Shiva

[Atman].

"Shen Xu!"

I sat up in shock, gasping for breath, red soft clothes everywhere, we have returned to the hotel room.

"how come......"

In the last minute, I was still in the National Museum of New Delhi, staring at the statue of a god cat with empty eyes. joints, to beg the soul for relief.

My heart was beating so fast that I was about to jump out of my throat. I seemed to see those two holes again. My boyfriend's mother couldn't remove the door lock with a screwdriver. She kicked a hole in the wooden door and put her hand in to open it. Lock, staring straight at us.To my surprise, she achieved the goal of "must come in", and she was not interested in what she was doing inside, so she turned around and walked away like a puppet pulled by a string.

She is in pain, I think, she is also good at multiplying her own pain and passing it on to others, weaving a trap with paranoia, and when she can't think about it, she plunges into it, and she can't get out no matter what.

After my aunt left, my boyfriend filled the hole with a few books and looked at me guiltily.

"Don't apologize." I knew what he was going to say.

"In your eyes, have I become a cold-blooded person?" He said, "Watching my own mother banging her head on the door."

I glanced at the few rays of light that slipped in through the gap and said it wasn't like that.

"Then do you still love me?"

"Why don't you love? You are you, she is her."

"Aren't you afraid... I will become like her too?"

"I know you won't."

"Will you leave me?"

"will not."

"Really?"

For the first and only time, he showed me the bruises under the perfect skin. In my memory, he kept shrinking, his skin darkened and his eyes became round. On the road, he persisted in begging for five rupees. I gave it to him, but he still squinted his eyes and held the money up to the sun to check whether it was true or not.

"Really." I told him over and over again tirelessly, no matter how inappropriate the time and place were, I would always tell him so.

But at the beginning, he still complained and asked for my comfort, but then he couldn't hear it anymore, but I could read from his forbearance eyes that he seemed to be more depressed.

"Xiao Jin, did you drop 'Doro' again?"

His eyes gradually focused, Shen Xu looked at me worriedly, and reached out to wipe away the physiological tears on my face.

I blinked and wiped away the tears I didn't know when I fell. Where did I fall? Doro, only the stars in the sky fall when the Bodhisattva is crying. They are tears of mercy, the mercy of the world, and I myself I think that a vulgar person who can't be more vulgar, who loves money and desires, is easily entangled and defeated by the word love, and what he sheds is nothing but H2O and some inorganic substances including NaCl.

"Shen Xu, have you ever been in despair?" I asked.

He kept quiet and said yes.

"What does that feel like?"

"It's as if... a deep hole has been dug out in my heart, and the sun is out of sight."

I sighed, yes, even though I tried my best to take out everything, I still couldn't fill the deep pit in his heart, and he still became silent day by day visible to the naked eye.I rubbed my temples and asked Shen Xu what date it is today, and he reported a date. My hands pressing the acupuncture points stopped in place, time was compressed here, and the National Museum was already yesterday.

"How did we get back?"

"Take the car." Shen Xu said briefly, "Don't you remember?"

I shook my head, but I didn't remember anything, "What happened after watching Little Shiva yesterday?"

Shen Xu handed me his camera, I had a splitting headache, and simply lay on my side on the bed and flipped through them one by one, miniature paintings, nude villains, a photo of me and nude villains, dancing king Shiva, carved on natural volcanic rock The niche relief came out, but there was no weird and stiff four-horned beast. I continued to scroll down, oh, we left the National Museum and walked to the edge of a tributary of the Ganges.

The brown-skinned old man was squatting by the river, using a brass pot to draw water. Behind him was the Golden Temple of Shiva, with its spiers towering like clouds. I stared at his back fascinatedly, and I was quite moved by the loss of this memory. Unfortunately, with a trembling hand, I don't know where I pressed it, and a dialog box popped up on the electronic screen:

[Restore? ]

[whether]

Pa, Shen Xu pressed his hand on the shoulder strap of the camera, his eyes fixed on the words, "Just press 'No'."

With a move in my heart, I pressed "Yes".

"...This is a good photo, why did you delete it?" I looked at the photo, "Have we entered the Golden Temple? What is the sign hanging on it? A tree of blessings? What did I write?"

"Words like health and safety." Shen Xu didn't think about it.

I didn't believe it, and said we should go to the Golden Temple again. It's a pity that we can't remember. Shen Xu immediately showed disapproval. I insisted again and again, saying that I still want to see it.

Shen Xu was quiet for a while, then lost the battle, and took me back to the Golden Temple in the photo.

When I entered the temple, I accidentally bumped into an old Indian man. He was holding a brass pot in his arms, and the water suddenly spilled into a puddle. We bowed to each other embarrassedly and said "Nah Duli" countless times. Bending my back and making a gesture of invitation, I stepped on the water stains and came to the blessing tree.

The banyan tree was about to be bent by the huge number of wooden signs. I looked up and searched, and I really found my name and handwriting. Tong Tong Tong, hanging next to me is Shen Xu's sign, Guang signed his name in the lower right corner, and is holding a marriage card with flowers engraved on it.

Shen Xu coughed lightly, his collar was fluttering in the wind, I turned my head and smiled at him, I was stunned while smiling.

At the end of my sight, there was another sign with Shen Xu written on it, it was inconspicuous, but I saw it at a glance, I walked away and found my own next to Shen Xu's sign.

One, another, I stepped back, in the jungle of red lines and wooden signs, circling around like headless flies, and another one, I raised my hand and lightly touched the wooden sign, and the wooden sign swayed in a circle in place.

"It turns out that we have made so many wishes..." I said, "I was shocked by the number of wishes."

[permanent]

[do not think]

[Cherish things in time]

......

[return]

return?What come back?What am I missing?Who wants to come back?

There is no beginning or end, and I can’t remember exactly why. Several brands are obviously very old, maybe it’s related to the production batch. On Shen Xu's chest, he held up two brand new wooden plaques, and smiled: "May I have another one?"

"Shiva will find us annoying," I said, taking the carved wooden tablet and writing [May it last] smoothly.

"Don't you have a wish?" I asked the motionless Shen Xu.

Shen Xu looked at me deeply, "No, just write your name on mine, and whoever writes Shiva will bless whoever."

"You write my name, I will write your name." I said, and ran to buy another one.

So, "Shang Jin" and "Shen Xu" lived side by side under the largest shade of trees, where the wind and rain did not invade.

After hanging the wooden sign, we stepped out of the Golden Temple. The old Indian man was drawing water again. Beside him, a young man in only a pair of underwear jumped down, and his head popped out of the yellow Ganges, wiping the water off his face. , let out a low growl.

They use the water of the Ganges River for everything. In India, sanctity and turbidity have nothing to do with each other, just like their bathing grounds and crematoriums share the same word. I actually looked at the young people bathing in the river with some envy.

"Soaking in the Ganges, will it become clean? Or will it become dirty?" I thought.

"The important thing is what you believe in." Shen Xusong said, not in a questioning tone, but I still answered him, "Be clean."

"Do you want to get clean?"

I closed my mouth tightly, looked at the river water that could stir up sand and filth anytime and anywhere, and said nonchalantly, "Can I change the place?"

Shen Xu knelt down by the river bank and asked the old man where the best Ganges bathing place in India was.

"Go to Calcutta! Let's go there!" The old man straightened up, holding the copper kettle and answered loudly.