[Gone with the Wind] Back to the beginning

"I have decided to go to the north to work." Ashley said.

When he said this, the melancholy expression disappeared... It can also be said that he forcibly drove it out of his face with determination. In short, the Ashley Wilke that Scarlett saw at this moment There was an unfamiliar paleness and determination on Si's face, which almost made him not like himself—except for a trace of bewilderment in his eyes, at least his clenched hands were not trembling.

"A friend who traveled with me in Europe before the war sent me a letter," Ashley said in a very calm voice when he spoke again, "telling me that I could get a job at his father's bank, and that I had Decided to take Mei Li and Xiao Bo there."

"I've been thinking about it since you left. At first I was callous. I thought I was content with food and a bed, and it was only for moral reasons that I took the initiative to find work. But it wasn't until you left Tara for Atlanta. I realized that I was far from being a man when I took on unimaginable burdens for this family and took on responsibilities that other people didn't see as your turn. Many men ended up in war worse than I did, and now they all Got up. So it's my turn, I'm going to New York."

"But," Scarlett realized that her voice had weakened, and she felt that she couldn't stand Ashley like this, "why do you have to go to New York? Can't you find a job and support yourself in Atlanta? There are relatives and friends here, and we Better to be more considerate of you than the Yankees!"

"What I want is not understanding, Scarlett, but self-reliance!" he said quickly, his gray eyes flashing with burning pain, so fast that he could hardly see clearly, "That's not the same at all. Make your own way—otherwise you will be willing to degenerate, and I have been supported by you for long enough.” His tone was blunt, as if he was trying to hide his pain, or his unallowable weakness, “I have to go—this is my last chance —I'm going to New York, and if I stay in Atlanta, my life is over."

"What, what?" Scarlett was startled by his words.

Ashley smiled grimly.

"Yes, it's over, if I don't leave immediately. Scarlett, I have to push myself, or no one can save me. You know, I have so many people in Atlanta I can rely on . . . Including you. I know you guys will help me, and once someone gives me a little help, I can't get up again, like a puddle of mud... I don't have enough courage left to support me to make a second attempt Now, Scarlett! I've got to learn to support myself... I can't take any more help from you, or I'm lost, totally lost!"

His emotions became agitated during the narration, but finally turned into a soft whisper: "It's over... It's over..." His gray eyes were wide open, clear and distant, as if he was staring at her incomprehensible fate.

Obviously he was extremely calm, but Scarlett seemed to see the most miserable scene in the world.Must have seen that look on him somewhere, even more desperate... He must have said these words to her, before she could understand... She suddenly thought of a pair of dull and tired gray eyes, full of pain and pain. Helpless, and a trace of deep despair, the owner of the eyes said to her, "Scarlett, I... promise you to go to Atlanta. I can't beat you two..." At that time, she was full of joy because he finally compromised, but because of those pair of eyes There was a heart-wrenching worry in her eyes, and now, did she realize what it was?

Suddenly, Scarlett remembered everything.She remembered the words she had said to her in Ashley in her previous life, and he repeated the phrase "It's over, it's over" like a parrot, like a death knell-he knew it at that time!Yes, Scarlett remembered exactly.In his previous life, Ashley had bid farewell to her, saying that he would take Meili to the north to try to stand on his own, otherwise his life would be "completely over".and then?Scarlett was afraid that Ashley would leave, so she yelled and cried, and finally Mei Li stood by her side, and together they forced Ashley to stay... She still remembers Ashley's expression from excitement to tiredness , attributed to numbness.In the end, Ashley did stay, and he was completely broken.He can hardly do anything, and after Meili's death, he has a nervous breakdown and has nothing to support.What would have happened if Scarlett hadn't stopped him from leaving at that time?Scarlett dared not think.Maybe, his efforts failed, he was still the weak gentleman who couldn't get over it, but maybe, he could succeed, Ashley could have stood up again...he always knew himself so well.Scarlett couldn't imagine how much courage it took Ashley to make that decision, and how painful and relieved she was to force him to stay?

Ashley was always conscious, both to himself and to the world, so the final struggle of powerlessness was all the more painful.He is clear that no matter how much a soul that can't stand up pretends to be noble and immortal, it is actually a joke of weakness.If her own ignorance really participated in his final tragedy... Scarlett couldn't help trembling, yes, others could say that Ashley was weak, because he gave up his determination because of the demands of the two women, but Ashley Eli Wilkes was her friend!She knew that he might be able to stand up, that he might have a better life... At this moment she relived the apology to Tony Fontaine that had occurred hours earlier, even deeper.Since she was reborn, she had thought a lot about Meili, but she had hardly thought about Ashley, as if she had already decided that he was abandoned by the world and had no hope after the war, so she could only rely on Meili's support to survive.But the fact is... the fact is that even Ashley tried in his previous life!He tried to save himself...then they stopped him!If he was given that chance—yes, who would willingly be buried in the past!Everyone has the right to long for a bright future!

For a moment Scarlett felt herself choking again—but she reined in the urge to speak as calmly as possible, with the utmost respect:

"So, you—you will come back after going to the north?" She asked with some uncertainty, it's a good thing that Ashley is willing to try to be self-reliant, but Scarlett is also reluctant to part with Mei Li, "After all, we are all here. "

Ashley finally smiled for the first time since Scarlett saw him today.

"Yes, of course I will come back—after I am sure I can stand up." Ashley said with a smile, "Bring Mei Li and Xiao Bo together, and return to Atlanta. Maybe six months, maybe a year, but will One day. When I'm sure I can do it—I'm not going to go soft because of your help, I'll be back, back in Atlanta, with my family and friends. After all," he blinked. Eyes, joked, "You will always be more considerate of me than the Yankees?"

Scarlett couldn't help laughing, and pressed her fingers to the corners of her eyes that had become moist at some point.

For the hundredth time, she thanked God for her blessing—for the future of change and the possibility of happiness that is available to all.She sincerely wished Ashley, and wished Ashley Wilkes to get what he wanted, and——to return soon.