fictional spring
Chapter 10
The patriarch standing beside me shed tears silently. He slightly opened his eyes, and the iridescent pupils soaked in the water light were dazzling like precious gemstones.
but--
"is fake."
I said softly.
Whether it's rhetoric, sympathy, or tears...all are fake.
When I said these words, the patriarch stopped abruptly raising his hand to wipe the tears on his cheeks. He put down his palm, turned his face sideways and shifted his gaze to my face.
I saw my own reflection in his eyes, which was so peaceful that there was no wave.
——Just like the look in his eyes, neither sad nor happy.
"Don't say that, Mutsuki." There were still tears on the face of the Godfather, but his expression changed from sadness to regret. Changing his expression at will was so easy for him that he didn't need any transition.
He said: "I said these words out of consideration for your feelings and felt that you might prefer to get such an answer."
The patriarch's words were very sincere, just as he listened to the prayers and appeals of the believers every day, tried his best to appease their mood, and repeatedly said words that obeyed their wishes.
After all, sometimes the truth is not as good as the lie.
People don't care whether what they know is true, they only care whether this is the answer they want to get.
Thinking about it this way, I seem to be the one who doesn't understand the style and wastes other people's good intentions. It is clear that the patriarch is already trying to take care of my feelings, but I have no intention of appreciating them at all.
Fortunately, Lord Godfather was not angry.
"But it doesn't matter, because I knew you would not believe this kind of rhetoric." The patriarch shrugged and didn't care about the matter, but asked me with some doubts: "But since I already have the answer in my heart , then why did you come here to ask me?”
I thought about it seriously.
"Probably because..."
The setting sun outside has completely set on the mountain, and the sky is getting darker and darker. Breathing the unique cool air in the mountains, I said softly, "Probably because I want to trust Mr. Doctor."
Because I can't empathize with Mr. Doctor, I care more about his thoughts and what he says.
When Mr. Doctor left me that sentence, I could actually vaguely sense what he was trying to imply to me—that kind of thing is fine no matter what, and that was the only thought in my mind at the time.
Maybe it was too cruel for my father and mother, but I have always understood that my feelings for them and their feelings for me are not equal.
Maybe I would think that the same is true when I come to find Master Patriarch, not because I know too few people, only he would be willing to listen to me patiently, but also because I saw a familiar figure in him.
—and that's what I've been ignoring...myself.
When I saw Godfather for the first time, seeing him sitting on the rosette, listening to my mother's prayer with such a focused and gentle expression, I suddenly understood where my sense of lack came from.
My own feelings seem to be too thin.
Unlike the Godfather, I can feel the joys, sorrows, sorrows, and understand what others are thinking, but even so, I can't respond to their efforts like they love me.
So what I do, in the final analysis, is there any difference from the Patriarch?
The Patriarch was stunned for a moment, and suddenly laughed. The hearty laughter echoed in the empty verandah. After a while, the corners of his mouth were still raised.
"Do you find it ridiculous?"
I asked him.
The Godfather's attitude towards Mr. Doctor is very strange, it seems to have a bit of respect, but his words and deeds don't seem to really respect Mr. Doctor.
"No, no, no," Master Patriarch shook his head repeatedly, folded his arms and smiled, "I just remembered the past. After all, my memory has always been very good, and I will never forget any important things."
As he said this, the Godfather didn't mean to tell me about the "before" thing he remembered.
The atmosphere fell silent at some point, and the sky was completely dark. It was clear that the sky was so clear, but at night, there were not even a few stars in the sky.
There were lanterns hanging in the corridor, and the faint light of the candlelight fell on the Godfather. When he quieted down, he felt more and more empty, as if his own existence had become much weaker.
Feeling such a wonderful change, I thought of Mr. Doctor.
I once told him that I would like to watch the moon with him more, but now that I think about it, I am not sure whether this wish will come true.
"It's weird." I sighed.
The atmosphere of silence was broken, and the Godfather just lowered his eyes at me without making a sound.
"Obviously I didn't have this kind of thought before." I raised my face and looked at the godfather: "I feel a little sad."
The sadness that made people unable to stretch their brows, and the unwillingness that was so strong that it could not be ignored, when they were intertwined, they could no longer squeeze out a half smile.
It is not influenced by anyone, nor is it a reaction to respond to anyone, but an emotion from the heart, which is caused by the failure of one's own wishes.
It was as strong as the joy that suddenly gushed out of my heart when I received the apple candy from the doctor at the fireworks display at that time.
I don't know when the tears soaked my cheeks, and I can't take into account the reaction of the ancestor, let alone his sense of existence at this time is not strong at all.
When I calmed down and raised my head again, what I faced was the somewhat complicated gaze of the Patriarch.
"If Mutsuki needs my help, I'll be happy anytime." The patriarch immediately said energetically, "Although you're not a believer in Wanshi Bliss Sect, if Mutsuki gets happiness, I'll be happy for you too."
As he spoke, he took out the fan out of nowhere, and what remained in the sunken pattern was blackened and dried blood.
So in his view——
"Is it considered happiness to be free?"
"Of course." The patriarch said with certainty.
"Then I refuse."
From the moment he took out the fan, I knew what Master Godfather wanted to do.
In his opinion, since living can only feel pain and the world is full of sorrow, then death can help people escape from these sufferings, even if the so-called heaven does not exist, it makes no difference to the dead.
At least they do not have to bear the burden of this world anymore - this is true happiness.
But I don't need to be freed in this way.
The patriarch seemed worried, and confirmed it again: "Is it really not necessary?"
I shook my head.
"But your complexion doesn't look good~"
It doesn't really matter how I look on my face, but the Godfather sighed, he lowered his head, his eyes fell on my hand, and he held my hand before I could react.
"Master Patriarch?"
Faced with this sudden move, I was too surprised.
"Don't show such an expression," the patriarch quickly let go, took off the robe that was draped over his shoulders, and covered me: "If you get sick again because you are watching the moon outside with me, then The adults will be angry again~"
The patriarch who said this was smiling again, as if he wasn't the one who even prepared the tools and could free me at any time.
"That lord?" I was stunned for a moment, and suddenly realized: "Are you talking about Mr. Doctor?"
He clearly called him "that lord", but there was no awe in his attitude, presumably because, although Mr. Doctor looked cold and serious, he was actually an amiable person.
Therefore, Mr. Patriarch, who is always smiling on weekdays, must be very popular with Mr. Doctor.
After all, Godfather is also a very likable person.
"Muzuki should be very aware of that lord's temper, right?" Godfather shrugged and spread his hands helplessly.
I nodded, remembering how Mr. Doctor behaved every time he saw me.
Although most of the time, Mr. Physician does not seem very close, but if he expresses his true heart to him, he is unexpectedly a person who will accept and respond.
I looked at Master Jiaozu and said, "Mr. Doctor is a very good person."
The patriarch did not refute, so he must have agreed with me.
I don't know how long we talked, but I already felt a little sore in my legs and feet, but the Godfather didn't show any signs of fatigue, and he still asked about my physical condition vigorously.
When I heard that many doctors had asserted that I would not survive the Spring Festival, the Godfather did not shed tears this time.
He smiled brightly: "But Muyue has lived until now, how wonderful."
I think this sentence should be the true words of the Patriarch.
Although I can hear whether the patriarch is telling the truth or lies, but most of the time, I can't understand the reason why he said these words.
It's like I don't understand - at the time I pointed out his inhumanity, he didn't do anything to me.
"Because it's very interesting," Godfather said to me, "I found something very interesting the first time I saw Mutsuki, so I asked you if you would like to stay with me."
"What if I said yes then?"
Lord Godfather smiled quietly: "Then, I will take care of you for the rest of my life."
I was stunned.
This answer confused my thoughts for a moment, and after a while, I heard the voice of the Godfather.
He says--
"Until the day you die, I will keep you by my side."
but--
"is fake."
I said softly.
Whether it's rhetoric, sympathy, or tears...all are fake.
When I said these words, the patriarch stopped abruptly raising his hand to wipe the tears on his cheeks. He put down his palm, turned his face sideways and shifted his gaze to my face.
I saw my own reflection in his eyes, which was so peaceful that there was no wave.
——Just like the look in his eyes, neither sad nor happy.
"Don't say that, Mutsuki." There were still tears on the face of the Godfather, but his expression changed from sadness to regret. Changing his expression at will was so easy for him that he didn't need any transition.
He said: "I said these words out of consideration for your feelings and felt that you might prefer to get such an answer."
The patriarch's words were very sincere, just as he listened to the prayers and appeals of the believers every day, tried his best to appease their mood, and repeatedly said words that obeyed their wishes.
After all, sometimes the truth is not as good as the lie.
People don't care whether what they know is true, they only care whether this is the answer they want to get.
Thinking about it this way, I seem to be the one who doesn't understand the style and wastes other people's good intentions. It is clear that the patriarch is already trying to take care of my feelings, but I have no intention of appreciating them at all.
Fortunately, Lord Godfather was not angry.
"But it doesn't matter, because I knew you would not believe this kind of rhetoric." The patriarch shrugged and didn't care about the matter, but asked me with some doubts: "But since I already have the answer in my heart , then why did you come here to ask me?”
I thought about it seriously.
"Probably because..."
The setting sun outside has completely set on the mountain, and the sky is getting darker and darker. Breathing the unique cool air in the mountains, I said softly, "Probably because I want to trust Mr. Doctor."
Because I can't empathize with Mr. Doctor, I care more about his thoughts and what he says.
When Mr. Doctor left me that sentence, I could actually vaguely sense what he was trying to imply to me—that kind of thing is fine no matter what, and that was the only thought in my mind at the time.
Maybe it was too cruel for my father and mother, but I have always understood that my feelings for them and their feelings for me are not equal.
Maybe I would think that the same is true when I come to find Master Patriarch, not because I know too few people, only he would be willing to listen to me patiently, but also because I saw a familiar figure in him.
—and that's what I've been ignoring...myself.
When I saw Godfather for the first time, seeing him sitting on the rosette, listening to my mother's prayer with such a focused and gentle expression, I suddenly understood where my sense of lack came from.
My own feelings seem to be too thin.
Unlike the Godfather, I can feel the joys, sorrows, sorrows, and understand what others are thinking, but even so, I can't respond to their efforts like they love me.
So what I do, in the final analysis, is there any difference from the Patriarch?
The Patriarch was stunned for a moment, and suddenly laughed. The hearty laughter echoed in the empty verandah. After a while, the corners of his mouth were still raised.
"Do you find it ridiculous?"
I asked him.
The Godfather's attitude towards Mr. Doctor is very strange, it seems to have a bit of respect, but his words and deeds don't seem to really respect Mr. Doctor.
"No, no, no," Master Patriarch shook his head repeatedly, folded his arms and smiled, "I just remembered the past. After all, my memory has always been very good, and I will never forget any important things."
As he said this, the Godfather didn't mean to tell me about the "before" thing he remembered.
The atmosphere fell silent at some point, and the sky was completely dark. It was clear that the sky was so clear, but at night, there were not even a few stars in the sky.
There were lanterns hanging in the corridor, and the faint light of the candlelight fell on the Godfather. When he quieted down, he felt more and more empty, as if his own existence had become much weaker.
Feeling such a wonderful change, I thought of Mr. Doctor.
I once told him that I would like to watch the moon with him more, but now that I think about it, I am not sure whether this wish will come true.
"It's weird." I sighed.
The atmosphere of silence was broken, and the Godfather just lowered his eyes at me without making a sound.
"Obviously I didn't have this kind of thought before." I raised my face and looked at the godfather: "I feel a little sad."
The sadness that made people unable to stretch their brows, and the unwillingness that was so strong that it could not be ignored, when they were intertwined, they could no longer squeeze out a half smile.
It is not influenced by anyone, nor is it a reaction to respond to anyone, but an emotion from the heart, which is caused by the failure of one's own wishes.
It was as strong as the joy that suddenly gushed out of my heart when I received the apple candy from the doctor at the fireworks display at that time.
I don't know when the tears soaked my cheeks, and I can't take into account the reaction of the ancestor, let alone his sense of existence at this time is not strong at all.
When I calmed down and raised my head again, what I faced was the somewhat complicated gaze of the Patriarch.
"If Mutsuki needs my help, I'll be happy anytime." The patriarch immediately said energetically, "Although you're not a believer in Wanshi Bliss Sect, if Mutsuki gets happiness, I'll be happy for you too."
As he spoke, he took out the fan out of nowhere, and what remained in the sunken pattern was blackened and dried blood.
So in his view——
"Is it considered happiness to be free?"
"Of course." The patriarch said with certainty.
"Then I refuse."
From the moment he took out the fan, I knew what Master Godfather wanted to do.
In his opinion, since living can only feel pain and the world is full of sorrow, then death can help people escape from these sufferings, even if the so-called heaven does not exist, it makes no difference to the dead.
At least they do not have to bear the burden of this world anymore - this is true happiness.
But I don't need to be freed in this way.
The patriarch seemed worried, and confirmed it again: "Is it really not necessary?"
I shook my head.
"But your complexion doesn't look good~"
It doesn't really matter how I look on my face, but the Godfather sighed, he lowered his head, his eyes fell on my hand, and he held my hand before I could react.
"Master Patriarch?"
Faced with this sudden move, I was too surprised.
"Don't show such an expression," the patriarch quickly let go, took off the robe that was draped over his shoulders, and covered me: "If you get sick again because you are watching the moon outside with me, then The adults will be angry again~"
The patriarch who said this was smiling again, as if he wasn't the one who even prepared the tools and could free me at any time.
"That lord?" I was stunned for a moment, and suddenly realized: "Are you talking about Mr. Doctor?"
He clearly called him "that lord", but there was no awe in his attitude, presumably because, although Mr. Doctor looked cold and serious, he was actually an amiable person.
Therefore, Mr. Patriarch, who is always smiling on weekdays, must be very popular with Mr. Doctor.
After all, Godfather is also a very likable person.
"Muzuki should be very aware of that lord's temper, right?" Godfather shrugged and spread his hands helplessly.
I nodded, remembering how Mr. Doctor behaved every time he saw me.
Although most of the time, Mr. Physician does not seem very close, but if he expresses his true heart to him, he is unexpectedly a person who will accept and respond.
I looked at Master Jiaozu and said, "Mr. Doctor is a very good person."
The patriarch did not refute, so he must have agreed with me.
I don't know how long we talked, but I already felt a little sore in my legs and feet, but the Godfather didn't show any signs of fatigue, and he still asked about my physical condition vigorously.
When I heard that many doctors had asserted that I would not survive the Spring Festival, the Godfather did not shed tears this time.
He smiled brightly: "But Muyue has lived until now, how wonderful."
I think this sentence should be the true words of the Patriarch.
Although I can hear whether the patriarch is telling the truth or lies, but most of the time, I can't understand the reason why he said these words.
It's like I don't understand - at the time I pointed out his inhumanity, he didn't do anything to me.
"Because it's very interesting," Godfather said to me, "I found something very interesting the first time I saw Mutsuki, so I asked you if you would like to stay with me."
"What if I said yes then?"
Lord Godfather smiled quietly: "Then, I will take care of you for the rest of my life."
I was stunned.
This answer confused my thoughts for a moment, and after a while, I heard the voice of the Godfather.
He says--
"Until the day you die, I will keep you by my side."
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