God said I would meet you

Chapter 358 One Life Is Too Short, One Life Is Too Long

When Lin Ye came back, he almost thought that the house had been burglarized.

The ground was in a mess, the small plastic stool turned sideways, lying on its back, like countless crooked bastards, the music stand fell over, and many pages were scattered on the ground.

The small door leading to the lounge was ajar, and a narrow white woven light came out from the crack, like a white-gold butterfly's wings.

What happened... Lin Ye didn't know, so he walked through the mess and pushed open the small door, trying to figure out what was going on.

In the narrow living room, Lin Jinyu sat on a stool with his fingers crossed on his knees, quietly guarding the side of the bed. The solid-colored quilt was simple and neat, and the quilt on the small single bed was bulging, as if there was a person lying there.

"?" The corners of Lin Ye's mouth twitched, and he stepped in, saying, "Don't tell me that because you were jealous, you went out and made a date with someone in a fit of anger, and you couldn't bear to open a room and mess around with me."

This is too immoral. Normally, Lin Jinyu jumped three feet high and denied three times in a row. But this time, it was as if he didn't hear Lin Ye's words. He didn't even move, just kept silent. He stared quietly at the person lying on the bed.

A bag of cold water in a fresh-keeping bag and a box of Band-Aids were placed on the cheap, broken wooden bedside table. The person on the bed was breathing calmly, with one hand sticking out of the quilt and placed by his side.

With the lights on in the room, Lin Ye walked over to take a look, and was shocked.

Isn't this... a little straight man?why here?

"It smells so heavy." He frowned and slapped him with a hand: "Did you swim in a wine tank?"

"No," Lin Jinyu finally spoke. He stared at Zhang Xinli for a moment and said, "Can he sleep here for one night?"

"He slept here all night, where should I go to sleep..." Lin Ye muttered, "Aren't you drunk..."

"Nothing," Lin Jinyu said, "Think about it, how long is it, how long is it enough?"

Lin Ye thought to himself: Uh, it's been more than an hour and almost two hours, isn't it enough?It's nice to be young.

"He probably won't wake up until tomorrow morning," Lin Jinyu continued, "Do me a favor, I'm wronged that you sleep on the floor like me today, and when the scholarship comes out this semester, I will pay for your accommodation... Please."

One or two hours ago, he looked like he was at odds with the person on the bed, but now for his sake, such low-key words like "please" are popping up. Lin Ye really doesn't understand this kid, he is obviously in love with him to death, and he They have already turned their heads, but he refused to let go and agreed to get back together.

"Forget it, I'll spend the night with my junior," he said, "Why don't you have the nerve to compete with the younger generation, you just sleep."

Lin Jinyu said: "No, how can I let you trouble others, just squeeze."

Lin Ye was silent for two seconds, and said, "Lin Jinyu, you have to remember that we cannot sleep together."

Gay men are different from straight men, they don’t give or take, so casually sleeping in the same bed is as inappropriate as heterosexual men and women claiming to sleep under the same quilt and watch a luminous watch.

Lin Jinyu thought for a moment, then said, "Oh, I forgot."

He never regarded Lin Ye as a potential love object.

"So... what's going on here?" Lin Ye said, "I was taken aback when I entered the door, thinking that someone was robbing the house."

There was no burglary, but burglary was almost the same. Lin Jinyu picked up the bag of ice water on the bedside table, took Zhang Xinli's hand, and gently pressed it on the back of his hand. There was a similar one in the palm of his hand on the fresh smoke scar that was burnt out. The imprint, it was burned when I quarreled with my father when I came out.

"I'm sorry," Lin Jinyu said while applying ice to Zhang Xinli: "How much damage? I will pay you."

The things are all small things, a few plastic benches, stacks of papers, and metal music stands are not easy to break, Lin Ye said: "I'll go and have a look later, it should be... nothing broken, I’ll tell you when it’s broken. What the hell are you doing? Because the guitars are hanging high on the wall, if you hit the instrument, you’ll have to pay another debt.”

The wound on the back of his hand was very hot. After Lin Jinyu finished applying ice to Zhang Xinli, he tore off a band-aid and put it on him as an emergency treatment. He said, "He drank too much and ran over in the middle of the night."

"...And then?" Lin Ye said, "You beat him up? You two had a fight?" He looked up and down between Lin Jinyu who was sitting and Zhang Xinli who was lying down. Their clothes were obviously pulled There are also red marks on the exposed wrists and arms.

"I really don't understand you," he said, "Isn't the purpose of messing around in the bar just to stimulate your little straight man and let him come to you? How did this happen when someone came?"

Lin Jinyu showed no expression, and said coldly, "I didn't ask him to rape me."

Strong... Lin Ye said in his heart: Young people are impulsive.

On the bed, Zhang Xinli's breathing was sluggish, and the eyebrows were raised and wrinkled, as if he couldn't calm down in his dream. Lin Jinyu put his hands into the quilt, tucked the corners of the quilt, stood up after a moment of silence, and said, "I'm leaving, please." You keep him for one night, and when he wakes up tomorrow... I am very grateful."

"Where are you going?" Lin Ye grabbed him, "Take care of your own people, don't leave them to me."

"Isn't there room for three people?" Lin Jinyu said, "And... I don't know how to face him when he wakes up."

After those unconscious and blushing incidents, Lin Jinyu didn't know what expression to use to face Zhang Xinli, angry?Isn't that all, plaintive?Not really...he had never seen him cry.

When Zhang Xinli's tears fell on his shoulders, he seemed to be thinking a lot, but he seemed to be completely blank.

"Face it how you want to face it," Lin Ye didn't let go, but still tugged at him: "You guys are going to get together after all."

Even he, a bystander, could see it, or maybe it was because he was a bystander that he could see it more clearly.

Lin Jinyu couldn't explain it clearly to him, and Lin Ye didn't know the details personally, how could he maintain a normal mind in such a short period of time, calmly face a person who took off his clothes, pulled off his pants, and roughed him a few hours ago? The person who pushed that thing against him?And this person is his ex.

... Although he was drunk and couldn't find a place, and his posture was scary, he couldn't get in.

"I'm in a mess now," he said, "Even I don't know if I will have a future with him, how can you be so sure."

"Then what do you want?" Lin Ye almost felt sorry for his misfortune and angered him: "You need to find out the fact that you are gay, and if you are not with him, you will be with another man, right? What are you going to do? Don't be awkward and give up the person you really love, and find a man to make do with the rest of your life?"

Lin Jinyu didn't think about this, at most he thought about dying alone.

"I never thought about it, who am I going to make do with, you?" He said casually, "Do you want to fall in love with me?"

"..." Lin Ye was silent for a moment, then said, "No."

Lin Jinyu went on to say: "When I was a child, I was in the second grade, and I read too many comics. I felt that there is only one true love, and breaking up means cutting your wrists and dying for love... Don't laugh, who hasn't been innocent when they were young."

He said slowly: "Actually, you agree, no one can live without anyone."

Lin Ye really agrees with this sentence, "You must" love is too rare. For most people, there is nothing wrong with love many times.

"I admit, I still care about his breaking up. You don't understand that feeling," Lin Jinyu said, "He never chose me as firmly as I chose him."

I don't know if it's the inferiority complex brought about by family differences, or the male chauvinism that is overly protective. Zhang Xinli seems to have considered a lot, but he has never absolutely and firmly chosen Lin Jinyu.

I said that the vow to be together forever can be abandoned because of "last resort". This time it is because of economic hardship. What about next time?

Lin Jinyu's feeling for him is: This is the person in this life, whether poor or rich, healthy or sick, what about Zhang Xinli?Now he's not sure.

Life is too long, and there are always countless "last resorts" that can be used as reasons to say goodbye.

He remembered that when they were together, at Xu Zhao’s house, he came out of the shower, Zhang Xinli sat with his back facing him, sitting under the warm yellow light, wearing a sweater with a big dog sticking out his tongue, reading the fourth-grade words, that scene At that time, Lin Jinyu thought about how the two of them would look when they got old, Zhang Xinli would no longer be young and handsome, but after thinking about it, he still felt that he loved him very much.

Has Zhang Xinli ever imagined such a picture?

"What do you mean by being firm?" However, just as Lin Jinyu was immersed in the memory, Lin Ye spoke. His voice was rational, without too much warmth, and he pulled Lin Jinyu out of the memory: "You said it yourself, more than 20 years old Years old, already past the age of the second year of middle school, how can loving someone be the same as you expected, if you really don't care about it, detached from everything, you two will be desperate at that time."

Passing through one test after another, the test is sad, the two pieces of helpless duckweed finally failed to withstand all the waves, Lin Ye said with a serious expression: "I admit that the little straight man thinks he is great without even discussing with you It was wrong to break up with you, and it was very wrong, but if you think about it, is it really that unforgivable?"

He said: "...Although I didn't eat and sleep with you, I watched a lot during that time. What kind of firmness do you ask for, and what kind of firmness do you give? Compared with him, most of them stay in words."

Lin Ye said: "You are more daring to love and hate than anyone I have ever met. I admire that, but... think about it, is your 'firmness' not as firm as you think—at least not Show it completely. Let me ask you, have you cooked a meal for him, cooked a dish, washed clothes once, and volunteered to do housework once? Do you know what he likes to eat like he knows what you like to eat? ?”

Based on Lin Ye's observations in those days, Lin Jinyu didn't know.He didn't even know what his partner ate and didn't eat - he thought Zhang Xinli ate everything.

In his eyes, these two people are two sides of a mirror, one is good at doing but not good at talking, and the other is good at speaking but not good at doing. Sometimes it can be called a match made in heaven, making up for each other, but sometimes they are like enemies, and their brain circuits can't match no matter what, Lin Ye said coldly: "Forget what I said to comfort you, and face up to your own incompetence, Lin Jinyu."

Lin Jinyu said, "I..."

When he first fell in love, he was relatively diligent, but later... just like flowers will wither eventually, lazy people can't pretend to be diligent after all.

Perhaps because he felt owed, Zhang Xinli never blamed Lin Jinyu for this, and he silently finished those seemingly inconspicuous but very trivial daily tasks by himself.

Lin Ye's words made Lin Jinyu fall into silence. Those words, together with Zhang Xinli's trembling when he suppressed crying, made his heart tremble.

"I know... No, it's not just this," he frowned and said irritably, "Forget it, I can't tell."

In fact, Zhang Xinli's entanglement caused by leaving twice is one thing, his future life is one thing, and the blind date... is also one thing.

Lin Jinyu didn't forget what La Long said unintentionally that Zhang Xinli went to meet a blind date girl. Liangshan's closed and clan-like village is no better than Shanghai, which has a relatively high degree of freedom. Given Zhang Xinli's family environment, the possibility of him coming out is very small, and He is still an only child, and all kinds of factors combined make Lin Jinyu feel pessimistic about the future.

When we were together before, hormones overwhelmed reason. He told Zhang Xinli that it was fine and he didn't care. But after so much, Lin Jinyu is no longer a student in an ivory tower who doesn't know the social reality. Calm down and think about it, this is quite a big problem .

They will never be able to live in an ideal. The current social situation is like this. When Lin Jinyu surfs the Internet, she feels that the tolerance is already very high. In his comfortable social circle, he found that there are too many "non-my race" people who have completely different views from him, like Zhao Wujie, Shao Rong, Dai Sheng in the bar, and the little man in the practice group. It is still the trajectory of life that most people think cannot be changed.

Graduation is just around the corner, what will Zhang Xinli do then?

He made it clear that he would not get married, but just as Lin Jinyu thought about dying alone, he still had too many reasons to break up with him for the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth times. Don't change, you must be firm, there are so few reasons to be together, and so many reasons to be apart.

"I'm in a mess," Lin Jinyu couldn't express too many questions and thoughts. After he said a few things, he felt that the whole person was in a mess, and said, "Let's just leave it at that. I'm really in a mess. I need to think about it... for now Don't meet again."

Life is short, and life is too long. Before he got all the answers, he really didn't have the courage and determination to give Zhang Xinli the enthusiasm and devotion he had at his best age without thinking about it like he did when he fell in love for the first time.

Being cautious, calm, and deliberate is probably a sign of a person's maturity, but Lin Jinyu deeply feels that this is both gain and loss. The heart that can love someone so purely, passionately, and without thinking is after all the same as the short boyhood. never come back.

He said: "The department is going to hold a department-wide opening meeting. I will go back to school right away. When he wakes up, if he remembers what happened tonight, you can say that you took care of him. If he doesn't remember...no need Tell him I'll be there when he comes."

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