My deskmate absolutely has a crush on me

On the seventh day of the lunar new year, Xie Le'an followed his grandmother to his hometown to sweep the grave.

My hometown is not too close, it takes more than two hours by car.After so many years of development, this mountain village has also undergone tremendous changes. The old houses in Xie Le'an's memory have all been remodeled into new houses.

Said it was his hometown, but in fact Xie Le'an's family had nothing left in this mountain village, and all the land and houses were sold to other families in order to treat Xie Le'an's illness.

Only grandpa's tomb remained, standing alone in a corner of the unnamed hill.

Grandma's legs and feet are not good, and she can't walk very well. After holding the incense and bowing, she was about to kneel down to offer incense, but Xie Le'an saw it and hurriedly stopped her.

"Grandma, the ground is very humid, stop kneeling."

The ground is covered with layers of weeds, and the roots absorb water. How can the old man kneel on his knees?

Grandma shook her head: "How can you not kneel, this is your grandfather."

Xie Le'an pursed her lips, took off her down jacket, and put it on the ground.

"Ouch!" Grandma was so startled that the incense almost fell to the ground, "Lele, put it on quickly, don't catch a cold."

"It'll be fine in a while." Xie Le'an smiled, "Grandma, just don't kneel for too long."

Grandma had no choice but to burn incense and kowtow quickly, and Xie Le'an kowtowed again.After it was over, he quickly put on the clothes for Xie Le'an.

Afterwards, grandma could only stand and talk about homely things to the tombstone, most of which were about Xie Xiaoting and Xie Le'an.

Xie Le'an took a few steps back to give Grandma some space.

At the same time, Xie Le'an felt the phone vibrating in his pocket, and he didn't need to look at it to know who was calling.

This week, Sheng Ling never gave up contacting Xie Le'an, but Xie Le'an never answered his call.

What can I say after that, I have already told Sheng Ling what I should say that day, and my attitude is already clear, but Sheng Ling still doesn't give up on pestering himself.

Answering the phone will only make both of you miserable.

So it's the same this time, Xie Le'an didn't even look at it, quickly hung up the phone, then turned off the phone to silent mode, and put it back in his pocket.

Because there were no other relatives to leave in this small village, Xie Le'an and grandma left after sweeping the grave.

After returning home, grandma went back to her room to lie down, Xie Le'an stood outside grandma's house, lost in thought for a moment.He didn't know if it was his own illusion. After New Year's Eve, grandma's spirit was not as good as before.

I don't know if grandma is in a bad mood or there is something wrong with her body. He asked once, but grandma only said that she is fine and told Xie Le'an not to worry about it.

Xie Le'an sighed, feeling that this year was really boring, so he moved back to the room.

Sitting down at the desk, Xie Le'an opened a notebook, the first page clearly wrote the study plan, which he wrote after his mother left, and the review plan for the remaining days of the winter vacation.

What my mother said was right, I have nothing now, the only thing I can do is study.Only in this way can a little way out.

The mobile phone by the table vibrated twice, Xie Le'an glanced at it, saw the word "Sheng Ling" on the screen, and looked away again.

Sheng Ling.

This person seems to grow according to Xie Le'an's ideal appearance, good-looking, tall, cheerful, and can be friends with anyone.Moreover, this person was born in a wealthy family, which gave him confidence no matter what he did.

Just like now, even if the confession is rejected, he can still keep calling with full confidence, wanting to ask himself to understand.

At first, Xie Le'an just felt that Sheng Ling was like his ideal self, and unconsciously wanted to get close to him.After getting along for a long time, Xie Le'an discovered that his feelings for Sheng Ling were no longer just a simple yearning.

It stands to reason that if such a person likes him, he should be happy, and then agree to the other party's confession without hesitation, instead of rejecting it overwhelmed like now.

But Xie Le'an is too aware of the gap between himself and Sheng Ling, even if they could just fall in love with each other in high school without considering any reality, but what about the ending?

What would my mother and grandmother think, what would Shengling's parents and family think?By the way, Sheng Ling's aunt is a psychology teacher, and she already knows her own sexuality clearly. Maybe she has felt that she and Sheng Ling have been in close contact for a long time, but it's hard to say because of the relationship.

He can't even determine his own future, so what right does he have to like someone?

The vibration of the phone stopped, and it seemed that it hung up automatically.

Xie Le'an breathed a sigh of relief, only to realize that he was so nervous that he held his breath just now, as if he was facing a formidable enemy, he couldn't help laughing at himself.

After tidying up his mind, Xie Le'an was ready to continue reading.

Unexpectedly, the phone turned on again, and Sheng Ling started sending him messages one by one, bombarding him like crazy.

The screen of the mobile phone kept displaying new messages, Xie Le'an was upset, so he had to pick it up to read.

Sheng Ling: 【Why didn't you answer the phone? 】

Sheng Ling: [Xie Le'an, why are you avoiding me? 】

Sheng Ling: [Pick up the phone, let's clarify the matter, shall we? 】

Xie Le'an covered his eyes, thinking helplessly: What is there to say, isn't what I said clear enough?Sheng Ling, do you keep making trouble if you don't get the answer you want?

Dozens of similar messages came, and Xie Le'an quickly flipped through them. When the screen slid to the bottom, he suddenly froze.

Sheng Ling: [Open the door, I'm at your door. 】

Xie Le'an seemed to be taken aback, and quickly grabbed the phone and went out.

When I came to the door and pushed it open, there was a tall boy standing in front of the courtyard.

Sheng Ling seemed to be running over, exhaling white air quickly from his mouth and nose, and he was still wearing the red scarf on New Year's Eve, which made him a little whiter.He fixed his eyes on Xie Le'an, his expression was full of anxiety and puzzlement.

Xie Le'an knew that if he didn't make it clear to him today, he would not give up.Then he turned around, carefully locked the door, then turned his head, pointed to the outside, and said to Sheng Ling, "Let's go a little further."

Sheng Ling didn't make any noise, and followed Xie Le'an to a secluded corner of the family courtyard, making sure that no one would be disturbed by their conversation.

As soon as he arrived at the place, Xie Le'an said, "Don't look for me again."

Sheng Ling's eyes were red, and he grabbed Xie Le'an's shoulder, making him look directly at him: "Why?"

"No reason." Xie Le'an pushed Shengling's arm away, took half a step back, and distanced himself from him.

Sheng Ling was annoyed by his sudden indifference, but he didn't dare to touch him anymore, so he could only continue to question: "I ask why you rejected me, why you avoided me, why... why did you treat me like this? "

Xie Le'an looked directly at him, and asked back seemingly confidently: "Shengling, why are you so domineering? Do you have to agree to whoever you confess to? Isn't it my right to say yes or not?"

There was nothing wrong with saying this, Sheng Ling was also choked.

Xie Le'an looked straight at Sheng Ling like this, full of momentum like never before.

After a while, Sheng Ling found the loophole in Xie Le'an's words, and immediately counterattacked: "Then you rejected me because you don't like me?"

Xie Le'an was taken aback for a moment, and then made up his mind to recognize the beginning, but pursed his lips and did not answer.

Seeing his reaction, Sheng Ling understood everything, and went further: "As long as you say you don't like me, I'll leave, and I won't talk to you about it again."

So mean, so mean.Xie Le'an clenched his fists, he felt that Sheng Ling was really despicable.

Sheng Ling is still approaching: "I can feel it, Xie Le'an, I'm not a narcissist. You like me, I like you, this is a very simple thing, why did you make such a fuss?"

Following the opponent's pace, Xie Le'an stepped back. Finally, he gritted his teeth fiercely, raised his head again, his voice trembled slightly——

"Don't say it, even if I like it, I can try not to like you from now on."

Sheng Ling's footsteps stopped suddenly.

Xie Le'an finally regained the initiative in this conversation, he pursed his lips, and continued: "This matter is not a simple matter of you liking me and I liking you, as long as everyone is happy."

"Have you ever thought about how your family will react when they find out about this? Have you ever thought about whether my grandma and mother will be sad when they know about it?"

Xie Le'an lowered his head and bit his lips: "Besides, how do you know that you like boys? Shengling, sexual orientation is something natural, you don't look like someone who likes boys, maybe it's just you and me It’s just an illusion created after getting along for a long time.”

"No, I'm not a fool, of course I can distinguish between liking and friendship. I just like you." Sheng Ling immediately explained, "And why did we think so far in the first place? I don't care about my family. What do you think, if you are worried about your family's opposition, we can temporarily hide it..."

When Sheng Ling said this, he was interrupted by Xie Le'an again: "Sheng Ling."

Xie Le'an looked at him, his eyes were flushed: "I'm not you, I don't have a wealthy family, and I don't have a father who spoils me so much. Your family gives you the confidence to do anything, but I don't. You dare say today that you don't care about the feelings of your family members, but I dare not."

"My mother only has me as a child, and she has paid too much to raise me alone. At least I have to study hard, and when I am able to support myself, and support her and grandma, I am qualified to think about myself and to be a little Be willful."

"My life path is too narrow, and I can't allow me to make a half-step mistake. So, I'm sorry, Sheng Ling, no matter how many times you tell me, my answer is, no."

After finishing speaking in one breath, Xie Le'an quickly lowered his head, covering up that disobedient tear.

After hearing this, Sheng Ling was silent for a long time, and finally he could only ask softly: "How do you know that being with me is a mistake?"

This sentence was like the last straw that crushed Xie Le'an. He covered his face, squatted down weakly, and said with a sob, "I don't know, but I can't take any risks..."

The author says:

No, no abuse qwq

It won't be long before they're both graduating and off to college with no shame, believe me.

(Next update schedule: 4.3 Sunday, 4.5 Tuesday, 4.7 Thursday update, 4.7 will be updated in the next day, and a leave note will be issued for special circumstances.)

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