paranoid dependence

Growing up is actually a very fast thing, teenagers always change their appearance inadvertently.

After Liang Qiu went back to Shanghai and came back three or four times, Shen Nian was already 17 years old. He was taller and thinner. In Gu Zhi's words, he also looked better. His facial features had grown, and people would look back wherever he went. This once made Gu Zhi very upset, so he bought a lot of masks for Shen Nian.

"Wear a mask when you go out, okay?"

It was just a few days before the Qingming Festival, and the weather was getting hotter, but after Shen Nian heard this sentence, he just looked up at Gu Zhi, then took the mask he handed over and put it on, Gu Zhi smiled Get up and help him adjust the position of the mask:

"Niannian only shows it to me."

In the past two years, Gu Zhi's possessiveness towards Shen Nian did not lessen, on the contrary, as the relationship between the two got better and better, it became more serious.

Shen Nian once said that he would lead him to change slowly, but he ignored that he himself had no communication with others, and there was almost no chance for him to accept other people, and they still only had each other in their lives for the past two years.

But maybe Shen Nian is becoming more and more indulgent towards Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi still has some changes, at least he looks much brighter than before, as long as Shen Nian is not involved, as long as Shen Nian is doing well, he can not go crazy , didn't even lose his temper, no different from a normal teenager.

That night after self-study and school, Shen Nian was solving a problem to the critical point and didn't pay attention to the time. When he finished solving the problem and looked up, he found that there were only a few boarding students left in the classroom. Shen Nian almost subconsciously looked at the back of the classroom, Gu Zhi was sitting in the corner of the last row, looking at him with his head propped up.

Seeing Shen Nian looking back, he knew that he had finished the question, smiled at him and got up.

Shen Nian also smiled, cleaned up the desk softly, carried his schoolbag and walked to the back door and left with Gu Zhi.

Since Gu Zhi entered school two years ago, he has always been like today, every time after school he would come over to wait for him outside Shen Nian's classroom, stand in the corridor when there are many people in the classroom, and come in and sit when there are no people in the evening self-study Everyone knows that Shen Nian has a very handsome brother who has a weird temper, he ignores whoever talks to him, and doesn't answer anyone who asks him anything, but Shen Nian just looks at him and smiles.

It was past ten o'clock on the campus, except for the lights in the classrooms of the third year, everywhere was very quiet. Gu Zhi was carrying his schoolbag, carrying Shen Nian's in his hand and walking slowly to the carport with him.

"Have you been waiting long? I don't pay much attention to the time."

"Soon." Gu Zhi said, "You do your own questions, don't worry about me."

When he got to the carport, Gu Zhi unlocked the mountain bike and pushed it out, then handed the schoolbag to Shen Nian, and stepped into the car by himself.

This mountain bike was given to Shen Nian by Gu Zhi. For Shen Nian's 16th birthday, he secretly prepared a surprise for Shen Nian. Although it was not as good as Liang Qiu's, it was not much different.

Shen Nian was very surprised at the time. After all, because You Xiaoyue didn't like him, he hadn't celebrated his birthday since he could remember, and as time passed, no one remembered it, even he himself forgot, but Gu Zhi found out about him when he checked his account book. birthday.

I don't understand where he got the money from, after all he couldn't afford the price, but Gu Zhi smiled and asked Shen Nian:

"Did Nian Nian forget the money I saved by picking up scraps?"

Shen Nian remembered it, and also remembered that when he wanted to eat fried skewers but refused to pay for it himself, he said to himself 'my money has other uses'.

At that time, Shen Nian always thought that the 'other uses' he mentioned were to leave a way out for himself, in case it would still be nothing when he left in the future, but he didn't expect that he had already made a plan at that time, so he He was not willing to spend the money, so he was willing to accept Shen Chongshan's red envelopes during the Chinese New Year, so it was all for this gift.

Gu Zhi said: "What Nian Nian lost because of me, I will give back little by little."

This car has been ridden by Shen Nian for Gu Zhi. Gu Zhi has never let Shen Nian ride this car since he was in the third year of high school. He said that Shen Nian looks really tired. Even if he can't sleep in the back seat, he can rely on him to close his eyes. A while is also good.

Shen Nian stepped onto the back seat that Gu Zhi specially installed, and yawned, the heat passed through the fabric to Gu Zhi's skin, and he couldn't help but make him look back at Shen Nian, just when he saw that Shen Nian was about to shut up. With the same lazy appearance, even the tone of his mouth softened a bit:

"Nian Nian sleepy?"

"A little bit." Shen Nian patted his side waist: "Let's go."

"it is good."

After leaving the school, the wind also picked up, and Shen Nian's muddled state was also blown sober. Looking up at Gu Zhi in front of him, he suddenly realized that Gu Zhi didn't know what to eat for the past two years, and he had already He is about the same height as himself, and obviously at his age he could still sit in the first three rows of the class, but when I went to look for him in Gu Zhi's class last time, I found that he was already sitting in the last row.

After riding for about ten minutes, they arrived at the unit that Shen Chongshan rented for them.

The third year of high school has heavy studies, and the evening self-study will end at ten o'clock at the earliest. If he returns to the village in the city, Shen Nian will not have much time to sleep.

But even so, Shen Nian still didn't think about lodging. He knew that Gu Zhi would not agree, and he was unwilling, even if both of them lived on campus, he would not be willing. Contact Shen Chongshan and ask him to come back and rent a small room with one bedroom and one living room next to the school.

The house is a bit old, but it is cheaper. Although it was dirty and messy when it was first rented, it has been cleaned up by Gu Zhi and Shen Nian after living in it for more than half a year.

The car was locked in the corridor, Shen Nian started yawning again when the two went upstairs, Gu Zhi took his schoolbag in his hand again: "Why are you so sleepy? I also wanted to cook a bowl of noodles for you."

"Don't eat." Shen Nian followed Gu Zhi upstairs: "Take a shower and go to sleep."

Gu Zhi looked back at him, but didn't speak.

The rented house was on the third floor, Gu Zhi went in and opened the door, stood at the door and waited for Shen Nian to come in, then closed the door and locked it again.

Shen Nian has become accustomed to leaving these trivial matters to Gu Zhi. He didn't worry about going to the bathroom at all, but before he reached the door, Gu Zhi grabbed his hand. Seeing Gu Zhi, fortunately Gu Zhi supported him, before Shen Nian could ask what's the matter, Gu Zhi put his hand on his forehead:

"I've never seen you like this, do you have a fever?"

"No." Shen Nian stood on the spot and asked him to feel his body temperature. Gu Zhi probably couldn't measure it with his hand, and Gu Zhi pressed his forehead against his, and felt that his temperature was almost the same as his own to confirm that he really didn't have a fever. Maybe it was just Because I am too tired.

Gu Zhi didn't bother him anymore: "Then Niannian, hurry up and wash up, I won't cook anymore, I'll heat you some milk."

"Okay." Shen Nian turned and walked to the bathroom, and when he went in, he did not forget to ask him: "You have a drink yourself."

When Shen Nian came out of the bathroom, he changed into short sleeves and shorts. Gu Zhi walked over from the small kitchen with milk and handed it to him:

"Why don't you blow your hair?"

"It's a bit hot." Shen Nian took a sip of milk: "It's so cool."

"Going to sleep." Gu Zhi complained in a low voice, went to the bathroom and took out the hair dryer, stood by the side while Shen Nian was drinking milk and dried his hair. Shen Nian has experienced too many things like this in the past two years Shen Nian got used to it, especially after the third year of high school, he even felt more and more that Gu Zhi was the older one of the two.

"Gu Zhi." Shen Nian called him in a low voice.

The hair dryer was too loud, Gu Zhi couldn't hear clearly, but he heard Shen Nian's voice, turned off the hair dryer and looked down at him: "What is Nian Nian talking about?"

"I said..." Shen Nian looked up at him: "I'll call you brother?"

"Huh?" Gu Zhi laughed: "Why? Do I look like Brother Niannian?"

"En." Shen Nian nodded in affirmation: "I am obviously older than you, but you have always taken care of me more between us, more like a brother."

Gu Zhi smiled and said nothing, he seemed to be thinking about the feasibility of this matter, probably because he was also curious, so he nodded: "Then Nian Nian called, I'll listen."

It was Shen Nian who said he called brother, and it was Shen Nian who hesitated when he called out.

Whether it was two years younger than himself, Shen Nian was not easy to speak, so he thought of a compromise and called him: "Brother Zhi."

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian without any reaction, as if he didn't hear it, Shen Nian himself felt a little weird, smiled, drank the remaining milk in the cup in one go, and took it from Gu Zhi's hand The hair dryer started to dry his hair by himself, Gu Zhi realized it and laughed:

"I like when Nian Nian calls me that."

It was the first time someone called himself that, and because it was Shen Nian who called it, it seemed to be unique between the two of them. Gu Zhi liked it very much, and liked that there were things that only the two of them could do, shared of.

But Shen Nian ignored him, so Gu Zhi knelt down in front of Shen Nian and looked up at him expectantly: "Nian Nian will call me like that from now on, okay?"

Shen Nian didn't answer him, but there was a smile in his eyes.

In the past two years, Shen Nian has become more and more fond of laughing, even Liang Qiu said so, saying that it was a correct choice for him to let Gu Zhi stay by his side.

-

During the weekend, Shen Nian and Gu Zhi went back to Jianjia Lane to see Grandma Qin.

Grandma Qin fell in her yard last winter. Because it was early in the morning, she was found and sent to the hospital a few hours later. Her hip fracture could have been treated with surgery, and she recovered quickly, but she was found during the examination. Grandma Qin also suffers from high blood pressure and heart disease, and her body cannot meet the surgical targets, so she can only rest in rest.

The neighbors called Grandma Qin's children, but they came back a week later. At that time, the neighbors in Jianjia Lane had taken turns to take care of Grandma Qin for a while. Grandma Qin was also unwilling to trouble others. When lying down to recuperate, she would not eat if she could not eat, and would not drink if she could not drink. She tried her best not to cause trouble to the neighbors who took care of her. It was useless to persuade her, and she lost a lot of weight in a few days.

I thought it would be good for the children to come back and give Grandma Qin more care, but they didn't. None of them had any intention of staying with Grandma Qin, and no one had the idea of ​​taking Grandma Qin to take care of her. Seeing Grandma Qin's face, they were arguing red-faced, shirking each other's responsibilities, and the whole Jianjia Alley heard the big commotion. In the end, it was Grandpa Zhang who roared like a rainbow:

"Get out! I'll take care of her, Qin Rumei, so I don't need you two white-eyed wolves! Get out!"

As he said that, Grandpa Zhang took a broom from the wall and drove Grandma Qin's sons and daughters out of the house like sweeping garbage. Everyone in the yard looked at each other in blank dismay. No one thought that Grandpa Zhang, who had always been at odds with Grandma Qin, would say To say such words, to express such an attitude.

But Grandpa Zhang seemed to be desperate, he didn't care about anything, entered the house, raised his hand and wiped away the tears on Grandma Qin's face with his sleeve:

"I told you a long time ago that it is better to count on me than to count on your two children. Are you giving up now?"

Grandma Qin was sobbing on the bed when she was so old, Grandpa Zhang just sat aside and kept wiping her tears. At first, he insisted on poking Grandma Qin's heart like he did in the previous bickering, saying that she would not teach children , said that her child is a white-eyed wolf, but after seeing Grandma Qin's sad appearance, she softened her heart, and coaxed carefully:

"Okay, okay, don't cry, don't you have me? I can take good care of you by myself, even if I die, I will die behind you and send you away in a dignified way. I don't need them."

It wasn't until this time that everyone realized that Grandpa Zhang, who had a knife mouth and a bean curd heart, liked Grandma Qin secretly for many years, respected Grandma Qin's wishes, never expressed anything, and kept this heart in his heart.

When Shen Nian and Gu Zhi came in that day, Grandma Qin was the only one at home. She was sitting on the bed and looking out of the window. It was only after the sound came to him that he laughed when he saw Shen Nian and Gu Zhi:

"Why did you come back?"

"I didn't come back to see you last week." Shen Nian sat by the bed: "There's not much homework this week, so I'll come back to see you when I'm done. How are you?"

"Okay, grandma is fine, don't worry about grandma."

Gu Zhi was sitting next to Shen Nian, playing with the corner of Shen Nian's clothes, and said casually, "Grandma, how did you lie to Nian Nian?"

In the past two years, because of Shen Nian, Gu Zhi and Grandma Qin have been walking a lot. Although they are not as close as Shen Nian, they can be regarded as Grandma Qin's favorite child in Jianjia Lane besides Shen Nian. There is no other reason, mainly because Grandma Qin could tell that he was really kind to Shen Nian.

I used to think that this kid has a lot of eyes, but after getting in touch with him, I realized that he has more eyes than I imagined, but the good thing is that he doesn't use it on the people around him.

Anyone can see that Gu Zhi is only thinking about Shen Nian.

Shen Nian poked Gu Zhi with his elbow, Gu Zhi gave him an aggrieved look, stopped talking, leaned on Shen Nian's shoulder and concentrated on playing with the hem of his clothes.

Shen Nian also let him rely on him.

In fact, at the beginning, Gu Zhi was the same to Grandma Qin as he was to Liang Qiu, he didn't like Shen Nian's frequent visits, but in the end he seemed to be the same to Liang Qiu again, because Shen Nian once again compromised and took a step back, accepting. Besides Shen Nian's good friend Liang Qiu, there is also a grandma Qin who is like a family member.

Gu Zhi seemed overbearing and possessive, but he gave Shen Nian all the softness he could and could not give, as long as it didn't touch his bottom line, Gu Zhi could retreat again and again.

Grandma Qin smiled slightly and said nothing when she saw the small movements of the two of them. She was used to it.

But Gu Zhi was right, Grandma Qin's condition looked very bad, she was thinner than when Shen Nian came back to see her last time, as if she could leave at any time, Shen Nian held Grandma Qin's hand, It was only then that she realized that she was so skinny that she didn't even dare to hold her tightly.

Shen Nian looked at Grandma Qin worriedly: "Grandma, have you lost your appetite recently? You seem to have lost a lot of weight again."

"I'm eating, I've eaten a lot." Grandma Qin touched Shen Nian's face with a smile: "Don't worry about grandma, you should study hard and don't be distracted by grandma."

Grandma Qin is lying, even Shen Nian can feel it, but he doesn't seem to be able to comfort her. Grandma Qin always cares about her children, but since the last time their brother and sister quarreled in front of Grandma Qin and were driven away by Grandpa Zhang, they seemed to be It was as if he had found an excellent reason, but he never came back. According to the neighbors, he didn't even return the money. Grandpa Zhang was responsible for all the medicines and living expenses these days.

Grandma Qin, who loves face so much and is so proud, how can she bear it?But Shen Nian can't do anything, even some words are useless, he believes that Grandpa Zhang and the neighbors in the neighborhood have already persuaded him a lot, but Grandma Qin has a heart disease, she has been proud all her life, and now she is old and sick, but there is nothing around her. Not even a close person.

She can't take it.

"Grandma." Shen Nian stroked her skinny hand: "You are alright, Gu Zhi and I both like the braised pork you made, and we are wondering when we will eat it again."

"I'm afraid I won't be able to eat the braised pork." Grandma Qin said with a smile, and then held Shen Nian's hand instead: "But grandma will be fine, grandma has to watch Xiao Nian's college entrance examination end and get into a good university. Seeing this, grandma will not rest in peace even if she dies."

Grandma Qin's words did not know where Gu Zhi was hit, he left Shen Nian's shoulder and sat up straight, looked sideways at Shen Nian, Shen Nian also noticed his gaze, turned to look at him, his eyes were a bit complicated , as if to say something, but maybe because she was worried about Grandma Qin, she didn't say anything.

"Grandma." Shen Nian turned around and looked at Grandma Qin with some displeasure: "Don't say that."

"Xiao Nian, you've gone through so much, grandma thought you'd put some things aside long ago, no one will stay with anyone forever, there's always time to leave, sooner or later." Grandma Qin smiled slightly, He patted his hand: "A person's journey in this world is a process of constantly accepting parting, saying goodbye to others, and others saying goodbye to us. You are not a child who is in a dead end, so don't take it too seriously."

"Grandma used to be very worried about you. She felt that you were too lonely and kept everything in her heart. There was no one around her who could speak her mind, but now grandma is not worried at all." Grandma Qin looked at Gu Zhi. Feeling the same, she turned her head and looked at Grandma Qin: "You have a small obsession around you, which reassures Grandma more than anyone else, and he will know even if you don't tell me."

"You are fine, you have been fine."

Shen Nian looked at Grandma Qin quietly, but his eyes slowly turned red. He seemed to understand what Grandma Qin meant. She was saying goodbye to him. I didn't have enough confidence to last until then.

He wanted to open his mouth to say something more, but Grandma Qin waved her hand:

"I'm tired and want to sleep for a while, you guys go play."

Shen Nian didn't want to bother anymore, and together with Gu Zhi, they carefully helped Grandma Qin lie flat on the bed, covered her with the quilt, said to come and see her in the afternoon, and then left. Gu Zhi was a step behind Shen Nian, he should have He left with Shen Nian, but stopped when he turned around, looked at Grandma Qin who was lying on the bed and was not asleep, leaned down for a few seconds and said something in a low voice.

When Shen Nian stepped out of the house, he saw Grandpa Zhang who was in a hurry to buy vegetables. Ever since the relationship between Grandpa Zhang and Grandma Qin was not a secret in Jianjia Lane in the village in the city, Grandpa Zhang had aged a lot, and even Shen Nian knew it was him. His son and daughter are making trouble, disagreeing with him and Grandma Qin, saying that Grandpa Zhang has been taken advantage of, and saying that her children don't care, what are you doing to make such a fuss?

They live in an era that is not particularly open, and the sons and daughters don't accept much of the old man's sunset love because they are afraid of gossip.

Even though Grandpa Zhang stopped her from making trouble in front of Grandma Qin, there is no impenetrable wall in the world, and Grandma Qin knows what she should know or not.

Grandpa Zhang saw Shen Nian and smiled: "Xiao Nian is back? Where is Xiao Zhi? Why didn't you see that kid?"

It was only then that Shen Nian realized that Gu Zhi was not by his side, and subconsciously looked back, seeing Gu Zhi coming out of the room, seeing Shen Nian talking to Grandpa Zhang, standing next to Shen Nian, and saying hello : "Grandpa Zhang."

"Is your grandma asleep?"

"Just pretending." Gu Zhi said, "I'm not asleep."

Shen Nian glanced at Gu Zhi, and Gu Zhi also looked at Shen Nian, without saying a word.

"Okay." Grandpa Zhang said: "I won't keep you two for dinner, go back and rest early, the exam is coming soon, study hard."

After speaking, he stepped into the room, Shen Nian watched Grandpa Zhang enter the room, then turned to look at Gu Zhi: "What did you say to Grandma Qin?"

"Huh?" Gu Zhi laughed: "How did Nian Nian know that I talked to Grandma Qin?"

"You can't lie to me."

"There is something wrong with what you said." Gu Zhi and Shen Nian walked out the door together, saying as they walked, "It's not that I can't lie to you, it's that I never lie to you."

Shen Nian's depressed mood because of talking with Grandma Qin was relieved a lot because of Gu Zhi's words.

But thinking of the way Grandma Qin said that Gu Zhi looked at him during the college entrance examination, Shen Nian felt a little uneasy.

The day of the college entrance examination is getting closer, which also means that the time for him to separate from Gu Zhi is also getting closer, of course he doesn't want to separate from Gu Zhi, but this matter has no choice.

He talked about this topic with Gu Zhi openly and secretly, but Gu Zhi's answer was always the same: "Where Niannian goes, I will go there."

Back in the small courtyard of the Shen family, Gu Zhi was carrying water by the cellar to wash Shen Nian's hands. Shen Nian was careless in washing his hands, but Gu Zhi didn't rush him. When he couldn't wait, he squatted beside him to help him wash. Nian regained her senses because of his actions, but she didn't resist, and just let him wash her hands.

He can accept Grandma Qin holding his hand, but she must wash her hands after leaving. This has nothing to do with cleanliness. Gu Zhi just doesn't like Shen Nian's body smelling like someone else's. He has been like this since the two of them agreed to be together. up.

After washing Shen Nian's hands, Gu Zhi also washed his hands. When he went back to find Shen Nian, he found that he was already sitting on the rocking chair Shen Chongshan bought last year on the porch, swaying back and forth to bask in the sun.

like a cat.

Gu Zhi stood at the bottom of the steps and looked at him: "What would Nian Nian want for lunch?"

Shen Nian didn't answer, looked at him, seemed to be thinking about something, and seemed to want to say something, but he hadn't figured out how to speak yet.

Before Shen Nian opened his mouth, Gu Zhi already understood, so he rushed to speak before him, and it was still the same sentence:

"Wherever you want to go, I will go there."

Shen Nian sighed helplessly when he heard the words, sat up straight, and the rocking chair stopped shaking. He looked at Gu Zhi in front of him with a conniving but serious expression:

"I'm not going to Shanghai anymore, I'm going to study in this province, so I can come back once a week, and we can still meet often, okay?"

Gu Zhi was a little surprised. After all, he knew that Shen Nian wanted to go to Shanghai and Fudan University. Although he felt that after going to Shanghai, he would definitely have more contact with Liang Qiu than now, which would make him unhappy, but Gu Zhi still didn't stop.

But now Shen Nian said that he could not go to Shanghai anymore, so he went to university in this province.

"Is Nian Nian doing it for me?" Gu Zhi walked over and knelt down in front of Shen Nian, put his hands on his knees, and looked up at him: "Is it because of me if you don't go to Shanghai or Fudan?"

Shen Nian did not answer this question, but such silence was an answer to Gu Zhi.

"I'm very happy that you don't go to Shanghai, because then I don't have to be angry with Liang Qiu. I don't like him by your side. He can't change his bad habit of touching you. I hate it!" Gu Zhi said: " But Nian Nian, even if you go to another university, I will still go with you, I can't fail to see you."

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi with soft and helpless eyes: "Not going to school anymore?"

"I can study by myself. You know I have good grades. You can also tutor me, just like when I was in the first grade of junior high school. It will be fine when I come back to take the college entrance examination. I will definitely study hard, because I only have the same grades as you Well, I can go to the same university as you." Gu Zhi shook his knee: "Nian Nian trust me, okay?"

It's too risky, not going to school for three years is a lifetime of gambling, although Shen Nian believes that Gu Zhi can do anything for himself, but he still dare not take Gu Zhi's future risk.

He hesitated and refused to speak, but Gu Zhi ended the topic and asked him:

"Niannian what do you want for lunch?"

Gu Zhi's gesture made Shen Nian understand that there is no room for discussion with Gu Zhi, and he would never accept the second way.

Shen Nian sighed and lay back on the rocking chair: "Just eat some instant noodles, and I'll be back in the afternoon."

Gu Zhi glanced at him and ignored him, got up and said to Shen Nian: "I'm going to go shopping, so you stay at home."

Shen Nian seemed to be sulking and ignored him.

Gu Zhi went out and came back not long after, with meat and vegetables in his hand, seeing that Shen Nian was still the same as before he left, he smiled and went into the kitchen without disturbing him.

I haven't been back for two weeks, the kitchen is indeed dusty, Gu Zhi quickly cleaned it, brushed the pots and pans and the chopping boards, and started cooking, he was reluctant to let Shen Nian eat instant noodles, The college entrance examination is coming soon, and he needs nutrition.

It doesn't matter where Shen Nian takes the exam, he can go anywhere, anyway, he has to follow.

Wherever Nian Nian is, he will be there.

They will not be separated, nor can they be separated, this is Gu Zhi's bottom line.