deep desire

The three-day work schedule ended in a blink of an eye, and the time to return home was set for the next morning. When Liu Jie and Lu Jingshen talked about it, he pondered for a while, but did not immediately agree: "Let's talk about it later."

Liu Jie reminded him that he has other jobs next week, and Lu Jing said calmly, "I know."

As for how late it was, he didn't say, but Liu Jie didn't ask after thinking about it.

After finishing work at night, Lu Jingshen rented a car again, and drove aimlessly around the streets of foreign and unfamiliar cities by himself, and unknowingly arrived at Feng Si's house downstairs.

The car was parked at the same location as last time. He picked up his phone and checked the time. It was only nine o'clock.

I'm not sure whether Feng Si is outside or has already returned home. I'm not reconciled, and I don't want to just go back.

Lighting a cigarette casually, holding it between his fingers, he looked into his tired and dull eyes in the rearview mirror, and frowned with some annoyance.

Not to mention that Feng Si couldn't bear it, even he himself hated his appearance.

Time slipped by bit by bit, and after twelve o'clock, there was still no sign of Feng Si.

It's not always lucky to be so lucky every time, just in time to wait for him, Lu Jing let out a deep breath, and after hesitating, sent a message to Feng Si.

After waiting for half an hour, there was no reply. He lay on the steering wheel, his eyelids drooped from exhaustion, and he gradually fell asleep like last time.

Of course it is impossible to sleep well in this kind of place, Lu Jingshen dreamed again in a daze, he dreamed of the dark basement, the pungent smell of decay, and then blood, and the stench of rotting corpses.

Fear and haze forced him to have nowhere to escape, and the scene changed suddenly.

The tropical wind brushed his cheeks, the sun was shining above his head, and the front was a wild desert for a while, and a passionate wilderness for a while, and there was another person's temperature beside him, during those three short but vivid memories Here, repeatedly making him dizzy and sinking, became his salvation.

But he was still engulfed by those shadows after all, and since then his world has seen no scorching sun, only endless cold rain and freezing cold.

The chill that penetrated into the bones pulled Lu Jing back to reality. It was snowing outside the window, and only a little time had passed. Feng Si never replied to his message.

When the sky was twilight, Lu Jingshen opened his eyes again. He was woken up by someone knocking on the car window. Outside the window was a kind-looking woman with an oriental face. She looked at him worriedly and gestured for him to open the window.

Lu Jing lowered the car window deeply, and the other party asked him in English: "Sir, are you okay? I saw you sleeping here when I just went out, and you are still here when I come back. Is there something wrong with you? Do you need help?"

Lu Jingshen was probably stunned by the sudden awakening. He stared at the woman's familiar eyes and forgot to react for a moment.

The other party thought that he could not understand English, so he tentatively switched to Chinese and asked, "Sir, can you understand what I am saying?"

Lu Jingshen nodded, opened the door and got out of the car, and thanked the person: "I'm fine, thank you."

The woman felt relieved and reminded him: "Don't sleep here, it's so cold, be careful of catching a cold."

Lu Jing blurted out: "Excuse me, do you know Feng Si?"

The other party was taken aback, and then smiled: "Are you here to find Feng Si? I'm his mother."

really.

The mother Feng in front of her had a pair of eyes almost identical to those of Feng Si and Feng Ting, and he did not admit his mistake.

"I'm his...friend," Lu Jing said hesitantly, "Is he at home?"

Mother Feng smiled and said: "He went out to play with his friends last night, and he hasn't come back yet, and he should be back soon, why don't you come in with me and wait."

Lu Jingshen followed her upstairs. They lived in an old-fashioned apartment with a sense of age. They could hear echoes when they stepped on the wooden floor. Mama Feng introduced to Lu Jingshen that their family had lived here for nearly 30 years and was used to This place, do not want to move.

"Feng Si and his younger sister were both born and raised here. Our family of four used to be very lively. Later, when our children grew up, we went to work, study, and came back when we were on vacation. Nian also passed away, and I am the only one left at home. I hope Feng Si can come back to work in London, and I can see him more, but he said before that he wants to go to China, and I support him. Maybe I will be older in the future. Will go back too."

Mother Feng moved her eyes inadvertently as she spoke, looked at Lu Jingshen who was serious and listening to her words, and continued: "Feng Si has always had such an uncertain personality, and he is used to running around the world. I am actually quite surprised by him. I would like to go back to China, after all, he just followed me back a few times when I was a child."

Lu Jing pursed the corners of his lips deeply. He saw the bottomless corridors and corridors in front of him. The fine dust danced in the mottled light and shadow. now.

They are two people in completely different worlds. If there is no encounter between strangers, there may be no intersection in this life. If there is no Feng Si who has been looking for him persistently for the past seven years, the two lines that have intersected will gradually move forward. After getting far away, they will eventually return to parallel.

Thinking of this, a sharp pain suddenly appeared at the tip of his heart, it wasn't fatal, but it still made him very uncomfortable.

After entering the door, Feng's mother put down the things she had just bought from the supermarket, and a bunch of flowers, which she casually inserted into the vase on the cabinet by the entrance.

She motioned Lu Jingshen to sit casually and go make tea for him.

Feng Ting went back to study in France, Feng Si hadn't come back yet, and there was no one else at home, so Lu Jingshen felt uncomfortable at the moment, Mother Feng probably noticed it, and asked him if he didn't have breakfast when she came over with tea: "I'm Go prepare, you can eat in a while, the room on the left is Fengsi, if you feel bored, you can go there and see if there are any books to pass the time."

Lu Jing thanked her deeply.

Mother Feng went into the kitchen, Lu Jingshen got up and walked to the door of Feng Si's room, put her hand on the doorknob, paused, and slowly pushed it away.

What gradually unfolded in front of his eyes was a completely different world from Lu Jingshen's imagination. The most piled things were books and various medals. He walked to the bookshelf and looked around. Most of them were books related to aviation. He doesn't look serious, but in fact, his attitude towards work is no more sloppy than others.

Lu Jing brushed the old book with his deep hands, his heart was heavy, and some indescribable emotions accumulated, as if here, he finally really glimpsed a corner of Feng Si's past, and got to know that person again.

Suddenly her fingers stopped, noticing a stack of postcards hidden in the corner of the bookshelf, Lu Jing hesitated to reach out and took out the top one.

Turning to the back, the recipient turned out to be himself, and below is a passage written by Feng Si in English.

"Alex,

I'm going to Dubai. This is the first job I've changed in the past seven years. I don't remember it. Although it's a bit unrealistic, I heard that there are a lot of rich people there, so I still want to try my luck. Know where the next stop will be and when to stop.

Feng

2022.1.3 "

Lu Jing was taken aback for a moment, then took the second, third and more.

"Alex,

This is Venice, Italy. The church bells are ringing. Someone is passing under the bridge in a gondola. They are kissing. I envy them. I hope to come with you next time.

Feng

2021.6.15 "

"Alex,

I went home, my father fell ill and passed away, and my mother seemed to have aged a lot overnight. Thinking of the days of their love, it turned out that their life was only 30 years.

I will continue to look for you.

Feng

2020.8.19 "

"Alex,

It’s snowing in New York tonight. It’s the first snow after winter this year. I met a person who looks a lot like you, and I really want to take him for you, but he’s not you, so I still can’t lie to myself.

Feng

2019.11.28 "

"Alex,

The place I came to this time is France. The French people are so enthusiastic that even I can’t stand it. So you must not be from here, but you can speak French. When did you learn it?

Feng

2018.4.13 "

There are several postcards in the back whose paper has started to yellow.

"Alex,

I've searched all over Asia, but I still can't find you. I decided to try other places. Sometimes I even wonder if you are the person I imagined in those three months. I still don't believe it. What do I think if I don't find you? Are not reconciled.

Feng

2017.12.3 "

"Alex,

I always think you are East Asian, you can't understand Chinese, could you be Japanese or Korean?Now I am on the streets of Shinjuku, Tokyo. There are too many people here, but none of them are you. Where are you?

Feng

2016.2.12 "

"Alex,

It's been a month, and you still haven't come back. What I thought was not so important is actually very important. Is it true that what you thought was not so important is actually not important at all?

Not sure what I'm talking about, I might be crazy.

I just saw this postcard on the street. You wanted to buy the last one but someone snatched it away. I bought it for you today, but I don’t know where to send it.

Feng

2015.11.8 "

When Lu Jingshen read dozens of postcards one by one, he felt an unbearable soreness in his eyes.

Maybe it's because I didn't sleep well last night, maybe it's something else.

The breathing in his chest was not smooth, and the sour taste spread to his heart, which made his heart ache.

In a daze, there was the movement of the door opening and the sound of footsteps outside, followed by Feng Si's voice: "Mom, are there any guests at home again?"

Lu Jingshen immediately put away the stack of obvious pictures and put them back, and heard Feng's mother reply: "It's your friend, I just went shopping in the supermarket and met outside, he came to you, his name is... ah, I forgot I asked his name."

Lu Jing went out deeply, Feng Si glanced over, he didn't seem surprised to see him, and casually introduced to his mother: "Lu is always my boss who works in China."

He didn't say hello to Lu Jingshen either, and went to the kitchen first to help his mother bring out the freshly made breakfast.

Lu Jing was a little embarrassed, and wanted to help, but was stopped by Feng Si coldly outside the kitchen: "Stay outside, there is no reason to let the guests do it."

Lu Jingshen could only back away, and followed him into the restaurant without making a sound.

At the dining table, Mother Feng complained to her son: "Where did you go to play all night again? If you don't come back, don't say anything?"

"My friend had a birthday party, and the phone ran out of battery. Later, it was snowing and it was cold and far away, so I didn't bother to come back. I slept there all night," Feng Si patiently explained to his mother, and then glanced deeply at Lu Jing. , and finally turned his attention to him, "What is President Lu doing here so early in the morning?"

Feng's mother said: "He seems to have come very early, the car has been parked downstairs, and you are really serious, causing others to wait for you."

Lu Jing took the phrase "just passing by" to his lips and swallowed it back.

Feng Si picked up a piece of bread nonchalantly: "It doesn't matter if you wait a little bit, it's not like I haven't waited for anyone before."

Lu Jing deeply remembered the last postcard just now. After he left that year, Feng Si waited for him in that city and that hotel for another month.

Feeling a little uncomfortable, he said softly: "It's okay, I'm here to disturb you."

Mother Feng comforted him: "Don't bother with Feng Si, he shouldn't be running outside all day and staying away from home all day long."

Feng Si laughed and said: "Mom, I'm thirty, not three years old, and Tingting is not at home, so you don't have to tell me what to do? It's okay, you know I'm here, you are very annoying, I've had enough vacation, immediately I have to go to work, and I will roll out of my own accord."

Lu Jing subconsciously looked at him, wanting to know where the job he was talking about was, and Mother Feng also asked, "Where are you going to work this time?"

Feng Si: "It's not here anyway."

As for where, he didn't say, and Mother Feng wasn't interested in asking further.

After breakfast, Feng Si sent Lu Jingshen downstairs.

There were only footsteps in the empty corridor. Two tall men walked side by side. The wooden floor under their feet creaked, breaking the silent atmosphere between them.

Lu Jingshen: "You..."

"You'd better go back, there's no need to come here to look for me again." Feng Si spoke first, cutting off his words.

Lu Jingshen's complexion changed slightly, he stopped, stood at the end of the dark corridor, turned to look at him: "You really don't plan to go back to my place, do you?"

Feng Si: "No plan."

He looked at the phone that had just been charged, and Lu Jingshen sent him a WeChat message after twelve o'clock last night, asking if he was at home: "You came here last night? Waited for me here all night?"

Lu Jing deeply tasted the taste of blood welling up in her heart, Feng Si's words "not going to" just now echoed in her mind, she nodded unconsciously.

Feng Si said: "You really don't need to do this, it's so cold, what are you doing here?"

After a moment of silence, Lu Jingshen suddenly reached out and grabbed him tightly: "...I have seen all the postcards you wrote, and the ones you wrote for me."

Feng Si let out an "oh" and said lightly, "I'd have forgotten if you didn't tell me, I wrote it for fun before, so I couldn't send it anyway."

"But I saw it, so I can't pretend I haven't seen it." Lu Jingshen insisted.

Feng Si: "So?"

Lu Jing looked directly into his eyes: "Give me a chance, and I want to make it up to you."

"compensate."

Feng Si read these two words slowly, drew back his hand and lit a cigarette, and lightly exhaled the smoke ring: "How is Mr. Lu planning to compensate me? I have enough money, I don't need it. If you want to pay for it, you have done a lot." Again, I'm not interested in it now."

"I'll give you my heart back, do you want it?" Lu Jingshen struggled to say this sentence like a confession, he dared not admit that he fell in love with a man, but he loved Feng Si, this matter has long been It took root in his heart and could no longer be pulled out.

Feng Si laughed inexplicably: "Boss Lu is confessing his love to me?"

Lu Jing was deeply confused by his laughter, and said with difficulty: "...Yes."

Feng Si: "Well, I don't ask you to disclose our relationship to others, tell your family members, can you do it?"

Before Lu Jingshen could answer, his phone rang, and it happened to be Lu Jingqing's call.

Restraining her emotions and pressing the answer button, Lu Jingqing called to tell him that she would also come to London the day after tomorrow, her best friend was holding a wedding here, and she would come to be a bridesmaid.

Lu Jing frowned deeply and said, "You didn't mention this before I left."

"No," Lu Jingqing explained, "The itinerary has already been set. At that time, I wanted to tell you that I will attend this business invitation. The time is just right, but if you insist on going, I will not say anything. Yours The business trip should have ended, right? When will you be back?"

What Lu Jingqing meant was obviously to remind him to go back.

The company has just experienced turmoil. It is not good for the two of them to stay abroad at the same time. At least one of them must go back to the company to take charge. Lu Jingshen can only respond: "I will go back tomorrow."

The sound of footsteps disappeared behind him, he turned around, only to see the back of Feng Sijian going upstairs with his slippers on.

Holding the phone tightly, Lu Jing closed her eyes deeply.

After hanging up the phone, he was still standing behind the light and shadow, without moving.

Feng Si's question, he may not be able to give that person a satisfactory answer immediately, but he really wants to work hard, whether it's going back to see a psychiatrist, or working overtime to finish the work ahead of time, and come back to Feng Si next month or the next month No matter what, he wanted to try hard.

It is irreversible that year, and that step must be taken, and he will not evade it again.