blowing clouds

Laryngeal cancer, advanced stage.

When receiving the diagnosis result from the doctor, Gaopeng didn’t feel like a thunderbolt or fog. It wasn’t until he walked through the hospital corridor full of medicine smell and stood in the sun for a long time that he felt unreal. Feel.

His throat has always been uncomfortable, and he often breaks out into violent coughs that cannot be controlled. Everyone who has come into contact with him is more or less disgusted, but he doesn't have to worry about this in the future.

Perhaps at this point, people have to become free and easy. After breaking free from useless conjectures, Gaopeng planned his final life in an orderly manner.The crying of the mother in the country seemed to make him more sad than the terminal illness itself, but all he could do was to comfort the old man with a smile, and then cruelly discarded the phone, disappearing silently into a city that was extremely distant and unfamiliar to his parents.

Just like a domestic dog at the end of its lifespan, it will choose to bid farewell silently.

Many worries and fetters in the world have nothing to do with him, confusion and pain will no longer occupy his last time, and he can quietly think about what else he wants to do.

For him, the world is too big, so big that it is just a vague concept. He doesn't want to travel all over the world's beautiful scenery, but just wants to follow his heart and walk in an elegant and calm way.He thought of his teacher. One of his ideals was to engage in this sacred profession. Unfortunately, his ability was limited. In the last days, he wanted to get as close as possible to his dream, so he chose the most culturally rich place in the city. bookstore.

Everyone thought he was an ordinary shy young man. No one knew that his days were numbered, and no one knew that this odd job was the last meaning of his life.

However, contrary to expectations, the last time failed to slip away quietly like a peaceful lake.

When I first met Gaopeng, Ding Zhaoyan’s attire was not as exaggerated as before, but in the eyes of the other party, he was still a shining image. No matter how Ding Zhaoyan deliberately lowered his posture to show favor, Gaopeng would always Through his bright eyes, you can see the brilliance from his bones.

He is obviously a bright star, who should be held in the palm of his hand and worshiped, but he restrained his sharpness for fear of hurting his eyes. Gao Peng's impression of Ding Zhaoyan was different from most people in the world. He felt that Ding Zhaoyan was very gentle.

Only later did he truly understand that gentleness was a preference for him.

At that time, he didn't understand Ding Zhaoyan's intentions, but at least he understood that the other party's smiling face was not out of pity for the dying person, which made Gao Peng think of more beautiful things, and every day since then, no matter what Rain or shine, he began to want to have more contact with the other party, and it was from this moment that elegance and calmness had nothing to do with him, and he began to fear the coming of death.

Later in the park, Ding Zhaoyan revealed his heart to him without warning. He understood why he was afraid of death. With the emotion that he couldn't let go of, who would be willing to die?

But he had to leave, and he didn't have the capital to respond to the other party's wishes.He could probably imagine how Ding Zhaoyan would sink and be sad, but he had to leave the meeting silently, he couldn't hurt the person he liked more deeply.

After Tranquility ceased to exist, the last days became as embarrassing as the philistine he was when he was busy surviving. In fact, he didn't need to earn a penny at all, and there were not so many days in the future that required him to struggle, but he indulged himself in the mud Struggling, even if this is his last time.

On the one hand, being busy can make him temporarily forget a lot, on the other hand, he is punishing himself and making himself numb, as if in this way, he can have the feeling of being alive, as if in this way, he will not be reluctant to leave when life ends abruptly .

However, the beam of light that he thought he shouldn't have, still stubbornly came to the door, and the person he couldn't help thinking about every day before falling asleep appeared unexpectedly.

Gao Peng's psychological defense line was already dilapidated, so he and Ding Zhaoyan hugged each other fiercely in front of a room full of guests.He greedily snatches the breath from the other person, like a drowning person who will not let go even if he hugs the person who saved him to death. He looks down on himself, but he can't resist his heart.

Love is love, where is there so much looking forward and backward?Thinking about it from another angle, even though life and death are separated from each other, he can't help but want to get closer to the past. How can such love be missed?

He treats every day as the last day to love Ding Zhaoyan, so that short period of time is their happiest time.

"The love in your eyes is too deep and strong. Fortunately, it is me. If it were someone else, I would not dare to accept this feeling as thick as the earth."

When the lazy love was about to end, Ding Zhaoyan who was curled up in his arms said so.

Gaopeng stuck close to him: "Why do you like me?"

"I don't know," Ding Zhaoyan replied without thinking, "There is still hope for liking for a reason, but I am hopeless. I will even forget myself when I look at you."

Gaopeng looked at the person in his arms seriously: "No, you have to remember yourself."

"It should be you who should remember me, right?" Ding Zhaoyan said with a smile.

This smile lingered on Ding Zhaoyan's face for a long time, but stayed in Gao Peng's heart for a longer time. His voice was very low, but his tone was extremely solemn: "I will never forget you."

"I can't wait to announce the relationship between you and me in front of all human beings. I want to show off." Ding Zhaoyan said with a smile.

Gao Peng subconsciously wanted to stop it, but it seemed to be just his illusion for a moment, and the next moment his heart was filled with strong yearning: "Ding Zhaoyan, I wish I could marry you."

It is rare for someone to make Ding Zhaoyan so distracted. He paused, and wrapped his arms around the other's waist: "You are the most charming when you say these words with a deadpan face, Mr. Peng, that day will come."

Gao Peng knew that that day would never come, but at that moment, he had no regrets or unwillingness in his heart. Instead, he seemed to have really fulfilled his wish and indulged in the vortex of happiness.

Every minute and every second of getting along with each other should not be wasted. They kept kissing, hugging, making love, and sometimes they would lie quietly together and talk about whatever they thought of.Gaopeng knows how Ding Zhaoyan struggled step by step with his family to finally be free. Ding Zhaoyan also knows Gao Peng's ideals. They are undoubtedly the people who understand each other best in the world.

As the days get colder, it becomes more and more difficult for them to let go, but no matter what they choose, what is destined to happen will not be absent.

When Ding Zhaoyan said that he would invite Xu Donghai and Chen Xiyang to dinner and announce their relationship, the guest who was leaning on the sofa did not speak immediately, but looked at his lover for a long time before nodding cautiously.

This serious and prudent attitude undoubtedly pleased Ding Zhaoyan, he nestled in Gaopeng's arms like a little girl, with his face pressed against the other's chest.

If Ding Zhaoyan kissed him at this time, he could taste the rust in the other's mouth, but he didn't do that, so the happy days went as far as it could go.

Although he vomited blood during the day, at the banquet, one of the host's guests drank a lot of wine. Whether it was out of joy or sadness, or worrying about the upcoming troubles, he should drink more.

He was drunk, but he didn't lose his mind. He remembered that he was hugging Ding Zhaoyan under the moonlight, enduring the reluctance enough to tear himself apart, and just repeating it plainly over and over again, that he didn't want to leave him.

The days with Ding Zhaoyan seem to be long enough to replace his life's lackluster memories, but they seem to be too short, not enough to allow him to show a ten thousandth of his love.

Gao Peng still remembered that the bright moon was very bright that day, and it was illuminated by the look in Ding Zhaoyan's eyes.

When he was with Ding Zhaoyan, Gaopeng went to the doctor at the previous cancer hospital and entrusted him with his funeral. When they met again, it was the end of Gaopeng's life.

Even if you lose your calm decency, that day will still come.

Like a flashback, Gaopeng woke up very early that day, and the sore throat that had been bothering him recently eased a lot, and even his breathing became smoother.The room is very warm, and occasionally liquefied drops of water slide down the foggy glass windows, as if she was crying. Ding Zhaoyan, who is still sleeping, breathes evenly, with a faint smile on his face.

Sometimes when Gao Peng wakes up, he will go downstairs to buy breakfast for his lover, but this time, he will not come back after he leaves.

In fact, he didn't have to leave, he could see Ding Zhaoyan's worried and moved face, he could kiss the tears he shed for himself, and he could hear his tearing voice repeating his love for him over and over again, until death took him away.But he didn't do that, it's not about his decency, he's just not that cruel.

At least for the time being, all the pain will be borne by himself. As for how Ding Zhaoyan will fall into the abyss after he leaves, whether he can climb out, whether he will fall in love with others after climbing out...he can't admit that he doesn't care These, but he can't take away so many thoughts, the only thing he keeps in his heart is the picture of the last ray of light shining down in his life.

Even if he wants to tear himself apart, he will leave.

Ding Zhaoyan was still asleep, Gaopeng didn't touch him or kiss him, nor did he commit suicide and tell anything, but just stared at him until he was sure that even death could not erase his memory.Physiologically, human beings cannot defeat death, but emotionally, life and death have already been defeated by human beings.

It was daylight when he left.

Red lanterns have been hung along the street, and the faint smell of sulfur in the air acts as a taste of the year, but his life will stay at the end of the millennium.

He raised his head slightly, the building as a whole has just been painted, exuding a completely different vitality from him in the morning light, the familiar window is still closed, if Ding Zhaoyan approaches at this time, he can still see him for the last time.

Every step he took was like stepping on the tip of a knife, Gao Peng turned his head again and again, but the darkness behind that window remained unchanged.

Everything about people will always leave traces, but all traces will eventually disappear one day. Will Ding Zhaoyan know about those things that he has never said in the future?Will it give him the courage to stand up, or will it place a new burden on his frail frame?

His home was pulled farther and farther away by him, and when he looked back for the last time, as if he had an illusion, he saw his own light.

Light can pierce darkness, darkness cannot drown it, and even the darker it is, the more it shines.

The chill in the air vainly tried to knock Gao Peng down, but his shaky steps didn't stop. Although he was no longer calm and free, he was not as panicked as he imagined.