fail love

It was still snowing at Christmas, and after two days and two nights, a thick layer of snow was deposited on the ground.

The sunny day after the snow was extremely cold. Before going out, my mother wrapped a cotton scarf around Tao Zhi's neck. The scarf was made of soft cashmere. Tao Zhi hid his pointed chin in the thick scarf. The scarf covered Tao Zhi's neck. One-third of his face showed that his eyes were particularly big and round. Mother looked at Tao Zhi's again and again, pushed Tao Zhi's back lightly, turned around and locked the door.

"It'll be fine soon." In the cold morning, a puff of white mist came out of her mouth as soon as she spoke. She didn't know whether she was talking to Tao Zhi or herself. "It's not a big problem."

Tao Zhi stood in the corridor on the third floor of the hospital, looking up at the off-white roof a little dullly. The weather was so cold, he carefully rubbed his right hand with his left hand slowly, and his mother followed suit in white When the doctor in the coat came out, Tao Zhi quickly went up to him. He was a little wary of the doctor opposite, and looked at him nervously with his own eyes.

His mother patted his hand to comfort him, Tao Zhi bent down slightly, and said softly to his mother: "Mom, I want to go back, why don't you let Yan Shu come with us?"

Mother's expression changed again and again, she glanced at the doctor in bewilderment, her expression soon eased, and she returned to a normal look, probably because of the wind, Tao Zhi's hands were terribly cold, and her mother held tightly He pinched Tao Zhi's fingers, pursed his lips, tried to show a gentle smile, and said in a gentle tone: "Tao Tao, Yan Shu is not here."

There was a moment of doubt on Tao Zhi's expression. His confused expression made him look like a little lamb lost in the dense forest. Almost immediately, he struggled reflexively, as if trying to break free from his mother's hand. , but his mother grabbed him very tightly, and the woman who usually didn't even mention the bucket of water held a young man tightly. She used so much strength that her nails were almost embedded in the flesh of Tao Zhi's wrist. .

Mom smiled at Tao Zhi, but the corners of her mouth did not bend up for a long time, and it soon turned into an ugly arc. She tried so hard that the corners of her mouth twitched, "Tao Tao, listen to your mother, you are sick, as long as you take care of yourself Treat and you'll be fine soon."

"No... I want to go home, let me go, I want to go home!" Tao Zhi instinctively sensed the danger, he backed away slowly, and when the doctor held his back, Tao Zhi violently resisted When he got up, his mother couldn't catch him, and his fingernails drew a few reddish scars on his wrist, but he could barely feel the pain, so he pushed the doctor away and stumbled towards the stairs.

The off-white corridor twisted before his eyes. Tao Zhi felt the ground under his feet tremble. He suspected that the building would soon be razed to the ground under such strong shaking. Stimulated by adrenal hormones, the blood It was rushing down the blood vessels too fast. If he was hit by a falling stone from the building, Tao Zhi was sure that his blood would pour out like a fountain, and keep pouring out!injection!Stain all the sand, gravel and dust with blood!

Tao Zhi was even more frightened, he couldn't restrain his twitching, thinking that he just needs to go home, just go back to that room, just go back to Yan Shu's side...

As soon as other people's hands touched Tao Zhi, Tao Zhi roared angrily. He was like a trapped animal locked in his arms. The unnecessary kicking and biting made him angry. He had completely lost his mind. The scarf my mother wore around her neck became a life-threatening rope around her neck. Her overly long hair was messed up, and only a pair of eyes were frighteningly bright under the messy hair. Seeing this scene, my mother almost fainted on the spot.

She didn't know why all of this had to happen to Tao Zhi, obviously in the past 20 years, Tao Zhi has been working so hard, his childhood was full of case sheets, pills and hospital corridors, in earlier times , when he was weaker, the crazy woman would beat him almost every day, lock him in a dark closet with scars, make him bark like a dog, crawl like a dog, pick up food in the trash can, and take pictures of him. For fun, I pasted photos of him all over the room.

He couldn't even speak or communicate with others, but he would use his soft and warm body to cling to her arm, and gently learn to call her "Mom" in a naive voice.

After each period of darkness passed, it was not the beginning of light. The sun only briefly shone on the unfortunate child's face, and after giving him a short period of warmth, he was pushed into the next period of darkness.

How...how can she save her child!

Tao Zhi was pressed to the ground by two or three people. With tears in her eyes, his mother pushed aside the chaotic crowd and hugged the exhausted Tao Zhi. Tao Zhi couldn't stop twitching in her arms. He wanted to stop it. His twitching became more and more urgent, and he couldn't stop it. He slapped himself several times, and his mother couldn't hold his hand, and cried out loudly: "Tao Zhi, Tao Tao!"

"Tao Tao, look at mom, look at mom," mother hugged Tao Zhi's cheek eagerly. If she had known that Tao Zhi would suffer from this disease abroad because of her negligence, then she would have never She will send Tao Zhi abroad, but it's too late now, Tao Zhi's hallucinations have been concreted to the touch, and there is only endless regret left in her heart, "Please, Tao Tao, let's do well, shall we?"

The person next to him pulled his mother and Tao Zhi, who had already limp into a ball, away. The moment Tao Zhi left her embrace, his expression was as bewildered as that of a child who was cruelly abandoned. He stretched out his hand to his mother, but only grasped There was a cloud of air, he stared nervously and fearfully at the person who lifted him up, and called softly: "Mom?"

For a long time, Tao Zhi couldn't separate reality from fantasy. Sometimes he thought he was in a nightmare that lasted forever, and sometimes he thought he was crazy, so there were so many things in his mind. He babbled at the white wall, bit his fingers nervously, choked his neck, and scratched his arms, all of which could not make him feel relaxed for a moment.

His mobile phone was thrown out and hit the wall when he was struggling, and it was scrapped immediately. Tao Zhi couldn't show them the proof of his love with Yan Shu, so he could only repeat his memory stubbornly over and over again, but was easily found Every time he was pointed out wrong, Tao Zhi couldn't restrain the coldness in his body. This kind of cold seeped out from the cracks in his bones, penetrated his texture, and made his teeth chatter.

He couldn't explain how Yan Shu was so connected with him that they could connect with each other through dreams. He couldn't explain why the president of a group was so busy but why he stayed by his side every day. He couldn't explain how they ignored the distance of more than 7000 kilometers and six Hours of jet lag hug each other.

Tao Zhi didn't want to tell anyone what happened between him and Yan Shu. He comforted himself that love is always a matter for two people, and other people don't need to understand so much.

He took a lot of medicines. Tao Zhi knew that one of the medicines was called aripiprazole. He used to take the medicine most often. He explained to his mother every day that he was not sick and he had no illusions. He wanted to go back to China. Everything has been prepared, he is about to marry Yan Shu.

His mother was crying all the time, and her tears made Tao Zhi feel guilty. He silently pinched the corner of his clothes and watched his mother take out a mobile phone. Tao Zhi was calm at first, and he didn't have the slightest memory of this mobile phone in his mind.

The phone was not locked. Mom turned on the phone and clicked on the text message interface. Tao Zhi saw a familiar number.

...his own number.

Since two years ago, his number has been sending text messages to the number in this mobile phone, from the painful and sad apology at the beginning, to the sweet love words later, and finally stopped abruptly on the text message "I miss you a little" .

Tao Zhi edited this text message not long ago. At that time, he had a lot of thoughts in his heart. At that time, he thought that all the expectations in his heart could be realized, but now, Tao Zhi swallowed a mouthful of saliva, and asked in an attempt to cover up: "What is this?" ?”

Tao Zhi’s original mobile phone has been broken. Even if the card is pulled out and placed on the new phone, a lot of information will be lost. My mother has checked it. There is no contact information on Tao Zhi’s mobile phone. They should be deadlocked. All of Yan Shu's contact information was blocked by Tao Zhi.

Tao Zhi is strictly controlled the use of mobile phones, in order to prevent Tao Zhi from entanglement with the object of delusions, and also to cut off the possibility of Tao Zhi deepening his hallucinations.

"I found this phone under your pillow, your backup phone." Mom also dug out the social software on the phone. Tao Zhi used this number to register many accounts, and each account had a familiar account to him. Send a lot of messages.

Tao Zhi pushed the phone away, he stood up and paced the room non-stop, he thought he should really escape, escape from here, get rid of all this, he just needs to escape here and find Yan Shu, Yan Shu will be with his mother As explained to the doctor, they are in love, their love is real and not illusory, Tao Zhi did not have hallucinations.

But his legs didn't mean to walk out of this ward at all. He endured it for a while, the corners of his eyes were sore, and for a few seconds, Tao Zhi seemed to have left his body and floated into an empty space, with warm tides rushing towards him Come on, when he realized it, he found himself crying.

Tao Zhi covered his mouth and cried hard but didn't make a cry. He leaned his back against the wall, and as soon as his mother approached him, he tried his best to hide in the corner of the wall, as if he wanted to embed himself in the wall.

He let out a weak cry, pressed the back of his hand against the cold wall, and begged pitifully: "Mom, please let me out, I beg you, I really didn't lie to you, really..."

"Mom, I just, I just like him. I've loved him for many, many years, and I finally... finally got to be with him." Tao Zhi slowly slid down to the ground, hugging his mother's thigh and pleading, In just one month, Tao Zhi lost a lot of weight. When he was shaking, his mother always suspected that he was going to shake himself to pieces. His forehead was against her knees, and wet tears dripped down on her shoe. "What should I do? Mom, I'm so scared, I... what should I do, how could this be..."

Tao Zhi still didn't give up, he thought that Yan Shu would always come to him, he just had to wait, wait for Yan Shu to pick him up, and everything would come to light.

Tao Zhi became more and more in a trance as he thought deeply. He could occasionally see "Yan Shu" in the ward. He couldn't talk to "Yan Shu" here, so he just watched "Yan Shu" silently and communicated with him in his heart.

"Yan Shu" said that he will come here soon to prove to everyone that he loves Tao Zhi, and Tao Zhi only needs to secretly throw away the medicine.

Tao Zhi obediently hid the medicine in his sleeve every time he took the medicine, and "Yan Shu" appeared more frequently, but the good times didn't last long. The bed sheet was dragged to the ground, and the pills hidden under the mattress rolled to the ground. Tao Zhi remained silent and stood aside, not daring to speak.

But no matter how long the nightmare is, there will be a day when you wake up.

It was an accident that Tao Zhi got the news of Yan Shu again. He had a fixed entertainment time every day, and the nurse would come and take him to watch TV. Tao Zhi didn't know whether he was unlucky or lucky that day. He happened to see Yan Shu appearing on TV. , it was an interview with a very boring large-scale program in the urban area, Yan Shu was an invited guest and was being interviewed.

Tao Zhi blinked slowly a few times, he wanted to turn his head and pull the sleeve of the nurse sister, telling her to watch TV too, and he would introduce to her that the person on TV was his lover.

But soon another figure appeared on the TV. Jian Weisu was wearing a small dress and holding a violin in her hand. She obviously just got off the stage.

"Wow, the two are really talented and beautiful. I heard that the two are destined partners in the legend. Does Mr. Yan have any thoughts on Miss Jian's performance just now?"

Tao Zhi straightened up, he was a little angry, and eagerly wanted to ask the nurse to turn off the TV, but in a blink of an eye, he was the first to see his pale and thin wrist, the blue meridians looked hideous under the pale flesh. horrible.

Tao Zhi paused, and opened his palms with empty eyes. The white spots on the sunlight hurt his eyes, and the lines on each palm were like a naked blue-white scar.

The author says:

At this moment, I lost contact with my wife, and Yan Shu, who couldn't find his wife, collapsed and restarted...