[Comprehensive] Escape from shame is useless

【what do you want? 】

What do I want, what I want is—

you.

Couldn't speak out, couldn't muster up the courage.Just looking into his eyes, Jasmine couldn't be willful.

So, just keep it as it is and don't change anything.

She is Zhengjun's violinist, it doesn't matter if it's just his violinist, at least he will always look at her and give her everything except what she wants.

She is very satisfied.

Yes, that will do the trick.

When I noticed it, I saw a spring pool half shone with golden light and half shrouded in shadows in front of me. The beautiful girl with Yuno's face was half lying on the boulder by the pool, raising her head and smiling at her.The long black hair cascaded behind her, its ends reaching into the pool or into the ground, making it impossible to see its limits.

"Welcome, Molly too," she said, "you have finally come to me by yourself. I have been waiting for this day for a long time."

Jasmine also raised her dim eyes, and said indifferently and indifferently: "Really? Are you the god who blesses me, Miss Shimi?"

After thinking of "a place where no one can find me", it only took a blink of an eye to appear here.

She is not unfamiliar with this feeling, her god Yato is such an existence.

The mood is unprecedentedly low, but the thinking is far more active than usual.Those details that she deliberately ignored turned into a thread connecting the past and the future at this moment, pointing to the only result.

Shimi—the goddess of the underworld, Izanami raised the corners of her mouth, showing a mysterious and charming smile, and readily admitted her guess.

"Yes, I blessed you after we first met last winter."

"yes."

After waiting for a while, I found that Jasmine didn't have the desire to continue talking, but Izanami couldn't bear the loneliness, sat on the boulder, moved to the bright side, and couldn't help asking for her: "Why don't you ask me?" The reason for blessing you?"

"It's because of my illness." The doctor said that she lacked the "connection" with the world, so Shiya gave her "connection" and made many connections, even if she didn't want it at all.

"But I couldn't help you." She leaned up and raised her head, looking at the half-dark sky, "Jasmine, are you angry now? Angry with me, angry with your parents, angry That person's anger?"

"..."

"But you don't know why you are angry." She looked over with compassion and sorrow, "Jasmine too, you don't even know how to get angry."

Yes, the turbulent and painful emotion in her chest almost burned through all her rational emotions. It was anger, anger, and despair.

However, even though her mind has never been clearer now, she still can't figure it out, and she doesn't understand why she is angry.

Everyone was just trying to find a way for her. Everyone was working hard for her illness. Because she didn't want to take medicine, they used such a roundabout way to treat her.She knew so well that she could even understand the motives of each of them, clearly recreating every step they had thought through in formulating the plan.

So she understood, they were right, they were doing the right thing.Even if there is concealment, even if there is a lie, it is out of good intentions, for her to accept it better, and for her to receive better treatment.Even Miss Shimi gave her the best in her capacity as a god.

Everyone tried their best to help her.

She was still very angry.

"Obviously... no one was hurt." Why was she angry?

"Yes, Jasmine, you are the one who got hurt." Izanami said softly.

"No, look, I'm fine, no bleeding, no broken bones..." She raised her arms blankly.

"I'm not talking about your body, but your heart. Your soul is suffering, and your spirit is collapsing." The beautiful goddess seemed to want to reach out to touch her, but she could only stop at the junction of light and shadow, a few meters away. The distance paints her pale face.

"Soul? Heart? Why does it hurt...I don't understand."

"Because it's against your will." She didn't even understand this kind of thing, and she even needed to say it.

"But, they're right, they're doing the right thing, so I should—"

"In this world, there is no should or should not, only whether you want to." Izanami interrupted her, "It has nothing to do with being right or wrong, Jasmine too, you just don't want to."

She raised her left hand, and countless red silk threads floated away, scattered in all directions.The sight of the black-haired goddess passed through the barrier of time and space, and looked towards the unreachable side.

"If you want, my blessing will make the whole world turn around for you."

The long wind blew, and when I opened my eyes again, there was only a small red light left in my hand.

"But you didn't want it, so it only affected a small school in the end. Even so, you still didn't think it was enough, and you added a constraint to this blessing, making it completely invalid."

"You mean... I changed the form of the blessing?"

"Yes, it is your heart that puts shackles on it and confines it to a very small area. I gave you the whole world, Jasmine, but you abandoned it like a shoe, and only chose the place where that person is. …that small place. You don’t want it, so it’s no use giving you anything. And the more they want you to change, the more you’re going to be hurt.”

"Then what should I do?"

"I know what you don't want, but you are the only one who knows what you want."

She raised her finger and pointed to Jasmine's chest.

"Jasmine too, what do you want?"

【what do you want? 】

Once, Zheng Jun asked her the same question, but she couldn't say it at that time.She couldn't say it, because once she said that, everything she had now would disappear.

So I hesitated, so I couldn't muster the courage no matter what.

How could she say that, how could she tell Zheng Jun that she no longer wanted to be his violinist?

[I like you, this feeling even surpasses the obsession with music.As long as you are here, I can bear without the violin.No, than my violin, I hope you can hear my voice, than my violin, I hope you can see me.I don't want to be your violinist anymore, I want to be your Molly too. 】

How can such a confession be said?

She negated their greatest bond over the years, she betrayed the promise they made to each other.Obviously she was the one who grabbed his hand, but now she has to push forward to cross the river and tear down the bridge. She also hopes that even if he rejects her affection, she will not look away.

Obviously he doesn't want to be his violinist anymore, but he still clings to this position, unwilling to give it up to anyone else.

I just want to stay the same, I can only stand where I am.

So after Zhengjun gave her a brand new name, she would be desperate like the sky falling apart.

What Zheng Jun wants is someone who can shine on the stage. This person can be Kuroki Jasmine, Tsukidai Jasmine, or even one day, he may become Ueno Airi, or someone else.

Akashi Seijuro doesn't have to be Kuroki Jasmine.

She just happened to be his violinist.

Other than that, she has nothing.

[She's crazy, she doesn't know what she's doing, but you don't.Seijuro, you need to know what you should do. 】

【If your plan fails, even if it is tied, we will also tie Jasmine to the hospital. 】

[We are also forced to do so.If you don't want to be like this, let your plan fit seamlessly. 】

Seamless?

Perhaps there is indeed a seamless plan in this world, there is a foolproof plan, and there is wisdom that counts everything.But at the end of the day, each step requires a different person to execute.As long as there are people, there is uncertainty.Even if the choices of each plan participant are taken into consideration and guide them to make the most suitable actions, the success of the plan depends on whether the person at the center of the vortex is willing to accept it all.

The plan this time was not intended to be hidden from her at the beginning, otherwise there would not be so many loopholes that might be discovered.Because even if it is hidden in every possible way, it is still Jasmine who will participate in the exam in the end, and it will still be Jasmine who needs to play at the review meeting.Sooner or later, she will always know.

All the arrangements were just foreshadowing, and this was a gamble after all, whether Jasmine would accept his arrangement, or overturn his poker table and make him lose everything.

It was the same at the Diguang Festival last time. Even if all actions developed according to his prediction, whether Jasmine could stand on the stage in the end still depended on whether she could defeat herself and bypass the curse that entangled her heart.He just paved the way to two futures and sent them at her feet.As for which side she chose to step on in the end——

It's all up to her will.

This result, they can only accept.

Even if he tries to be brave, it's useless to pretend to be calm in front of my wife.She was right, he was never quite sure of anything.

He was just using his own will to impose on Jasmine a right of choice that she didn't want in the first place.

If there is anyone in this world who knows what Jasmine wants the most, then this person must be himself.

Jasmine also opened up everything she could to him, without any privacy in front of him, and answered all his questions without reservation.Sometimes even if he doesn't say it, he will use various methods to implicitly inform him of his thoughts.

She trusted him, never defended against him, and tried her best to respond to all his demands.

Did Jasmine really not realize that the coincidences at the Diguang Festival were too suspicious?No, she knew, she just didn't think about it, and she didn't have to think about it.Because this is what he wants her to do, she is willing to try, even if she may break her head and bleed in the process, or even fall ill on the stage, she is willing to try.

Just to meet his expectations.

It has nothing to do with whether she thinks his arrangement suits her, as long as it is what he wants her to do, she will do it.If she couldn't do it, there was nothing she could do, but she had to work hard for it before giving up.

Why?Because she was his violinist?

No, it's because Akashi Seijuro is the spiritual pillar of Kuroki Jasmine.

Therefore, she hardly disobeyed any of his orders.

Jasmine also couldn't clearly perceive this unequal relationship, and felt that she couldn't disobey him because he was always right, or he was thinking of her.But as the controlling party, Akashi has always understood that even if he asks Jasmine to do something without any reason, she will rarely object to it.Because subconsciously, Jasmine was too afraid of losing him.

She has been indulging him, indulging him in arranging the path he wants for himself, indulging him in destroying those things that don't suit him, indulging in all kinds of actions he made to himself that surpassed ordinary friendship...

Most importantly, she handed over the greatest power to him alone——

Wanton damage to her rights.

Sometimes she can't even notice this kind of harm, but the harm itself does not disappear, it will seep into her consciousness secretly, making her spiritual world even more desolate, which in turn makes her pay more love to the world. Fill the void.

But in this world, who can guarantee that any word or action of oneself will not hurt another person?Impossible, even if he is Akashi Seijuro, this is impossible.No matter how cautious, no matter how sharp and intelligent, he has been hurting her constantly over the years.

His existence was also a tragedy to Jasmine.

Only by tearing up this distorted relationship as soon as possible can they have the possibility of going to the future.

The doctor knew it, the gods knew it, the parents of both sides knew it, and of course he knew it too.

Therefore, he had to find a method that Jasmine could accept and heal her mental trauma.A way to get her back on stage without taking medicine or being hospitalized.

He thought he found it.

The success of the Diguang Festival made him understand that Jasmine can also do it, as long as she avoids her own name and the past that will be mentioned, she can come out of that shadow.

So this time, he arranged a new name for her and changed her preferred major.He almost reproduced all the elements that affected the success of the Teiko Festival, and even checked Jasmine's tone in advance, and she did say that changing the name was meaningful.

So as long as she is willing to accept this choice and take the music exam, all problems will be solved.

She will study at Xingzuo under the new name of Yuedai Jasmine, without a tragic past, without a terrible shadow, and live a pure and flawless life.After she has fully adapted to the fact of playing in front of others, tell her that her name is just a code name, she has always been her original self, and her music has never been different because of knowing her identity.

[Your music did not cause disaster, did not hurt anyone, you are innocent, you are not wrong. 】

He specially invited teammates from the basketball team for this purpose, so that when the need arises in the future, the words of his friends will be far more convincing than those of strangers.

If things go on like this, as time goes by, she will always get out of the unbearable past, become active in the music world under the name Kuroki Moliya again, and become the musician she has always dreamed of becoming.

When her audience is no longer limited to him alone, she is no longer his own violinist.For Jasmine, his greatest value will disappear, and he will no longer be her spiritual support.

And at that time, the distorted "connection" between the two of them will disappear, and they will become independent individuals again.And at that time, the relationship between them can break free and return to the original track.

It doesn't matter even if he becomes an ordinary friend again, he has enough time to fight for it and make himself her only one again.

He didn't want this to continue, he didn't want her to be just his violinist, he didn't want their relationship to stop there.

For this reason, he wanted to hurt her one last time and force her to make another choice.

If it works, everyone is happy, and all the things that weighed on their heads will disappear.

If it fails, it's just going back to the starting point and finding another way.Although there is a certain amount of pressure to deal with his parents, as long as Jasmine doesn't nod his head for a day, he can withstand it.

It's just that he didn't expect that in this seemingly unlosable gamble, not only did he lose in a complete mess, he even had no room for recovery.Jasmine, who had always stood there waiting for him, and who had always forgiven him, had completely disappeared.

After almost turning the whole world upside down, he finally realized.

All his certainties are just her connivance, once she wants to take back this excessive gift, there is nothing he can do.

He didn't want to continue to be her pillar, he didn't want her to be his violinist anymore.

So she let it go.

Overnight, all his plans turned into waste paper, and all his filings lost their meaning.

Jasmine was gone too, he had nothing left.

The author has something to say: We have the same desire, but we end up in different futures.

Ah Zheng & Jasmine: I betrayed her/him, she/he will never forgive me.