Offensive change: superficial love

Yan Ju stood there dumbfounded, pinching the few pieces of paper with trembling fingertips.

After a momentary blank, his brain began to think again, and countless memories poured into him.

Fragmented, segmented, stuck like a slide show, with blurred faces...

This makes sense.

Yan Yu kept repeating this sentence in his heart.

This makes sense, why did Yan Ziyou buy a beautiful joint tomb in advance, why did she always say something like saying goodbye in the past six months, why she clearly said she was reluctant to say goodbye, but it was late at night when she ran away from home He left secretly, not even daring to look at him more.

It turned out that the morbid pale skin was not filled with the details of the dream, the coughing sound in the middle of the night was not caused by one bad cold after another, and it was not because Yan Ziyou couldn't hold him, it was not because he was growing too fast.

Mom was just sick, very sick.

"We, Chang Chang, have to grow up well."

"I still want to live freely and meet countless people who love you in the future."

"Mom doesn't need you to accompany me, so don't miss your mother..."

In a trance, Yan Ju seemed to be back in that 12-year-old little body again. Yan Ziyou wrapped the two of them in a big and warm shawl, and Yan Ju stood in the arms of his mother, standing in the vanished In the middle of the garden, humming an out-of-key song, looking at the sea with shining spots in the distance.

The blazing sunset glow burned the whole sky red.

"I will become the evening glow." Yan Ziyou kissed Yan Jun's hair and smiled briskly. Her tone was so gentle and normal that Yan Jun only felt that the wind was a bit cool, and didn't hear any other deep meaning. :

"In this way, every time you see me, it means that the next day will have good weather."

"Chang Chang, you like the sun shining down from the patio."

"right?"

……

The past, which was sealed by Yan Yan and unwilling to recall the slightest bit, jumped out frame by frame, merging and entangled with those nightmares of nothingness and chaos, and finally arranged them clearly in chronological order.

Yan Ju shed tears unconsciously.

There was no sobbing, no wail like in a work of art, just standing there silently, weeping quietly.

In the countless entangled knots, a dead button somewhere seems to be loose.

Although it is still there, "a failed farewell" is always easier to accept than "a brewing abandonment".

"Brother, has that person left? Who is he, brother—" Chu Ruxu's voice came from behind, but it stopped abruptly.

Obviously, he was sensitive to Yan Ji's loss of emotional control.

Chu Ruxu walked up to Yan Ju quickly, pinched Yan Ju's shoulder excitedly, called his name over and over again worryingly and anxiously, and kept asking "what happened".

Ke Yan didn't seem to hear it.

He actually heard it, but the confusion in his thoughts made him a little numb.

After a long time, Yan Ju seemed to have finally regained control of his body, pulled the corners of his lips, and hugged Chu Ruxu carefully.

"She's just sick..." Yan Ju's voice trembled a little, the connection between the words was so weak that it seemed that it would break at any time, there was no emotion in the words, it seemed to be emotion, but also seemed to be sad, he said to himself It doesn't matter whether Chu Ruxu can understand or not, just like a frightened little animal, trying to draw some courage to face the world again from trusted humans, "I'm so stupid."

"For more than ten years, I thought it was because she didn't want me anymore, and I didn't even dare to miss her in an upright manner, and I was unwilling to reconcile." Yan Ju grabbed Chu Ruxu's back tightly, and asked himself self-deprecatingly, "How could I Can't you see it?"

The body temperature of Chu Ruxu seemed to be a strong psychological fulcrum, and Yan Jue rubbed against the side of his neck in attachment, and murmured: "During those few months, she wanted to do something casually with me many times. Thought it was just a normal restlessness in spring, she just wanted to divert her attention from those voices in her head."

"I thought we'd have a lot of opportunities."

Chu Ruxu seems to understand, but still seems confused, but this is a life topic that Yan Jue is unwilling to take the initiative to share details, and he should not ask too many questions, nor should he interfere too much.

As an intimate partner, all he can do is to give each other infinite hugs, quietly listen to these fragmented emotional vents, and keep repeating to Yan Ji, "It's just a pity, not a mistake", "I'm here, I'm listening ", "I'm in love with you".

Yan Ju blamed himself in chaotic logic for an unknown amount of time before slowly calming down in Chu Ruxu's arms, but none of them moved, they just stood there with the door open, letting the wind enveloping the bright moon bring the sea water The moisture blows in.

"It turns out that those were not just dreams..."

Yan Ju suddenly spoke again.

As soon as the words fell, before Chu Ruxu could react, he seemed to have thought of something, and caught off guard, withdrew his strength to hold Chu Ruxu, his fingertips landed on the other's chest, pushed him lightly, and then walked quickly After entering the kitchen, I took a shovel from the tool cabinet and ran straight to the backyard.

Chu Ruxu was startled, and hurriedly chased him out. He anxiously grabbed Yan Ju's wrist, trying to calm down his tense tone, as if afraid of scaring him: "Brother, what are you going to dig? I'll help you."

Yan Ji pursed his lips stubbornly, shook his head, and said blankly: "I don't remember clearly, it should be here."

After finishing speaking, he began to aimlessly land the first shovel on the grass near the corner.

Chu Ruxu didn't want to interfere with the other party, but it was impossible for him to just stand by and watch Yan Ju like this.

The tears on Yan Ju's face hadn't dried completely, his eye sockets were still a sad thin red, and there was a faint bloodshot in his beautiful eyes.

He has never looked so fragile, fragile, and even a little shaky.

Chu Ruxu couldn't bear it anymore, and walked forward directly, holding the handle of the shovel in one hand, and using the least hurtful way he could do with the other, he took Yan Jie's whitish fingers from the metal tool one by one. Peel it off.

"I'll do it." Chu Ruxu leaned over and kissed Qin Yanju's forehead, his movements were gentle, for fear of disturbing his lover who was emotionally unstable at this time, "Let me come?"

"You sit there, tell me stories, or just look at me and direct me, whatever you want, okay?" Chu Ruxu smiled lightly, and dropped delicate kisses one after another on Yan Ju's. On the skin, while trying to appease the other party with a coaxing tone of a child, "You are already very tired today."

"Would you like to take a break?"

Yan Ju frowned slightly, still looking stubbornly at the place shrouded in shadow under the wall.

Chu Ruxu was neither in a hurry nor annoyed, and his tone was still patient and gentle. He deliberately teased Yan Ju, pecking back and forth on both sides of the other's lips, and slowly and lightly touched Yan Ju's spine with his fingertips. Touching, as if he was already very skilled in dealing with this situation.

"We can change shifts." Chu Ruxu tentatively accepted a shallow kiss with Yan Yan, his attitude was unbelievably soft, he pointed to a place with dense weeds next to him, and quickly took off his coat Throwing it up, "Yan Ju, you just sit there and look at me, go quickly."

Yan Ju hesitated for a moment, his thoughts were a little confused, and there were waves of numb pain in his head, but maybe it was because Chu Ruxu looked really trustworthy, or maybe it was the concern between his words that subtly calmed him down for a short time.

Yan Ju finally nodded, and staggered to sit on the clothes that Chu Ruxu had laid out for him.

Chu Ruxu finally breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and winked at him as if appreciating an obedient child, and continued digging along the trace that the other party had just shoveled out.

The two were silent for a long time, Chu Ruxu was still the one who couldn't bear the loneliness and spoke out first, he asked cautiously: "Want to chat?"

Yan Ju paused for a moment, then nodded as if recovering, his voice was a little hoarse, and the order of words was not as chaotic as before, but he still stumbled: "I actually hated her a little these years."

Yan Ju frankly admitted this fact that he had repeatedly despised himself.

Chu Ruxu knows who "she" refers to without asking.

Yan Jie just threw the bag of documents directly on the dining table, and he inadvertently glanced at the words "Lung Cancer Stage IV Bone Metastasis" on it, so he could more or less guess it.

"The memory is really strange. It always picks out the bad things and plays them in a loop when people don't need them." Yan Ji said intermittently, aimlessly, "In the past six months, she has been emphasizing freedom with me. , talk to me about the wind, about the rain, about the foam on the top of the waves, about the clouds that will dissipate at any time."

"She said that she is only a small part of my life, and I am only a small part of her. The secular relationship makes us seem inseparable, but in fact I can still live well without her."

"She said she wanted to have the right to change the direction of her life at any time."

"She said she wouldn't miss me, and told me not to miss her either."

Yan Ju paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and then continued: "So when the day came when she left without saying goodbye, these words hovered in my ears, my mind, and my nightmare like a curse."

"And every moment of missing her."

"I stubbornly define this incident as abandonment, a long-planned abandonment, I always feel that I am just a witness of their love, something like a souvenir, when the relationship is good, I am the derivative who is always left behind things, but at least they are loved.”

"When they hate each other, I become a burden that needs to be abandoned." Yan Ju wrinkled his nose sadly, and the circles of his eyes were red again, "So even if she passed away, she passed away so unevenly and pitifully .”

"I don't even want to admit that I can't bear to part with her, and I even have to leave far away, always avoiding her, avoiding that matter."

Yan Jie's eyes drooped, but the corners of his mouth raised slightly: "But I always want an answer, her answer or Wang Yize's answer."

"Anyone is fine, as long as it releases me from self-torture."

Yan Ji's voice became smaller and smaller, so small that it was almost buried by the sound of soil turning: "I just didn't expect that I knew this answer before, but those prejudiced misunderstandings made me forget..."

Chu Ruxu was about to raise his head to respond to Yan Ju, but before he could finish his words, the tip of the shovel hit a hard object.

The sound of metal colliding was particularly harsh in the dim environment. Chu Ruxu was stunned for a moment. After realizing that this was what the other party was looking for, he immediately sped up his movements. Standing beside Chu Ruxu.

A few minutes later, Chu Ruxu dug out a square box that fit perfectly.

The pale moonlight fell on the exquisite patterns on its surface, and Yan Yan recognized at a glance that this was Yan Ziyou's original box for storing precious jewelry.

Yan Ju took it from Chu Ruxu's hand and stared at the eight-digit combination lock in a daze.

He has never been a curious child, and he has never asked Yan Ziyou about these things. He even noticed that the box was missing when he was counting the other party's inheritance, but he didn't pay attention because the jewelry inside was still there. pondered over.

Yan Ju always thought that his mother was tired of this ordinary thing and discarded it.

Because the other party is really easy to lose interest in things that are no longer novel.

But when he was hesitating, Chu Ruxu said softly: "Since it is for you, then you must know the password."

Yan Ju looked at the smiling lover, then looked down at the lock, and after a while, he slowly moved the number on it with trembling fingertips.

As if he had a premonition, for the first time in his life, he did not doubt his importance to Yan Ziyou.

The box really opens.

It was opened with his birthday.

Yan Ju hurriedly lowered his head to check the items inside, his movements were urgent and anxious.

But what directly catches the eye is a line of elegant characters, which is very familiar to the eye——

【13-year-old Chang Chang kisses】

Underneath it were dozens of envelopes of the same style.

In a daze, Yan Ju seemed to smell the gardenia fragrance of morning dew on Yan Ziyou's damp hair every summer...

The author says:

Come, come, come -3-