paranoid dependence

Shen Nian went back to school, even though he just came back yesterday, even though it's not yet time to go back to school.

But he still left, leaving without mercy, without nostalgia, as if he would never come back again.Gu Zhi should have stopped him, he did these things just to let Shen Nian return home from school willingly, and be by his side instead of making him wait every day.

Gu Zhi also knew that he could stop it, Shen Nian was very good at stopping it, as long as he went crazy, he would stay, as long as he threatened him not to move back, what would happen, he would move back.

He will not let himself go crazy, because it is meaningless to Shen Nian, he would rather compromise than waste time on this kind of thing, anyway, for him, living in school and living at home don't seem to be the same It doesn't make any difference.

But after that?They will add a new layer of barriers on top of the original grievances, and truly become people who accompany each other, but they are just companions, like two helpless people who have to get together to live together, Shen Nian will not treat him No matter how much affection you give, you will never care about him again, and love him dearly.

He didn't want Shen Nian like that at all.

This is the first time that Gu Zhi didn't go crazy after being left behind, but quickly calmed himself down, calmly thinking about what Shen Nian said, thinking about what Shen Nian really wanted, and then he became confused, he Totally don't know what to do.

How could it fail?How could Shen Nian be indifferent, even angry?Even if it was cheating and scheming, but it really did something for him and didn't hurt him, right?

I have been doing this since I was a child, always pretending to be obedient and using tricks.This tactic is easy to use for everyone, almost invincible, why come to Shen Nian, you have to use your sincerity?

Yes, Gu Zhi knew what Shen Nian said was the correct way, but he had never done it before, he felt it was dangerous, trusting a person wholeheartedly, giving everything he had to this person, it was really stupid up.

His past experience did not allow him to make such a choice.

But everyone he met in the past was not Shen Nian, and they didn't need him.Keeping yourself by your side is just a last resort, it's just kindness, human affection, no one really has to be yourself, no one needs to give their sincerity, or in other words, if they are not sincere, those people don't care, because they never thought about it Treat yourself with sincerity.

Only Shen Nian needs himself, he must be himself, he longs to be treated sincerely, because there are too few people in this world who would treat him like this, and therefore there are too few people who can walk into his heart. not enough.

Being sincere to him may not necessarily be able to enter his heart, but continuing to treat him in a way that Gu Zhi thinks is useful is definitely impossible.

Shen Nian didn't like his own way, he didn't like it at all, his words are here, if he doesn't show sincerity and sincerity, there will be no talk between the two of them.

Gu Zhi was very anxious about this situation, he didn't know what to do.

While he didn't want to deliver his sincerity, he also didn't want to lose Shen Nian.While Shen Nian found what he wanted in him, he also found what he wanted in Shen Nian. He liked Shen Nian's care for him inadvertently, he liked Shen Nian's calm distress, and he liked Shen Nian's quiet company. own feelings.

But the two are contradictory. If you choose one, you must lose the other. This is not a multiple-choice question.

In the chaotic thoughts, at both ends of the balance, Shen Nian gradually gained the upper hand, so the anxious and restless emotions gradually returned to calm.

If he wants it, give it to him.

If he wins, he gets a Shen Nian who will treat him sincerely, and if he loses...it seems that there is nothing to worry about, after all, when he promised Shen Nian to accompany each other from the beginning, he didn't leave himself a way out.

-

Shen Nian didn't know what Gu Zhi was thinking at home, and he didn't want to know, but when he was squeezed on the bus back to school, he thought for no reason that when he went to the city with Gu Zhi last week, they were sitting like this In a car full of people, Gu Zhi firmly protected him in such an environment, and he didn't feel the slightest bit of congestion.

At that time, he really believed that Gu Zhi was treating him well, even if he took possession of him that he couldn't understand and didn't like.

But at that time, Shen Nian also knew that if Gu Zhi continued to treat him so well and continue to give him what he wanted, it wouldn't be long, not even half a year, before he would completely surrender.

But he never expected that all Gu Zhi did was just to make himself submit.

He thought there was at least a little sincerity.

Today he got angry, it seems that since he can remember, he has never lost such a temper, never confronted and spoke sharply, today he is not like himself.

But Shen Nian couldn't control it.

Even though the purpose of keeping Gu Zhi was not pure at the beginning, even though he was very clear that he and Gu Zhi were taming and testing each other, and now it is just that he has lost, but there is no trace of false concern for him these days , even though his concern only appeared after Gu Zhi released his kindness, it was all natural.

Seeing him coldly wanting to buy him an electric blanket, seeing the fried skewers he wants to eat and wanting to take them home for him to eat, seeing him starving at home, I really feel that I can't cook well.

These are all true, without any other things mixed in, and he didn't even think about getting anything back from these things.

But he never thought that what Gu Zhi showed was all fake.

He may agree with Gu Zhi's words, even if it's fake, it doesn't hurt him, even if it's fake, it's what he wants, it's just such an inequity, such an illusion that can be broken with a single poke, Shen Nian is already tired and afraid .

Maybe he shouldn't have allowed Gu Zhi to stay from the very beginning, and he shouldn't have found what he needed from a person with a long history of criminal records. No matter how you look at it, this is an extremely absurd thing. It can be said that it is self-inflicted.

Shen Nian didn't go back to Jianjia Lane after returning to school this time, even after another week, he still didn't. He seemed to have returned to the days when Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi couldn't tolerate him at home, so he could only stay in school and couldn't go anywhere.

But before, it was better than now. At that time, he could go to Liang Qiu's house as long as he wanted, but now he only has one place at school.

On Saturday morning, Shen Nian was sitting at the desk in the dormitory doing homework when he suddenly heard someone calling himself from downstairs:

"Shen Nian——Shen Nian—is Shen Nian here?"

At first, Shen Nian suspected that he had heard it wrong. After all, at this time when all the students were on vacation and the dormitories were empty, he didn't think anyone would come to him at this time, and he didn't know anyone in this city. up.

It's just that there were shouts from downstairs, even if Shen Nian thought he heard it wrong, it was unlikely, he opened the window and looked downstairs, unexpectedly it was the gatekeeper at the school gate.

Seeing Shen Nian poking his head out of the window, the uncle coughed:

"It counts as calling you out, Shen Nian, your family is looking for you."

After saying this, the uncle turned his head and left, but after walking two steps, he stopped and looked back at Shen Nian:

"Hurry up, I've been waiting for a long time."

Shen Nian's first reaction was that Shen Chongshan was back, but when he walked out with his coat, he felt that something was wrong. It's not that Shen Chongshan didn't know his phone number. If he came back and saw that he was not at home, he should call himself first. During the call, Shen Chongshan said that it would take at least two months to go to the northwest, and now it has only been a month, so it shouldn't be Shen Chongshan no matter what.

If it wasn't Shen Chongshan, then who is still in his family?

Shen Nian thought of Gu Zhi.

But will he come?And why did you come?From what I knew about him, he didn't seem like the kind of person who would do such a thing.

But no matter what, the uncle doorman has come to call him, Shen Nian should go to see it no matter what, at least to verify his guess.

Before reaching the school gate, Shen Nian saw the figure standing at the gate looking in from a distance, it was indeed as he thought, it was Gu Zhi, he probably also saw himself, through the electric gate that was neither tall nor short He was waving at himself vigorously.

Shen Nian stopped in her tracks.

The distance was a bit far away, Shen Nian couldn't see Gu Zhi's expression, but he had nothing to say to him, he was silent for a few seconds, turned around and returned the same way, he heard Gu Zhi calling him "Nian Nian" behind him. ', also heard him say 'I was wrong', that hoarse voice no one in this empty campus could not hear.

But Shen Nian didn't seem to hear it, and didn't even stop in his footsteps.

The school is too big, Shen Nian could no longer hear Gu Zhi's voice when he turned a corner, he slowed down his pace at the corner, and remembered the phrase 'I was wrong' that he heard just now.

To apologize?Gu Zhi?

Even if it is, how can Shen Nian believe it?His acting skills are so good, so good that I think I have seen him through and understood him enough, but I still can't tell when he is real and when he is fake, so how much credibility is his apology and what is the purpose, except for himself Who knows?

What's more, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not, and the problems between them can't be solved by an apology at all.

Shen Nian stopped thinking about these messy things, went back to the dormitory, and when he walked downstairs in the dormitory, there were snowflakes in the sky again.

It seems to be snowing all the time this winter.

Gu Zhi's matter did not cause too much trouble to Shen Nian. He is a person who can numb himself by studying, and can even ignore the instinctive needs of his body. It was almost one o'clock when he finished his homework, and he didn't feel it until this time. To the rumbling stomach.

The school cafeteria is not open during the holidays, so Shen Nian can only go out to eat, but he only remembered Gu Zhi when he was walking towards the school gate, but at this time the snow has already fallen heavily, people should have gone back long ago, normal people Will not wait so long in the snow.

But Shen Nian ignored that Gu Zhi was not a normal person at all. When he was about to walk to the school gate, he saw the figure under the corner of the gate post. He was squatting at the base of the wall, leaning his head against the wall and watching the cars and people on the road not far away. Looking forward, his eyes were a little blank, and he didn't know what he was thinking.

There is no eaves at the door post. Even though he is wearing a hat, there is still a thick layer of snow on his body, just like a snowman.

Shen Nian didn't know if he really had something to say to him, or if he was pretending to be pitiful again, but he didn't want to guess anymore, and he didn't even want to talk to this person.

Stepping out of the school would definitely be followed by him, Shen Nian didn't want to go out, and planned to go to the school's small shop to buy instant noodles, but when he was walking back, Gu Zhi, who was squatting at the base of the wall, turned his head as if he had a premonition Looking over, the eyes of the two met, Shen Nian turned around without stopping at all, Gu Zhi almost immediately confirmed that what was in front of him was not a hallucination after being surprised.

But he probably squatted at the base of the wall for too long, and the temperature was so cold that when he got up, he ignored the stiffness of his legs and feet, and just knelt down on one knee, but he didn't feel any pain, and quickly got up and looked at Shen read:

"Nian Nian, listen to me, okay?"

Shen Nian didn't respond and silently refused.

"Nian Nian!" Gu Zhi got up and called him through the school gate: "Grandma Qin is back!"

Shen Nian's steps stopped just like that, looking back at Gu Zhi, he frowned, as if his body was really not feeling well, but he didn't say anything to Shen Nian, he only said to Shen Nian caringly:

"I came back on Monday. I came to look for you at home. I said you live in school. If you miss her, go back and see her."

Gu Zhi was different.

When Shen Nian heard him say this sentence, this sentence appeared in his mind.

In the past, when Gu Zhi looked at himself or talked to himself, whether it was his expression or tone of voice, he would give people the feeling that he had all eyes on you, and he could not see anyone else except you, so it would not make people feel insincere , but always a little unreal.

But at this moment, like a different child, he has shed that bright disguise and let people see the truth.

"But don't worry." Gu Zhi said, "You can come back anytime you want, Grandma Qin won't leave if she says she comes back."

"Understood." Shen Nian replied.

This was the first and last sentence that Shen Nian spoke to Gu Zhi. After finishing speaking, he started to leave, but Gu Zhi stopped him again:

"Nian Nian, are you going out to eat? You come out, I won't be with you, I just want to say this to you, you don't want to see me now, don't want to talk to me, I'll just go back, don't bother you. "

Shen Nian turned to look at him, Gu Zhi also looked at him, after seeing that Shen Nian did not refuse, he took a few steps back, then smiled at him, turned and left.

Did not look back.

Through the electric door, Shen Nian watched Gu Zhi walk towards the bus stop sign. Maybe it was because he fell a little hard just now, or maybe he was a little stiff and numb. He walks like a lame man, but Shen Nian has suffered too much from him. , It is difficult to have any feelings for such a picture.