fictional spring

The heavy cloud cover the night before was a sign of rain, and the torrential rain completely disrupted my return plan.

The sunlight that would threaten ghosts is completely covered, and nothing can penetrate.

The Godfather stood in the corridor, the edge of the wooden veranda was wet with water, and thin drops of water splashed on him.

He stretched out his hands from the eaves, letting the rain wet his palms, and after a while: "Actually, there's nothing wrong with staying here, right?"

He said this as if he was trying to keep me.

Obviously, I just said that to him last night.

When the Godfather said he was willing to keep me by his side, I also expressed my true thoughts.

"During my lifetime, what I want to stay with is Mr. Doctor."

At that time, the Patriarch-sama kept his eyelids half-closed and remained silent, making it really unclear what the reaction was.

But thinking about it, there won't be any special reaction, after all, it's just a joke.

After all, we all know very well that judging from my current physical condition, I am afraid that my time is really numbered.

The sky was gloomy and the rain was pouring.

I didn't speak, and the patriarch would not urge me, just stood quietly on the porch, the sound of rain falling just eased the silence between us, I don't know how long I stood by the porch and watched, my throat started to itch .

At first, it was just a little uncomfortable, and then he covered his mouth and coughed softly, until later, the sound of coughing gradually covered the sound of rain, the slight itching at the beginning was like the fuse of fireworks, and all the internal organs began to vibrate stand up.

Something gushed out of his throat.

The eaves where the rainwater splashed and accumulated shallow puddles were stained blackish red, thick blood spread in the puddles, so that the already embarrassing scene became even more frightening.

There was no response, and the Godfather still stood by the corridor, as if he didn't see or smell it, calm and silent.

I was half leaning against the wall, and the blood seeping from between my fingers when I covered my mouth kept dripping down.

Probably due to dizziness caused by excessive blood loss, I can only see that the figure of the ancestor has turned into overlapping figures, and the rainbow-colored eyes are moving from far to near. Surprisingly, when the sight is pitch black, there is a rare silence a feeling of.

It's just that the sense of regret that followed has become extraordinarily clear.

When I woke up, I found that I had returned home, but the figure I saw when I opened my eyes made me wonder if I was still in a dream.

The doctor who was kneeling in front of the couch frowned, as if he was thinking about something, so he came back to his senses only after I called his name.

"..." He looked at me silently for a few seconds before he said, "You're awake."

"Why is Mr. Doctor here?"

"Compared with this question, it is more necessary to understand, isn't it..." Mr. Doctor shrank his ocher eyes, as if asking: "Why do you have to go to the Elysium Bliss Cult at this time?"

I didn't really want to talk at this time, but seeing Mr. Doctor's expression, I couldn't help but want to say something to him.

But if he spoke directly, maybe he would show that dark face again.

So I reached out and wanted to touch his cheek.

Even though I was sitting next to me, lying on the bedding, even if I stretched out my arms, I couldn't reach the face of the sitting doctor.

"Can you bow your head a little bit?"

I said softly.

The doctor lowered his head without changing his expression, and even seemed to be actively rubbing his cheek against the palm of my hand.

Just like the cats and dogs that were once raised at home.

What a rare thing, Mr. Doctor.

I breathed a sigh of relief and said to him, "Because I want to know you better."

Seems to have heard some unexpected answer, Mr. Doctor looked slightly startled.

He asked in a low voice: "Isn't it because you care about your mother's pregnancy again?"

I denied it: "That kind of thing, it doesn't matter anyway."

Mr. Doctor listened, "Because you are not irreplaceable, since they have a new child, they will no longer need you from now on."

Even though my body has already responded to me gently, my mouth is saying hurtful and sharp words. Sometimes, this kind of personality of Mr. Doctor can make people feel a little helpless.

Still, "it's a good thing."

This is my answer.

"The child who replaces me must love them more than me, and will meet their expectations better than me."

"You really don't feel resigned at all?"

The doctor seemed to care more than I did. If it wasn't very clear that it was impossible, I would almost have the illusion that he is the child of my parents.

"Are you really not jealous of people who are better, healthier and more valued than yourself?"

"……Do not."

I moved my palm away from Mr. Doctor's face and took his hand, "Because it's completely unnecessary."

The doctor's expression could even be considered dejected at this moment, "I don't understand."

I don't understand my mood, or why I am obsessed with this problem, no matter what the reason is, I don't think it is necessary to think about it.

Because what Mr. Doctor needs at this time may not be the absolutely correct answer.

"Mr. Doctor, it's not human."

Therefore, it is understandable that people cannot understand the mood of human beings.

"So what?"

The doctor frowned, "I have reached a realm that humans cannot reach. I am already a truly perfect creature. I have got everything I want, whether it is..."

"But you're still confused."

—and came to me again.

I interrupted his self-report, and my eyelids became heavy.

The feeling of forgetting something became more obvious after pointing out that Mr. Doctor is not human.

As if to confirm this fact, when he said that he had got everything he wanted, I interrupted his statement with the urge to retort.

——You are wrong.

I wanted to tell him this, but with Mr. Doctor's character, he would be angry again if I said that.

So I just said: "Master Tong Mo once said to me that he would be happy to help me get relief."

"So how did you answer him?"

Instead of answering his question directly, I asked him, "What do you think it takes to be liberated?"

The doctor who heard this question paused, "If you let go of everything you don't want to forget, if you don't care about anything, you can be regarded as a relief."

"It is indeed what you will say."

I said softly.

"But I think the real relief should be to be able to accept everything calmly, without leaving any regrets..."

If it was me before I met Mr. Doctor, then whether I was alive or dead, it would be considered a relief.

Mr. Doctor heard a different meaning from my mouth.

"Have you been freed yet?"

The scarlet eyes stared at mine, it was supposed to be me holding his hand, but at some point it turned into him holding my hand.

After being quiet for a long time, I said, "Ask me again."

Maybe it was because the voice was too low, or maybe the doctor didn't understand me.

"what?"

"That question, 'Do you want to live?'" I paused, gasping for breath, "ask me again."

The doctor seemed to understand something, but also seemed to understand nothing.

I suddenly felt that he was a little pitiful, and couldn't help feeling pity for him.

It was as if Master Godzu looked at me or at my mother at that time—no, not this kind of superficial emotion.

I feel pity for such a doctor from the bottom of my heart.

how pathetic...

The man I love, who is miserable without knowing it.

This is a more sympathetic existence than the Godfather who can't feel any emotions and can't appreciate the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys of the world.

He asked me again: "Do you want to live?"

I didn’t speak this time, but sat up with my elbows propped on the bed. The doctor half-supported my back, and the coolness from him penetrated into my skin. At that moment, it seemed as if he had passed through nearly a thousand years of loneliness he had experienced. time.

I can realize very clearly that the situation this time is different from any previous one. I seem to be able to see the karmic fire of hell burning in front of my eyes, and what is approaching step by step is death.

It seems to be told somewhere in the dark, this is the so-called fate.

I looked into his eyes, which were full of my reflection—as if I was the only one in his eyes.

"Will anyone love you as much as I do after I die?"

I suddenly asked him.

"For you, am I irreplaceable?" Or, "Is it dispensable and can be replaced at will?"

The doctor stopped talking, his face was paler than mine, if you just look at his face, it seems that he is dying soon.

I don't need to guess what Mr. Doctor's reaction means, as early as that time - when I asked him if he had someone to watch the moon with, and when he looked at me with that kind of eyes, I understood .

--Not anymore.Not anymore.

So, "I think."

"I want to keep watching you all the time." I held his shoulders and straightened my body against his forehead, "I don't want you to witness my death with your own eyes."

There is no feeling of breathing, and no sound of heartbeat. The so-called "ghosts" are just like this. Apart from having human skin, they have nothing in common with humans.

When I said the word "death", Mr. Doctor seemed to think of something particularly profound, and as if he had been poked at a pain point, his blood-colored eyes became deeper and deeper.

But the movement of those hands embracing me in their arms was very gentle, as if deliberately suppressing himself, his movements were always very light.

Even when the cold lips and teeth touch, they are lingering and careful.

Until the faint fishy sweetness began to meet between the lips and tongue.

—This is not my blood, but Mr. Physician's.

There was no time for any doubts to think, and the distorted and hideous pain invaded the whole body. This pain was more severe than any previous aggravation of the disease, so that I couldn't help but grabbed Mr. Doctor's shoulder.

The eyelids convulsed by the severe pain blurred his vision, and he couldn't even make any sound. After finally opening his eyes, the face of Mr. Doctor, who appeared in sight, became a little blurred.

While consciousness gradually collapsed, it seemed that some faded memories began to emerge in his mind.

And at the end, I seemed to see the panic that flashed across Mr. Doctor's face, perhaps even he himself hadn't noticed it.

【Meiji Chapter. End】