The queen is my cousin

I had a very miserable night, even if I live to be 140 years old, I will never forget it.My cousin was very happy for some reason.He seemed to appreciate my half-dead attitude and was very happy. I really don’t understand: If you like this, you might as well find a woman; It is more convenient to find a eunuch.But you messed up the king of a country like this, it's like killing a chicken with a bull's knife, and a cannonball hitting a mosquito, what a big pervert.But I didn't say these words, I just said it to myself, and I couldn't help crying when I said it.My cousin was even more cheerful, looking at me like seeing a monkey performing arts on the street.

At first I was so angry that I wanted to leave, but walking away crying and crying like this was so fucking fucked up, so I just sat there and cried.My cousin wanted to pat me on the shoulder to comfort me, but I also have the dignity of being an emperor, so I turned around to prevent him from touching me, and squatted on the threshold with my sleeves folded.My cousin smiled inexplicably again.

After breakfast, my cousin took me to the Garden of Fangcao by the Taiye Pond, where the court painter had already been waiting, and it turned out that today he was going to paint the new queen.

Portraits are very troublesome. I have experienced it personally, because there were no cameras in our era.For the portrait, I gave 16 years of good time.why?Everyone knows that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the "Mona Lisa" for two or three years, not to mention that the court painters are not as talented as he is. Their little dicks.Therefore, in the process of drawing, they often need to use artisan tools such as rulers and gauges to accurately calculate the proportions, so as to ensure that what they draw is a standard human body, not a large piece of ink that is very charming but really looks like a slug.In short, under their detailed description, I went from sitting stiffly in the grass to the heavy snow.

In spring, Master and I sucked pollen and sneezed together; in summer, we hugged the octagonal pillars of the Fangcao Garden and drifted in the flood that overflowed our chest; in autumn, the strong wind blew us into Shamat; in winter, we froze directly into two lumps of ice Tuozi.Learning to be a model and various survival skills have become one of my daily homework when I was a child.

It took a year to finish the painting with great difficulty.The court painter suddenly discovered that the left half of my face was bigger and swollen than the right half.why?He first went right and then left, counting from left to right, and couldn’t help me grow so fast, so the portrait of the majestic emperor was like drawing a distorting mirror, with all the facial features distorted.Such a simple truth, but the court painter couldn't realize it. He had to insist that I look like this, and the precise measurement would not make mistakes.My Long Yan threw the table in a rage: You think I am Zhu Yuanzhang!The court painter succumbed to my lust and finally came up with a compromise, "Huang Sang, let's come back next year!"

Master don't go!I admit that I am Zhu Yuanzhang, master!

With this coming out, there will be a commotion every Spring Festival.If I don't let him paint again, the master will probably dedicate himself to art, jump off the Chengqian Palace and fall to his death in front of my throne to prove that he is telling the truth.At that time, the whole world will believe: I really look like Zhu Yuanzhang, and I still refuse to admit that I forced Xianliang to death, how dare I not agree to him.I painted like this until the end of puberty, and I was finally liberated!

Now it's my cousin's turn, I just want to give the court painter a no, one, thousand, one, like around Fangcaoyuan!

liquid!

Cousin Da Lala walked up to the painter, first browsed through my remnants of the past dynasties, and was amazed, and sent Shi Balong, the head of the palace, to his palace, and then pretended to browse the portraits of the concubines. The slip fell into the water... a slip on your hand, you fucking fuck!There is still half a mile away from Taiye Pond!Cousin, I know you have amazing physical strength, but please don't make things too obvious!What is the posture of throwing the shot put!

Finally, my cousin saw the portrait of my aunt's cousin.

"Yeah." He snorted with a half-smile, "She's a beauty."

The court painter Oh Houhou laughed: "Otherwise, how could His Majesty willingly abandon Miss Yu and marry the princess! It's really a mistake to see the princess for life! Don't think about food...don't think about food!"

Hey master, if you don't have such a word count, the first half of the sentence that doesn't make up the word count is still copied!Also, is this blatant slander!When did I stop thinking about eating and drinking for women!

My cousin didn't throw away the portrait of my cousin, and he didn't push me to the ground on the spot, so I let out a sigh of relief.He just said, "I painted while sitting. I'm the stepmother, so I should respect her, so I'll draw while standing."

The master's face is full of hatred for the structure of the human body.

"Besides, I also want to use the emperor in the painting."

"what?!"

The cousin said blankly, "My concubine, Ben Siluo, would like to entrust Qiao Mu. Without Qiao Mu, there would be no concubine!"

According to grammar, shouldn't there be no Siluo without Qiaomu!besides!Cousin, you don't seem to be talking about such a thing with your vicious look...

The court painter said that there is no precedent for two people in the painting, but you can try it to see what kind of pose it is.My cousin pushed me to sit on the grand teacher's chair, and then put the back of the chair from behind me, leaning slightly, with a huge aura of "I am the head of the house" on his face.The master was immediately shocked by the composition: this one is easier to draw!So I went back to that nightmare.

On that day, the master only made a line draft. My cousin is knowledgeable and talented, and he discussed the composition with him: "When the time comes, draw his face smaller. It is best to change his face from a round face to a pointed chin, make his eyes bigger, and repair his skin." Bai, don’t draw lumps and lumps in it.”

"What is the queen's request?"

"Don't you think Bengong's appearance is not beautiful?" Cousin raised his chin slightly, showing his green stubble.

The master kneeled and kowtowed, "You...are the most beautiful woman in the world!"

My cousin, who is eight feet tall, has a wasp waist, can't fit into a low-cut skirt, and can't tie a ribbon to cut his waist, snorted coldly, and walked up to me in a hurry, "Remember to cut your bangs when the time comes. Keep your chest up in front of you, tuck your chin, and compare yourself to scissorhands."

"Eh?"

"It will look better when drawn."

I cried secretly: Do I really look like a monkey... But facing my cousin's burning eyes, I had to force a smile, "Cousin, you really understand."

My cousin's flat expression seemed to say: Of course, I have great taste.

On the way back, I kept thinking about one thing. My frequent gaze made my cousin show a clear expression: "You are seducing me."

"Don't dare!"

"Then why are you staring at me?"

"..."

"Why are you so lewd?" My cousin spurned me with a straight face, "Didn't I feed you last night, why did you wake up in the morning with a dissatisfied appearance? Don't you think it's shameful?"

"..."

"Let's put more thought into our current situation. Your former mother-in-law."

I just wanted to tell him about it.Two days after my second marriage, my aunt didn't make a fuss in the Chengqian Palace. I settle accounts.At that time, she must be full of vitality to demolish my hall.In this era, men have become feminized and women have become savages, so we have no choice but to get gay.

Regarding dealing with my aunt, my cousin decided to consult with his good friend Gu Tinglin, they were classmates in Taixue.In fact, when I heard these three words from my cousin, I was shocked.

My impression of Gu Tinglin is very flat.Gu Tinglin was a poor scholar. After winning the imperial examination, he became an Imperial Academy with a high salary. He saved all his money for his wife's book.This was originally a very good scholarly anecdote, because it is really hard to find such an honest and down-to-earth scholar these days, and the ladies in Beijing should rush to marry him.But Gu Tinglin is 25 this year and still single.why?

Because he is very stingy, and he is an out-and-out green tea bitch.

Gu Tinglin was the number one scholar when I first came to power.At that time, I was still a young emperor with lofty ambitions, wanting to rejuvenate the prosperous age and attack the Huns in the north. My biggest dream was to build a stele on Yanran Mountain as a testimony to reproduce the grandeur of my great country in the Central Plains—now it is impossible , now my biggest dream is to reproduce the majesty and majesty of my great country in the Central Plains on the Cuju score board of Yanran Mountain-so I am full of hope for my first champion.Gu Tinglin has beautiful features, writes good calligraphy, and recites a good poem. At that time, I almost fell in love with him. I just felt that he was my future minister of humerus, which shows how much I value him.