Zhu Yilong--A Warm Smoke

Zhu Yilong was confused, "Since we all enjoy our time together, why do you feel uneasy."

"Because enjoying it is painful at the same time, and I am often afraid. Even if the time together is happy, it is still too short. I always think, why do you fall in love with me? A person who even snatches your magazines and peripherals I can’t get it, why should I get you? Is such a hard love really worth it? How long can I last? It’s also because you can’t guarantee that tomorrow’s day will be the same as today, and neither can I. What do you do if you don't love me anymore?"

"I didn't give you a sense of security." Zhu Yilong was a little frustrated. It's not that he didn't understand what Song Nuan meant, but what Song Nuan said was right, he couldn't guarantee it. Even if he swore today, it was just a beautiful vow. No matter what it means, I can't convince myself, let alone Song Nuan. No one knows what the future will be like.

"It's because I'm not strong enough. The sense of security has never been given by others." Song Nuan no longer concealed her cowardice, "Do you know that in the past year, I have been playing "Dream Wedding" almost every day."

"Why? I thought you didn't like the piece."

"I really don't like it very much, but you said that the only pieces that can be played without looking at the score are "Dream Wedding" and "Adilina by the Water". At that time, I didn't know you, so I thought I practiced these two pieces well. But a year later, I still can’t play well, and I probably won’t be able to play well in the future. I just graduated with a Ph. , may also become a leader in the professional field, but I really don't like it, I don't like doing scientific research, I hate applying for projects, I hate writing papers every day, I just want to live my little life, go to clinic, write Novels, play your favorite tunes. Teacher Zhu, am I really worthy of you like this?" Song Nuan's tone was always flat, without waves, but when she said this, she suddenly became excited, and she seemed to want to stand up , but the ferris wheel just turned around, the cabin door opened, Song Nuan sat back, Zhu Yilong bought a ticket again, and the two of them went up again.

Zhu Yilong was sad. He remembered that before joining the group, he accidentally said that Song Nuan had a fat stomach. When he met him in Shanghai, she really lost a lot of weight, especially on the stomach. The core muscles were not easy to train. Nuan suffered a lot for this. From then on, she probably got into a dead end. "In fact, many actors have found outsiders. It doesn't mean that two people have to work or make progress together to have a good marriage." Zhu Yilong tried Enlighten Song Nuan.

Song Nuan leaned on the glass window and looked at the scenery outside the window, "I know, there are marriages with assistants, amateurs, and fans. I also appreciate Mr. Zhong's attitude towards work and family. They don't bother each other, but I am me, I can't be a full-time wife like them, make soup for you, I can't live without me." She didn't dare to see Zhu Yilong.

"I don't need you to do anything for me." Zhu Yilong retorted Song Nuan.

Song Nuan laughed at herself, "But I have to be myself. I don't make a lot of money, I'm not rich enough, but I've never been hurt by money. But last time I wanted to give you a gift, I really had a hard time, I can't really Just go to the mall and buy some clothes or accessories for you. That was the first time I wanted to make money. At that time, I felt that it was broken. I who pursued this kind of life probably would not be me anymore. We, in fact, are really two People in this world. I have to admit that falling in love with you did make me lose part of myself."

Zhu Yilong sighed. He once wore that lollipop brooch to an event, but he kept it away for fear of losing it or wearing it out. "When I received the gift, I had a bad feeling in my heart. Where did you come from?" The money you got?" He didn't mention the brooch to Song Nuan too much at the time, but now that he thinks about it, it shouldn't be like this, maybe it would be better to talk about it earlier.

"My passbook is all in the hands of my mother. Just ask her for it. Don't worry, I can still afford a brooch. Oh, why are you so miserable? I didn't sell my kidney." You felt humorous, she paused, and said: "But I really can't catch up with you, do you still remember the lines of the two of us, I think, maybe I really have to jump off the building to catch up with you."

"Heh." Zhu Yilong twitched his lips and smiled strangely.

"What are you laughing at? Isn't it?"

Zhu Yilong lowered his head, "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at myself. Have you thought about these words for a long time?"

"Well, I have been thinking about the problems between us for more than a month at home, and now I probably understand it, so I want to make it clear with you." Song Nuan made up her mind painfully. This month, she She has almost never actively contacted Zhu Yilong. She is trying and trying to get used to life without him.

Zhu Yilong understood, "Afraid of delaying my acting, so I saved it until today?"

Song Nuan nodded. If she wasn't afraid of affecting Zhu Yilong's emotions, she would have said these words a long time ago, "Yes, but I think you can sense it to some extent. We all need a transition period."

As an actor, especially Zhu Yilong at this stage, he really has a lot to do. He knows that Song Nuan is thinking wildly, but he can't accompany her every day, let alone drive away these ridiculous and funny thoughts. "I can really feel that something is wrong with you, but I really can't do anything, I can't do anything."

Song Nuan never complained about Zhu Yilong's lack of company. He was injured in the crew, and Song Nuan didn't take care of him right away.Work is the foundation of one's livelihood, and it is also one's duty and obligation. It is the thinking of a normal adult not to abolish public affairs for personal reasons, but if Zhu Yilong was undergoing surgery that day, would she immediately ask for leave to accompany him? Song Nuan didn't pay attention After thinking about this question, probably not, so she said: "If I were you, I would still choose to fulfill the work contract, just like, I never thought that I would resign for you." She paused, and finally said : "Sorry, I lied to you. In fact, I really don't deserve you. This is not a lie."

"Hehe." Zhu Yilong suddenly laughed.

Song Nuan was immersed in the sadness of losing her love, when she heard Zhu Yilong laughing, she was very confused, "What are you laughing at?"

Zhu Yilong looked directly at Song Nuan, and expressed the question in his heart, "Ever since our matter was known to both parents, you have been very anxious. The time we have been together is too short, and you still have many uncertainties, including the fact that you came to Shanghai to look for him years ago. Me, you are hesitant, I know that these problems have always been there. Later, I thought you were relieved. But I don’t know why, after you rested at home for a month, you made up your mind to cut off your love, I just It's a weird timing."

Song Nuan guessed what was on her mind, she was a little flustered, and laughed twice, "I have time at home, so I finally figured it out."

Zhu Yilong touched Song Nuan's cheek, "Don't smile like that, it's ugly."

"You." Song Nuan wanted to get angry, but she held back, she didn't know what card Zhu Yilong was going to play, so she didn't dare to act rashly.

Zhu Yilong asked, "Are you blaming me for not accompanying you?"

"No." Song Nuan immediately denied, "You know it's not. I'm not that narrow-minded. Even if I'm really angry with you, I'll tell you."

Zhu Yilong asked again, "That means your family members are dissatisfied with my performance."

Song Yang was indeed dissatisfied with Zhu Yilong's absence, that's why he contacted him on WeChat, and even flirted with him, but in the end he sent him to the station, and Song's father and Song mother didn't say anything, "I have some opinions, but they won't affect me. "

"Is it related to your illness?" Zhu Yilong asked for the third time, finally speaking from the bottom of his heart.

Song Nuan's heart stopped beating, and she immediately became anxious, "What nonsense are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I asked the bed doctor about your condition." Zhu Yilong apologized first, "I shouldn't be prying into your privacy."

Song Nuan became a little annoyed, "So what? I don't have an incurable disease. Do you think I'm afraid of hurting you?"

"Isn't it? The rupture of chocolate cysts caused by endometriosis is very troublesome. During the operation, no one can guarantee that it will be 100% cleaned up. Even if the operation is perfect, it will recur many times and require another operation, which may be accompanied by a lifetime. , even infertility. Am I right?" Zhu Yilong mercilessly plunged the knife into Song Nuan's heart, he didn't care about these things, what he hoped was that Song Nuan didn't care.

Song Nuan choked for breath, she didn't expect Zhu Yilong to figure out the disease, let alone be guessed by him, she nodded, unable to say anything negative.

Zhu Yilong put both hands on Song Nuan's shoulders, and looked at her affectionately, "Then what are you worried about, are you afraid that I won't be able to bear it with you?"

Song Nuan's face turned pale, and her hands trembled a little, "It seems that you have checked a lot of information. But why should you bear it with me."

Zhu Yilong sat next to Song Nuan with firm eyes, "Just because I am your boyfriend, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, because I love you. During this time, I know you have been through a lot. I'm sorry for leaving you alone Bear with this, don't push me away, okay, I said that if you don't be afraid of that scar, you will never be afraid of everything behind the scar. Believe me, I can."

Song Nuan felt as if a knife had been twisted in her heart, can you do it, but I really can't, she sneered, pretending to be unmoved by Zhu Yilong's affectionate confession, took out a box of medicine from her bag and threw it into Zhu Yilong's arms, "show you thing."

Zhu Yilong took the medicine box and took out the instructions, but he couldn't understand at all, "What is this?"

Song Nuan pointed at the medicine box, her eyes were a little sore, and her voice trembled, but her tone gradually became tough, "Gestrinone! Haven't you heard of it? Haven't you checked a lot of information? Know that endometriosis After postoperative surgery, in order to prevent recurrence, I will take medicine, change the menstrual cycle and hormone secretion level, of course, there is a better way, direct pregnancy, pregnancy plus breastfeeding, more than a year, menstruation does not come, this disease even Can be cured."

"I don't know." Zhu Yilong is a layman, and the information he can find is limited. Even if there are the most advanced documents, he can't understand them. He was a little confused by Song Nuan, and he didn't fully understand the meaning of the other party.

Song Nuan calmed down, "I made up my mind when the doctor came to ask me if I was going to take the medicine or if I was pregnant." She held back her tears. At that time, she was desperate, sad and painful, and now she doesn't know what to do. Describing the absurd mood at that time, as long as I think of it, I will feel sad and even feel inexplicably humiliated.

Zhu Yilong still didn't understand, "What is your decision?"

Song Nuan forcefully asked Zhu Yilong, "If you were there at that time, and the gynecologist asked whether to take medicine or get pregnant, what would you answer? Would you make the decision for me? Would you have a baby with me? At this time, under this circumstance, would you ?"

"Me." Zhu Yilong couldn't answer, he was flustered for a moment, he felt like he was going to suffocate, but he didn't dare to answer, and he didn't dare to look into Song Nuan's eyes.

Song Nuan was very brave, she answered for Zhu Yilong, "You can't."

There were only three words, but each word touched Zhu Yilong's heart. This was the truth, from the bottom of his heart, and he could only say: "I'm sorry."

Song Nuan smiled wryly, "I'm not sorry. Even if you agree, I won't agree. Although I haven't asked you, I'm still sad because I know your answer. Zhu Yilong, this time, you really hurt me. So , let's separate." After struggling for a month, she finally said this sentence.

"What did you say?" When things came to an end, Zhu Yilong still couldn't believe it, the word breakup was too heavy.

"Let's separate." Song Nuan said to break up without changing her face, she was really tired.

The expression on Zhu Yilong's face changed, and the light hit his face, which was mottled. He looked at Song Nuan, and fell with her from a height of 56 meters. He didn't speak for a long time.

Song Nuan didn't speak again, she had finished all she wanted to say, she didn't really need Zhu Yilong's answer at all, she needed two people to be willing to be together, and only one person was enough to separate.

But after a long time, Zhu Yilong still gave Song Nuan the answer, he said: "Okay."

Song Nuan smiled, this was the answer she expected, and the answer she wanted the most. She suppressed her crying and pretended to be relaxed and said, "I've finished my words. What did you say to me just now?"

Zhu Yilong smiled wryly, "It's gone."

Ding, the door opened.The two walked on the same trajectory again.

Song Nuan sat there without moving, and suddenly said, "Can you smile at me?"

Zhu Yilong was confused, he couldn't laugh.

Song Nuan said: "I'm very sad, but seeing your smile makes me feel less pain." In the past, whenever I had troubles, I just went to watch Zhu Yilong's video on my mobile phone, and Song Nuan would feel the pain of life. Fortunately, we can pass.

Zhu Yilong smiled with a wide arc, even though his eye circles were red.

Song Nuan finally couldn't help it, tears welled up all at once, she tried her best to remember the smile, then turned around and didn't dare to look at it again, "Thank you, let's go, I want to sit around again."

"Okay, goodbye." Zhu Yilong didn't have any extra words, and got off the Ferris wheel silently. Seeing the cabin door close, Song Nuan's appearance gradually faded away, and finally he couldn't see it.