God said I would meet you

The day Zhang Xinli went to the station was a peaceful Monday, the first day of the week, a day when God said, "Let there be light".

This morning, Lin Jinyu finished the final exam, which was his worst result since he entered high school. At noon, Uncle Zhao drove into the school to help him tidy up the dormitory and move things. Looking at the stacks of books that were taller than a person made people feel breathless. I can't breathe.

The roommates greeted him one after another, saying that they would see each other next semester, and they left one by one, and the crowded dormitory suddenly became empty.

"Let's go," Uncle Zhao moved the plastic box full of books to the trunk: "Have a meal and go see grandpa."

"Yes." Lin Jinyu nodded.

There was a smell of disinfectant in the corridor. The ICU ward was isolated from the outside world. A heavy automatic door blocked most of the sight. It was time for lunch delivery, and the waiting bench outside was crowded with people. .

Lin Jinyu followed Uncle Zhao, walked past a row of uncles, aunts, aunts and uncles holding thermos buckets, and saw his parents on the stool at the end.

"Here?" Lin Huainan stood up, "Go in."

In principle, family members are not allowed to enter the ICU, but most hospitals are not so rigid. When patients have important matters to explain, or when some major changes are about to happen, family members will be allowed to go in after disinfection and protection.

Zhang Xinli wasn't here, Lin Jinyu didn't say anything to his father, and went to wait at the door. Not long after, a nurse on duty came and pressed the password to take them in.

The first time he entered this kind of place, he felt extremely depressed for no reason. Doctors and nurses performed their duties, some wrote records, some watched computers, and Lin Jinyu wore a sterilized gown and a mask, and walked through several doors. Saw his grandpa.

A transparent oxygen mask occupies most of his face, and there is an insulated barrel on the shelf beside the bed, and the card at the foot of the bed reads: critically ill, general food.

Mother stood aside and waited for them. The nurse was a young girl who had just graduated. She was asking Grandpa Lin if he wanted to eat now. Seeing Lin Huainan and the others coming, she reminded, "Grandpa, your son is here."

Lin Jinyu saw his grandfather on the hospital bed, his grandfather who had retired as a cadre, the old man who was originally a vigorous man, took some effort to open his wrinkled eyelids, and glanced at them.

"Dad," Lin Huainan greeted his father, and then asked the attending doctor, "How is the situation?"

The female doctor in her early forties said: "It's much better than when I first came in, but you know... Are you or your spouse a doctor or have experience in medical related industries?"

Lin Huainan replied: "No, no."

"Then let me tell you in layman's terms," ​​the doctor said: "Pulmonary fibrosis is medically irreversible, so it means that a large part of this lung is broken and rotten, and it is impossible to recover, so now Oxygen must be inhaled, so there will be no life-threatening for the time being, but the hope of getting out of the ICU is relatively slim... Do you know what I mean?"

Lin Huainan understood, he said, "Understood."

Grandpa Lin lifted the finger holding the instrument, and nursed: "Grandpa, you lie down and say, don't sit up, the blood oxygen can't keep up."

Lin Huainan called Lin Jinyu over, and Lin Jinyu called out, "Grandpa."

Grandpa Lin looked at him, and let out a muffled voice with heavy phlegm from his throat: "Here we come," he asked, "How long is the college entrance examination?"

After the winter vacation, the spring exam will be after another vacation. Lin Jinyu replied: "After another semester, there will only be two months."

But his grades plummeted, it was horrible.

"It's almost time...Grandpa always feels like you just went to middle school yesterday." Grandpa Lin had phlegm rolling in his chest, and he paused for a few seconds before continuing: "Just look at this one, you have to...do your best, is it right? The university you are optimistic about?"

So far, Lin Jinyu has no idea about universities, nor does she know what different levels of universities mean to students. She only knows Tsinghua University, Peking University, Renmin University, Harvard... and a few names like empty slogans.

He shook his head, Grandpa Lin sighed and said, "Take your time and go to a place you want to go."

The place I want to go... Lin Jinyu naively felt that everything was the same, because there was no Zhang Xinli anywhere.

Grandpa Lin coughed and had rich experience in nursing, so he immediately pulled a handful of toilet paper to catch the sputum. Grandpa Lin coughed earth-shatteringly for a while, then regained his energy, and asked, "Where is Zhang Yichuan's grandson, call him over too."

Lin Jinyu didn't know how to answer this question, Lin Huainan took over the conversation and said, "Dad, he has something to do, so it's not convenient for him to come over."

"What can be the matter..." Grandpa Lin said: "Little baby is simple, besides studying, there are other things."

Too much, Lin Jinyu thought in her heart: In addition to studying, there is also life, which will also be troubled and depressed.

Lin Huainan said, "Xiao Zhang is working hard and studying at school."

Grandpa Lin said: "That's...well, it's good that Xiaoyu can work hard like this."

However, Lin Jinyu knew what Zhang Xinli was doing. He must be packing his luggage for tonight's train ticket to Kunming.

"Dad, do you want to eat something else, we will bring it to you tomorrow."

Grandpa Lin waved his hand and panted a few times: "No, just... say something to Xiaoyu, come here."

Lin Jinyu walked over, Grandpa Lin stretched out his withered hand, and shook hands with his grandson's young and healthy hand: "You must... study hard," he said, "Treat him as your brother...as your real brother... ...to each other...to each other..."

Before he finished speaking, the old man coughed violently again. The doctor glanced at the instrument and interrupted: "Okay, okay, grandpa talked too much today, he needs to rest."

Lin Huainan and Lin's mother came forward to ask about the situation, Lin Jinyu withdrew his hand, and walked a little away from the hospital bed alone... Although he didn't have too much hope for the hypothesis "maybe grandpa can let Zhang Xinli stay", but when this possibility When it really became zero, he was still disappointed.

……

Lin Huainan prepared a red envelope for Zhang Xinli, and quietly put it in the mezzanine of his backpack.

Yan Dongdong got dark early and the night was very cold. Zhang Xinli packed up his few things, said goodbye to Lin's father, Lin's mother, and Lin Jinyu calmly, and went out to the station alone.

Just when he opened the door and was about to go out against the wind, Lin Jinyu suddenly stood up, went to wrap a scarf on the shelf, and said, "I'll see you off."

Zhang Xinli was startled, subconsciously looking at Lin Huainan.

While squatting down to put on her shoes, Lin Jinyu said in a very normal tone, "Dad, I'll go out and see him off."

Lin Huainan seemed a little restless, he obviously didn't want to agree, but at the moment Lin's mother was also in the living room.

"Okay," said Lin's mother, "Yo, Xiaoyu knows how to see off guests, and she has really grown up."

She didn't know anything, and only thought that Zhang Xinli had to go back to study entirely because of the tightening of policies and the difficulty of getting school status for students from other places.

Lin Huainan couldn't say anything, so he had to compromise: "Go and come back."

Lin Jinyu followed Zhang Xinli and went out without saying goodbye to anyone.

……

The night sky was pitch black, and the street lamps looked like countless giant eyes in the dark night.

Zhang Xinli carried his bag and dragged his suitcase. The two of them walked along the road wet with drizzle, neither of them holding an umbrella.

When they were together in the past, Lin Jinyu always started talking, but now he didn't speak, and Zhang Xinli didn't speak, the two of them just walked their boring paths.It was a long way from here to the station, but Zhang Xinli knew the way very well. He walked ahead and entered the subway station, queuing, buying tickets, and entering the station in one go.

Lin Jinyu recalled that when he first came to Shanghai, he didn't know how to take the subway, didn't know the departure direction, didn't know how to open wave soda, and didn't like to eat salty and sweet breakfast.

Now Zhang Xinli has integrated well with this city. He knows the main subway lines in his mind. He knows that there is no need to buy additional tickets for transfers, and he knows which station to get off without looking at the map. Zhong, even he can adapt to eating a few mouthfuls of sweet dishes.

Lin Jinyu entered the station together with him, looked at his silhouette standing in front of the glass door waiting for the bus, and said:

"Want me to take you to the station?"

In fact, he had obviously already bought a ticket, but he just wanted to ask this question.

Zhang Xinli said: "It's a bit far away, if you feel tired, you don't have to..."

Lin Jinyu interrupted him and said, "I just asked you 'Do you want to'."

Zhang Xinli returned to silence, and Lin Jinyu said, "Don't be sentimental, it's just out of politeness, after all, we are still classmates and friends."

After saying that, Zhang Xinli was speechless and nodded.

The subway came quickly and the carriages were crowded. They stood facing each other while holding on to the same railing, with their eyes on the ground.

Lin Jinyu looked at Zhang Xinli's hand holding the railing in front of him... long separated from the mountain and the rice in the field. Those hands were compared to the hands that Liang Shan remembered carrying him on his back. , It has really become a lot whiter.

The screen above the station hall was still scrolling the scarlet train timetable for years. At that time, the platform tickets had been cancelled, and Lin Jinyu had no tickets, so she couldn’t enter the waiting room with him. He stopped at the ticket gate, and Zhang Xinli returned Turning around and looking at him for a while, he said, "Go back."

"Well," Lin Jinyu also looked at him and said, "Did my dad tell me where to go to study?"

Zhang Xinli said: "Uncle didn't say anything, he just told me that he was in touch, and told me before the school opened... anyway, it's winter vacation."

What a thief, Lin Jinyu thought: My dad is really cautious, he didn't tell us, Sichuan is so big, I can't find him.

There was another minute of silence, they stood in the chilly wind, they seemed to have exhausted what they had to say, but no one turned around to say goodbye first.

Lin Jinyu said, "We...will we meet again?"

Zhang Xinli said, "I don't know."

The starry sky is vast, but the world is small. At this age, they have nothing but countless possible futures.No one can say for those who want to come to infinity now, maybe love will die in those years, and new seeds will sprout.

"Well," Lin Jinyu knew he was telling the truth: "Maybe I'm just a passer-by in your life."

This sentence was not actually said by him, but by a writer named "Anthony". At that time, the class was full of youth literature such as "Novel Painting" and "The Minimal Story", and boys and girls rushed to pass it on. Although Lin Jinyu Not very interested, but I occasionally glanced at it among the magazines flying around.

He thought Zhang Xinli couldn't understand it, but to his surprise, Zhang Xinli pulled up the bag he was carrying on one shoulder, put it on naturally, and said, "...I know I won't meet another you."

His Chinese performance is much better now, at least there are no bad sentences in the composition, there will be a few sentences with rhetorical devices, and occasionally a few "famous quotes"... Living together, he will also read the books Lin Jinyu has read , he will also subtly look at things that Lin Jinyu likes.

As for Lin Jinyu, he used to not even know where to start peeling the garlic, but now he can cook a decent plate of chili fried pork... Although it doesn't taste like Shanghai cuisine at all, it is not as good as Sichuan cuisine. two.

Zhang Xinli finally said: "Goodbye, don't hate your father."

Lin Jinyu stood where he was, watching Zhang Xinli's back disappear into the crowds at the train station. He still remembered that scene many years later. Zhang Xinli was surrounded by fine raindrops. He was alone, but every step was sonorous.

On a certain day long ago, Zhang Xinli was the same, carrying a camouflage travel bag, walking towards him through the crowd at the exit of the noisy station.

He just left the same way.

Lin Jinyu stood outside the queue to enter the station, watching Zhang Xinli get farther and farther away from him step by step, and finally lost sight of him.

He suddenly thought of the Neruda poem that was printed in the exercise book when he first curiously leaned over to see what Zhang Xinli was doing during the summer vacation that year.

Lin Jinyu said silently in her heart: I love you here, but the horizon covers you in vain.In these cold things... I still love you.

【Middle tune · Identity and struggle (end)】