God said I would meet you

The wind on Christmas Eve is cold. Although the winter in Shanghai is not as severe as that in the north, the wind still blows on the face like a small knife.

Zhang Xinli didn't speak for a full minute, Lin Jinyu asked again: "Have you ever loved me?"

"At our age..." Zhang Xinli said, "Sometimes..."

"Don't talk too much," Lin Jinyu interrupted him: "Yes or no, just one word."

Zhang Xinli fell into silence again, and Lin Jinyu felt that his heartbeat was the bell before the judgment.

If separation is the final destination, then why give each other troublesome attachment?

Zhang Xinli remained silent for quite a long time, and when he spoke again, he said, "No... I haven't felt that way before."

At that moment, Lin Jinyu thought: Winter in Shanghai is also very cold.

He was still hugging Zhang Xinli, but he had never felt so far away from him. Lin Jinyu said with the last humble hope, "Then how do you explain that impulse."

"It's just... normal..." Zhang Xinli said, "It's a normal reaction in adolescence. If it were you, it would be the same for others."

……

After a few seconds, Lin Jinyu said, "Is that so..." He didn't show a sky-shattering or anything like that, but he was a little bored and suddenly realized: "Oh, so that's how it is."

"Jinyu..." Zhang Xinli seemed to be trying to add some additional explanations, but Lin Jinyu pushed him away: "Okay, there's no need to say anything," he said, "I have nothing else to hear, that's all."

He stood up in the cold wind, feeling shivering all over, but he looked like it was no big deal: "Okay." Lin Jinyu turned around and picked up the warm sweater, and put it on his shoulders: "Go back."

"Where are you going? Home?"

"It's up to you," Lin Jinyu said, "If you want to go home, go back. I'm going to find Xu Zhao." After he turned around to leave, Zhang Xinli grabbed his hand and said, "Let's go back together."

Lin Jinyu thought he was really funny, what was this, a slap for a sweet date or humanitarian condolences?Don't be ridiculous, who needs this kind of play.

He turned around and politely opened his hand: "I don't think it's necessary... Do you think I'm so pitiful, so sad, so painful that I'm here to comfort me?" Lin Jinyu smiled and said : "I think too much, I'm not sad, I'm really...not sad at all, so there's no need."

The window sill was very dirty, Lin Jinyu patted the dust on her body, turned to leave, but turned around as if suddenly remembering something, and said, "I forgot to tell you, that necklace is actually plated. The silver one has a real bullet inside, the brass one has no gunpowder, and it has my and your names engraved on it...it’s just covered and you can’t see it.” Lin Jinyu said: “If you find it an eyesore, just throw it away. "

Zhang Xinli still seemed to want to say something, but Lin Jinyu didn't give him any chance to speak: "Also, you don't have to worry about me pestering you, I'm not such a mother-in-law...and I'm not that cheap, everyone...let's get together and relax. "

The word "san" was very clear in the narrow dark alley. After Lin Jinyu finished speaking, she didn't say anything else, and walked straight away without even looking back.

……

The bar was lively and lively, with more than a dozen boys making a scene, Lin Jinyu looked as usual when he entered the door, and saw Xu Zhaozheng and others imitating Liangshan heroes drinking and punching.

"Whale! Where did you go?" Xu Zhao called him excitedly: "I've been waiting for you for a long time, come quickly."

"Wait for me...what are you doing?" Lin Jinyu was at a loss, Xu Zhao couldn't help but fish him over: "Everyone is here, I want to announce something..."

Everyone stopped their random activities and looked at him. Xu Zhao held up his cup and said, "My dad has found me some kind of institution. I will transfer to the international class next semester. I will treat you all today, you guys?" Drink whatever you like, and come to Tu'ao to play with me when you have time!"

It’s not unusual to go to Australia. At the time of the sophomore class, about a dozen students in his class transferred to the international class, and began to prepare application materials for various foreign universities including the United States, Western Europe, and South Korea. Xu Zhao probably It was because his grades were too bad, and his father paved the way for him until then.

"Are you settled?" Lin Jinyu was completely unprepared for the news: "Which university..."

"I don't know yet," Xu Zhao said, "It's just decided. I found an agency to arrange the whole process, and I just prepare the materials. They write all other applications, so I don't need to worry about it... It's [-] yuan, can you do it?" Let them earn it so easily?"

The international class is the way to go abroad. It is two lines from the domestic college entrance examination. The class time and place are different from theirs. This means that not only Zhang Xinli will transfer to another school next semester, but even Xu Zhao will transfer.

Lin Jinyu tried hard to digest the news, Xu Zhao saw that there was something wrong with his expression, and asked, "Whale, what's wrong with you?"

"It's nothing," Lin Jinyu said, and her expression quickly returned to normal: "I'm happy for you, that 'Shanghai University' joke finally doesn't work for you."

Every middle school student has probably made jokes about their local university, as if going to university at their doorstep is a shame and humiliation... Lin Jinyu and the others often tease each other, "If you don't study hard, you can only go to Shanghai University, you know."

However, in fact, not every Sichuanese can be admitted to Sichuan University, not every Hunanese can be admitted to Hunan University, and not every Shanghainese can be admitted to Shanghai University... When you go out , you will find that the university at your doorstep is actually far better than you imagined.

Xu Zhao patted him with a smile: "When I get to know you over there, you can come and play with me. I will reimburse you for your air ticket, and I will cover all your basic necessities."

Lin Jinyu was in a trance for a moment, as if everyone had left all of a sudden... But he immediately smiled back at Xu Zhao and said, "Okay, I'll wait for you to develop."

Everyone came over to clink glasses with Xu Zhao one after another. Lin Jinyu glanced at the door from the corner of his eye and saw Zhang Xinli pushing the door open and walking in.

He seemed to want to come to Lin Jinyu's side, but was stopped by layers of crowds.Lin Jinyu actually saw him from the corner of his eye, but pretended not to see him. He took a bottle of drink at random, and laughed along with the crowd, "Hurry up, is there any program for Dazhao to practice!"

Someone shouted: "Put on a show! Whale, your song today is very nice!"

Lin Jinyu's violin was in the corner, but he waved his hand and said, "No, it's out of print for a limited time."

Everyone booed, Xu Zhao said loudly: "Oh, forget it, you didn't hear the opening speech at the show, and didn't you see that the song was for us? Virtue, it's for the target!"

Zhang Xinli stood behind the crowd and looked at him from a distance, with a slight movement between his brows... All the boys laughed, and Lin Jinyu laughed too. Laughing, he felt his eye sockets sour, and he pretended to be inadvertent and closed his eyes vigorously, blocking back the tears.

"Sing a song!" Someone shouted again: "Who goes up and sings a song, let's give some atmosphere!"

So a variety of songs came and went on the screen, from Cui Jian to Chopstick Brothers, and then beyond, the spring exam was approaching day by day, and the atmosphere became tense day by day, and the classmates turned away one by one. Although the boys have not yet left the society, they have already felt what it means to "go their separate ways" in advance.

The level of singing in this small world is uneven, some people's voices move Liang Chen, some ghosts cry and howl... They gathered in front of the microphone, shouting the same sentence "forgive me for being unruly and indulgent in this life, loving freedom, and also afraid that one day I will fall ".

There was a lot of noise everywhere, Lin Jinyu was laughing and laughing amidst the noisy singing, a smile bloomed on his face, but tears flowed into his heart.

Probably because there was too much rock and roll singing, someone over there chose the song "He Doesn't Love Me" without a wink, dragging Lin Jinyu to sing with him so as not to die.

Just now everyone yelled at it, only he hadn't taken the mic, Lin Jinyu was coaxed by a bunch of people, and couldn't refuse, why couldn't he pass the mic.

The music sounded, Lin Jinyu was supported by Xu Zhao's shoulders, and Zhang Xinli was sitting on the sofa in the corner in front of him, all kinds of dancing light spots reflected on him, as if he was shrouded in a blurred light and shadow.

He looked up at the screen, and Lin Jinyu was always looking at him from the corner of his eye.

"He does not love me……"

He thought of the way Zhang Xinli taught him to do math problems stroke by stroke, the way Zhang Xinli learned how to cook Shanghai cuisine for him, the way Zhang Xinli fell asleep leaning against him in the infirmary that day, and the way Zhang Xinli washed his clothes for him. The way he looked, I remembered the way he looked at him, and the temperature of his palm.

"It's so cold when holding hands

not close enough for hugs

……

i know he doesn't love me

His eyes speak his heart. "

When he was in junior high school, Lin Jinyu always felt hypocritical when reading those romance novels. How could someone go around and love life and death, as if they couldn’t live without someone. He felt very incomprehensible... But he slowly started Understand, he couldn't understand that kind of pain because there was nothing in his heart at that time, there was no such a person.

It is only when you love that you understand the pain of losing a loved one.

"I read his heart

There are other people staying behind

His memories are not clean enough..."

Lin Jinyu looked at Zhang Xinli from a distance during the sobbing saxophone and piano interlude, and finally her eyes turned red. He is not a girl, and Zhang Xinli doesn't love him. In this world, he is a lonely alien.

"He doesn't love me, even so..." Those floating light spots danced around the lyrics, and every sentence hit Lin Jinyu's heart.

"He still won...my heart."

He felt that his student days, his teenage years, and the soft love that he hid in his heart secretly and ecstatically, would all come to an early end with the end of this song.

He wanted to rush up and hug Zhang Xinli fiercely in front of everyone, wanted to kiss his cheek, his heroic eyebrows, his broad chest and sharply lined lips.

Even if those fruitless loves can't germinate, please don't die quietly, at least let it stay in everyone's memory...but he can't.

He wanted to cry, but he couldn't.