Offensive change: superficial love

[13-year-old Chang Chang:

Happy birthday baby, this is the first letter you have received, and there will be many more in the future. I am not sure about the exact number, after all, I only wrote one line of this first letter.

Now it's the second row.

If I am not tired, I will keep writing. If I am tired, I will write at least until you are 30 years old, my mother promises.

I am really tired now.

Remember what mom said?My world was always shaking, and now it's shaking more violently, probably because I'm getting weaker and weaker.

Medication for one disease sometimes makes it useless for the other and sometimes makes it overwhelming, so I'm off both.

In some ways, I was completely free.

Sometimes when I just lie there, I can see a river of flying confetti, which wraps me first, and then passes through my head unexpectedly, twisting those clear thoughts again. muddy.

Good boy, I know you can understand these strange descriptions, and I also know that you understand that my mother's head is sick, thank you, for taking good care of me with my father for so many years.

Speaking of dad, how is he?Have you quit smoking?You should quit, after all, when I am about to leave, sooner or later you will know what went wrong with me.

Although the doctor said that the small habit of smoking will not cause such a serious disease, and such a rapid malignant transformation is mostly a problem of personal constitution, but the public perception always involves lung cancer and these small things.

This is also good, after Chang Chang enters puberty, he should not learn to smoke secretly.

It must be almost half a year since I left, right?

Did anything interesting happen during this time?Has Dad's cooking skills improved?Is life going well in junior high school?Are you still feeling sorry for me baby?

Don't be sad, there is nothing to be sad about.

You are only a small part of my mother, and my mother is only a small part of you, and the days will pass, and the part of me will be diluted by time.

In the end you will have a new life and forget me too.

This should be easy.

After all I was never a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter, I was not even a good enough myself.

Those indifference, neglect, hot and cold, make you very sad, right?I'm sorry baby, mom can't control her behavior sometimes, but you know, I love you very much.

I was just... sick all the time, but now it's over and I'm completely free.

I thought about letting you and Dad leave with me, but then I gave up.

Your sleeping face is so peaceful and lovely, I wish I could see it in 20 years.

And you are so small, so fragile, compared to me, you are the one who needs Dad to take care of you more, so he has to stay.

Don't judge my actions and choices, baby, this is the most unselfish mom ever.

When I wrote these words, I was very calm. I haven’t been so focused for a long time. Just thinking of you who are 13 years old will receive such a surprise makes me jump for joy.

I learned this from a certain movie. Although I forgot the name of the movie, I still remember my excitement at that time. I kissed your father and told him that I would prepare such a gift for Changchang before I die. It's as if someone is really accompanying him to grow up.

He was a little angry, bit me, and told me to knock three times on the wood and say "Bah, Bah, Bah!" I laughed and laughed at him, and kept scolding him for being superstitious.

Thinking about it now, that might really be unlucky.

Death doesn't scare me. My world has been noisy for decades, and it's time for it to quiet down. This is a kind of relief for me.

I'm just sorry.

I regret getting too little with you, regret giving you too little love, regret losing too much temper with you, regret not being able to hold you all the time.

This letter is too long, and I won't have much to chat with you after I write it down.

Changchang be patient, see you next year, okay?

Oh yes, is it dusk now?Is there a sunset in the sky?

It would be nice to have, and the gift would be perfect if not.

Happy birthday to my little No.1.

See you next year.

Just about to sneak into your room to kiss your mother]

[16-year-old Chang Chang:

Happy birthday my baby.

I haven't seen you for another year. Are you happy these days?

Do you and daddy still live in our old house?I hope you have moved away, your dad is a very sensitive person, stay there and he won't forget me.

After all, you will take the college entrance examination next summer, right?Studying must be very stressful.

Don't make yourself too sad, no matter what the result is, you are still the pride of your mother.

Is there anything confusing about puberty?It's a pity I can't share those secrets of yours, they must be interesting.

Those physical changes, psychological changes, confusion and confusion about the world and life, or... emotional throbbing.

Does my baby have someone he likes?

what is she likeWearing a ponytail and always smiling?Quiet kid with glasses and good grades?Maybe it's an ordinary little girl, the kind who is willing to confide in you?

Oh yes, maybe you like boys?

God, I hope it's best not to, it's not that my mother would mind, it's just that you will be a little hard.

After all, I'm not around, and your father is stupid, who should you talk to about these more obscure emotions?

My poor baby, mother is so worried.

But I'm sure you'll take care of these adolescent thoughts, right?

Mom allows you to fall in love early, love is the most beautiful thing in the world, and all good things should be possessed by Changchang.

However, remember to be sincere to others, not to do bad things, and to be an upright and reliable person.

You have to be considerate, romantic, dedicated and passionate to the person you like, and remember to protect the other person and yourself.

Heck, the thought that you might be in a relationship by now and I don't get to meet this lucky first love makes me a little teary.

I need to sneak up to your bedside to hug you again tonight, so that's all for this letter.

Finally, I wish my little No.1 the college entrance examination to go well, to be able to freely and voluntarily make the choice of the first important stage of life, to go where she wants to go, and to meet people worth knowing.

See you next year, okay?my darling.

Mom who is going downstairs to cook you dinner]

[The Chang Chang:

Happy birthday my Chang Chang.

Oh no, you are an adult from today, don't you like being treated like a child by your mother?Let's say hello again then.

Happy birthday, Yan Ju, congratulations.

I haven't seen you for another year. How is college life?I'm a sophomore, so I should be able to adapt well, right?Interested in a club?Do you like the major you are studying?

It doesn't matter if you don't like it, your mother has left you a lot of inheritance, you don't have to worry about your livelihood all the time, and you have enough time to explore what you like.

It’s a bit embarrassing to say, I changed my major four times that year, and it took me seven years to finish my undergraduate degree. By the way, I finally graduated when you were two years old.

I even took you to the graduation ceremony. My professors and classmates praised you for being so beautiful, but you shouldn’t remember this. Sweet milky aroma.

In the letter I am going to write to your father (although I have not yet begun to write it), I intend to ask him to pass on to you the gift I most want to give you.

So, if nothing else, after you read this letter, you will receive a car, a pen, and a tie.

I don't know what new models will come out in five years, so this one can't be specified, oh yes, and the tie.

It doesn't matter, I believe in your father's vision, he will never make mistakes in this kind of thing.

The pen is a relic of your grandfather, and I have been carefully keeping it in the safe in the study.

In fact, it is an old tradition for parents to present these three things at the coming-of-age ceremony, and it has continued for many years in my grandfather’s family. Of course, what I received back then was not a tie, but a pair of high heels.

Don't laugh at our old-fashioned, although I also think this is a bit clichéd, but don't you think the four words "family tradition" are amazing?

Too extreme are not included.

There's a weird sense of connection when you're doing the fun parts.

It's as if at this moment, you and those elders you have never met before, those stories buried by time, are suddenly implicated in a vain way.

Life doesn't seem so lonely anymore.

That's all for now, go try out your new car!

Oh no, I just remembered that in China, you need to be an adult before you can take the driver's license test.

God, then you should wait patiently for a few more months, and don't drive dangerously, baby.

Say hello to your dad, say hello to your lover (if you have one).

Happy birthday, Yan Ju.

Just in case, I will call you by your full name in the following letters. Fortunately, I like Changchang, and I also like the name Yan Ji.

Just repeat it again.

Happy birthday, my little adult.

Ready to go to the door to wait for your 12-year-old mother to come home from school]

[25-year-old Yan Ju:

I haven't seen you for another year, how is your life like?Are you doing a job you like?Will it be very hard?

I read an article that said that before the age of 25, the human brain is not fully developed, so it is easy to be confused about many problems and be shocked by the helplessness and absurdity of reality.

You may make many wrong choices, but that's okay because you will also make many right choices.

Or to put it another way, there is no right or wrong choice in itself, it is just those things you want most at that moment.

It could be an opportunity, an object, or a person.

Did you do anything you regret this year?

If so, from now on, don't think about it, throw the past into the sea, into the wind, because you are going to start a new life now.

Do you have a baby baby?It doesn't matter if you don't, I just greet you routinely, don't worry.

You were two years old when I was 25.

It is often said that getting married too early is just wasting your life.

So I never got married, I just gave birth to you, but fortunately, both you and your father have made my short life very happy.

I don't feel worn down.

I was even nourished.

This is the No.13 letter I wrote to you. I really feel a little tired. Because I stopped all the medicines, my energy has become more and more slack recently, and my temper has become more and more weird.

Although it was weird before, it seems that I have lost a lot of inexplicable tempers with your father recently, because he was not allowed to see the diagnosis and treatment results of the hidden cancer, and he was extremely impatient with him, and even refused many times because of physical pain. Things in the bedroom (which I used to be passionate about).

So he seemed to have some doubts about whether I was cheating.

He's really funny sometimes, like a jerk, right?

I love him so frankly.

Until the last moment of my life, until death do us part.

Are you not used to your mother telling you these things?

I was also a little awkward when I wrote it.

But I changed my mind, you are already 25 years old, and you are so outstanding, you have probably experienced this long ago, there is nothing to hide.

After all, there are only ten years left.

In ten years, you will be as old as me.

So writing here, I finally decided.

I intend to write these letters only until you are thirty-five.

Because after that, you will gradually become older than me, my words may have been a little naive to you at that time, but I stayed at this age, I don't have more life experience to share with you. you share.

This is both comforting and regrettable.

You may gradually forget me, which is both joyful and sad.

You will grow old slowly in the process of experiencing all the novelties in the world. If you are lucky, you will have someone to accompany you through this process.

I seem to have said this to you, I can't remember, I've been getting more and more confused lately.

After stopping the drug, those voices from the past reappeared in my head, and they began to encourage me to do some inexplicable and dangerous things. I can still distinguish it now, but I will not be able to tell in a few days.

I have to finish writing these letters quickly, I want to put it in that jewelry box, find a place where the flowers bloom the most, and bury it, and then tell your father, remember to dig it out after I am buried, and give it to you every birthday read one.

You're bound to cry badly.

After all you are a lot like your father, you are both emotionally sensitive people.

Alas, those voices came again.

They are persuading me to meet death early.

But it does seem like a good idea.

My body ached so much, my chest hurt, my bones ached, every breath felt like it was going to pierce my skin, and I couldn't even cough anymore.

My head hurts too, I can't sleep, I haven't closed my eyes for two days.

Those voices kept making noise, I yelled at them, I scolded them, but they still wouldn't stop, and even laughed at me.

It's a nasty feeling.

I don't think I'll make it to the day I die from cancer.

It was not the peace I had imagined, it was torture, and I was starting to feel the pain.

Being sick sucks.

Yan Ji, you want to be healthy, okay?

You will be healthy and healthy.

Alright, I'm going out on a date with your father, and today is our theater night.

We had another bad fight last night, so I should probably coax him.

Say hello to your dad, say hello to your sweetheart (if you have one).

Live happily ever after, baby.

If you miss me, just look at the sunset.

Decided to go home tonight and quietly go to the bedroom to hug your mother]

The author says:

Come, come, come -3-

Here is the first watch, I will go to have a meal first, the second watch will be later——