love of life

During the silence, Gu Ming could vaguely feel the person in his arms taking deep breaths and swallowing saliva from time to time, but there was no more reaction.Gu Ming didn't speak any more, and the two just cuddled quietly.After being silent for a long time, Lin Zexi finally spoke, and said faintly, "We...have never started before, so how can we start again?"

"Then don't start over, shall we start now?" Gu Ming asked persistently.

"You also know my past. I have long been a person without love, so don't delay you."

"We just need to get along like before. How can there be no delay?"

"I can't go back. You are not the past you, and I am not the past me." He said decisively.

Gu Ming let go of the arms encircling him, reached out and turned his shoulders so that he faced him. "The country is easy to change, but the nature is hard to change. How can there be a saying that it can be completely changed in half a year? I don't believe it."

"In the past, you had no feelings for me, and I had no burdens and burdens for you, so we can get along naturally, and we just need to do what I should do. But it's different now, you told me your feelings, I need to consider Can I respond to you? If I can't be together, I will feel burdened."

"You don't need to have any burden in your heart. There is no so-called fairness and reciprocity in emotional matters. I am willing to do anything." Gu Ming has been trying to persuade him.

Lin Zexi took two steps to the side, stood by the window, shook his head and said, "I don't want to do this."

Gu Ming felt a throbbing pain in his heart, and desperately held back the churning emotions in his chest.Finally, he seemed relaxed and said: "I see, then I will not mention this matter for the time being, let's get along like friends. Also, I want to ask one last question, is it okay?"

Lin Zexi nodded slightly, and Gu Ming asked, "Is there any relationship between you and Jiang Yu? Is it because of him that you rejected me?"

Lin Zexi raised his head, stared into his eyes with confused and somewhat tired eyes and said, "He and I are in the relationship of employer and employee, at best we can be regarded as friends."

"Like what we did before?" Gu Ming asked tentatively.As soon as the words fell, he felt that the other party's eyes suddenly became sharper, and his face sank.

"Gu Ming, I have only been a servant for you in my life. I just helped him manage the restaurant and lived in the restaurant. I was not in charge of his daily life. Of course, these are my one-sided remarks. I don't have any evidence to make you believe me." Lin Zexi finished the sentence word by word, and Gu Ming felt anger from his voice and expression.

"Zexi, that's not what I mean, it's just that I really care about your affairs. If I pushed you into the arms of other men because of my hesitation, I would definitely not be able to forgive myself. When I think of the scene where you were with other people , I feel uncomfortable. Including the fact that I didn’t allow you to answer Xu Zhe’s calls before, it was because I felt threatened, but refused to face my true emotions.”

"Then let me ask you a question. Why did you come back and change so much this time?" Lin Zexi asked standing by the window with his arms folded.

"To put it simply, there are three reasons. The first is that your departure really made me sad and forced me to face up to my relationship with you. The second is that the open environment in the United States has changed my understanding of homosexuality. And most importantly One of the reasons, we went home for dinner before you left, and that night has completely untied my hatred of homosexuality. I have always blamed my mother's death on my father's sexuality, which is not the case. The two pursued their own My own happiness is bound together by secular views. This time I went to the United States, I happened to encounter a rainbow on the street. People from all directions in the west flocked to the street to revel. During that week, the whole block was immersed in In the sea of ​​colors. Large and small shops, bars, and cafes are all planted with rainbow-colored flags, and same-sex couples traveling arm in arm can be seen everywhere. There are young guys dressed in fashion, old men with gray temples, wearing high heels The middle-aged man, all of them blended together naturally, laughing and making noise. I stood aside and watched secretly with my eyes wide open, but I became a different kind. There, homosexuality is not a different kind, but a way of life. This completely changed changed my attitude. Once the concept was reversed and I looked at the things between me and you without any prejudice, I felt your feelings for me and realized my feelings for you. The feelings themselves followed my consciousness All the irritability, uneasiness, and hatred that were suppressed in the past have all found their outlet and turned into longing for you."

Facing his undisguised confession and straightforward love words, Lin Zexi lowered his head and touched his nose lightly, but did not respond.

Gu Ming said: "You have just been discharged from the hospital, you must be tired after standing for so long, go back to your room and rest."

He didn't feel too tired, but he didn't want to face Gu Ming like this again, so he buried his head and went back to the room.When Lin Zexi closed the door, Gu Ming was still standing there, and suddenly reached out and patted the curtain, causing countless dust to dance in the light passing through the window.He felt that during the days when the two were together, Lin Zexi was interested in him. From his tolerance, care and tolerance for himself, it is hard to imagine that a person without feelings can do this without complaint the point.In the past, he could be said to be humble enough to make people feel useless, but now he can't see through it. The whole person really seems to have no feelings, but compared with the past, he has a lot more vitality and is more like a complete person.Was it that person who made him change?Thinking of this made him very upset.

Lin Zexi stayed in the room alone, until he heard the sound of Gu Ming closing the door and going out, the whole body was completely relaxed.He dug out a tin box with a lot of dust from under the bed, and this box followed him to many places.For some reason, today he finally had the courage and the urge to open it again.The rusty lid was corroded by the air and stuck to the box, and he took a long time to open it with a screwdriver.The photos and papers inside were all yellowed, just like his memory.There are a few photos of him and Wang Yijie together, a stack of letters sent to him by the other party, photos of the two of them going out to collect pictures together, and the magazine where Wang Yijie published the photo for the first time.He once thought that he would never have the courage to open this box in his life, nor would he have the courage to throw it away, just like falling into a black hole of nothingness, he could only continue to entangle, without solution.But at the moment when it was opened, there were no overwhelming memories, and no sorrowful tears, but only a ray of loss, as if after watching a tragic movie, my heart was a little empty, but I couldn't even squeeze the tears come out.This is his youth, a youth that will never return, seven years of humble life, and only a few memories left in exchange, is it worth it?have no idea.Do you regret it?not.

He hastily rummaged through the contents, then closed the box and put it back in its original place.His Pandora's box turned into a pile of tatters in an instant, and he smiled self-deprecatingly. It turned out that those poisonous chicken soups were all right. There are no obstacles in life, all you need is time plus an opportunity.He felt unprecedentedly relaxed, and his body also felt refreshed, and he actually felt a little sleepy.He fell asleep as soon as he fell over.

In a trance, he heard a familiar voice calling him, and he was tired and didn't want to open his eyes to respond to him.But the other party kept calling his name persistently, and even reached out and shook his shoulder.Unable to fight against the other party's entanglement, he finally opened his heavy eyelids. Gu Ming stood at the head of the bed against the light and looked at him, his face was so dark that he couldn't see the expression clearly.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong? Do you want to go to the hospital?" Gu Ming asked eagerly.

He shook his head lightly, slowly sat up from the bed and said, "I'm fine, I just fell asleep." It just felt like I had slept for so long for a century, as if I had made up for all the sleep I had in the past few years.

"Really? I called you for a long time and didn't respond. I thought you fainted again, and almost called an ambulance. Are you okay?" Gu Ming asked again worriedly, and even stretched out his hand to try his forehead. temperature.

Lin Zexi cleverly avoided his touch by getting up, his intimacy always made him feel nervous and uncomfortable.Gu Ming withdrew his hand in embarrassment, and said: "Lunch is ready, get up and eat quickly. You are anemic, so you need to take care of it."

He saw a casserole of black chicken soup on the table, as well as a stir-fried pork liver, fried bamboo shoots and cold preserved eggs.The appearance is not good, the pork liver seems to be overcooked, the bamboo shoots are not crisp enough, the preserved eggs were not soaked in hot water with a kitchen knife, the egg yolk is everywhere, like a murder scene.Even the black chicken soup can still be seen, steaming hot with the delicious fragrance of the chicken itself.

Gu Ming filled a large bowl with a bowl of chicken soup and put it aside to cool, scooped up half a bowl of rice and handed it to him.

"It's not as good as yours, so just order it. This soup is not bad. I made it according to the recipe. Remember to try it when it cools down." Gu Ming sat opposite him with a bowl, just eager to see him taste it facial expression afterward.

Lin Zexi also took a sip and said, "It's not bad, it's much better than the time you cooked the noodles."

"How do you know? Didn't you leave without eating?" It was Gu Ming's first time cooking for others, but in the end he acted affectionate and got frustrated.

"Put the noodles before the water boils, you don't need to look to know the result, okay?"

Speaking of this matter, Gu Ming felt a little uncomfortable at first, but he still teased him so naturally, his heart became more and more panicked. "Yes, I don't have common sense. It was the first time I cooked something for others. It's a pity that other people not only didn't appreciate it, but also ridiculed me afterwards. It's really nice to be kissed by Lei."

Gu Ming's resentful expression on his face made him realize that he hadn't spoken properly. He took a sip of the chicken soup and said, "This soup is really good. The ingredients and heat are just right."

Gu Ming pulled the corners of his mouth and showed a reluctant smile: "I prepared the ingredients in the market, and the heat was set according to the alarm clock in the book. This soup is the only dish on the table that does not have any craftsmanship in it. You really appreciate it."

He stared blankly at the three dishes left on the table. He couldn't say a word of praise against his will, so he simply picked up the bowl and buried his head in it to eat.