deep desire

Three months later.

After reading the report in his hand, the psychiatrist told Lu Jingshen: "The result of this evaluation is not bad. The first course of treatment is over, and the effect is within expectations. What about you? How do you feel?"

Lu Jingshen couldn't say it, but compared to three months ago, he no longer felt nervous and repelled even stepping into this door, which has indeed improved a lot.

"……fine."

The doctor continued: "The goals we set before, the first is to eliminate your reflexive fear of past experiences, and the second is to slow down the cognitive fear caused by this experience. Speaking of the former, you have made great progress, I think Your own feelings should be the most obvious. As for the latter, the treatment effect varies from person to person. You can only take it slowly, and your progress is not small. If you still feel that it is not good, we can enter the second stage of treatment later. Targeted improvement."

"Don't be stressed. I have seen all kinds of patients. Mr. Lu, you are the most active one among them. It is a surprise that you can achieve the expected results in such a short period of time."

Lu Jing nodded deeply, and asked the other party after hesitation: "If I can force myself to step out, will it be considered a recovery?"

The doctor said: "It is of course a great improvement to be able to step out, but the key is that you no longer have negative emotions because of this, and you can truly face and accept yourself, and you will be cured."

Lu Jing took a deep breath: "I see."

Thanking the doctor, he got up and left.

Feng Si was waiting for him outside the door like every time.

Facing this man's bright smiling face, Lu Jing was deeply relieved. The effect of psychotherapy was certainly responsible for being able to get rid of the nightmares that had plagued him for many years in just three months, but more, it was because of the man in front of him.

Without Feng Si, he would not have made it this far.

Feng Si didn't ask anything, and said in a relaxed tone, "What do you want for lunch?"

Lu Jing thought for a while: "Drink porridge, I heard that there is a good seafood porridge restaurant nearby."

Feng Si: "Okay."

It is also a kind of progress to be indifferent to what to eat and say anything casually, maybe Lu Jingshen himself didn't realize it.

At the dinner table, Feng Si mentioned that he had to leave after dinner, and that a friend of his got married today, and he was going to be the best man: "It was agreed that I would go to help in the morning, but I pushed it until the afternoon."

Lu Jingshen: "You said earlier, I can come alone."

"Your business is more important," Feng Si didn't take it seriously, "What's the hurry, I'll go after I'm full."

Coming out of the restaurant, Lu Jingshen said to send him there, but Feng Si refused: "If it's not on the way, I'll just take a taxi and go there, so you won't have to make another trip."

Seeing that Lu Jing had been staring at him, Feng Si laughed: "And I can't bear to leave? Then why don't you go with me, Mr. Lu?"

Lu Jing's deep eyes showed hesitation, and before he could make a decision, Feng Si denied it himself: "Forget it, you will feel uncomfortable going to that kind of occasion, go back to work, and call you at night."

"See you later." He finally helped Lu Jing pull his suit jacket deeply, and waved for a taxi to leave.

Lu Jingshen could only forget it, waited for Feng Si's car to go away, and drove back to the company alone.

Afterwards, for the whole afternoon until Lu Jingshen returned home from get off work, Feng Si didn't send any more messages.

Knowing that he must be too busy to be the best man, Lu Jingshen didn't bother him, and kept his phone in front of him, reading absently. When it was almost nine o'clock, Feng Si's call came in, and he immediately pressed to answer it.

There was an unfamiliar voice over there: "Hi, are you from Feng Si's family?"

At 09:30, Lu Jingshen's car parked in the underground parking lot of the hotel, got out of the car and walked quickly into the elevator room.

The wedding banquet was over, the guests were all gone, the hotel staff were cleaning the scene, Lu Jing pushed open the door of the lounge, and saw Feng Si sitting on a chair by the wall.

He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and stuck to the back of the table and chair without moving. His face was flushed and he was obviously drunk.

Lu Jing breathed a sigh of relief and strode over.

Someone came over to apologize to him, it was a man with a pair of glasses and a gentle face, explaining that Feng Si was helping to hold back the wine at the wedding banquet and was drunk.

"I'm allergic to alcohol and can't drink. It's all up to the groomsmen. Sorry, my relatives and friends are too enthusiastic, so I drink a little too much."

The phone call just now was also made by this person, Lu Jing nodded coldly, guessing that he was probably the groom of the wedding.

The other party apologized again, but Lu Jingshen ignored him and called Feng Si's name in a low voice.

Feng Si slowly opened his eyes, his usually dark eyes became a little confused, it took a long time to focus on Lu Jing's deep shadow in his pupils, and murmured vaguely: "Alex, you are here."

Lu Jing looked at him deeply: "You are drunk."

Feng Si let out a "huh", raised his hand and loosened the collar of his shirt: "I drank too much..."

In the next second, he suddenly leaned forward, hugged the standing Lu Jing's waist, pressed against him and closed his eyes again.

Lu Jingshen's body froze for a moment, and he put his hands on Feng Si's shoulders, without pushing the person away, forcing himself to relax.

Being hugged by Feng Si and unable to move, he then diverted his attention to look around.

There were other people in the lounge. The groom walked back to the sofa and was feeding water to another groomsman who was also drunk when he was grabbed by the wrist. The behavior of the two was very intimate, even ambiguous.

Lu Jing frowned deeply, glanced over, and saw the bride sitting in the corner on the other side, removing her makeup, and the person helping her was probably a bridesmaid, leaning against the bride and whispering to her, their faces pressed together, from time to time Touch your forehead.

The bride and the bridesmaid, the groom and the best man, are two distinct pairs of people.

Lu Jingshen seemed to understand something, was no longer interested, and looked away.

Feng Si laughed suddenly, opened his eyes and looked up at him: "Go back?"

Lu Jing nodded deeply: "Can you still go?"

Feng Si stood up unsteadily, with half of his body pressed on his shoulder: "Then let's go."

In the end, Lu Jingshen had no choice but to get the person into the elevator half-armed and half-backed like this. The elevator door closed, and Feng Si's whole body was pressed onto Lu Jingshen's back, and the alcohol-smelling voice pierced into his ears: "Alex ,How did you come?"

Lu Jing deeply pressed the button on the first floor: "Didn't you ask someone to call me and ask me to come pick you up?"

"I didn't," Feng Si curled his lips, "Maybe he saw that you are mostly in my call log, so he called you."

Lu Jingshen: "What are you going to do if I don't come?"

Feng Si smiled next to his ear: "How could you not come?"

Lu Jingshen didn't say anything else, the elevator reached the first basement floor, got people into the car, and the car drove straight back to Mingyue Bay.

When poured into the sofa, Feng Si stretched out his hand and pulled Lu Jingshen who was about to pour water for him, and wrapped his arms around him.

Lu Jing fell deeply into his arms, supported herself with difficulty, looked up and saw that Feng Si's eyes were much clearer than before, and asked him: "Are you really drunk? How much did you drink tonight?"

"I don't remember," Feng Si leaned back on the sofa, and lazily closed his eyes a few times, "Red, white, beer, those people mix several kinds of wine, there are always more than a dozen glasses."

Lu Jing was a little unhappy when he heard this: "Why do you drink like this? Don't be the best man next time."

Feng Si curled up his lips: "I don't want to do it either. I reluctantly agreed to it because others begged me again and again. Who knew it would be so troublesome."

Seeing that Feng Si's face was still red, Lu Jingshen helped him unbutton two shirt buttons, and seeing a section of collarbone exposed under his collar, the feeling of dry mouth and tongue suddenly reappeared.

He tried to change the subject: "Are they married in person?"

"You can see it too," Feng Si snorted lightly, "I have persuaded them not to do this when dealing with the elders in the family, but they don't listen. I have seen this kind of marriage a lot, and it will probably end up in a mess. , Forget it, it’s none of my business.”

If he hadn't been familiar with the place when he first came here, and the other party had helped a little, he really didn't want to meddle in other people's business, and he would be repaying the favor today.

Lu Jing pursed the corners of his lips deeply. It just occurred to him that this behavior of choosing to act with others in order to conceal his sexuality despite having a partner may be a last resort. In the eyes of others, it is hard to explain.

"I won't do that," he blurted out.

Feng Si teased him: "You don't have to deal with your elders. Why do you do this? Besides, even if you want to marry, you can't find a partner at all. If you're like this, who dare you tell me before?"

After Lu Jingshen finished speaking, he also felt embarrassed. He really didn't think about this kind of problem at all, but he just bumped into it tonight, and he was afraid that Feng Si would think too much, so he said that.

"Are you insecure?" Lu Jing asked hesitantly. The word "security" seems to be incompatible with Feng Si, but Lu Jing is not sure, after all, I asked him to search all over the world for seven years.

What's more, he still owes Feng Si a formal confession, and has not publicly acknowledged their relationship.

Seeing Lu Jing's cautious expression into his eyes, Feng Si's eyes gradually darkened, and he fixedly looked at him.

Lu Jing was a little uneasy like this, and his voice was a little more uncertain: "Will it be?"

Feng Si: "So what?"

Lu Jing took one of his hands lightly, clasped his fingers together, and pressed them against his forehead.

"Teach me again, what to do to satisfy you."

"This can't be taught," Feng Si reminded him, "You have to think for yourself."

After thinking for a moment, Lu Jing nodded deeply: "Okay."

"Understood?" Feng Si raised his eyebrows.

Lu Jingshen: "Yes."

Feng Si smiled: "Okay, then I'll wait and see."

Lu Jing breathed a sigh of relief, got up and poured water for Feng Si: "Do you want to sleep here tonight? It's already very late."

Feng Si took the water glass and drank it one after another, his eyes lingering on his face: "Are you inviting me to stay?"

Lu Jingshen: "...I have no other meaning."

He had no other intentions, Feng Si was a little distracted.

Probably because he was drunk, and he had enough of being funny, all those bullshit insistence on not crossing the line were all left behind, and now looking at the person in front of him who wanted to confess his feelings to him, he only felt the pain in his body. An evil fire shot up.

Putting down the water glass, he stretched out his hand and pulled Lu Jingshen off again. Feng Si sat up on his knees, exchanged positions with him, and pressed him down.

Before Lu Jingshen could respond, Feng Si's kiss had already fallen.

Bite his lips brutally, squeeze his tongue between the teeth and stir, the smell of alcohol poured down Feng Si's breath, Lu Jing was only stunned for a moment, then hugged him tightly and responded excitedly.

It was the first kiss after many days, and Feng Si was drunk, his movements were not to mention gentle, or even demeanorless. Lu Jingshen's tongue sucked the kiss vigorously, Lu Jingshen was bitten painfully by him, and kept swallowing the saliva mixed with each other while pushing her lips and tongue.

Tasting the bloody smell spreading from his mouth, Lu Jing felt a little uncomfortable, almost out of breath, and thought that Feng Si was like this because of the discussion about "security" between them just now, which made him want to vent, so he also condoned Not only did he not yell to stop, he even hugged Feng Si's head and inserted his fingers into his hair, trying to comfort him.

Feng Si understood Lu Jing's thoughts from his deeply entangled expression, but he didn't bother to explain.

In fact, such an illusory thing as a sense of security would not be considered by a person with his personality. If he wants this person, he must try his best to trap him.

But since Lu Jing deeply misunderstood, let him misunderstand.

He always enjoys acting wronged and pitiful, and acting like a baby with Lu Jingshen. Moreover, Lu Jingshen's restrained and forbearing appearance under him makes him even more wicked and wants to bully others.

It's just bullying on the bed, there's nothing wrong with it.

At this moment, Feng Si's alcohol-smeared mind could still be distracted thinking about all these things. While kissing, his hands didn't stop moving, violently ripping off the buttons of Lu Jingshen's shirt.

Lu Jingshen only heard the sound of "hissing" rubbing against the eardrums, and Feng Si's hands had already slipped in along the fabric, igniting fires everywhere on his body.

His waist trembled reflexively. In the past few months, he has almost masochistically never touched it by himself. His body is so sensitive that he can't stand it instantly when he is touched by Feng Si, and his body is ignited. His enthusiasm surged around, almost driving him crazy.

Before Lu Jingshen was completely out of breath, Feng Si finally let go of his lips, kissed him around his chin and slid down to his Adam's apple, then slid to the back of his neck, biting hard at the root of his hair, branding it.

Lu Jing was like a fish on the verge of drying up, he could only breathe with his mouth open, and couldn't even groan.

Early in the morning, when Lu Jingshen woke up, Feng Si had already left.

He left a wechat message on his phone, saying that he had morning class today and had to go back to school first.

Lu Jing leaned deeply on the bed with her hair in a daze for a moment, pressed the black phone screen, got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

They didn't make it to the end last night, they only used their hands, and they tossed for most of the night like this.

Closing her eyes and pouring hot water down, Lu Jing thought deeply of what happened to Feng Si after getting drunk last night, feeling a little uneasy in her heart.

After taking a shower and standing in front of the mirror, he couldn't help frowning when he saw the marks all over his body.

Fortunately, there were places that could be blocked by clothes, but when he turned his head and saw the half-exposed bright red mark on the back of his neck, he was stunned.

Trying to find something to cover it up, half a minute later, his hand hangs down and rests on the edge of the sink, but he still chooses to give up.

Forget it, so be it, if this is what Feng Si wants.

Feng Si didn't know that Lu Jing was deep in these entangled thoughts, and at the moment he was in the taxi on the way back refreshed.

The uncle driver is a talkative person, chatting with him all the way: "Young man, it's the first time I see you smiling when you go to work early in the morning. How about sending a message to your wife? Young people are sticky. When I left the house, I missed it again."

Feng Si put away his mobile phone and said with a smile: "I can't help it, the one at home is too clingy, if you don't send him a message, he won't see me when he wakes up, and he will start thinking wildly again."

The uncle driver gave a thumbs up: "You still hurt people."

When leaving the house, Lu Jingshen placed an order for today's roses and glanced at the calendar on the phone.

It has been three months since the first day he sent flowers to Feng Si.

Let's just put away the phone, Lu Jing thought deeply, he must take this step.