paranoid dependence

Grandma Qin broke her promise.

Shen Nian left before finishing the college entrance examination, Shen Nian also failed to see her for the last time.

The first Saturday when Shen Nian returned to school, the weather was getting hotter and hotter. Gu Zhi went back to Jianjia Lane to get summer clothes. Shen Nian was in school as usual, and Gu Zhi walked quickly before the bell rang for the first class in the afternoon. After entering the classroom, regardless of everyone's gaze, he walked up to Shen Nian and helped him organize the books without saying a word.

Shen Nian knew that Gu Zhi would not do this for no reason, he had never done this for a long time.Shen Nian grabbed Gu Zhi's wrist and looked at him.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, knelt down in front of him, and said softly:

"Nian Nian is not afraid, let's go home and see Grandma Qin, okay?"

Shen Nian understood almost instantly, but she couldn't believe it, so she just looked at Gu Zhi with dull eyes, hoping that he could tell herself 'I lied to you' in the next second.

But even if Gu Zhi is still as bad as before, he won't use this kind of thing as a joke, so the only possibility is the truth.

Shen Nian's sluggishness made Gu Zhiyu unbearable, he squeezed his hand lightly and looked at him intently, carefully guarding his emotions, it seemed that no matter what kind of reaction Shen Nian had, he could hold it. It won't let him step on the air, and won't let him have no reliance.

But Shen Nian didn't react at all, he seemed to have not reacted, and seemed to be unacceptably frozen in place, without saying a word, even breathing lightly.

Gu Zhi waited for a while, and Shen Nian looked like this, so he didn't wait any longer, got up and continued to help him clean up, then pulled him up from his seat and left the classroom. When he met the teacher at the door of the classroom, it was Gu Zhi who asked for leave.

It was only when Gu Zhi was pushing the cart in the shed that Shen Nian came to his senses, and asked Gu Zhi softly:

"When did this happen?"

"Yesterday." Gu Zhi looked at him: "Yesterday morning, when the neighbor went to deliver the food, he found that he had already left, he fell asleep and left."

"Very good." Shen Nian murmured, "I didn't suffer."

Some people say that leaving in sleep is a good death and a blessing.

If this is true, then this may be the last tenderness that the world can give to Grandma Qin.

Seeing that Shen Nian stopped talking, Gu Zhi let him sit in the back seat, made sure that he was seated firmly before stepping into the car, and was worried that Shen Nian would lose his mind and fall, so he took his hand around his waist and ordered he:

"Niannian wants to be hugged, you know?"

Shen Nian responded lightly, grabbed the cloth in front of Gu Zhi's lower abdomen, Gu Zhi turned to look at him, squeezed his hand, and rode towards the school gate.

The two of them didn't speak a word along the way, Gu Zhi rode fast, and squeezed Shen Nian's cool hand from time to time, as if to confirm his presence, and also as to calm his emotions.

As soon as the car turned into Jianjia Alley, Shen Nian saw the glaring white from the gap between Gu Zhi's arms. There were many people in the alley, who came to help and express their condolences. Shen Nian suddenly felt a little ironic. There were not many days when so many people came to see her together.

Shen Nian first returned home with Gu Zhi, put down the car and school bags before going to Grandma Qin's house, the house was more completely white than the alley, wreaths were placed from the door to the main house door, people in filial piety stood everywhere in the yard, Some of them know each other, some don't. There is a group of musical instruments on the west side, and every time a condolence person comes, they will play dirge music. There is also a coffin of original color inside. Shen Nian glanced at it and didn't say hello to anyone. Go straight to the main house.

Grandma Qin's room has become a mourning hall.

Facing the door is an altar with offerings and incense burning on it. Behind the altar is a funeral bed covered with a layer of hay. Grandma Qin is lying quietly on it in a navy blue shroud, as if Fell asleep.

Shen Nian quietly looked at Grandma Qin for a long time before knelt down slowly, and called Grandma Qin as before, but this time, no one smiled and turned to him and said 'Xiao Nian is back'.

This old man who comforted Shen Nian when he was hurt countless times, from now on he couldn't respond to Shen Nian again.

Gu Zhi also knelt down, beside Shen Nian, he seemed to be a cold-blooded person, he was very open to Grandma Qin's departure, and accepted it very quickly, so he didn't feel any sadness at this time Emotions, if he had to say sad, he was just sad and sad.

All his attention was on Shen Nian, and he looked at Shen Nian without leaving his eyes for a moment, afraid that he would cry, but also afraid that he would not cry.

Shen Nian didn't cry, and he didn't know why there were no tears, he just stared blankly at Grandma Qin, stubbornly refusing to accept this fact.

It seems that everything in front of him is just a joke made by Grandma Qin with him. As long as she watches her for a long time, she can't pretend anymore, and she will sit up with a smile and say, "Grandma lost."

But Grandma Qin didn't get up and fell asleep all the time.

Someone came to express their condolences, and the family members of the deceased were going to cry. The thought of thinking about Grandma Qin was interrupted by their cries. They were on both sides of the funeral bed, crying painfully, crying desperately, crying The eyes were swollen into walnuts, but Shen Nian looked at them and felt that their mask was disgusting and ugly.

When Grandma Qin was alive, she didn't see them taking good care of her, but after she died, she used who cried louder to compare her filial piety.

Shen Nian was even worried that their cries would disturb Grandma Qin's tranquility, but fortunately... Grandma Qin couldn't hear her anymore.

Shen Nian knelt for a long time, until his son and daughter-in-law stopped crying, they started joking and playing with their mobile phones, and they didn't even bother to act more realistically.

When the mourning music sounded outside again, another mourner came over, and the children put away their playful faces and began to cry on the ground again. Gu Zhi held Shen Nian's cold hand and said softly: "Nian Nian ,Woke up."

Shen Nian got up and gave way to those who offered condolences. He took one last look at Grandma Qin, turned around and left the main room without staying any longer. He was afraid that if he stayed any longer, his heart would be overwhelmed when he saw the faces of those people. Devil, and Grandma Qin must not want to see such a thing happen.

Gu Zhi followed him every step of the way, until Shen Nian stopped at the gate of Grandma Qin's house and asked Gu Zhi:

"Have you seen Grandpa Zhang?"

Gu Zhi shook his head: "I didn't see it."

Shen Nian thought for a while, then walked to Grandpa Zhang's house at the entrance of the alley, Gu Zhi followed him closely.

The door of Grandpa Zhang's house was closed, but it was not locked. Before Shen Nian opened the door and walked in, he heard Grandpa Zhang's powerful scolding voice.

"Little bastard! You didn't take care of me much before, and I don't need you to take care of me now. You don't have me as an old man, and I don't have your son! How dare you lock me up and wait for me to go out and break your dog legs! "

"You fucking let me out! What the hell! Why didn't I see that you still had this kind of thought when I was a child! Since you were 8 years old and your mother left, it was I who pulled you up with shit and urine , now that your wings are stiff, dare to shut you up!"

At the end of the scolding, Grandpa Zhang's voice was a little hoarse.

Shen Nian pushed open the door and went in, and saw Grandpa Zhang's son sitting on the doorstep listening to music with earphones, while Grandpa Zhang was yelling and cursing through a door in the north room, which was locked from the outside , Grandpa Zhang was locked inside.

Shen Nian never expected such a scene.

Seeing Shen Nian, Grandpa Zhang stopped scolding him, and immediately called out to him: "Xiao Nian, Xiao Nian, come, come quickly."

Shen Nian walked over, and when he passed in front of Grandpa Zhang's son, he raised his head and glanced at himself, but didn't say anything, as if he knew very well that no matter what they said, they couldn't change the current situation.

Standing at the door, Shen Nian could only look at Grandpa Zhang through the gap:

"Grandpa Zhang."

"How is it?" Grandpa Zhang looked at Shen Nian: "Your Grandma Qin... is she, is she okay?"

Shen Nian didn't know when Grandpa Zhang was imprisoned here, and whether he had seen it after Grandma Qin left, and he didn't know what to say, so he could only tell Grandpa Zhang truthfully what he saw:

"Grandma passed away very peacefully, as if she was asleep, and the house...is also doing well."

"Decentness has a purpose." Grandpa Zhang's eyes were red: "Those white-eyed wolves just want to use your Grandma Qin to receive the last gift, and use her for the last time. If they are so kind, why don't they disappear when they are alive?" They come to fulfill their filial piety, after death these are all for others to see! What's the use!"

Shen Nian recognized every word Grandpa Zhang said, but he was helpless in the current scene.

Not to mention Shen Nian, even Grandpa Zhang couldn't intervene.

They are just neighbors, not family members. How Grandma Qin's children will organize the funeral, whether it is decent or simple, is their decision, and Shen Nian and Grandpa Zhang are both speechless and have no such qualifications.Grandpa Zhang's son may have made such a bad move because he was worried that Grandpa Zhang would go to Grandma Qin's house and scold him severely.

"Grandpa." Shen Nian said: "Grandma Qin has already left, and she won't feel it anymore if we do anything else, even if it is possible, I believe Grandma Qin is willing to leave peacefully and doesn't want to make another scene. A person who cares about face, even if all these decency are fake, she will recognize it."

Grandpa Zhang's expression did not approve of Shen Nian's words, and he wanted to say something dissatisfied, but he couldn't make a sound when the words reached his mouth, as if he couldn't find a strong point of rebuttal to support himself. He maintained this posture for a long time, In the end, it seemed as if he had compromised, he chuckled and sighed, turned around and walked into the room, without forcing himself to come out.

The small courtyard fell silent.

Shen Nian stood at the door silently for a while and turned around. Gu Zhi was standing behind him. He kept looking at him without saying a word. The care and worry in his eyes could be clearly seen at a glance. Shen Nian understood what Grandma Qin said to herself, 'Xiao Zhi is by your side, grandma can rest assured'.

He thought Grandma Qin could really rest assured.

Gu Zhi is really nice.

That day, Shen Nian and Gu Zhi didn't go back to the rented house, they stayed at home, the mourning and music in the alley continued until after dark, when the troupe invited by Grandma Qin's son began to appear on the street.

The sound was very loud. Even in his own home, Shen Nian could still hear that it was "The Rolling Mat Tube". He once rented this set to Grandma Qin, and Grandma Qin also said that she liked it very much. Watched it once.

At this time, Shen Nian was sitting at the desk listening to the Henan opera singing, staring out the window in a daze, Gu Zhi packed the bed that he hadn't slept in for a long time, moved a bench and sat at Shen Nian's feet, lying on his lap.

Like a coquettish fox.

Shen Nian raised her hand to put on his head, stroking him gently.

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi said softly on his lap: "Grandma Qin said that people always have to part and separate, and no one can stay with each other forever, but I don't think it's right. I will never leave Nian Nian." read."

These words made Shen Nian stop the hand gently caressing Gu Zhi, then looked down at him, he was lying on his lap with his eyes closed as if he was asleep.

But Shen Nian became very at ease because of these words.

Maybe Grandma Qin is right. No one in this world can be with another person forever, and will be alone in the end.But is there a possibility that the person who thinks that he will be alone in the end is because he has not met Gu Zhi, and there is no such person as Gu Zhi by his side?

Everyone will leave him, Gu Zhi will not leave him, Shen Nian believes in this.

"I know." Shen Nian said softly.

Grandma Qin was buried three days later. The day before the burial, Shen Chongshan also rushed back from other places. That night, Shen Nian held Grandma Qin's cold hand for a long time in the mourning hall. Gu Zhi sat beside him and leaned on his shoulder, Just like the time I talked to Grandma Qin before.

Like nothing has changed.

The next morning, before Grandma Qin was put into the coffin, Grandpa Zhang still appeared. I don't know how he persuaded his son to enter the mourning hall under the eyes of everyone. Grandma Qin's children were all on guard against him, but Grandpa Zhang just walked around Walked around Grandma Qin's coffin, and then stood by the side, as if saying goodbye silently.

When someone walked up to Grandpa Zhang and reminded him in a low voice that it was almost time, Grandpa Zhang didn't make it difficult for everyone. He took a last look at Grandma Qin, turned around and left.

Don't care what others say, and don't care what others think.

When the long nails nailed the coffin cover and the coffin body together, the cries of the entire mourning hall were deafening. Shen Nian was not from the Qin family, and he was just a child. He stood outside the crowd in such a There was finally a definite feeling of sadness in a sad atmosphere.

From the time he learned of Grandma Qin's death until now, he has not shed tears. Intellectually, he knew that Grandma Qin would not come back, but emotionally he never accepted it.

Until this moment, even when he would never see the deceased Grandma Qin again, the feeling of losing something finally made his reason and emotion blend together.

He will never see grandma Qin again.

It was at this time that Gu Zhi took his hand, held it tightly, and didn't say a word, but it calmed down Shen Nianman's emotions that were about to overflow.

After the funeral, Shen Nian returned home after sending Grandma Qin off for the last time. He didn't do anything, and lay directly on the bed, facing the wall. If he didn't notice his slightly trembling shoulders, he might have thought that He was just tired and fell asleep.

But Gu Zhi knew he was crying, even though he didn't make any sound.

On the fourth day after learning of Grandma Qin's death, after seeing Grandma Qin away and returning home, Shen Nian's grief finally came long overdue.

When Grandma Qin left to go to her daughter's house a few years ago, Shen Nian didn't cry, because Shen Nian knew that even if Grandma Qin went to a faraway place, she would still think about herself, because he knew that Grandma Qin was going to live the life she wanted, maybe Not often, maybe not in contact, but always a concern.Grandma Qin misses him, and he misses Grandma Qin too.

But this time Grandma Qin left, she went to another world, and they would never meet each other in this life.

Shen Nian lost someone who cared about him from the bottom of his heart, loved him, and wanted to make him better.

He didn't have much, but he lost a lot.

Gu Zhi stood by the bed and looked at Shen Nian quietly.

He actually doesn't like Shen Nianwei's overly obvious emotional ups and downs for other people, he doesn't want to be sad or happy, he hopes that Shen Nian is his own, happy and sad emotions all come from himself.

But he also knew how important Grandma Qin was to Shen Nian, so he even digested the unhappiness in his heart.

He got on the bed, carefully held Shen Nian in his arms from behind, tightly.

"Nian Nian, you still have me."

"I will always be with you, and I will never leave you."

"I will always be there."

Gu Zhi said these few words over and over again, until Shen Nian finally calmed down in his embrace.

Shen Nian did not speak the whole time, even breathing very lightly, just when Gu Zhi thought he was falling asleep, Shen Nian opened his mouth softly, and said to Gu Zhi: "Come with me after I go to college, high school I will teach you the lesson."

He still knows that this is a very impulsive and risky decision, but he also wants to go crazy once, no matter if he doesn't care about it once, he just doesn't want to be separated from Gu Zhi.

Even though Gu Zhi had already decided that Shen Nian would make the same choice no matter whether Shen Nian agreed or not, but when Shen Nian said that he would take him away, Gu Zhi was still excited and hugged him even tighter. Seriously answered on his neck:

"Okay, I will go wherever Niannian goes."

It was already an hour later when Shen Chongshan came back, and when he entered the north room, he saw that the door of Shen Nian's room was not closed. Thinking of seeing Shen Nian's complexion at the funeral just now, he wanted to comfort him, but he arrived At the door, before he could politely knock on the door, he was nailed in place by the scene in front of him.

Shen Chongshan has always known that Gu Zhi is very dependent on Shen Nian, and has always known that the relationship between them is very good, but no matter how good it is, he never thought that one day... he would see them hugging and sleeping together.