Shiva

[Rupa].

Shen Xu was very fierce on the bed, he tore off the gentle mask during the day, his movements became more and more reckless, his forearms on both sides of my body were tense, showing a strong arc, he wrapped me in his arms, pressing me down Kissing me with his lips, calling my name.

Longing, joy, and reluctance, my whole body was on fire, my nerves were cracking, and I really couldn't tell which emotion was stronger.

The steps kept going up, and the stone carvings flashed like fragments, hooking the introduction of lust, without stopping for a moment.I think we are a natural pair, Shen Xu and I, we are inseparable like tenon and tenon structure, he studied geography, I studied architecture, our wrists are very stable, not only can draw any As simple as a long line of curvature.

Good match.

"Shen Xu, you lied to me for so long." I put my arms around his sweaty neck and pulled him closer to me, "I didn't reply to the messages I sent you... You're just kidding me, right? You just want to Keep me cold, and then appear with a 'snap', give me a surprise, if you want to promote it, suppress it first, right?"

He was panting on my chest, his fingers moved along the waistline, I hated his silence, "Speak, look at me, Shen Xu, look at me."

"Yeah." Shen Xu raised his eyes, his eyelids were wet after two overly intense incidents, "It's my fault."

"You're not good again, your apology is really casual." I turned my face to the side and closed my eyes, "Is it so fun to lie to me?"

"I didn't mean to lie to you." Shen Xu's deep voice rang in his ears, still cautious, "It's just... I don't know how to love you, it's too close, I'm afraid you think I'm noisy and out of bounds; too far away, I'm afraid Your feelings for me have faded, and you can't think of me anymore."

I touched his chest and pressed it down, "Just use it here."

"Xiao Jin, am I a failure?" Shen Xu wrapped his hands around mine, "Always worrying about gain and loss, always nervous, blindly digging into a dead end, and finally exhausting myself, getting nothing... I When I am alone, I often think that it would be great if I could go back to the old days. The days when I was with you were just the two of us... Xiao Jin, do you know that the days in college were the happiest for me? It's time."

Shen Xu bent his eyes, his smile was still so pretty, but also so sad, as if there were two completely different people living in his body, "You know that I love you...don't you?"

"I know." I nodded vigorously, "I know."

He leaned in and kissed me, "I'll be happy then."

"You are so heartless, you don't say so many things early, leaving me alone to guess and guess, I am so entangled that I am going crazy." I complained to him, "What did you think when you were on the airport bus? Words are like gold look like you really don’t know me.”

Shen Xu looked at me and blinked, "I'm looking forward to...you still remember me."

The annoying drum sound reappeared, and I had a premonition that it would be useless to continue asking, so I said, "So I'm too stupid to hit my skull somewhere."

"That's right, you only like me if you smashed your head." Shen Xu hooked the corners of his mouth.

"I am happy." I argued with him, "No matter what you become, I will like you."

I do love him from the beginning to the end, even in those gloomy days, I love him the same, even though Shen Xu...is a person who often makes people puzzled.

The students' college entrance examination is over, and more than 50 voluntary forms have been filled out under his guidance. Our respected Shen Gardener is still working non-stop.

One night, I woke up from a nightmare and found that he was not beside me. When I opened the door, I saw him working at his desk again at the dining table.

I stood at the door of the room and looked at him quietly for a while. Shen Xu was holding a pen, bent his back, and was writing something.

His shadow under the light is a very lonely shape.

Shen Xu wrote so fluently and without thinking, he must have typed the draft many times in his heart, I thought to myself.

"Teacher Shen." I quietly approached him, "Are you still writing lesson plans?"

He closed the notebook almost at the same time, "Yeah."

"It's late, let's go to bed." I squeezed his shoulder, "You can prepare for lessons even when school starts."

"Wait a little longer, okay?" Shen Xu lowered his head, the lamp is yellow, the table is brown, the wall is beige, his silhouette is a color that no light can pass through.

I rubbed between my brows, "Can't you sleep?"

"Ah."

"We're flying to New Delhi the day after tomorrow." I bowed my arms around him, smelling the scent on his neck, "The luggage hasn't started packing yet, what should I do?"

Shen Xu slowly turned his head to look at the suitcase.

"If you can't sleep, do me a favor?" I forced a smile, "Let's pack our luggage together!"

The busy Mr. Shen finally started to move, silently and carefully rolling up the shirts one by one. I like that he is responsive to my requests, but I feel something is wrong. The last trace of vitality in his body seems to be gone. reverted.

"Shen Xu, you will never leave me, will you?"

This sentence, I asked Shen Xu in the past, and I also asked Shen Xu now.

To this day, I began to understand his unreasonable strong and fragile, understand his indifference and reticence, but I still can't understand, never say goodbye, it is so difficult.

He looked at me as if he had a thousand words to say, but he turned his mouth around, retracted it and condensed it into a few short words, "As long as you want."

Well, should I say he is selfless or selfish?

"Shen Xu, how many days have we been in India?" I closed my eyes.

"Six days."

"Tomorrow is the seventh day."

"Go to see Shiva." Shen Xu's cold knuckles slid across my cheeks, "I promise you, Rishikesh, let's go together."

I suddenly felt flustered, and the closer I got to seeing Shiva, the more uneasy I became, and the anticipation gradually fermented into fear. I found myself resisting this thing, which seemed to mean more things that I couldn't bear.

"...I don't want to go see it anymore." I looked at him anxiously, "Can I not go? Shen Xu, we will stay in Calcutta."

"Shen Xu, let's not look at it anymore."

"Don't go, okay?"

His eyes dimmed, he bowed his head, and silently kissed me a wet and long kiss. I was unwilling to hold his face and kissed him back forcefully, asking him over and over again, begging him, and wanting him to be with me I stayed in Calcutta, but Shen Xu quickly entangled the tip of my tongue, preventing me from pronouncing a single syllable.

We got entangled again, and there was a faint tendency to raise our head between our legs. Shen Xu kissed me all the way, licking my Adam's apple in his mouth. With his hands fixed on top of his head, he gasped and looked at me motionlessly.

"Why don't you want to go?"

"There will be a lot of people watching Shiva, crowding around." I was dazed by desire, "I'm afraid I won't be able to hold you tight."

Shen Xu smiled, "I'm afraid I'll get lost."

"I'm afraid that I... will never find you again."

"If I really disappear." Shen Xu said seriously, "Xiao Jin, you must not look for me, and don't come to India to look for me."

"Oh, I'm not looking for you..." I raised my head, looking for Shen Xu's lips, the bed was soft, and his body was cold, a temperature I couldn't even cover.

Forget it, it doesn't matter, tonight, let's kiss again and make love again.

There was no other way to think of it.