The little mute took my cub

Lu Ran's mind went blank in an instant.

Xiaohe and Brother Xiaohuo...

It was the story that He Yinan wanted to force him to read at that time.

Brother Xiaohuo's mother had an accident to save Xiaohe.

Lu Ran put himself into that story.

Suddenly he came to his senses, his mother...did she die to save He Yinan?

Lu Ran vaguely felt that something was wrong.

He bent down and quickly took out the diary, and opened it again.

It recorded his inner malice towards He Yinan.

On a certain page in the diary, the entire page is filled with a sentence written with a red marker pen.

【He Yinan, you killed my mother, I hate you. 】

The handwriting that belonged to him when he was a child was crooked and distorted, the handwriting scratched the paper, and the hatred jumped out of the paper.

Turn to the previous page again.

It was his conflicted emotions towards He Yinan.

……

November 5, sunny day.

I'm going to break up with He Yinan tomorrow.

Will.

Never forgetting... hating him.

……

How to act like a lunatic?

Logical and inconsistent.

This is Lu Ran's first feeling after reading his diary.

Was he crazy before?Crazy?

Lu Ran felt his head tingling, trying to recall that chaotic memory.

All the clips that came to mind were his so-called father, Lu Junfeng, looking crazy at him with red eyes.

After his mother died, Lu Junfeng got worse, beating and scolding him, and locking him out of the house when it was freezing.

Sometimes even rushed into his room in the middle of the night and yelled and questioned him, why do you know a friend like He Yinan?

With red eyes, Lu Junfeng shouted hoarsely: "If you didn't know a friend like He Yinan, Mingzhu wouldn't have died!"

"If it wasn't your friend that day! Why would Mingzhu run out in the heavy rain? She's still sick! It's all your fault."

"Your mother was killed by you! It was you!"

Such words and scenes were repeated thousands of times during that time.

Lu Junfeng seemed unable to accept the fact that his mother died, and was going crazy every day.

However, can He Yinan be blamed for this incident?

If it wasn't for Lu Junfeng's daily drinking and gambling, so much debt, and his mother being so young, how could he be sick from exhaustion?How can it be that life is worse than death in the hospital bed every day?

Lu Junfeng became insane after Jiang Mingzhu's death.

And Lu Ran himself was also driven crazy in such an environment, gradually became gloomy and withdrawn, and then completely turned into a lunatic.

"This is a diary written by a madman."

Looking at this diary, Lu Ran felt that it was difficult to breathe, took a few breaths, raised the corner of his lips and pinched the tip of He Yinan's nose, and struggled to say a few words: "Don't believe it."

Lu Ran suddenly felt his head weighed a thousand catties, and his heart ached unbearably.

His eyes began to darken, and before he closed his eyes, he saw He Yinan's frightened face, but he had no strength to comfort him, and the world fell into dead silence.

All the negative emotions of depression, anger, resentment, and sadness rushed back to my heart in an instant.

Lu Ran saw another self in his dream.

That extreme and gloomy self slowly walked towards him, holding a dagger in his hand, looking at him expressionlessly, his voice was as cold as if one fell into a glacier, and his thin lips parted lightly: "Kill He Yi South."

"It was He Yinan who killed your mother."

"kill him."

Demonic whispers sounded in my ears:

"It was He Yinan who killed my mother."

"If it wasn't for saving He Yinan, my mother wouldn't have died."

"If He Yinan wasn't dumb, mom would have been sent to the hospital in time, and mom wouldn't have died."

"It's all his fault!"

"It's all his fault!"

And the self holding the dagger was approaching him step by step.

As if wanting to merge into him and devour him completely.

……

Lu Ran struggled to wake up, panting like a dying fish.

He stared at the pale ceiling, stunned for a while, and then tried to lift his finger, but he didn't have any strength.

Perhaps it was an illusion, after waking up, the surrounding environment and air became oppressive and low, making him breathless.

Too many memories and complicated emotions swept over overnight, and he was almost unable to hold on.

Lu Ran hid in the room, unwilling to recall those depressive and sad memories, but those memories were unwilling to let him go.

Fortunately, time has passed for a long time, those memories are very vague, and it is not so painful in retrospect.

He remembered the scene of his mother's death, and He Yinan's panicked expression.

At that time, Lu Ran's mind was blank. He pushed aside the crowd, knelt and sat beside his mother, and He Yinan came back from a distance.

Lu Ran yelled at He Yinan with red eyes: "Call an ambulance! Why didn't you call an ambulance!"

He Yinan opened his eyes and opened his mouth, and uttered a vague syllable. He could do nothing but stare at Lu Ran in a daze.

Lu Ran waved He Yinan away, "Go away!"

Later, Jiang Mingzhu fell into a pool of blood, stroked Lu Ran's face with difficulty, and said the last few words:

"Ranran, study hard, be responsible for your own life, don't be arrogant, don't let mom down..."

Lu Ran frowned and sighed, enduring a burst of severe pain.

Connect all the memories bit by bit.

That year, Lu Ran was in his third year of high school.

I am about to face the college entrance examination, and I am about to face the most important turning point in my life.

But his mother, Jiang Mingzhu, was diagnosed with liver cancer at that time. She was at an advanced stage and tossed and turned in the hospital bed every day.

Lu Junfeng's business failed, and his family owed a huge pile of debts. In addition, the cost of medical treatment weighed on Lu Ran like a mountain.

So Lu Ran had the idea of ​​dropping out of school to work to earn money. Jiang Mingzhu dissuaded him several times after learning about his thoughts.

But at that time, Lu Ran was too young and had a stubborn temper, Jiang Mingzhu couldn't persuade him to turn back at all.

Perhaps because of the torment of the illness, and because she didn't want Lu Ran to embark on the path of self-destructive future, Jiang Mingzhu had already made the decision to seek death.

It was just an accident that Jiang Mingzhu met the lost He Yinan on the road.

Unfortunately, Jiang Mingzhu's death hit Lu Ran too hard.

After losing his mother, Lu Ran completely lost his spiritual support. Coupled with the pressure of studying, and having to face the drunk and mad Lu Junfeng every day when he went home, he was almost on the verge of collapse.

Lu Junfeng instilled wrong ideas in him, scolding him day and night, saying that his mother was killed by him and He Yinan together, forcing him to ask He Yinan for compensation.

Lu Ran gradually began to have hallucinations and auditory hallucinations, and finally his spirit gradually became abnormal. After listening too much, he began to doubt himself, whether Jiang Mingzhu chose to give up treatment because he said that he would drop out of school...

Later, he barely found a psychological balance point.

He found that as long as he blamed He Yinan for all his faults, he would feel better.

So he began to distance himself from He Yinan, blaming He Yinan in his heart.

That dark manga and diary of chaos and madness was written at that time...

Lu Ran sighed, thinking of his bastard self before, his head hurts.

He locked himself in his room for three days and He Yinan would come to bring him food on time, but he couldn't see anyone.

Lu Ran broke out in a cold sweat just now, and his throat was dry and astringent. He wanted to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, but he opened the door.

He saw He Yinan sleeping next to the door, like a kitten, with white cheeks, slender eyelashes trembling slightly, and a round belly that rose and fell with his breathing.

Lu Ran felt sore when he saw it, he wanted to touch He Yinan's eyelashes, he wanted to touch the baby, he wanted to hug He Yinan.

But he had no strength, and he couldn't even lift the corners of his mouth. There was a buzzing sound in his ears, and he began to have auditory hallucinations again.

"Kill He Yinan."

Lu Ran closed his eyes and shook his head, his mind was in a state of chaos. The former crazy self was screaming crazily, trying to break free, control him, and swallow him up.

Lu Ran laughed at himself, he really didn't expect that he was a lunatic before, and he was so completely insane.

So now I have to change back to what I was before?

What about He Yinan?

Lu Ran squatted down, supported He Yinan's sleeping body that was about to slide to the ground, and called out, "Nannan? Wake up, don't sleep here, the ground is cold."

He Yinan woke up instantly, and looked up at him in a daze.

"What are you doing here?" Lu Ran forced the corners of his mouth up, and said in a hoarse voice, "Are you an idiot? Don't you look at your current body?"

He Yinan looked at him blankly.

Lu Ran found that He Yinan might have been crying for the past few days, her beautiful eyes were red and swollen from crying.

What a crying bag.

Seeing He Yinan pursing his lips to hold back his tears, Lu Ran wanted to move over and kiss He Yinan.

However, He Yinan suddenly gestured to him, with a worried face on his face: [What's wrong with you these days, you've become so strange. 】

"What's wrong with me?" Lu Ran was stunned for a moment and asked.

He also noticed that his state was a bit wrong, and occasionally some memory gaps would occur.

He Yinan hesitated for a while, then gestured with red eyes:

【You throw things in the room, talk nonsense, and sometimes get up in the middle of the night and tear things up a lot. 】

【What happened to you?I am afraid. 】

Lu Ran wanted to talk,

But suddenly a flash of whiteness flashed in front of his eyes, and he felt a sharp pain in his head.

When he woke up again, he found that He Yinan had been pushed away by him, and almost fell to the ground.

He Yinan looked at him with his stomach guarded, a flash of surprise flashed in his eyes, and then he was full of grievances.

"No, I didn't..." Lu Ran explained with a hoarse voice.

Lu Ran raised his hand and looked at his palm, suddenly felt that the world in front of him became unreal, blurred and erratic.

Even He Yinan in front of him seemed to be a different person.

At that moment just now, I seemed to be dominated by the emotion of resentment.

So, what is the world of lunatics like?

So novel.

Lu Ran thought happily in bitterness.

Lu Ran explained: "I just lost consciousness."

He Yinan frowned, said nothing, and nestled into Lu Ran's arms, with his round belly close to his abdomen.

Lu Ran felt that the child inside seemed to wake up and started to make noise.

"It's my fault, I was too careless."

Lu Ran helped He Yinan to comfort the child in his belly. He Yinan seemed to be very helpful, he shook his head and said it was okay, his frowning brows slowly relaxed, and he nestled into Lu Ran's arms again.

Lu Ran looked down and said in a low voice, "The belly is so big."

Lu Ran was thinking.

He just lost consciousness for only two or three seconds.

So how many days?

How many minutes?Or how many hours?

He Yinan is pregnant with a child now, and his body is so fragile.

If you become a lunatic at this time...

Lu Ran didn't even dare to think about it.

He Yinan looked at him and gestured cautiously: [What's wrong with you? 】

Lu Ran said in a dull voice, "I remembered the past, I remembered everything."

Then, Lu Ran slowly and completely told He Yinan what he remembered.

He Yinan listened carefully, his breathing became slow and difficult, Lu Ran stretched out his hand to caress He Yinan's stiff back, and said slowly, "It's not your fault, Nannan."

"Don't blame yourself. In fact, both my father and I were at fault for that matter."

He Yinan shook his head, his long eyelashes trembling uncontrollably.

Over the years, this matter has been stuck in He Yinan's heart like a thorn, and it has long since taken root.

Now that the old matter was brought up again, He Yinan only regarded Lu Ran as a simple consolation, never thought that Lu Ran would say forgiveness.

Lu Ran gently brushed away He Yinan's messy forehead hair, struggled for a moment, and made a difficult decision, "Nannan, did you say before that you want to leave after giving birth?"

He Yinan was stunned for a moment, then nodded.

"If you want to leave, go now, I won't keep you anymore." Lu Ran said.

He Yinan was stunned, then shook his head desperately, and gestured anxiously: 【Are you going to drive me away? 】

Lu Ran: "Yes."

He Yinan's expression was very sad, he lowered his head, and gestured: [But the child will be out soon, please wait a little longer, okay? 】

"Still waiting?" Lu Ran looked at He Yinan with a smile, and scratched the tip of his nose, "I'm a lunatic, He Yinan, why don't you run away? How long do you want to wait?"

He Yinan didn't seem to understand what he meant. He looked at him with clear eyes and shook his head.

"There are two people fighting in my mind, one is shouting to kill you, I can't control him soon." Lu Ran said honestly.

He Yinan was startled, but still shook his head, gesticulating: 【You are not crazy. 】

"It's true, I didn't lie to you."

Lu Ran still smiled and said that this would make his increasingly oppressive and heavy mood easier, and also keep him awake by the way.

"And what's in that diary, don't read it. When I wrote that diary, I was delirious. At that time, I was already crazy."

"After my mother died, I was driven crazy by my father."

Lu Ran recalled that when he wrote that diary, he was also controlled by various negative emotions. He couldn't control himself at all, just like before.

Then Lu Ran thought for a while and said, "Don't blame yourself for my mother's matter. This is not your fault alone..."

"Go away. I didn't mean to push you away just now. I really started to lose my mind. I don't want to hurt you."

He Yinan still didn't believe it, but just looked at him helplessly.

Lu Ran suddenly felt that He Yinan was a little pitiful.

He Yinan doesn't have many friends, let alone a family who loves him.

In this world, it seems that he is the only one who can truly love He Yinan.

If he really went crazy, what would He Yinan do?

……

He also wanted to be with He Yinan.

But compared to this, he was even more reluctant to hurt He Yinan.

Really tough choice...

The more Lu Ran thought about it, the more uncomfortable he was. He found the photo of He Yinan and him kissing in his phone, pointed at the photo to discredit him, and said, "Look, this lunatic is so reluctant to be kissed by you. Get rid of this kind of scumbag as soon as possible, don't look for a boyfriend in the trash can, you know?"

"There are so many good men out there. You are so good-looking and many people like you. Why do you have to be with this lunatic?"

With tears in He Yinan's eyes, he raised his face stubbornly, looked at Lu Ran, and gestured quickly:

【No, he's not a scumbag, nor a lunatic. 】

[He is a very good person to me, he is the only one who treats me best in the whole world. 】

【Don't talk about him like that. 】

Lu Ran laughed. He Yinan defended him like this, and he was a little moved. He resisted the slight dampness in his eyes, and took out his phone again.

Lu Ran zoomed in on the six-year-old photo on his phone.

In the photo, He Yinan is raising his face and happily kissing Lu Ran.

But there is a detail that is easily overlooked in the photo.

Lu Ran was holding a utility knife tightly in his hand, and the sharp point pointed directly at He Yinan's abdomen.

Lu Ran pointed to He Yinan, "Look, this lunatic wants to kill you."