Lord of the Coffin Feeds the Dragon

Si Lei Dian didn't understand, so he said, "What's the matter? You have something to talk about."

For the first time, Lu Shiyi felt that he could not open his mouth. After struggling for a long time, he snorted twice like a fly: "Well, I, I am a little urgent to pee. Excuse me, what posture should I use so that I don't get it on my clothes?"

Si Leidian twisted his fingers: "Squat, squat, lift up your clothes, like a girl..."

Lu Shiyi: "When you squat down, you only have, only the urge to defecate, can you...can you demonstrate it to me?"

Si Leidian blushed: "Well, this hall was born as a fairy official, and never needs to eat, drink, and scatter, so, I'm sorry, I really won't..."

Lu Shiyi's face was full of ashes: "Are I, Lu Shiyi, going to be suffocated to death by urine?"

I'm sorry, those fans captured in the Sunflower Fighting League, those who lost their masculinity and were suffocated to death by urine don't deserve your love, I'm sorry!Lu Shiyi thought sadly.

"Don't be so frustrated, no one will be suffocated by urination, if you can't urinate now, it means you haven't had time to urinate yet," Si Leidian said while drifting away, "Shh, someone is here, wake up quickly. Remember , after you wake up, you are Su Yizhen, not Lu Shiyi, you are Su Yizhen!"

"I'm Su Yizhen!" He sat up suddenly, and hit the coffin lid with a "bang", "This is an evil thing." He crawled out of the coffin and saw the fox squatting on the table.

"Fox, remember, your brother and I are Su Yizhen!" Su Yizhen rubbed his forehead, and lifted the fox to his lap a few times, "Why are you back again? Dogs love to miss the old master, you What can a wild fox do with a dog?"

The fox grunted a few times in dissatisfaction.

"Okay, okay, you are not a dog, you are worse than a dog, and a dog is not as good as you!" Su Yizhen took out the dry bun slices that were fried on the slate, broke off some and stuffed them into the fox's mouth, and said, "I didn't give you the sugar cake." Feed it? It must be your brother, I love you! If you are really spiritual, you can attract me that old goblin Cang Yan, and I will feed you these good things. Is it delicious?"

The fox smacked his lips and took the whole piece of fried bun out of his hand.

"Hey, this fox!" Su Yizhen closed the door firmly again, and shouted at the crack of the door, "Lick some water after eating, don't choke you to death!"

He silently sat on the edge of the bed, finally dragged out a dusty chamber pot from under the bed, and began to think about how to use it.

In the next two days, Su Yizhen still didn't have the chance to see Cang Yan, and no one had time to talk to him. In his own words, he just idled around all day, like a second-generation ancestor waiting to die.That night, while lying in bed and thinking about the rich and beautiful nightlife in the Internet age, the fox came. Su Yizhen reached out to fish it into the bed, and said with an idea: "Want to eat supper? Brother will make it for you."

The fox's bright eyes also shone with excitement in the dark night, Su Yizhen shook its coral-like antlers, and really lifted the quilt and began to dress.The fox happily swept Su Yizhen's long legs with his tail, and Su Yizhen said: "Why, did you act as a brother to deceive you just now? Your brother is a man of one word, let's go!"

He walked out with the fox under his elbow, and said to the fox: "I'm afraid they can't catch rabbits in the Canggu Palace, otherwise I can roast the whole rabbit for you. The rabbit head is the best, and you won't be able to eat it." Want to eat something else."

The fox was envious and licked his paw.

Su Yizhen took the fox to the side of the ditch, and said: "Fortunately, there is still water here. Although the water quality is not good, it is actually the easiest to catch loaches and shrimps. My brother is a good shrimp fisherman in his hometown. , find an accurate one."

Su Yizhen was not bragging, after half an hour, he returned with a full load, the fox was pinned to his belt, and two shrimps tied with hemp rope were in his hands, humming a pop song that the fox could not understand, and walked towards the kitchen.

"Fox, this kind of shrimp is actually not the most delicious. In my hometown, there is a kind of crayfish with a hard shell. It is very exciting to burn it with a spicy taste. But your brother, I love Shisanxiang the most. Drink a few more With a bottle of cold beer, you can spend a summer happily!" Su Yizhen turned away from the fox and began to wash the shrimp, and carefully picked the shrimp thread after washing, and the fox began to feel back pain after working for too long.

"It will be ready soon, impatient fox!" Su Yizhen lit the fire and started to cook the shrimp, and chatted with the fox, "This kind of shrimp is more delicious when fried, but small animals should eat less fried. The food is better, not healthy. It’s okay to boil it in clear water, don’t forget to give me a thumbs up when you taste it later.”

The prawns were cooked soon after being put in hot water, and the fox stared straight at the delicious smell of prawns.Su Yizhen peeled one and stuffed it into the fox's mouth, then peeled another for himself, nodded and said, "Well, not bad, the heat is just right."

One person and one fox ate happily, but they didn't notice anyone else in the kitchen.A man in white clothes walked to the table leisurely, and said provocatively: "I said, why is there someone making a fuss by the river, it turned out to be stealing fish in the middle of the night, who are you?"

Su Yizhen raised his eyelids: "Good guy."

"What a good man, I don't think you are a good man, and you have a fox with you. Tsk, the fox looks good," the man said humanely behind him, "Junior Brother, take his fox away."

"Who dares." Su Yizhen said.

The man raised his eyebrows: "Who dares? Your grandfather dares! Come on, take the fox away and roast it!"

Su Yizhen suddenly picked up the sauce dish on the table and threw it at the hand that the junior brother stretched out. The material splashed on the clothes of the person who spoke in front.

The man immediately got angry, drew his sword and pressed it against Su Yizhen's heart, and said viciously: "What are you, dare to be arrogant in front of me?" He tilted his head slightly and continued, "I didn't take back what I said. take away!"

The fox was grabbed by the back of the neck and handed to the speaker.Just as Su Yizhen was about to move, he was poked back by the tip of the knife, and immediately became angry, and said angrily: "You dare to eat my fox, do you believe that I ate it raw?"

The man smiled and said: "Who can't say big things? Are you able to show grandpa?"

"I come from a cannibal family. I cannibalize people without peeling their skins. They just open their stomachs and dig out their intestines. The heart, liver, stomach and lungs are kept. Tenderloin meat is the best. If you can't finish eating your arms and legs, hang them up to dry and make them into bacon. When entertaining relatives during the Chinese New Year, the skulls are given to the elders, and the toes are specially reserved for the bears to eat." Su Yizhen moved quietly while talking nonsense.

The man felt nauseous for a while, and his stomach began to reflux.Taking advantage of the loosening of his knife point, Su Yizhen quickly picked up the enamel basin on the stove behind him and threw it at his head. The man was alert and dodged backwards barely, letting the enamel basin rub his shoulders Slid over.

At this time, the fox suddenly turned his head and bit the man holding the knife hard. The man let out an "ah" and the knife fell to the ground. Su Yizhen took the opportunity to kick him in the crotch and grabbed the knife The fox ran out.Hearing the man's howling with a changed tone came out of the kitchen, Su Yizhen laughed out loud, passed through several rockery, and went around several times in a mess before returning to the room.

Panting, he said to the fox: "Count, I'm a little bit cowardly, but my brother can't beat him now, so I can only run, and I have to run around, and I can't let him know where we live, or we will be retaliated easily. Wait." Brother, I’m going to inquire about it tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll find a chance to vent this anger, don’t worry.”

The fox squeaked, climbed onto his shoulder and licked a small lock of hair on the sideburns, and saw the round and reddish earballs of the fool.

The next day was like nothing to do, so Su Yizhen bribed some of the cleaning disciples with the good things he was good at, and found out that those people last night were Nanlu's teacher, Qiu Ge's disciples, they were used to flamboyant and domineering.He was determined to punish these people, so he sneaked into the small bamboo forest near their martial arts field and lit a fire, and started frying frog meat on a slate when the disciples who practiced martial arts were resting after class.

The hot and spicy fried frog meat is really fragrant, and many disciples followed the smell to find it. Su Yizhen ran away when he saw someone coming, leaving only his back for them.On the third day, Su Yizhen slipped into the small bamboo grove to fry the frog meat, and started running when the disciples happened to be able to see him clearly.But on the fourth day, he stopped going, thinking that it was time to feed those people, and then the real action began.

On the night of the fourth day, before the middle of the moon, he sneaked to the side of the channel where he fished shrimp last time and started to make troubles. When he saw a few lights in the nearby disciples' residence, he hurried to the back kitchen, leaving a string of muddy footprints.

The back kitchen has already prepared it, and when the time is almost up, he will blanch the sun-dried peppers in the oil pan. The dry and spicy smell hits the nostrils, but it also hooks people's gluttons.After someone chased him into the kitchen, Su Yizhen immediately hid in the corner with the freshly cooked frog leg meat, and said pitifully, "Why is it you again? Last time I was wrong, so you can't let me go? "

The man pulled the corners of his mouth and said with a smile: "Sure enough, it's you, you were the one who fried meat in the bamboo forest before, right? You're so brave, what's there to say if you get all the stolen goods this time, come with me to receive the punishment!" "

Su Yizhen held the meat bowl and did not let go, begging: "Your Excellency, let me go a lot. I just got hungry in the middle of the night to get something to eat, and it didn't harm anyone's interests. Besides, I'm only staying here temporarily. Even if there is a little violation of the palace rules, there is no fine, so why bother?"

The man refused to let go: "No, you disturbed the disciples' cultivation first, and now you disturb everyone's rest, come with me to receive the punishment!" Then he went to the corner to grab him.

Su Yizhen pushed the frog meat into his arms, and began to play tricks with a mournful face: "I won't go, I won't go! In the worst case, can I give you this meat to eat? Is this okay? If my brothers are hungry, come to me at any time. I will cook a lot of delicious food, as long as you don't report me, I promise to have new tricks every day!"

The man hesitated for a moment, winked at the disciples around him, and asked, "What do you think?"

One person responded: "Or let him be spared once, the second senior brother has always been tolerant, so give him a chance to take the blame and make meritorious deeds?"

The rest of the people also expressed their agreement, and the one called "Second Senior Brother" nodded, took the frog meat, and said, "Since all the junior brothers have begged for your mercy, I will let you go this time, remember your own Promise, I will be here whenever you are called, do you hear me?"

"Yeah! Definitely!" Su Yizhen nodded repeatedly.

The author has something to say:

Spoiler alert: Foxes aren't playing tricks, no!