of the mobile phone, he stopped his fists that were ready to strike.

Hongmao slowed down the momentum for a while, and opened his eyes anyway, but his body was still curled up in the booth, and he looked lazy even when he smiled.

"Brother, it's boring to smoke alone." He opened his coat, picked up a brand new tin foil, and hooked his fingers at Xiao Chining, "Come on, let's be happy together."

Xiao Chining was so drunk that he leaned on the table for a long time and didn't understand what he was saying. It was only when he saw the fire light up again that he realized what Hongmao meant.

Without hesitation, he raised his feet and stepped up the low steps, as if he had stepped over a long hurdle, and almost voluntarily sat down beside Hongmao.

At the same time, Xiao Zhaoshan at the other end of the city had just finished talking with an economics professor from a well-known university in Beijing, and was galloping home.

When passing a red light intersection, he casually glanced at the street outside the window.It was this glance that made him suddenly turn the steering wheel when the green light turned on, find the nearest parking area and brake the car.

In the sporting goods store, the female clerk standing behind the counter and paying her bills caught a glimpse of the closed glass store door being pushed open out of the corner of her eye, and said reflexively, "Sorry, we're closed."

The sound of leather shoes did not come from the ears again. The female shop assistant thought that there was no one in the shop, so she prepared to turn off the machine, turn off the water and electricity and get off work after finishing the account.

However, when she looked up, she saw a male customer wearing a high-end shirt and trousers with a suit jacket on his arm standing impressively in the store, quietly looking up at the products on the wall.

She walked up to this respectable customer and said respectfully, "Hi sir, we have already..."

"It's closed but the cashier system is still closed. It won't be too much trouble to add me."

Xiao Zhaoshan interrupted her, took out a credit card from his suit jacket, and handed it to her.

The female clerk didn't answer and said awkwardly: "Sir, our store opens at 09:30 in the morning. If you are in a hurry, you can come early tomorrow morning."

"Today's work is over today."

With a dark credit card between his fingers, Xiao Zhaoshan pointed at the skateboards hanging on one wall, and said, "Please help me see the fifth one from left to right in the third row. If there is no stock, I am willing to pay double the price."

The female clerk felt as if her well-trained tongue had been paralyzed by the sandalwood on his body and his gentle and undeniable voice, and she didn't know how to effectively reject him.

Seeing her stunned, Xiao Zhaoshan raised his hand and snapped his fingers near her face, then smiled and passed the credit card in the other hand forward again.

"It's work."

The mere two words completely collapsed the female shop assistant's defense system.She stared at Xiao Zhaoshan's charming smile with bewilderment, took the credit card without principle and changed her tone.

"No, nothing, this is what I should do..." She swallowed, blinked her eyes and asked according to the process, "Do you need to engrave something on the skateboard? If you need it, you have to wait for another two days. We can mail it to you when we're done."

Xiao Zhaoshan didn't know anything about skateboards, had no buying experience, and didn't know where the words would be engraved.

After thinking for a moment, he replied to the female shop assistant: "Then please engrave the word 'sheng'. The life of life, the endless life."