Spring is coming

Chun believes that the snow in the snow is perfect.

Regardless of past life or present life, Xueli is an existence that makes her look up to.

The family is well-off, loved by relatives, and excellent in studies.On the road of life, I have not experienced any major setbacks, elementary school, middle school, university, step by step.

More importantly, such an excellent and perfect Xueli belongs to her alone, and they used to be so close.

Although I don't know how she will live after graduation, whether her work and relationship will be smooth, considering that she is so powerful and smart, it should not be bad.

Xueli was so enviable that at that time, Chunxin often thought that if she could have one of the things that Xueli had, her life might be much easier.

Of course, this kind of assumption does not exist, and when Chun Xin grows up, he no longer complains why God treats her so harshly.

Getting to know Xueli, having a good time with her, kissing her, holding her, and cuddling with each other for warmth, is already a sweet gift of fate.

——There must be people in this world who are more pitiful than me. In fact, I am already very good, and I already have a lot.It will get better in the future, come on, come on, stick to it.

……

Today's Xueli is even closer to a god-like existence.

Rescue her from the swamp abyss, give her nectar and delicacies, descend to the mortal world, and be her companion day and night.

Her weight is getting heavier day by day, and she is an inseparable existence that has been integrated into her flesh and blood.

Now Chun Xin, of course, couldn't understand her inexplicable words, but her natural empathy made her understand how much Xueli blamed herself at the moment.

"You don't understand now, you will understand later, you will understand soon. But I don't want to wait until then, it's too embarrassing for me, I can't bear it, let me calm down."

The street lights turned on, and the gray snow flakes turned into a warm orange, falling quickly under the street lamps and car lights, where there was no light, but their existence was hardly felt.

There are no tears, there is really nothing to cry about, and Xueli is not wronged at all.

They really haven't changed at all, Chun Xin is still the same Chun Xin, she is still so unable to take care of things, so timid, she is scared to death before anything else happens.

Xueli walked under one sycamore tree after another, and Chunxin chased after him, panting with his mouth wide open, the north wind was sucked into his lungs, and his blood almost froze into ice.

Relying on his tall legs and long legs, this person just kept walking forward, Chun Xin trotted past her, and stretched his arms to stop her, "You can do whatever you want, you should put your hands in your pockets anyway, what if you have frostbite?" manage?"

She pinched her with her hot little hand, warmed it up, held it to her mouth and let out a breath. When she felt that it was almost done, she stuffed it back into the outer pocket of her down jacket, "Okay, go to yours."

The guillotine was right next to her neck, and she stretched her head over it without cutting it, just rubbing the flesh and grinding it, and the blunt knife cut the flesh, determined to make her suffer.

A thin layer of snow has spread on the ground, and Xueli walks slowly with his hands in his pockets, his back hunched, his chin tucked into the collar of his sweater, and the sound of Chunxin's soles rubbing against the ground is heard.

She always shuffled, her legs barely lifted, and she scraped the ground, so the soles of her shoes always wore out quickly.Sometimes it's because I'm in a good mood, sometimes it's because I'm tired.

Xueli's footsteps were lighter and slower, making it easier for her to follow, and the difference between the two was not half a step.

Adults and children in the community are playing in the snow, laughing and laughing, and the laughter is floating among the tall buildings on all sides. Two silent souls float past them, stepping on a series of footprints on the thin snow.

Opening the door of the house, the warm lights and the caring greetings of relatives dragged them back to the world.

"Why is it so late, where did you go crazy? Have you eaten? It's in the pot if you haven't eaten. Let's reheat the dishes in the microwave."

"I'm going to heat up the meal!" Chun Xin's tone was pretending to be brisk.

The food was set on the dining table, and Chun Xin hopped to call her, but saw Xueli carry the quilt and pillow to the guest bedroom, and took her glasses case, book, water cup, and mobile phone charger.

"I'm staying in the guest bedroom for a while." Xueli said standing by the door.

When the meal was hot, she was flustered, but Chun Xin was not surprised at all now, she had already guessed it.

Jiang Mengyan heard the movement and walked over, and the two rooms looked over, "What's the matter? There was a quarrel, and there is a separation."

She was talking and laughing, and Chun Xin also smiled bitterly, "Then you can stay."

Jiang Mengyan bumped into her shoulder, "Sister is losing her temper? Is it because you are being naughty again, or is she going crazy, mom will help you push her back."

"No. Let her be there by herself, she can stay if she wants to."

She can go as long as she wants, and if she wants to come, she has to come willingly, so why force it.

The children quarrel and the adults don't care, Jiang Mengyan comforted each other and left, returned to the sofa, pulled a blanket to cover herself and leaned on Zhao Cheng's shoulder to watch TV.

Chun Xin divided the meal into two portions, carried one portion to her room, and received a "thank you" from her, she ignored her in a muffled voice, carried her own portion of the meal back to the room, and ate it with a spoon, crying. They fell off one by one, mixed with the rice and swallowed whole.

She didn't understand why it suddenly changed like this, and why it was like this when it was fine.Chun Xin felt wronged.

Except for the time when they just moved to a new house, they had a trouble and took a nap in the guest bedroom. They have never been separated for so many years since they were young.Even taking the train to Cannes, such a long road has to be squeezed into a shop.

I usually don't pay much attention to making small troubles, but this time it seems to be very serious, more serious than all the previous ones combined.But Chunxin was so confused, what was the reason? !

After eating, Chun Xin opened the door and went out. She twisted the doorknob of the guest bedroom and it was locked. She tapped twice with her fingers, "I'll put away the bowl. Are you ready?"

A vague sentence came from inside, "I'll collect it myself later."

It wasn't shouting, it came through the wooden door, and Chun Xin heard it very clearly, which meant that she was standing by the door.

It's so close, just across a door, and I don't want to tell her face to face.

Parents were still in the living room, and the little Japanese devils were being played on the TV. There were gunfire and gunshots. Chun Xin took the bowl to the kitchen to wash, then took a shower, dried his hair and returned to the room. Feeling warm, she hurried to twist the doorknob of the guest bedroom, but it was still locked.

She shuffled back, sat listlessly by the bed for a while, lifted the quilt and lay down to sleep, her feet touched something warm, it was a filled hot water bottle.

Chun Xin lifted the quilt and got out of bed again, rummaged through the chilblain ointment in the drawer, and didn't want to talk to her anymore, so he stood at the door of the guest bedroom and texted.

—Come out and get chilblain ointment.

The reply came in ten seconds.

—Leave it at the door.

Chun Xin's temper became a little bit, and he wanted to scold her, but it was not easy for his parents to hear, so he stood at the door, shaking his head and arms angrily, wishing to smash her head with a punch.

Back in the room, he beat the big bear on the carpet violently, so angry, so angry that he died of anger.

Lying on the bed, I touched the hot water bottle with my feet, regretted it very much, hugged the bear a lot, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't hit you, I'm sorry..."

There is no air-conditioning in the guest bedroom, and it is frost-resistant in the snow. If the quilt is warm and there is no air leakage, it will not be cold when you come in. Looking up at the ceiling, you don’t feel sleepy. It feels like the guillotine is moving from the back of your neck to the front of your throat, as if being controlled by an invisible hand. , gesturing left and then right, thinking about how to make her feel more uncomfortable, hanging and suffering.

It's been many years, and I don't remember many things from the past, but I can't remember many details tonight. I think of the things I have done. How can I explain to her at that time? When she asked "Why did you treat me like this?" How to answer?

In her professional field, everyone often uses the word 'motivation', and she has said it countless times when defending in court.

She knows the motives of many people and analyzes their motives for them, but she has not been able to figure out herself for so many years.

Xueli is not good at defending herself, and there is no need for that. She has solid evidence and should be tried and punished.

Photography, traveling, doing charity work, painting, dancing, playing games, reading books... There are so many ways to decompress, Xueli chooses to drink.

Coming out of the bar at five o'clock in the morning, sitting drunk on the curb, seeing afterimages of speeding vehicles, often wondering why she hasn't died from drinking?Haven't been hit by a car yet?

She knew very well why she didn't die, because she still had her mother, and she couldn't let her bear this alone.

Every year, my mother would present flowers and burnt paper to Chunxin, and burn a lot of them. The big pink banknotes of Tiandi Bank had a bunch of zeros on them, and piles of piles of them were burned.The child has been poor since he was a child and has never had a good day, so don't be bullied there.

Burning paper was not allowed in the cemetery at the back, but my mother still burned it secretly, and was caught and fined. She honestly paid for it, saying that it was worth it, and it was not a loss, as long as the child was not bullied by other ghosts.

Later, the small local factory stopped producing that kind of paper money, so she asked someone to bring it from outside.

The woman squatted on the ground beside the brazier and murmured, "We took the money and hired two ghost bodyguards. Eat some good food and drink some good food. Don't worry about it. Auntie will come again in July and a half, twice a year. Money Don't save on flowers..."

In fact, when Chun Xin left, life was already getting better. He didn't even frown when he talked about the rent being paid three times a month, and when he said he bought expensive reference books and practice skins.

She was no longer short of money.

She can live with or without money, what she lacks is the idea of ​​living.

Xueli can't forgive herself for being like that, she is indeed a terrible guy, and she still is until now.He scolded himself for not saying a single word wrong, but he was indifferent and selfish, and when something happened, he stuck his head in the soil like an ostrich, pretending to be dead.

Xueli was already getting used to the days when Chunxin hated her, the days when they were separated.

When I went to school the next day, a certain short winter melon was still the same as yesterday. The little daughter-in-law seemed to be stepping on someone's heel and stopped suddenly. Stand with your arms crossed.

"If you have the ability, don't worry about me, let me fall!" She hopped on the spot, "Why do you care about me!"

They were followed by someone three to four meters away. Tan Song buried his face in the collar of his down jacket, turned around in the snow, trotted after him, and gently tugged at Chunxin's sleeve.

"You guys are fighting."

"I want you to take care of it!!" She said angrily.

Tan Song stopped talking, walked two steps behind her, and walked slowly. Chun Xin turned to him and asked, "What are you doing next?"

He said, "I'm afraid there are bad people."

They meant that I was afraid that you would meet bad people, Chun Xin softened his face, "All right, then follow along, I will protect you."

Xueli walked in front and heard their conversations, thinking that they were really two extremes.

Chun Xin is like this, he is always willing to meddle in other people's messes and empathize with others even though he is a mess.

She said that she never really hated anyone, including Yin Yuanxin, and felt it was unnecessary.She said that she didn't want to think about those sad things, who owed her and who was bad to her.

——"I think about lunch, I think about flowers, I think about trees, I think about the sun and the moon, I think about what is wrong, I have to hate someone, I am full enough to support me."

Xueli also took chances, but she didn't dare to gamble, just like when defending in court, she always prepares all evidence materials in advance. Instead of passively accepting them, her habit is to simulate and train in advance.

In this way, when the guillotine falls, it may not hurt too much.

Today is Christmas Eve, and tomorrow is Saturday and Christmas. The students are discussing how to play at that time. People's hearts are fluctuating, and it is difficult to calm down in class. There are always people buzzing in class.

Chun Xin refrained from being Xue Li's follower all day long, but only looked at her in a small mirror from time to time, watching her write and read boringly as always.

Look, without Chunxin, some people sit there all day and no one says a word to her, it's really pitiful.

Satisfied, she used a marker to draw pig ears and nose on the mirror. When the mirror was moved over, it perfectly matched with Xue Li's face. Chun Xin slapped the table and laughed, and invited the students at the front and back tables to enjoy it together, and everyone laughed wildly.

The hustle and bustle is as short as fireworks, and the sense of gap comes back when school is over. The classmates are in pairs, talking and laughing. Xueli walks quietly in front, looking back from time to time to see if she is keeping up. But her hands are hidden in her pockets, just pure sense of responsibility , to be optimistic about her.

Chun Xin followed behind dejectedly, she didn't like to participate in other people's excitement, everyone was planning Christmas Eve, what was she going to do?Xueli ignored her, and she didn't want to find anyone else.

While waiting for the red light at the intersection, she was absent-minded for a few seconds, as if she shouldn't have been here in the first place.

Where should it be?I don't really want to understand it. Recently, this kind of trance appears more and more frequently.

Lying on the big empty bed at night, Chun Xin was no longer angry, but depressed.The emotion was inexplicably sad, and tears flowed silently on his back, as if he had shed tears like this a long, long time ago.Only this time not for myself.

In a trance, remembering a lot of things, how do you describe this feeling?Just like a dream I had a long time ago, the experience in the dream has been forgotten when I wake up, and I only feel familiar when I see certain scenes.

—I seem to have experienced the same thing somewhere.

—I seem to have seen someone somewhere.

——I seem to have smelled this smell.

She often has this kind of illusion and inexplicable familiarity, but she can't explain the reason.

Until now, the mist on the lake surface has cleared, revealing the scenery on the other side.

Chun Xin was excited at first, his heart was beating violently, his eye sockets were wide open, and then he calmed down slowly and slowly.This process took about an hour in total, and she lay on the bed without moving.

Afterwards, she calmed down completely, thinking of Xueli, and her recent abnormality.

Just being separated from her for a day, and still being tormented everywhere in sight, how did Xueli spend the ten years without Chunxin.She must be terribly guilty.

Xueli must be suffering more than her. Her suffering is not like losing two candies and giving four more candies can make up for it.She is like a well that cannot be illuminated by sunlight all year round. Despair and pain grow like moss in the dark and damp.

Chun Xin, who is always kind and sincere, has never really hated anyone. She is a child who knows how to be grateful and considerate. She thinks more about how difficult it is for Xueli and how much she blames herself.

In fact, it was really not intentional, but the ending was indeed unexpected, and of course it is a kind of dignity to leave quietly like that.

She always seems to be losing face, in embarrassment and on the way to embarrassment.Every time they met, she fell into the mud puddle, and Xueli took the trouble to help her up.

That was the only time she didn't help her, and it was the last time.Just because the other party has been giving unconditionally all this time, you can't take it for granted. To be honest, Xueli doesn't owe her anything, she has done enough.

The air conditioner was blowing hot air, the duvet was very warm, and there was a filled hot water bottle at my feet.

The room was clean and tidy, and she lived in it when it was brand new. Time and love filled the blank walls on all four sides, and there were traces of their lives everywhere.

The shaved little bear in the red scarf has also turned into a big brown bear in the gray sweater. They all have a pair of round, gentle black eyes.

The door of the room was gently opened, Xueli brought warm water in, put it on the bedside, and took out a cold medicine to feed her.

She was already showing signs of getting sick, and the skin on both sides of her cheekbones was a little unnaturally red. She obediently opened her mouth to take the medicine when she was fed, and sat up to take the cup to drink water. She was no longer as sticky as before and asked her to feed her.

Thoughts are cold, heart is peaceful, eyes are warm and harmless, all abnormalities are sending a message to Xueli.

Xueli was slightly surprised, all the scenes she imagined did not happen, she was unexpectedly well-behaved and quiet, and the different personalities created by the two life experiences were strangely and harmoniously reflected in her.

But after all, she is a child, and she will be a child for two lifetimes, so Xueli can easily see through the awkwardness under her brave mask.

"I really don't blame you, so you don't have to feel burdened. I hope you won't be bothered by my liking. I will try my best."

"Work hard for what?" Xueli raised her eyebrows.

"In short, I won't cause you any trouble." Chun Xin said firmly and decisively.

The emotions were unloaded very quickly, almost instantly, the hemp rope around his neck disappeared out of thin air, Xueli nodded slightly, his eyes were empty, and it took half a minute to calm down.

Picking it up heavily and putting it down gently was beyond her expectations, and the sky became smooth in just a moment, and she realized that she seemed to think too badly about everything.

And some people can't wait to retaliate.

"I used to be young and ignorant, don't mind."

It is true whether he hates her or blames her, but Chun Xin is by no means a temperless lamb, and his anger will always be on her.

"What do you mean?" Xueli lowered her head and didn't look at her, a playful smile was hidden on her side face in the shadows, "Can you make it clearer?"

"Be clear, okay." Her inexperienced face was full of weird and funny pretending to be mature, word by word: "It means that I like you because I was young and ignorant, and I mistook friendship for liking. Now I I've grown up and become sensible, so I won't misunderstand you again, understand? OK? Do you understand?"

"Understood." Xueli nodded lightly, and couldn't hide the smile on the corners of her eyes, "So you said you liked me before, because you were ignorant and misunderstood your feelings."

"That's right!" Her voice was raised, she was complacent, and she was full of air, as if her revenge had been avenged.

Xueli nodded, stood up, exhaled a sigh of relief, smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, then thank you very much."