paranoid dependence

After lunch, Shen Nian took Gu Zhi to the bathhouse.

They live in villages in the city. In summer, everyone washes in their own home. Buy a large hot water bottle, or solar energy can provide hot water, but in winter, they can rarely wash in their own home. The temperature is too low, even if It is solar energy and there is no way to have hot water in winter, so most people go to the bathhouse to wash.

When Shen Nian was at school, he went to the school bathhouse to take a bath, but Gu Zhi used hot water to wipe it at home, and he hadn't taken a serious bath for a long time, and the Chinese New Year was only a few days away, so it was really necessary to take a comfortable hot bath .

Gu Zhi had never been to a bathhouse before, and as soon as he opened the thick curtain, he felt like he had entered some kind of peach garden in Journey to the West. There was hot air everywhere, like a vast expanse of fairy air, and even breathing was a bit laborious.Two people who just got out of the shower were blowing their hair with a hair dryer in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror on the entire wall of the hall.

Shen Nian went to the front desk, Gu Zhi looked around the hall curiously and followed, just in time to hear Shen Nian say to the proprietress: "A private room."

"15." The proprietress said.

After Shen Nian paid, the proprietress called out to the cleaner behind: "We have a visitor! Private room!"

Shen Nian walked in with Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi looked back and forth curiously, Shen Nian saw his appearance, and asked him: "Have you been here?"

"No." Gu Zhi shook his head, then thought of something, and took Shen Nian's hand: "Nian Nian, you don't come here often with others, do you?"

"No, it will only open here in winter."

Gu Zhi responded, as if he was relieved.

The waiter came out of a room and saw them: "A single room, right? This room."

As they spoke, they entered the room again. Shen Nian and Gu Zhi walked in, and saw the waiter spread disposable plastic wrap into the bathtub, and then turned on the faucet to turn on the water: "Is the hot water adjustable? The one on the right is hot, and the one on the left is hot." It’s cold, you can adjust it yourself, just close it when it’s almost full.”

When I walked to the door and closed the door, I reminded them:

"There are many people in the afternoon, don't wash for too long, or I will have to rush you."

After speaking, he took the door and left.

The room is very small, except for the bathtub, there is only one bath bed, but it is very clean, and there is no smell, only the steaming heat, Shen Nian put the toiletries on the next bath bed, yes, he is still looking at the whole room Gu Zhi said, "Lock the door."

"Oh." Gu Zhi responded, walked over and plugged the latch behind the door.

When he turned around, Shen Nian had already taken off his padded clothes, and was standing in front of the bathtub to test the water temperature. The water temperature was probably okay, but Shen Nian didn't adjust it, so he pulled out his hand and took off his sweater. Only a black T-shirt was left on his upper body. Looking at Gu Zhi who was still standing there:

"Isn't it hot?"

The room is quite hot, the heater is hot, the water temperature is also hot, there is only one exhaust and no windows, it is stuffy and uncomfortable, Shen Nian wants to finish washing early and go home early.

Gu Zhi reacted and took off his clothes, Shen Nian looked at him:

"Why do you become stupid when you come here? It's too hot?"

Gu Zhi smiled and said nothing, stripped himself naked in a few strokes, and stood naked in front of Shen Nian: "Can I go in now?"

"Yes." Shen Nian took off the T-shirt, folded it on the padded clothes, and told him: "Be careful, don't slip."

"it is good."

Gu Zhi got into the bathtub excitedly, and sat down carefully. The water had just been put on his waist. It may be because he just came in. It felt a little hot, but it was not unbearable. The heat made people feel comfortable. Gu Zhi watched Shen Nian who was still standing outside, he had never seen Shen Nian taking off his shirt, but seeing him now, he still couldn't help but want to say: "Nian Nian, why are you so white?"

Shen Nian was stunned for a moment and turned back to look at him, but did not reply to this sentence, Gu Zhi smiled: "Come in, it's so comfortable."

Shen Nian took out the toiletries and put them on the side of the bathtub, took off the rest of his clothes, but had no intention of going in to soak with him:

"Go to the bar, I'll just take a shower."

As Shen Nian said, he walked towards the shower next to him. Before the shower was turned on, Gu Zhi's dissatisfied voice came from behind him. He didn't say anything, but just yelled:

"Near!"

Shen Nian turned around after hearing the sound, and saw Gu Zhi's sullen face, the excitement and joy just now were gone, and there was nothing left.

A few seconds later, Shen Nian compromised, and stepped into the bathtub, but he was sitting in front of Gu Zhi with his back facing him. Gu Zhi's mood improved and he was a little depressed:

"Why is Nian Nian sitting with her back facing me?"

In fact, Shen Nian didn't turn his back on Gu Zhi on purpose, and there's nothing to be ashamed of being a boy, but it's his first time taking a bath with someone, even if he took a bath with Liang Qiu yesterday, his lower body was still wearing clothes, besides, the hot spring is comparable to here Much more.Shen Nian is not used to two people being squeezed into a bathtub, so sitting in this way will be more comfortable.

But before Shen Nian had time to say anything to Gu Zhi, he felt Gu Zhi standing up behind him, stepped out of the bathtub, and then stepped in again under Shen Nian's sight, this time he sat in front of Shen Nian , is a face-to-face posture.

Shen Nian was a little helpless, but he didn't stop:

"Hurry up and wash."

He just wanted to wash up and leave.

"The water hasn't been filled yet." Gu Zhi said with a smile, "I want to soak for a while, it's so comfortable."

He had never stayed with Shen Nian like this before. Gu Zhi was very excited, but Shen Nian ignored him and washed himself up. It wasn't until he realized that Gu Zhi hadn't moved for a long time and looked over, did he realize that Gu Zhi was not moving at all. He stared at himself, his gaze was downward.

"Gu Zhi!" Shen Nian called him.

Hearing the sound, Gu Zhi raised his head to look at Shen Nian, and then lowered his eyes to look at his own face after a few seconds.

Shen Nian: "..."

"Your color is also very light..."

Shen Nian's face didn't know whether it was steaming or shy, it was as red as a peach, Gu Zhi saw that he wanted to touch it subconsciously, but was stopped by Shen Nian:

"Don't make trouble."

By the way, he also covered himself with a towel, Gu Zhi saw that Shen Nian was not joking and didn't say anything, and happily started washing.

-

Shen Nian still took Gu Zhi to have a meal with Liang Qiu.

A few days later, when Liang Qiu came down from the mountain, because he couldn't get through the phone and was worried about Shen Nian, he turned to Jianjia Lane on the way home, and went to the roof of the neighbor's house like last time. The throwing caught Shen Nian's attention, but he didn't expect to meet Gu Zhi who was sitting on the steps of the north house and endorsing his book as soon as he stood on the edge of the eaves.

Liang Qiu came here with good intentions, even if he still had a bad opinion of Gu Zhi, but he is now living with Shen Nian, and it cannot be changed, for Shen Nian's good, Liang Qiu will not do anything to Gu Zhi So, at the very least, he still has to live with his face, so after the first few seconds of embarrassment, Liang Qiu waved his hand:

"Hi, little...brother."

From the moment Liang Qiu appeared, Gu Zhi has been looking at him, his expression is not malicious, but the half-smile smile on his face has already made Liang Qiu feel uncomfortable, as if he was being raped. What kind of poison is staring at the feeling.

The kid was as unattractive as ever.

Now that Liang Qiu was discovered, he didn't hide it anymore, and wanted to call out to Shen Nian, but the moment he wanted to call out, Gu Zhi was the first to speak out, but his gaze still stayed on Liang Qiu's face. :

"Nian Nian, Brother Liang Qiu is here."

Liang Qiu looked at Gu Zhi, wondering if it was his own illusion, he always felt that Gu Zhi took such a step just because he didn't want to hear Shen Nian's name from himself, he didn't like it.

Is the possessiveness all the way here?Liang Qiu felt a little scary, but it was also possible that he was thinking too much.

Liang Qiu didn't think about it again, but there was another discovery, this little pervert was actually called Shen Nian 'Nian Nian', what's the name?The friendship between him and Shen Nian for so many years is just "Xiao Nian", why is he called "Nian Nian" and why does it sound so sticky?

Liang Qiu was a little upset.

Shen Nian came out of the north room at this time, looked up and saw Liang Qiu squatting on the edge of the eaves: "Why do you always appear like this every time you come?"

"I can't help it." Liang Qiu looked at Gu Zhi and gritted his molars: "Who told you to have a little..."

"You little pervert." Gu Zhi snatched his words and looked at him with a smile: "Really?"

Liang Qiu: "..."

What a pervert!

Choosing a date is worse than bumping into it. Since Gu Zhi agreed, and the time is still early, Liang Qiu didn't find another time. After all, the Chinese New Year will be in four or five days. Whether he has time to come out is the question.

Shen Nian didn't care about today or tomorrow, he looked at Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi noticed that Shen Nian's eyes turned to meet his, and said with a smile:

"I listened to it."

Liang Qiu squatted on the eaves and saw the expression of the little pervert clearly. Even he couldn't deny that when the little pervert turned his head to look at Shen Nian, he was no longer a pervert. dog.

Liang Qiu was bored for a moment because of his own description, why is Gu Zhi in his eyes either a pervert or a dog?But then he became indifferent, since this is not a normal person anyway.

The three of them walked towards the bus station together, Liang Qiu habitually wanted to hug Shen Nian's shoulder, but before putting his hand on it, Gu Zhi quickly grabbed his wrist, Liang Qiu looked over and clicked:

"It hurts me to hit someone."

"I don't hit people lightly, try?"

Shen Nian knew that the two of them would definitely not get along, but he didn't expect that they would fight right after leaving the house. He turned around and looked at the two of them helplessly: "This meal... why don't you eat it."

Gu Zhi let go of Liang Qiu's hand, looked at Shen Nian with a smile, and said the same sentence just now: "I listen to Nian Nian."

Liang Qiu also laughed: "No, I'll let my brother let it go, right?"

"I don't have any relatives like you, Brother Liang Qiu." Gu Zhi replied with a strange expression.

"Can you stop calling me that?" Liang Qiu trembled, "It's scary."

Gu Zhi snorted softly and ignored him, and stood on Shen Nian's left side, separated between the two of them. Shen Nian sensed what Gu Zhi meant, and looked back at Liang Qiu. He was stubborn, after all he could protect one side of Shen Nian but not the other, but Liang Qiu didn't do that.

If you keep on teasing, you really don't need to eat this meal.

As the Chinese New Year is approaching, there are many people going to the urban area. Although it is not too late, the bus is still overcrowded. Shen Nian is the same as last time. Gu Zhi forcibly separated a small space for him. Liang Qiu is almost squeezed Not in human form anymore, but he still glances here from time to time.

He didn't look at Shen Nian, he was more looking at Gu Zhi, exploring and examining, trying to find some traces of camouflage on his face, and then told Shen Nian, this little pervert is just pretending, you were deceived by him!

But I don't know if he's pretending too well, or if he really changed his gender, Liang Qiu has never found any flaws.

It was the same when eating, Liang Qiu kept staring at Gu Zhi throughout the meal, Shen Nian reminded him twice to let him eat, but he ignored him, but Gu Zhi seemed to know the meaning of this meal, he was generous Let Liang Qiu watch, Ren Liang Qiu checks, he doesn't seem to feel Liang Qiu looking at him, all his attention is on Shen Nian, he will pay attention to which dish he eats a lot, and he will notice the water in the glass. Does the water need to be refilled and will notice when he needs a napkin.

For a moment, Liang Qiu seemed to understand what Shen Nian told him: what I want, my mom can't give it, my dad can't give it, and you can't give it, only Gu Zhi can.

When Liang Qiu heard this sentence for the first time, he was still a little dissatisfied. After all, how long has he and Shen Nian been in love, and how long has Gu Zhi been with him?What Shen Nian wants, even if he doesn't have it, he will try his best to give it to him, so what can Gu Zhi give him?How can it be possible to have that kind of focus that only has him in his eyes and is only for him?

Who would only look at one person in this life?

It's not wrong for Liang Qiu to think that way, because most people can't do this.

Until this moment when he saw Gu Zhi looking at Shen Nian, what he believed in once began to shake slowly.

It was just a meal, he seemed to be persuaded by Gu Zhi, he really managed to only look at Shen Nian, only think about Shen Nian, only for Shen Nian.

Liang Qiu suddenly understood that he had never found out what Shen Nian really wanted, because he and Shen Nian were not the same kind of people no matter how close they were. His parents were loving, his family was harmonious, and he was a child who grew up surrounded by everyone's love. He could understand Shen Nian's pain, but after all he couldn't truly empathize with him.

The word empathy itself is empty. If you have not experienced the other person's experience, you will never be able to truly understand it.

It's a truth to know the pain only when you stab yourself with a knife.

If you want to know what Shen Nian really wants, first of all they have to be the same type of person and have similar experiences. Liang Qiu and Shen Nian are not related to the same type of person and have never experienced Shen Nian's experience, but Gu Zhi and Shen Nian are .

They are the same kind and have similar experiences.

Gu Zhi is very clear about what Shen Nian wants and needs.

This seems to be a good thing on the surface, but Liang Qiu is not optimistic. He is not jealous that there is a person who understands Shen Nian better than himself, but he thinks that after Shen Nian, such a person may give Shen Nian I want it, but it will also make Shen Nian lose a lot, maybe even including freedom.

He didn't even allow him to touch Shen Nian, so what next?Is Shen Nian going to get married?Wouldn't Gu Zhi let Shen Nian's wife touch him?

It's too ridiculous.

When Shen Nian went to the toilet, Liang Qiu stopped looking at Gu Zhi, he was conflicted and didn't know what to do, his whole mind was in a mess, and he didn't bother to speak harshly to Gu Zhi or tell him anything.

But Liang Qiu didn't say anything, but Gu Zhi took the initiative to speak and asked him:

"Brother Liang Qiu, what are you worried about?"

Liang Qiu looked back at him and saw that there was still an uncomfortable half-smile on Gu Zhi's face, and he didn't bother to say anything, but told him: "Gu Zhi, Shen Nian is not yours alone."

Gu Zhi laughed when he heard the words: "Then who does he belong to? His mother? Shen Chongshan? Or you? Brother Liang Qiu, the first two people don't need me to tell you that it's impossible. As for you, do you want me to remind you? You have already gone to Shanghai, and you can only see him a few times a year, even if you didn't go, you still miss him more than just a friend."

"It's not like that..."

"But Niannian thinks so." Gu Zhi looked at him with a smile: "Do you know why he never said anything or made trouble when each of you left? Because from the very beginning, Niannian didn't let himself It belongs to you, he knows very well in his heart that you people will leave him one day, and no one will really accompany him forever."

"But I will." Gu Zhi said, "I will always be with him."

"What about you?" Liang Qiu asked: "It seems impossible that you want Shen Nian to be like you to him. The Shen Nian I know would not do that either."

"It is indeed the case now, I admit it, but who can say what will happen in the future?" Gu Zhi smiled and looked at Liang Qiu: "You think so? Brother Liang Qiu."

When Shen Nian came back, they didn't say anything, they left after eating and paying the bill, Liang Qiu sent them to the bus stop, after watching Gu Zhi get on the bus, Liang Qiu took Shen Nian's hand and wanted to say something alone What to say, but when I opened my mouth, I found that I didn't know what to say, so I smiled sadly:

"It's okay, let's go back, I will find you to play in a few days."

Shen Nian understood what Liang Qiu didn't say, and smiled lightly: "Liang Qiu, I will get better, and Gu Zhi will get better."

These words eased Liang Qiu's uneasiness: "Okay."

It was just after noon, and there were not many people on the bus. Shen Nian and Gu Zhi sat in the last row. Gu Li asked Shen Nian to sit by the window as usual. Gently wiped that hand with his hand, Shen Nian looked down at his movements and let him go.

Two days later, Shen Chongshan came back. Although there was no harmonious atmosphere, there was also no tension like the last time they returned. They were like father and son in a normal family who don't communicate very much. They bought new year's goods together, made dumplings together, and celebrated the new year together.

On the 29th of the twelfth lunar month, Shen Chongshan bought a new TV and installed a new phone.

This year's Spring Festival Gala was watched by three people together, accompanied by the occasional sound of fireworks and firecrackers outside, it could be called family fun, Gu Zhi took a futon and sat beside Shen Nian's lap, quietly Knocked half a small bowl of melon seeds for him, and handed them to Shen Nian like a treasure: "Nian Nian eats melon seeds."

Shen Nian has been watching TV, but he didn't notice that he did this, and took it with some surprise, Gu Zhi smiled and took a few more sugar oranges to peel, Shen Nian remembered Shen Chongshan who was sitting next to him, looked up, and then It was discovered that Shen Chongshan was not watching the Spring Festival Gala, but kept looking at Gu Zhi, that look made Shen Nian feel that he was looking at another person through Gu Zhi.

who?

When Gu Zhi handed over the Tangju, Shen Nian didn't pick it up, and gave him a look. Gu Zhi's smiling face instantly faded, but he compromised after a few seconds, and handed over the small bowl of Tangju to him. In front of Shen Chongshan:

"Uncle Shen, eat oranges."

Shen Chongshan probably didn't expect that Gu Zhi would give him the peeled orange, he was stunned, his eyes were full of surprise, but maybe it was too much surprise, he didn't reach out to pick it up until Shen Nian reminded him gave him a sentence:

"Dad, I've eaten oranges."

"Hey." Only then did Shen Chongshan come to his senses, and took the small bowl that Gu Zhi handed over with both hands: "Thank you, Xiao Zhi."

It was just a few tangerines, but Shen Chongshan's eyes almost turned red. Gu Zhi didn't understand, and turned to look at Shen Nian in doubt, but Shen Nian smiled and didn't speak, and stuffed a handful of melon seeds into his mouth. He hurriedly opened his mouth to eat, and looked at Shen Nian with a smile:

"For Niannian, Niannian eats."

When the Spring Festival Gala was coming to an end, Gu Zhi lay on Shen Nian's lap and almost fell asleep in a daze. Shen Chongshan glanced at the two of them, got up and left, took two red envelopes and handed them to Shen Nian:

"In the new year, I wish my son success in his studies and all the best."

Shen Chongshan would give Shen Nian a red envelope every year, but he gave it every year. He never said any blessings. This was the first time Shen Nian heard Shen Chongshan bless him, so he took the red envelope in a daze:

"Thank you dad."

Their conversation woke up Gu Zhi, Shen Chongshan saw that he was awake and gave him his share of the red envelope: "I wish Xiaozhi a happy heart and get what he wants."

Gu Zhi was a little dazed, but he quickly came to his senses, looked at the red envelope in front of him and didn't speak, and didn't reach out to take it.

For a moment, Shen Nian thought that Gu Zhi would refuse, after all, the two sets of new clothes Shen Chongshan bought for him were still in the closet and hadn't been worn once, just when Shen Nian wanted to shake his legs to remind him to accept them But Gu Zhi raised his hand to take it first, and said:

"Thank you Uncle Shen."

Shen Chongshan laughed, the kind that came from the bottom of his heart: "No thanks, no thanks, as long as you are doing well."

The clock struck midnight, and the Spring Festival Gala on the TV also sang Happy Tonight. After Shen Nian and Shen Chongshan said happy New Year, they went back to their rooms to rest. Gu Zhi just slept for a while and was not sleepy at all. The lower berth took out the money in the red envelope. There were 18 brand-new ten-yuan denominations in total, worth 180 yuan.

Quite big.

Shen Nian is not sleepy, sitting at the desk and looking out the window, from time to time he can see the fireworks exploding in the night sky, his mind is empty and chaotic, he doesn't know what he is thinking, but he is sure that he likes the security in front of him , I like this New Year's Eve.

It was at this time that Gu Zhi came over, standing next to him and lying on the desk looking at him, smiling, Shen Nian noticed his gaze turned to look at him: "What am I doing? Watching the fireworks."

"How can fireworks be so beautiful?"

Shen Nian was amused, and got up from the chair: "It's getting late, go to sleep."

"Sleep with Nian Nian tonight, okay?" Gu Zhi took Shen Nian's hand and shook it gently, the same as before.

"Gu Zhi, you are 14 years old."

"That's also two years younger than you." Gu Zhi acted like a baby.

In the end, he complied and asked Gu Zhi to take off the quilt from the upper bunk, and the two of them lay on the bed to cultivate sleepiness with the occasional sound of firecrackers outside the window.

Gu Zhi was still not sleepy, but he wasn't bored either. He kept looking at Shen Nian. When Shen Nian was about to fall asleep, he turned over and adjusted his posture. When he opened his eyes in a daze, he found that Gu Zhi was still looking at him. The sleepiness made him close his eyes quickly, but he forced his reason and asked him softly:

"not sleepy?"

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi smiled and said, "Happy New Year."

Shen Nian opened his eyes to look at him, smiled, and a few seconds later took out his hand from under the quilt to stroke his hair, saying:

"Happy New Year, Gu Zhi has to grow up well."