God said I would meet you

Lin Jinyu almost forgot how her mother dressed when they met for the last time.

Mother Lin is a very beautiful person, not only Lin Jinyu, but also his classmates and teachers since childhood, including Zhang Xinli, all agree 100%.

When Lin Jinyu relapsed, she was in a daze, and her mind was empty most of the time, but occasionally a few memories kept flashing back. One of them was the birthday he celebrated in Liangshan. He drove away without looking back.

That day his mother wore her usual long ponytail and silver mother-of-pearl earrings dangling—just like now.It's just that she looked so young at that time, even though she had already given birth to a child, she was still very enthusiastic about it, and she was very good at dressing up. Standing in the crowd of mothers was so eye-catching.

But such a beautiful and eye-catching mother, he has lost.

"Jinyu," Zhang Xinli finally brought him back to the starting point of their life together. There is no need to rush, he felt that it was enough, and said, "You did it, look, I promised you, you won't die if you move forward... …Enough is enough for today, you want to go back, let's go back now."

He thought that after saying this, Lin Jinyu would turn around and leave without any hesitation, after all, he was so repulsive before.

The dense tree shadows swayed slowly with the breeze. From such a short distance, Zhang Xinli's words must have fallen into his ears, but Lin Jinyu, bathed in the sun, stood quietly without moving.

Although the visibility is very good on a sunny day, there is a wide road and the distance between the two sides is a bit far. Lin Jinyu doesn't know why she can see the person sitting by the window of the coffee shop at a glance.Maybe it's because he was driven by nostalgia and carefully looked at every familiar building next to his home, or maybe it's just by chance.

"Jinyu?" He didn't reply for a long time, Zhang Xinli raised his hand to block the too bright sunlight, followed his line of sight, saw the graceful and graceful girl in the coffee shop, in short, he could use all the words that were diametrically opposed to his own mother to describe her. The silhouette of him was also stunned for a moment: "That's..."

In the coffee shop, the woman opened her purse, called the waiter, stood up, and seemed to be about to leave.

The distance was too far, and Lin Jinyu couldn't see the expression on her face clearly, so she just stood there and watched her walk slowly towards the door after paying the bill.The coffee on the table has not been touched from the beginning to the end, and no one knows why she sat there and how long she sat there.

Without time to think about it, almost at the same time the woman stepped out of the cafe, Zhang Xinli immediately said, "Jinyu," he said, "Don't look, let's go back."

In his plan, Lin Jinyu would not meet his family today.The extremely depressing scene on the day of the relapse was vivid in his memory, and he knew very well how terrible the consequences might be if Lin Jinyu was stimulated by the lesion without being prepared.Therefore, he intends to go home immediately.

I don't know if it's such a coincidence, such a big Shanghai, such a small two people, Lin Jinyu happened to look at the door of the house once, and her mother happened to be there.

"..." Lin Jinyu, who was about to die just now, kept yelling to go back, standing in the shadow cast by the trees, staring at her mother intently, without any reaction to Zhang Xinli's words, as if she had suddenly turned into a stone statue.

Zhang Xinli said that he can go back.

You can go back to the small nest where you live temporarily, shrink back to your comfort zone, say goodbye to the chance of getting better, and say goodbye to your mother who is close at hand.

No...he doesn't want to be like this, he finally got back here, how could he act like a coward, turn around and run away?

"No..." Zhang Xinli saw that Lin Jinyu, who should have turned around and left after hearing the word "go back" without hesitation, suddenly gritted his teeth. A paranoid, yet resolute expression that I've seen once.

He said, "I'm going...to go."

He was still apprehensive and scared, but he wanted to go over to take a closer look at his mother whom he hadn't seen for a long time.

……

"A total of 45 yuan, welcome to visit next time."

In the cafe, the waiter greeted Mama Lin with a very familiar smile, and sent her out: "My sister sat longer today than yesterday. What's the matter?"

"No, nothing." Mother Lin put the scattered hair back behind her ears, and also smiled politely but slightly tiredly: "It's just... a habit."

Yes, I'm used to it.

This is where Lin Jinyu used to love to do her homework.Since her son left the house, she has come to sit in the cafe by the window every day, watching the crowds and traffic on the road through the glass.

Maybe it was a delusion, she was looking forward to seeing Xiao Yu go home one day from the chaotic and unfamiliar crowd.This hope is two years.

Today is a working day. Although I have not worked overtime for a long time due to physical reasons, and even the normal working hours are arranged very casually, it is probably like the countless days in the past two years, and I waited with hopes that I knew did not exist. It's also the same, can't wait, Mama Lin opened the purse to settle the bill, opened the door of the shop with the wind chime hanging on it, stepped on high heels, and walked out.

Still the same familiar scenery and unfamiliar passers-by, chronic insomnia can always make people feel bad, Mama Lin, who was planning to go straight home, suddenly remembered something, changed direction and walked to the pharmacy.

She is a strong woman, and her beauty has enabled her to gain much more tolerance, kindness, envy and jealousy than others since she was a child.

In Lin Jinyu's view, it was a very long time ago, when college students had an infinitely bright future. Mother Lin was admitted to college with excellent grades all the way. Parents, relatives, classmates, and teachers all liked her. A person who does things according to her own ideas, no man can really convince her from the bottom of her heart, let alone drive away her only son from her life.

——Until she first entered university, she met Lin Jinyu's father, Lin Huainan, who was only a lecturer because he was not very good at interacting with leaders, so he taught and taught.

Once we get out of the middle school stage where students are generally underage, the opposition to teacher-student romance seems to be much smaller. Even Lin's mother and Lin's father seem to think that as long as they graduate, there is no need for outstanding students to fall in love with their admired teachers or get married. Nothing is right.

If Mother Lin had the ability to foresee the future, if she could foresee that one day her son would be a homosexual that neither she nor her husband could understand, and his husband's decision and plan about this matter, maybe she would have a better understanding of what she had done when she was 24 years old. The meaning of making a decision is a little deeper.

No matter how old you are, no matter how long you have graduated, the influence of a teacher who has truly shaped a person's thoughts and views with knowledge may not be truly eliminated in a lifetime.

Lin Huainan is not a machismo. He respects women. When he found a condom, he thought that Lin Jinyu's first reaction when he talked about a girlfriend was not to be happy about having a "prospective daughter-in-law", but to tell Lin Jinyu that no matter who he likes, Who is the girl, if he wants to have a relationship, he must really get her consent.

However, despite this, although Lin Huainan did not intend to guide anything subjectively, due to the psychological superior-subordinate relationship between teachers and students, Lin Huainan's unilateral influence on the spouse has always been invisible in the subconscious that neither party can perceive.

If Lin Jinyu had thought about his own family model during his growth, he would have found that although his parents were warm, harmonious, and generally equal, whenever major decisions were made, the one who made the decisions was always dad.

It is not due to power or oppression, but due to the irreversible inertia of teachers and students. Mother Lin believes that Lin Huainan is more knowledgeable and knowledgeable than her, and has superior thinking and decision-making abilities.

Lin Huainan told her, Lin Jinyu, their son has chosen a path, so he has to walk by himself.

When he was 20 years old, he understood what he had to face with his partner when he stepped out of society as an abnormal person in the eyes of many people. 40. Understand at the age of [-].

Mother Lin understands the truth, but she is a mother.

How many times, she couldn't help but travel thousands of miles to Lin Jinyu's school, but she didn't dare to show up in front of her own son.She knew that Lin Jinyu hated her so much from the bottom of her heart, hated them.No matter how reasonable her husband's idea was, how far-sighted young people were, after the initial conviction, she began to be tormented by longing and regret.

A mother's longing for her son may be more profound than Lin Jinyu and Zhang Xinli's longing for each other.

Lin Huainan always comforted her, although his son didn't come home, but he was doing well in school, didn't he feel that being with Zhang Xinli would be happy no matter what?The child made his own choice, they don't bother, just watch, and one day he will come back after suffering enough.

Mother Lin just waited. What was waiting was not her son who had not fully fledged and returned home due to the loss of family support during the transitional period, but Lin Jinyu who had never heard from her.

She finally lost her son completely, and the irony is that she didn't even know the exact moment when she lost it.

"Hello, give me some diazepam."

The shadows of the trees were whirling, and there was no greenery at the entrance of the bank. From Lin Jinyu's side, she could clearly see Mama Lin, but from Mama Lin's direction, she could only see a gray and black tree shadow.Mother Lin walked into a pharmacy not far away, took out the prescription from her bag, and said the name of the medicine.

The air conditioner is turned on in the store, which is very cool. The transparent glass automatic door isolates most of the hot summer heat and most of the voices. The hot summer makes most people seem to lose interest in chatting loudly. The glass door is so quiet. Selling After the necessary communication with the customer, the clerks of the medicine performed their duties silently.

The day Lin Jinyu left home, her mother's world seemed so silent.

I don't know if it's the effect of the medicine... Probably not, sleeping pills don't have the effect of weaving people's dreams.Since Lin Jinyu left, Mother Lin dreamed about his childhood, dreaming that she saw him for the first time when he was born.

It's not pretty, the skin is wrinkled after being soaked in amniotic fluid for a long time, and the hands and feet are also small, like a hairless monkey.At that time, she thought: My son is really ugly.

After giving birth, the figure will be out of shape and the skin will be loose. Obviously he is so beautiful, if he grows up to be more handsome, otherwise it is not worth it.

Lin Jinyu has grown up and is very handsome. His sisters always praise him as the prettiest of their children, but...it turned out to be a look she couldn't understand.

The medicine hasn't been dispensed yet, and Mother Lin doesn't know what's wrong, she suddenly remembered these things, today is really strange, although she would sit in the coffee shop for a while every day, she would usually leave half an hour ago, and now she was outside suddenly Think about these.

She looked out of the window, wanting to relax for a while, to clear unnecessary distracting thoughts from her mind, but suddenly the wind blew the leaves——in the bright sunlight, there was a familiar yet unfamiliar figure at the corner of the transparent glass door.

It was a young man, but he certainly looked more mature than Mom remembered.The man has handsome eyebrows and elegant eyes, and he clearly wears earrings that look "girly" in the eyes of his elders, but he doesn't make people think he is a "typical" homosexual at all. The son of the "little handsome guy" that Xiao Xiao had hoped for was almost exactly the same, but she knew that the inside of the body turned out to be completely opposite to her expectations.

Lin Jinyu didn't dare to go in—in fact, even though he was standing outside the door a few meters away, he was still so nervous, apprehensive, and at a loss as to what to say.

Her mother's face is so clear and still so beautiful, but Lin Jinyu can still see the traces of the years and the tiredness in her mother's eyes that even foundation can't hide.

A second is like a century. Under Lin's mother's unbelievable eyes, Lin Jinyu murmured, softly uttering a title that she hadn't called again in two years.

He said, "...Mom."

It seemed like yesterday that I had first met that skinny, wrinkled toddler.In that weak, unconfident call, my mother suddenly remembered that what she was thinking at that time was: Of course it is good to look good, but even if Lin Jinyu is not handsome at all, she will still look like a thin monkey when she grows up...

She still loves him very much.