My Feelings Can Wait

Within a few seconds after the video request, Jing Xiu accepted it, as if she had been waiting.

In the video, Jing Xiu has loose hair, wears pajamas, and sits on the bed, looking like he is about to rest after taking a bath.

She looked at the camera with a calm expression, even a little gentle under the halo.Ji Youyan's heart was originally disturbed, but under her gaze, it settled down miraculously.

"Ah Xiu, did I affect your rest?" Ji Youyan said softly.

"No." Jing Xiu said lightly.

Ji Youyan licked his lips and said, "My dad woke up during the call in the afternoon, so I didn't have time to answer your question. I'm afraid that my unclear explanation will deepen your misunderstanding."

"I know." Jing Xiu couldn't hear the emotion, "Is uncle okay?"

"It's okay now." Ji Youyan hesitated for a few seconds, and said from the bottom of his heart: "Ah Xiu, frankly speaking, I still kind of mind that you investigated me in private. But, I sincerely thank you. Thank you for notifying me in time Me. I can't imagine how much self-blame and unbearable I would be if I didn't know about it until a long time later without you."

Jing Xiu's eyelashes trembled, "It should be my atonement."

"It's not that serious." Ji Youyan defended Jing Xiu reflexively.She reflected on herself, "I know, it's my fault to get to the bottom of it. If I can take the initiative, you don't have to be so embarrassed."

"No matter what the motive is, I admit that I didn't give you enough respect for this matter." Jing Xiu is not someone who refuses to admit mistakes.

Her thoughtfulness made Ji Yuyan's nose sour. "Okay, we are all at fault for this matter, we are even, can we turn this page?"

Jing Xiu looked at her and didn't speak.

Ji Youyan realized that Jing Xiu had misunderstood what he said, and hurriedly explained, "Ah Xiu, I'm talking about turning pages right and wrong."

She cut to the point of this video call: "Ah Xiu, I don't know how much you have investigated. You should be able to find out that I haven't been home for many years."

Jing Xiu lowered her eyes and said without concealing, "Well, I found it."

"I found out where you live, what your parents' names are, what occupation you are in. I found out where you grew up, what school you went to, your glorious resume, and you... There is a person who grew up together, named Lu Let go of your fiancé." Jing Xiu said the last sentence in a hoarse voice.She gripped the quilt slightly harder.

Ji Youyan was astonished, and his first reaction was that there was indeed something wrong with what Jing Xiu found.She eagerly denied it: "Lu Fang is not my fiance!"

"The information shows that you have been engaged. People around you agree with that." Jing Xiu lowered her eyes, and the sadness on her face was obvious.

"That's what they thought, spreading rumors." Ji Youyan was anxious and panicked, "Although Lu Fang and I have known each other for many years, and we have really talked about marriage, but I have never really dated him, let alone engaged Pass."

Jing Xiu raised his eyes and stared at her, in a gesture of listening, with a hint of expectation.

Ji Yuyan showed a painful look on his face.Her eyes fell on the entire wall of awards, and she organized her words to explain herself: "Ah Xiu, just like you found out, I was born in a traditional and conservative family, and my parents were university teachers. Since childhood, they The expectation for me is that I hope to grow up to be a well-educated and reasonable lady. When I grow up, I will inherit the family tradition, marry a well-matched man with a good appearance, and live a peaceful and stable life. Lu Fang is the one my parents dream of. The right man."

Jing Xiu's brows furrowed following her narration, showing a faint heartache.

Ji Yuyan retracted his gaze, looked at Jing Xiu, and laughed at himself: "Ah Xiu, not all parents in this world will be like your parents, who are open-minded and gentle, and respect the wishes of their children."

"Because of our parents, Lu Fang and I have known each other since we were young, and we almost grew up together. He took care of me like an older brother. When I was young, my parents sent me to learn piano and art in order to cultivate my temperament. Resist, and in the end, I really fell in love with music and enjoyed it. However, since junior high school, my father stopped my extracurricular activities due to the pressure to enter a higher school. It may be a rebellious period at that time, and the more he refused to let me do anything , the more I wanted to do something. So I always sneaked out with other classmates to practice piano and sketch. In order to have more free time, Lu Fang was my shield. He helped me cover up and tricked my dad into bringing I go to self-study, and then go out to play with me."

"I've always treated him like an older brother and never thought about it. But since high school, some people have been booing me to be with him. At first, he would explain to me nervously, and later in college, he became By default, I started to know what he meant. But maybe it was because I had stated to him very early on that there was only a brother-sister relationship between me and him, so he never confessed, but just took care of me in a measured way, so that I didn't Explain the method clearly and thoroughly to him. When I was about to graduate from university, the misunderstanding that Lu Fang and I were in a relationship reached the ears of both parents. My mother asked me directly, and I denied it, but they It's like I didn't really believe it, just because I didn't dare to admit it because I didn't obey their request not to have a relationship until I graduated from college."

"Look, isn't it ridiculous? I don't know when it started. My parents and I seem to be unable to communicate on the same channel. Most of the time we don't communicate. Once we communicate, it is easy to take the truth as lies and the lies as the truth. "

The truth she said was taken as a lie by her parents, and the lie said by her parents was taken as the truth by her.So in the last life, they never saw each other again.

Tears slid down Ji Yuyan's face silently, and Jing Xiu's heart ached as if something had grabbed her.

"Every family has its own different form, which is not ridiculous at all." Jing Xiu comforted softly.

Ji Youyan touched Jing Xiu's gentle face on the screen, wiped his tears and continued: "When I was a graduate student, Lu Fang was going to study abroad. I don't know how the two parents discussed it, and I don't know how Lu Fang I told my parents, and they decided to get me and Lu Fang engaged. When they asked my opinion, I immediately exploded. It was the first time I argued and protested so loudly with my parents. But I couldn’t win them. They Everyone asks me, what is my dissatisfaction with Lu Fang, Lu Fang likes me so much, what is there about Lu Fang not worthy of me? Everything is fine, but I don't like it. But liking is an indistinct thing to them. And naive words, it doesn't constitute a reason at all."

"Ah Xiu, do you know? In fact, I am a very cowardly person. I was used to being restrained since I was a child, and even the struggle seemed symbolic. I couldn't break free, so I habitually wanted to find some comfort for myself. I can’t convince others anymore, so I habitually convince myself. I convince myself that in fact, everyone is not united because of love. Maybe it’s really not that important whether they like it or not. The previous generation of them can do this , No, it’s fine, I should be able to do it too. Or maybe, I may still like Shang Lu Fang slowly. So I compromised and agreed to get engaged.”

Jing Xiu's heart twisted into twists, and she bit her lower lip tightly.

Ji Youyan saw her sadness, and reluctantly made a joke to tease Jingxiu: "It seems completely nonsense now. After all, you see, I have bent into a paper clip."

Unfortunately, none of them laughed.Jing Xiu saw that her smile was uglier than crying, and the tears that had been swirling in her eyes also fell, and she raised her hand to wipe them away quickly.

"However, before I got engaged, I went to the hospital to visit a friend. She was a good friend of the music club I joined when I was in college. She suddenly became seriously ill and time was running out. In fact, I had already broken up with her for a long time. Because during the time I joined the club, I did a lot of things that my parents thought were outrageous, including skipping classes to participate in singer competitions, and staying out at night to engage in music. It’s the critical period to fight for the postgraduate qualifications, so my father expressly forbids me from mixing in it anymore. I couldn’t compete with my parents, so I really cowardly stayed away from them.”

Every time she said that she was "cowardly", it was like a knife was stabbed in her heart, and it was also like a stab in Jing Xiu's heart.

"The day I went to visit her, she asked me to sing her a song. She said that she hadn't heard me sing for a long time. When she was unhappy before, when she heard my singing, she would forget everything. My song , has the miraculous effect of healing. Before leaving, she asked me a word, she said, life is long and short, are you really willing to live like this obediently all the time?" Yu Yan, I think you , very special, what a pity.Ji Youyan thought of his friend's pale face and regretful tone at that time, and his nose seemed to be stuffy.

Jing Xiu watched her cry, and followed her with tears streaming down her face silently.

"Shortly after she finished saying this, she passed away. I went to see her off, and a friend from the same club gave me a guitar, saying that she left it for me. I went home with that guitar on my back, and my father saw Guitar just remembered my skipping class before, and his face suddenly darkened. It was like a rainy day again, and I suddenly felt very boring."

"It's exhausting to be their ideal daughter. They always take my humiliation for granted. If I die tomorrow like that friend, then during the years I've been alive, what can prove that I am Do you really know what you have lived? That night I couldn’t sleep until dawn, and I kept asking myself this way, and the more I thought about it, the more I was afraid. I found that I seemed to be unable to find myself.”

"Before I got engaged, I made up my mind. I don't want to be their ideal daughter anymore. I want to live the life I want. I communicated with them and broke up. In the end, I was kicked out of the house and severed the relationship. It's the end." Ji Youyan looked directly at Jing Xiu, and said with difficulty and sincerity: "So, Lu Fang and I really have nothing. Ah Xiu, you trust me."

Jing Xiu reached out and wiped Ji Youyan's tears on the screen, but she could only watch more and more drops of water on the screen.It was her own tears.

"I believe in you." Jing Xiu raised her head to stop her tears and replied hoarsely. "Yanyan, I have always been willing to choose to believe you, and I have always been willing to understand and understand you. It's just that you never gave me such a chance before. You didn't tell me anything, and I didn't know anything."

She has always believed that understanding a person, including understanding her family and her past, can only be truly understood if she truly understands her.But Ji Youyan has always been like a cloud of fog, which she can see but cannot see through.Ji Youyan's deception has overdrawn her understanding and trust.When her insecurities overwhelmed everything, she couldn't find the confidence to continue to convince herself to believe unconditionally.

Ji Yuyan breathed in and said, "Ah Xiu, I apologize to you. I'm sorry, in the past years, I've been evasive and vague, and I haven't confessed to you. I don't know that you mind so much."

When Jing Xiu heard the words, she breathed a little more heavily. She was silent for a few seconds, and asked Ji Youyan softly: "Yanyan, do you really not know if I mind?"

Hitting the heart directly, Ji Youyan's heartbeat seemed to stop.She found that she was subconsciously covering up again and justifying herself again.No, she actually knew?She just ignored it on purpose, it's not important that she pretended to numb herself, Jing Xiu didn't mind, just to make herself feel better.After a long time, it seemed to be true.

"Sorry……"

"You know, what I want is never your apology." Jing Xiu looked at her gently and sadly: "When I first learned about the past between you and your parents, I was very distressed; when I first found out about Lu Fang's existence, I Very hurt." Her tears fell on the camera and burned Ji Yuyan's heart.

"For a moment, I suddenly didn't know if I had really walked into your heart. I felt as if I had never really opened your heart's defenses or been accepted by you from the beginning to the end."

Ji Youyan really wanted to hug Jingxiu.Jing Xiu's grievance, Jing Xiu's tears broke her heart.But she can't.

She could only use words to explain hastily: "Ah Xiu, I didn't do it on purpose. At first, I didn't tell you because I took a gamble. I remembered that when my father drove me out, he scolded me for insulting me and made me I never mentioned their words. Later, I didn’t dare to mention it because..." She choked up and said, "Because the more I like you, the more I know your bravery, the more I understand the happiness of your family, the more disturbed I am, the more I want to hide all my bad and unbearable things. I began to doubt that there is something worthy of your liking in me. I am afraid that if you find out that I am not good enough, it may become that you no longer like me. Let's start, I..."

The more inferior she is, the more proud and glamorous she wants to appear in front of Jing Xiu, and the more she pretends to be worthy of Jing Xiu, like this, she can trick Jing Xiu into liking her longer.In this case, how should she tell Jing Xiu.

She still couldn't speak.She opened her mouth, tears streaming down her face, but she couldn't make a sound.

Jing Xiu bit his lower lip in ignorance, and his mouth was full of the rusty taste of blood.

She was not willing to embarrass Ji Youyan anymore, and interrupted Ji Youyan with a strong nasal voice: "I understand you."

Her nails sank into her palms, and she asked Ji Youyan: "Yanyan, I know you are proud and have strong self-esteem, but don't I?"

Ji Yuyan looked at her blankly.Jing Xiu was born like a white swan that should always hold its neck high. Ji Youyan knows her pride and self-esteem better than anyone else.

Jing Xiu sniffed, and said shyly, "Yanyan, it's not easy for me to take the initiative. But in the past, have I ever been mean to you?"

Ji Youyan didn't know how much courage she mustered up every time she took the initiative, let alone how long it would take her to calm down every time she resisted.

Compare your heart with your heart.Ji Youyan had no face to answer her.

"To others, it is not easy for anyone to show their wounds and expose their unbearable. But am I just that other person to you? Aren't people who love each other the ones who can lick each other's wounds? "Jing Xiu asked her.

"When I watched fans save money and voted for me to make my debut in previous competitions, I told you in a broken heart that the reason why I participated in this show was not to make a debut at all. I am self-reliant, let me first experience whether I can really bear the pressure of this circle. I know that I will not make my debut, but I still cheated the fans of their sincere support. This is something I still find it hard to say when I think about it. But when you asked me, I told you. At that time, did you think I was despicable?"

Ji Yuyan shook his head: "I never thought about you that much. When I saw you cry at that time, I just felt sad."

Jing Xiu's eyes sparkled, and he asked again: "I told you that time, I was also restless and confused in the past, worrying about gains and losses. Do you think my fragility, humbleness and embarrassment destroy my image and your feelings for me?"

Ji Youyan choked his throat and said guiltily, "No, I just want to hug you, and I blame myself so badly that I want to die."

Jing Xiu showed a little smile that made Ji Yuyan sad.

She turned around, put her phone on the back of the bed, stood against the wall, and then straightened her upper body into a kneeling position.

Ji Youyan saw in the video that Jing Xiu's slender fingers were clasped on the hem of the pajamas. Then, she stretched her waist and her forearms lightly, and the pajamas were lifted up.

Jing Xiu's flat and tight belly, waist that is not enough to grasp, and a beautiful and holy body appeared in Ji Yuyan's sight.

Enlarged breasts and slender waist, delicate and lustrous, and flawless, the first time Ji Youyan saw Jing Xiu's body hidden under the clothes, he was dazzled. Apart from marveling at the Creator's preference, he was still amazed.But now, she saw that Jing Xiu's figure and skin were as perfect as before, but a crack seemed to be broken from the white jade, and there was a hideous scar, winding from Jing Xiu's waist to under the bra, Get lost in it.

Destroys all beauty.

The great pain hit, and Ji Yuyan's tears welled up in his eyes.

This was the first time she saw Jing Xiu's scar after being injured.What kind of mentality did the beauty-loving girl who once left small scars on her fingers accept this imperfect scar on her body.

Jing Xiu stared at Ji Youyan's expression, and the fingertips of the hands hanging on both sides of his body were trembling unconsciously.

Her expression was so disturbed and calm, it was a gesture of trust that she had completely surrendered herself and let Ji You comment.

She asked Ji Yuyan: "Is it ugly? I think it is very ugly. Every time I take a bath, I dare not look at it carefully."

Ji Youyan's heart ached like a hundred holes had been broken, dripping blood.She couldn't imagine how painful Jing Xiu had been.She shook her head and said back to Jing Xiu with a trembling voice: "Not ugly, not ugly at all." With tears in her eyes, she couldn't help but lower her head, and kissed the screen with a devout gesture, as if she could kiss Jing Xiu's body, Soothe her scar.

Jing Xiu only saw Ji Youyan approaching the camera, and then...

The screen goes black...

"Ah Xiu, I'm in so much pain..." She heard Ji Yuyan's sobs.

My heart suddenly softened into a mess.

"You look up." Jing Xiu regained his reason and stopped Ji Youyan.

Ji Youyan raised his head obediently, with tears hanging on his eyelashes, innocent and helpless.

"There are bacteria, go wash up." Jing Xiu was moved and funny, and what he was going to say later was temporarily blocked by Ji Yuyan.

What a silly and cute person.

The author has something to say: Ji Wang Wang is innocent: It's not my fault that she's cute.