[Gone with the Wind] Back to the beginning

Talking to Ashley lightened Scarlett a lot.In any case, it's always good to see old friends cheer up, even if she might have to part ways with Melanie for a while.

Scarlett stayed with Merry all afternoon, talking, doing, and teasing Beau.The one-and-a-half-year-old Xiaobo can already speak quite a few sentences, making Melanie laugh non-stop.Looking at Xiaobo's smiling face, Scarlett couldn't help but miss her children in her previous life.Maybe Wade and Ella won't get back together—maybe Ella will be born of Sue Ellen?Scarlett imagined little Ella with Sue Ellen's features, and shook her head vigorously.Maybe Bonnie will be able to get back to her, though?In the previous life, Scarlett's favorite child was Bonnie, this little girl who resembled her in every way, was spoiled by Rhett and fell to her death in the end.Since God has so mercifully granted her the miracle of rebirth, can Scarlett hope that her beloved little daughter will also come to her?

For the time being, pressing down on this thought, which seems to be far away now, Scarlett turned her attention back to Mei Li.Melanie's physical condition is much stronger than her impression because she has been undergoing pregnancy in Tara all her life and has not suffered so much fatigue.I tried my best to help her strengthen her body, and it finally helped!But now Meili is going to the north with Ashley again—oh, it would be nice to keep Meili behind.Scarlett knew, however, that this was just thinking.She was still thinking about forcing Merry to find a doctor to take a closer look before they left, especially asking if Merry's body could conceive another child—Scarlett knew that Merry had always wanted this.However, the shadow left by the miscarriage in her previous life was too heavy. As long as the doctor said that it was dangerous, Scarlett would have to give Ashley [-] times.

The afternoon seemed warm and comfortable, but the relaxed and happy atmosphere only lasted until dinner.Ellen and Gerald returned before sunset, kissed the eldest daughter on the cheek, and settled down at the table.The whole family, led by Ellen, prayed to God before meals.Scarlett replied a few words to her father perfunctorily, and finished her prayer with a heavy heart, and several of the words and sentences were unclear and vague.She seemed absent-minded, heavy with the conversation she was about to have.Dinner begins.Ellen seemed to be aware of her abnormality.Mother cast puzzled eyes several times, and Scarlett shook her head to indicate that she was fine.Anyway, let's talk after dinner.Even though she feels like chewing wax at the moment.

Ellen was as gentle and dignified as ever, with an elegant air in her gestures. Scarlett was deeply infatuated with her mother's air, because she never understood how her mother did it in two lifetimes.But now she won't be envious of that southern lady's demeanor, because she has really figured out what kind of life she wants to live.Scarlett's murmurs as she ate, Gerald's loud voice, Ellen's soft voice, Karin and Catherine's whispers, and Sue Ellen showing Merry loudly about Frank's letter--everything It seems that there is no difference!As if her deviant behavior in Atlanta didn't exist.Mother looked calm, as usual, but Scarlett knew she must have got the letter.So, as soon as Ellen put down the tableware, Scarlett stood up and said, "I'm done."

Ellen nodded at her, turned and walked towards the cashier.Scarlett followed, anxious but forced to be calm.The communication with Ashley gave her a bit of warm and firm confidence, but she couldn't help being nervous when things came to an end.

"Scarlett." Ellen sat down on the chair behind the wooden desk in the counting room, and took out the letter from the books next to the candlestick. Her voice was soft and firm as always, "You seem to have something to say to me."

Scarlett collected herself.

"Yeah, I think...we should talk."

"About Atlanta or about you?" Ellen asked gently. At the same time, she opened the letter, but her eyes were fixed on her. Scarlett's heart trembled because of the worry and concern in it. Need a conversation, I noticed you're not in the right shape."

"Yeah." Scarlett forced a smile, and she sat down on the sofa she sat on not long ago, facing Ellen's direction.His elbows rested on his knees, his hands seemed to want to cover his face, but he felt that this movement was too weak, so he stopped, and clasped it on his chin instead, "I thought it was you who had something to say to me, I I'm sure someone will write to you. I thought you'd ask me something."

"If you want to say something, I'd love to hear it," said Ellen, her eyes caressing her. "I hear there's tension in Atlanta, Scarlett. You shouldn't have sent Big Sam back."

"Ah." Scarlett didn't expect her mother's first question to be this, she scratched her face in embarrassment, "I thought the family would need him more."

"It sounds like you don't take your contribution seriously, Scarlett?" Ellen said calmly, but Scarlett clearly felt a sternness, "You need Sam to protect you—I've always wanted to tell you, Scarlett." Belle, you've done enough, maybe too much. You've pushed yourself too hard, put too much responsibility and pressure on yourself, and that's something we should be dealing with."

"Enough." Scarlett whispered, this kind of love made her tremble and at the same time gave her more oppression, she said irritably, "Can we not mention this? Mom, that's what I should do, and I can do it. I thought you should ask me something else, like how do I go out into the street and talk business with men, how do I buy a lumber mill—" Ellen felt so concerned about her instead of asking her Embarrassed.Enough, let's stop the warm drama and let's talk about important things.

Ellen was silent for a moment.

"Okay." She said softly after a while, as if the previous silence did not exist, "Then let's talk about what you want to talk about."

Scarlett's body tensed immediately, and she nodded solemnly.

Ellen said: "I would like to ask, Scarlett, my daughter, have you really completely given up your upbringing as a southern lady? I believe that the situation at home is not so bad that you don't have to be forced to do it." Those things. I think..."

Ellen's words were not sharp or pressing, but Scarlett quickly entered the state. She interrupted Ellen almost nervously and retorted: "No, Mom. You don't understand—"

"Don't understand what?" Ellen asked calmly.

Scarlett was speechless.She raised her hands to cover her face in frustration, her voice seemed to be trembling slightly:

"No, mother... don't you understand? Nothing made me like this at all."

This sentence seemed to open the flood gate in her heart, and Scarlett said immediately: "There is nothing that forced me to be like this at all—maybe they gave me some sense of urgency, but that is not the main reason at all. In the end The important thing is that I belong to those things." At this point she took a quick breath, and then continued in a quick breath, "Yes, I belong to those things, I belong to those things by nature. If everything in the south remains the same, I will Maybe I will grow into a gentle and sweet lady who is too bold and lively according to your expectations, but the changes in the south have taken me in another direction. I—I will always be your daughter, but It's impossible for me to be that little boy again. Besides, don't you think that—the money I saved before the war didn't use outrageous methods?" In the end, she still couldn't hold back her words.Without the preparations before the war, she would have to be forced to do her best after the war!

Ellen stared at her in silence.

Scarlett put her hands on the sofa cushions and panted, not daring to look up at her mother's face, not believing that she had just said what was in her heart, really said it.But the situation couldn't get any worse anyway, she simply said something more deeply:

"You can't imagine the turmoil I've been through inside, and there are things I can't show—memories that only I have. As much as I'm afraid of losing you, of losing Tara, I'm as afraid that you won't be able to Understand and accept me as I am. The means I take to neutralize both desires, but do reflect the brave and adventurous nature I inherited from my father. Mom, sometimes I wonder if it's better to be a boy But I feel that there is not much difference, I know that I am not stupid than boys. On the contrary, I can do more than most of them. Mom, I don't care about this, and my future lover will never care. As long as I can live Just to be happy, isn't it? I know you love me."

"Of course I love you." Ellen said dryly, "Scarlett, if you feel pain, why don't you share it with us?"

She still didn't mention the unorthodox things that Scarlett's restless nature had led her to do--Scarlett's disappointment, then anger.what is she doingDid she avoid that topic because she loved her and didn't want to hurt her?She replied stiffly: "There are some things that cannot be shared. I am alone." After saying this, Scarlett suddenly raised her head, and before she could see Ellen's expression, she dropped the heavy weight softly. Bomb|Bomb: "Sometimes I really want to kill Jonathan, you know?"

Ellen looked at her in shock.

And Scarlett said softly: "Sometimes I really want to kill Jonathan, you know? Because I think it is very easy to kill him, at least it is better than being bullied with my head held high. If I were a boy, all this would happen." Much simpler. Aren't there a lot of people who think the KKK is a hero? But just because I'm a girl, I'm going to shock you guys like you're doing now - but I don't want to feel bad or want to Nurturing, don't want someone to say 'a girl is pushed to this point'. All I want is understanding - I want someone to tell me it's okay to think so. I honestly don't think I should be ashamed of having this thought Well, Jonathan was killed 3 times, but what makes me angry is that sometimes I still feel bad."

Saying these words made her have an urge to cry. Scarlett held back her tears, stubbornly stared at Ellen's black eyes, and asked without blinking: "Tell me, I still want Is it the kind of daughter?"

Ellen's eyes did not leave Scarlett: "Of course."

Just one word almost made Scarlett cry, and for a moment she really wanted to cry on her mother's lap, just like she did when she was a child.But the Southern woman said slowly, "It's hard for anyone to kill, Scarlett."

Scarlett froze.

And Ellen has continued to say: "Killing is not easy for anyone, Scarlett. Especially when you take the initiative to take a life, it is completely different from killing that Yankee when you resisted last time. She paused. "I'm afraid you won't be able to take it - it's really hard, believe me. It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, all I can see is that my child wants to take a very drastic approach right now." , and this method is likely to hurt her, both physically and mentally."

Scarlett murmured: "I understand, Mom..."

This time it was Ellen who interrupted her: "It won't be easy. Anyway, Scarlett, it's crazy. It might help you once, but once you're okay—the worst thing is just Start. If you continue, you will hurt yourself, and the best way is not to start."

Scarlett felt a warm rush through her heart—she actually talked to her mother about it, and it was comforting.How nice it feels.She cared about her heart, including the most unbearable places. Scarlett thought that even if she did have the courage to kill, she might not be able to compare with Ellen's courage at the moment.She made her know that she was plainly loved--she made her believe that even when she had murderous thoughts, she was still in Ellen's eyes a child in need of care, not some terrible madman.It is absolutely impossible to say such a thing without fully accepting it. Scarlett believed that something filled her heart, and she called over and over again: "Mom, mom."

She finally committed: "I get it, Mom. I'm going to take care of myself — body and mind."

Ellen told her in her most determined gesture that as long as she was willing to love her heart, she would always be her daughter.Scarlett stood up and walked in the direction of her mother involuntarily, and then, as she thought a moment ago, she fell to the ground, buried her head on her mother's knee, and sobbed softly.The most perfect embodiment of the old south, the haven and direction of the soul, this is Mom, this is her Mom!Scarlett was both proud and moved to feel her mother's fingers running gently into her black hair.A wonderful lightness, joy, and relief enveloped her, like a baby in the safety and comfort of amniotic fluid, and the thought of how to kill Jonathan disappeared as if it had never existed.She felt light and warmth, and at the same time knew that this light and warmth was nourishing her soul.

—Scarlett fell soundlessly asleep on Ellen's lap.