don't like me

Work is work and life is life.

I should have advised myself this way, but the relationship with Gu Ming is not that simple. I don't want to be sentimental, thinking that the other party didn't blame me, and then go to the bar to continue working as if nothing happened.

So I didn't go that day, and of course he didn't call to let me go, and that was the answer, we were done.

Sure enough, this year is not going well. Ever since I met Yang Xiao, there have been more and more things.

I planned to visit my mother, but I didn't bring Wen Zhixu with me, and I didn't contact Tong Jin this time, and I didn't buy any flowers, so I went there empty-handed.

My mother was not prepared and didn't know I was coming. She was shocked when she woke up and found me in the room. Her face was pale, and she felt as if she was dead when she woke up.

"I didn't say anything this time." My mother was lying on the bed, and she didn't want to get up, so I didn't go to help her.

It is said to report good news but not bad news, don’t tell your family if you don’t go well in life, but I am different, I am not that sensible, and I don’t think this person is called a family member. In terms of life, it's not as good as the friendship with Mr. Park.

"There's nothing to do, why don't you see what you're doing?" I played with the teacup on the table, pushed it over, and put it in a place out of the way.

"If you don't like your work, take a rest." My mother saw it and advised me.She can't say it before, it's not easy for a person who deserves to die a long time ago, and her complexion is getting worse and worse, her life span is coming to an end.

"It's okay at work, as long as you want to do it, you don't have to worry about nowhere." I turned my head and looked at the person on the hospital bed. "Emotionally, I want to ask you for advice."

My mother looked over and smiled weakly. She raised the hand with the needle, sat up by herself, patted her side, "Sit down and talk."

I went over and sat down beside her.I used to lie on her knees, she was bathed in the sun, and my palms stroked my head up and down. I closed my eyes and recited ancient poems to her.

She likes to ask questions, asking me who wrote it, why I wrote it, what other meanings it has, how long it took you to memorize it, and I will answer them one by one. Her face is still young, and her smile is charming. I love her very much, but this love gradually deteriorated after Wen Zhixu was born.

She became more and more irritable, irritable, and emotionally unstable. Because her husband didn't come home for a long time, she was under too much pressure in life. Wen Zhixu and I were her outlets.

I was already grown up then, and she hit Wen Zhixu more often.

"I still remember that when you were six years old, you were so tall and very sensible. You followed me every day and learned everything. When the neighbors saw you, they all said hello. You have been my pride since childhood." My mother He raised his hand to the side of the bed, raised it to a higher level, and said with a smile.

"Is it still there?" I always want to drag her back to reality, she wants to remember, but I don't.

My mother said, "Yeah, you still do."

I looked into her eyes: "You are really the same as before."

I didn't mean anything else with this word, but she thought too much when she heard it. She turned her head and stopped looking into my eyes.

"How are you feeling recently?" I changed the subject.

"Dying," she said.

"It's not easy," I sighed with emotion, "God will open my eyes until today."

After being eroded by drugs, the body is deteriorating, and there are problems with the internal organs. When it was sent in, it took five or six years at most, and now it has been almost seven years without knowing it. Hades has already given face.

She said softly: "Finally, I'm going to be buried with you. Your father has waited long enough." She should have left with him back then, and it was an accident that she survived.

When she looked at me, everyone said it was a mother-child connection. What do you think, you can't escape your mother's eyes, but she can't, she can't understand me, she doesn't understand me, and she still asks me, "Do you hate me?" ?"

I raised my eyes, she seemed to be expecting something, why bother to show such caring eyes on me, I knew that was not what she was thinking.

"What do you think?" No answer is good enough, it's better to give it back to her and let her believe it by herself. Whatever answer she expects, she can satisfy it by herself. My answer will not be good.

"Excessive question." My mother gave up on herself, and then said: "Speaking of it again, what do you want to ask me?"

"Same as yours," I said, "I want to ask, do you think I should hate you?"

My mother didn't expect such a question. Her expression and frown showed her surprise and confusion, "You should have an answer."

"Of course, of course I have the answer," Gu Ming's voice echoed in my head, my eyes were dark and confused, "but it's so messy, just like what he said, why? I hate you, I want to Go to hell, why do I still take care of you now? Why do I still want you to hug me once in a while? Why, I want you to last for a while? Can you tell me? What's wrong with me. "

In the past, my mother loved me all the time, and I remember it very clearly, but after experiencing all this, no matter how she looked at me, it didn’t make me feel that it was love, her love had deteriorated, and her love for me Love is no longer pure.

She will take away the people she loves, she doesn't want me to live, I often struggle and struggle in the middle of the night, countless times, I can't find the answer.

My mother’s eyes are really gentle. I haven’t seen such gentleness in many years. She stretched out her hand and gently pinched my palm with the hand on the drip. Her hands are fleshless, thin, and blood vessels are clearly visible. , and my hands overlapped together, without looking at the face, as if a 20-year-old was talking to a 70-year-old.

My mother increased her strength and held my hand tightly. It was the strength she had when I was just learning to walk when I was a child. She was afraid that I would fall, and she followed me step by step.

"Hate mother, okay?" My mother is much more fragile than me, her tears are worthless, she shed as soon as she said, "Don't be so entangled, don't contradict, I am sorry for you, if you want to hate me, you should hate me .”

"Then what am I doing now?" I looked at her, puzzled, "I hate you, I should keep you there together, let you die there, what am I doing now?"

Take her out of the drug rehabilitation center, place her here, give her the best medical conditions, never let myself rest, no matter how huge the medical bill is, I never said no, keep changing Work, constantly destroying my conscience, choosing a job that violates the bottom line of morality, I have done everything, just to protect her and Wen Zhixu's life?Shouldn't I hate her?

"Because of responsibility," my mother said decisively, I met her eyes, and she looked at me firmly and pitifully, "because I am your mother, you treat me well, and you feel responsible to me, because you are kind , you did not abandon me, because you are still expecting, you expect us to..."

My mother's voice weakened, "Back to when I was a child."

The more right and wrong people experience, the more they miss their childhood?No, it’s not accurate enough. What people miss is just those warm and harmless days. At that time, the feelings were pure, and no one had to be on guard against anyone or entangled with anything. She was afraid of me falling and followed me. I wanted to take care of me. She wants to learn everything, that's all.

"Ah Xing, mom knows that you have had a hard time these years. Now that mom is dying, mom has no other wish. I just want you and Xuxu to be well. Don't compromise for anyone. It's both work and relationship. I just want you to live for yourself, you have been bound by us for half your life, and we are the ones to be damned," my mother said emotionally, "I know that no matter what I say, it will be useless. We can't change what happened, if My death is what you want, I will..."

"No need." I stood up suddenly and felt a severe headache. It was because her emotion was too agitated, which infected me and made my nerves feel like being pulled. "No need."

What?Don't have to die?I spent a lot of money, didn't I send you to die?It's a mess, it's a mess when I talk about it, I want to leave.

My mother's voice has not dissipated from behind, "The evil I have done in this life, the king of hell will not tolerate me, I should suffer all the torture below, and I will never be reborn as a human being, my child, you are liberated, and you will never be born again Met my mother..."

When I left the ward, her voice seemed to be still in my ears. Leaning against the door, my heart beat faster. Her voice was like a curse, which lingered in my ears for a long time.

Until a nurse came next to me, seeing that something was wrong with me, and asked me what was wrong.

I pushed her hand away, feeling in the way, and left the hospital quickly.

It was only when I stood outside in the sun that I felt I could breathe easier.

I regret coming here, regret asking her questions, her answer is not what I want, responsibility and kindness are not the reason why I am still willing to raise her.

Forget it, there are too many things that can't be answered, and I have to ask everything clearly, I should have been exhausted long ago.

The phone rang.

I answered while walking towards the hospital gate.

It's Gu Ming.

"Excuse me, do you still need to hire someone for work?" Gu Ming said, "Who the hell is the young master?"

I can't tell what it was like at that meeting, I only know that the smog-like thoughts were washed away in an instant, and my mind suddenly became clear, but I am the contradictory body he said, should I be excited now?or joy?My capital background has not collapsed yet.

"You are, but I don't give you face, not once or twice." My tone with him is always full of gunpowder, should I feel that he didn't abandon me, and say a warm and grateful thank you to him? ?But I have no literary talents, and there is no ink in my mind, so what I pour out is all rubbish.

Gu Ming got angry at me and said, "Okay, Young Master Wen is getting more and more tricky, and you want me to pick you up to work in person?"

"No, I'm driving." I can handle it with ease.

Gu Ming didn't give me any face, and said sarcastically: "You don't really think I'll pick you up, do you?"

I pretended not to understand: "I really think so."

Gu Ming said: "Fuck off, I haven't played the Fang Jiewa thing for three days, and I haven't seen you at six o'clock, don't blame my six relatives for not recognizing me."

"Your relatives have disowned you for a long time, are you a little bit self-aware?" I just finished speaking, Gu Ming hung up the phone, he can call me, but he may not be able to tell me, I have a lot of things, he can complain There are also many places, evenly matched, no one is used to others, and they are specifically looking for the pain point to poke.

He regards me as a fox friend, and I regard him as a dog friend.

Complement each other.

I found the car and I got in.

As soon as I closed the car door and fastened my seat belt, there was a knocking sound, I turned my head, and there was a stranger with somewhat familiar eyes but completely unrecognizable to me standing in front of the car window.

"Wen Zhixing?" He was also confirming, and I was also confirming.

After watching it for about 1 minute, I suddenly realized.

So he showed a meaningful smile, and a sense of excitement welled up in his heart, evoking so many wonderful memories.

I raised my hand, propped my elbow on the car window, turned my head, and politely said three words to the person in front of me, "Hello, teacher."

My music teacher, the enlightener of my feelings, the leader of my dreams, the person involved in the scandal, the terminator of my first love, and the initiator of my bad reputation.

I thought I would never see him again in this life.

Open your eyes, I really miss him, respect him, and love him very much.

Are you divorced?Am I ready to take over now?

Tell me quickly, I want to know.