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College life is completely different from what Ni Xingqiao imagined, in the final analysis, it is because of Yao Xu's absence.

Freshmen began military training within two days of school. Ni Xingqiao was wearing a fat camouflage uniform and stood under the sun. His face burned within two days.

Lin Yuzhou heard about this, and ran over at night to give him sunscreen and a mask.

Ni Xingqiao was taken aback when he saw Lin Yuzhou sitting in the car, and was a little surprised because the person in the driver's seat was Lu Zheming.These two are getting better

Because there was still class in the evening, Ni Xingqiao didn't have much time to chat with Lin Yuzhou, and the person sitting in the car obviously planned to leave just to give him something, so Ni Xingqiao didn't ask his doubts in person.It wasn't until he returned to the dormitory with his things that he sent Lin Yuzhou a WeChat message.

Ni Xingqiao asked the two of you what was going on, but Lin Yuzhou fell asleep peacefully.

The words were concise and to the point, but Ni Xingqiao was at a loss.What does it mean to fall asleep? Let’s talk about love. Isn’t that Lu Zheming a straight man?

Ni Xingqiao couldn't figure it out, so he simply stopped thinking about it, and went to the teaching building to take military theory classes with Qi Weining and other people in the dormitory.After half a month of military training, Ni Xingqiao was tortured to the point of disgrace.Every night when he returned to the dormitory, no matter how tired he was, he would write a diary before going to bed, but in fact, he wrote this diary for Yao Xu, and recorded his daily life in detail. Do not share with each other.Besides the diary, Ni Xingqiao is still writing letters.

Every week, he would write a letter to himself in the name of Yao Xu, and the address of the letter was "favorite" dessert shop.

He imitated Yao Xu's tone, imagined Yao Xu's life, and in his own way compiled a life in which Yao Xu was not absent.

Until now Ni Xingqiao couldn't accept the fact that Yao Xu abandoned him.

At the end of the military training, the college held a welcome party.

Ni Xingqiao met Lu Shangchen again. The other party was one of the organizers of the welcome party.

Although he had added WeChat before, Lu Shangchen also sent him several messages, asking him if he was adapting to school life, and asking him if he wanted to attend fellow villagers' gatherings.

Ni Xingqiao's reply is always polite and distant. In Lu Shangchen's view, he is an extremely introverted person.

Today's classmates and roommates, except for Qi Weining, no one knows that Ni Xingqiao used to be so lively that he gave the teacher a headache. People from Huangquan.

The welcome party was very lively, but Ni Xingqiao still felt that he could not integrate into such excitement.

He is like an outsider, watching other people's happiness with indifference.

In the middle of the welcome party, Ni Xingqiao felt that the venue was too stuffy, so he sneaked out through the back door.

Since the last time he smoked with Qi Weining at night, he also bought a pack and put it in his pocket.

Ni Xingqiao hid outside the venue, found a place where no one was around, watched Houshan smoking a cigarette, and did not know when Lu Shangchen came to him. "Why did you come out?"

Ni Xingqiao was startled, and when he saw him, he subconsciously crushed the cigarette with his fingers.

"It's too stuffy in there."

Lu Shangchen smiled, "That's right, it's good to come out to get some air." Ni Xingqiao still felt uncomfortable, and the two of them stood side by side without talking, which was a bit embarrassing. "Senior, then I'll go back first."

He turned around and walked back, but Lu Shangchen suddenly stopped him. "You can try to make some friends."

Ni Xingqiao looked back, and Lu Shangchen said to him, "Don't close yourself too much, college life is very beautiful." Is it beautiful? Maybe.

However, the person he cares about the most is missing, so what right does he have to enjoy a good life?

Ni Xingqiao nodded his thanks, and heard Lu Shangchen say, "If you want, I can be your good friend."

Ni Xingqiao looked up at him, smiled and said, "Thank you, but no need."

After speaking, Ni Xingqiao walked away with his head down.

He didn't go back to the venue, and he didn't continue to go back to watch the welcome party that had nothing to do with him.

He went to the back mountain of the school alone, sat in the gazebo, and looked into the distance.

Here, Ni Xingqiao felt the size of the world and his own insignificance.

I feel the barrenness of life and the panic of the unknown.

He closed his eyes and let the evening wind blow his face, hoping that this wind could blow all his doubts and longings to Yao Xu's side. If possible, he would send him a message and ask Yao Xu if he had any thoughts he.When Ni Xingqiao closed his eyes and took a deep breath, time flowed slowly and quickly.

This is how his college days began and passed without a hitch.There is no such wanton publicity, no enthusiasm, no passionate love and ideals, and some are just expectations that are gradually exhausted.In the past four years, Ni Xingqiao has been alone, and he and Qi Weining have not become friends in the true sense.

He became less and less talkative, and always looked like strangers should not get close to him.

During the four years, many people were attracted by his personality and temperament, but Ni Xingqiao did not accept anyone's confession, including Lu Shangchen.

When Lu Shangchen graduated, he found Ni Xingqiao on purpose and gave him his graduation flowers.

Ni Xingqiao said, "I don't want it."

"Take it for now." Lu Shangchen stuffed it into his hand, "It's my graduation gift."

Ni Xingqiao was neither stupid nor stupid, and could vaguely guess what Lu Shangchen was thinking.The other party said, "It feels more embarrassing to say some things, but I really want to go into your heart and see what kind of person that person is."

Ni Xingqiao looked at the bouquet of flowers in his hand, but finally returned it to him.Ni Xingqiao can't bear to accept other people's flowers. This is his loyalty to Yao Xu and his own punishment.

For four whole years, Ni Xingqiao wandered all over the streets and alleys of Shancheng, but just like when he was in Ancheng before, Yao Xu still hadn't heard from him.He began to feel that the other party might not have come to the mountain city as promised, and in the diary he wrote to Yao Xu, he said: I am beginning to resent you a little.During the four years he was away from Ancheng, Ni Xingqiao heard from his father that Qi Meiling was sent to the hospital by his family, saying that he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and that he became completely ill after Yao Xu left.

Ni Xingqiao was listening on the phone, feeling mixed emotions. "However, there are people who pay Qi Meiling every month." Ni Haiming said, "It's not from her family, all they keep is cash. I guess it's Yao Xu."

Hearing the name "Yao Xu", Ni Xingqiao burst into tears instantly.

It's only been a few years, the last time I saw Yao Xu seemed like a lifetime ago.

But Ni Haiming's words still provided Ni Xingqiao with an idea. He thought maybe he could go to the hospital to guard, and sooner or later he would be able to catch Yao Xu.

In this way, Ni Xingqiao completed four years of undergraduate studies, and returned to Ancheng after taking the postgraduate examination.

Everyone didn't understand that it was a better choice to stay in the school for graduate study, but he went back without hesitation.

But for Ni Xingqiao, the so-called worthwhile depends on his own heart, he can only choose the path that makes his life better.He returned to Ancheng and ran to the hospital whenever he had no classes.

Seeing Qi Meiling again after such a long time, she became thinner and more haggard.Ni Xingqiao didn't dare to meet her, so he could only watch secretly, feeling both sympathy and resentment towards her.

The "favorite" dessert shop is still there, and after he comes back, he will still write and send letters in the name of Yao Xu every week, and the sister of the shop manager will help to collect them.In fact, the store manager's sister knew what was going on, so she didn't expose him, and helped him create the illusion of supporting him to live a good life.It’s just that occasionally I’ll be reminded, “Look ahead more.”

Ni Xingqiao also knew that after so many years, maybe Yao Xu really didn't want him anymore.

Maybe, there is someone else beside Yao Xu.

Thinking of this, Ni Xingqiao felt as painful as picking bones, but he just couldn't be reconciled.

What's more, because of Qi Meiling's sudden intrusion back then, Ni Xingqiao had a psychological shadow on sexual matters. For so many years, no matter how much he missed Yao Xu, he couldn't get himself an erection.

Ni Xingqiao kept this matter a secret and never told anyone.Yao Xu should also be responsible for what he has become like this.

Ni Xingqiao was lying on the "favorite" dessert shop and looked at the busy traffic outside in a daze. He suddenly felt that the time had returned to many years ago. At that time, he was sitting here, waiting for Yao Xu to buy double skin milk for himself.If only time could be turned back.

Ni Xingqiao wants to live forever at the age of 17, when he and Yao Xu can walk around the campus holding hands.