no one save me

When I woke up in the morning, I realized that I fell asleep at an unknown time last night, but I guess it was almost dawn. Although I didn't do anything, I still habitually lit a cigarette after washing.

There was still half of the wine on the table, so I didn't feel in the mood to drink any more. I went directly to the restaurant downstairs to have some breakfast. The only thing I liked was fried rice and fried noodles, and at most there was freshly squeezed juice from the front desk.

It's just that I didn't expect to meet Lu Qiao here, obviously he was waiting for me here.

"What on earth do you want to do?" I sat on the seat with the dinner plate, and he sat opposite me, smiling and looking at me, I could see that he was in a much better mood than last night, and he said: "You Did nothing last night."

"None of your business?" I lowered my voice and frowned.

"Zuo Qi, will you stay with me? I'm back." He looked at me and said hoarsely, "I can explain it to you."

I had already thought about it, even if I saw the land bridge, I would treat it as nothing happened, but the hand holding the water glass still trembled uncontrollably, panic, irritability, anxiety, pain...the same thing came to me, I suddenly Standing up quickly, the waiter next to him saw it and hurried over and said, "Mr. Zuo, what's wrong with you? Do I need to call you a doctor?"

I waved my hand, my clothes were stained with water, and I walked away without looking back.

I asked the driver to wait for me downstairs, got off the car and got in the car directly, but instead of going to the company, I went home, closed the door, found the medicine from the drawer, mixed it with water and stuffed it into my mouth, because The hand trembled so violently that the medicine bottle almost fell over, and some of the medicine spilled directly on the ground.

I coughed loudly, my breathing was trembling, and I sat on the ground for a while before I recovered, as if someone had covered my mouth and nose and couldn't breathe. In desperation, I could only raise my head and gasp for breath, which seemed to relieve a little pain.

The stupid dog poked its head out from the door, tentatively approached me, then put the dog's head on my lap, and gently licked the back of my hand.

"It's okay." I raised my hand and rubbed its head, and murmured in a low voice: "I'm okay."

I'm really fine, I'm discharged from the hospital, and I'm back on the right track of life. I'm listening to Dr. Xu and staying away from Jiang Yihang. I've arranged everything for him and tried my best to make up for this time. It is not directly with the land bridge.

I tried my best to control myself, treating myself as an orphan with no friends and relatives, free to do whatever I wanted.

I leaned on the sofa, and then felt irritable again. After taking the medicine, I still couldn’t relieve it, so I had to walk back and forth in the room, smoking one after another, until I couldn’t bear it anymore and crushed the hot cigarette end in the palm of my hand. , I got a momentary pain, which was a little bit of relief.

With a low sigh, I dialed the psychiatrist's number.

……

Ms. Lin and Mr. Zuo never contacted me again.

Maybe Zuo Lin's urn was buried next to grandma when I didn't know it, or maybe everyone has received the funeral invitation, but I don't know.

……

I seem to be on the right track, avoiding some things that make me uncomfortable, it may take a long time to get off the medicine, but I think as long as I stick to it, it will get better.

Jiang Yihang's injury was serious, his parents came to me several times, hoping that I would take a look, but I couldn't.

In fact, even if I go, it is useless, it is impossible to get back together, I will only bring him pain, he is like this to me, even the memories I thought were warm, are actually just illusions.

Dr. Xu said that Lu Qiao often went to him to find out about me, because I had blacklisted Lu Qiao and no longer had any contact with him.

After I got better, I went abroad, and I also went to some places I had never been to before, and met some people I liked. As long as I have no constraints on myself, nothing can bind me anymore.

419, 857... Or a few short-term love affairs that you love and I want, when you stop, you don’t procrastinate, find different people to play different games, or talk about feelings, or talk about money, I don’t talk too much at a time Interests, but one at a time, with no downtime.

If it was half a year ago, maybe I would not have thought that I would look like this half a year later. I have to say that the feeling of being heartless is a lot more refreshing. There is no place for scruples in a relationship that does not talk about feelings.

Interesting.

But also boring.

"Zuo Qi, your mental state test results are back, I think... we may need to have a good chat." I just lit a cigarette and leaned on the balcony to watch the scenery, when the psychiatrist's call arrived, and she was on the phone Ri said, "Where are you now?"

"In..." I glanced downstairs and said with a smile, "Shenzhen."

"What have you been up to?" she asked.

"Talk about business." I paused, then smiled: "Talk about love."

There was a long silence on the phone. I don’t know how long it took, but I didn’t hang up until I heard a stupid dog barking inside. Before going out, I handed the stupid dog to the psychiatrist. She was very happy. She likes dogs, and her cat also likes it very much. Stupid dog is very happy in her house.

"Zuo Qi, do you have someone you like?" she asked me.

"Well, I like it for a short time." I smiled, opened a bottle of beer with one hand, took a sip, and said softly: "During the fixed time, I'm fully invested in it, and I can withdraw at any time."

"Then do they like you? Wouldn't they be sad if you were like this?" the psychiatrist asked me.

"No." I looked at the floor-to-ceiling glass and smiled softly: "Before we get together, I will make it very clear. Everyone knows it well and won't take it too seriously."

I heard an inaudible sigh from the phone, and after a while I sat up straight, lightly flicked the cigarette ash, and asked casually, "Are you disappointed? For me...are you...disappointed? "

"No." She said, "I'm looking at your psychiatric evaluation report. Do you feel that your condition is almost cured? Are you not sad?"

"Well, there is no pain anymore, I feel very relaxed and free." I paused for a while, then tilted my head slightly and said, "I like this kind of life very much."

"Doctor Xu said that he misses you very much. Do you want to come back and see him? He was transferred to the emergency department recently, and he is too busy to touch the ground." The psychiatrist laughed on the phone: "When will you come back?" ?”

"I'll go back after finishing the project here." I replied.

After hanging up the phone, I leaned on the sofa and raised my head. There were more than ten days of medicine in the medicine bottle next to me. I glanced out of the corner of my eye, and then closed my eyes.

Dr. Xu doesn't miss me, and he doesn't want me to recharge the hospital's annual card membership.

I don't like this kind of life, but it is indeed very free, comfortable and painless.

Lu Qiao followed me at the beginning, but I tossed around a lot, so I dumped him. I don't know if Dr. Xu came to me for him, or if he wanted to know where I was, and then told Lu Qiao the information , After all, the two of them are friends, I don't want to bet on this.

I used to be able to smoke a cigarette for a week, but now it is only a day or two.

When I was at the bar last night, a child, about the same age as Jiang Yihang, was shocked when I saw the scar on my hand. I re-examined the wound on the palm of my hand. It was indeed deep. Although it had healed, it was full of scars. The hands are all ferocious, and they are not at all like Jiang Yihang praised "Brother Qi, your hands have distinct joints, so beautiful".

I changed my clothes and went downstairs from here. The car outside is already waiting. I made an appointment to drink tea in the afternoon. This customer likes tea tasting, so I made an appointment here.

Speaking of tea tasting, I thought of Uncle Shen, and when I thought of Uncle Shen, I couldn’t help but think of Shen Jiajia. When I thought of the one-quarter inheritance contract, shortly after I was discharged from the hospital, I went for a notarization to prove that I didn’t want anything. I don't care about a penny, so it doesn't matter if Shen Jiajia and the others think I'm just playing around, or I'm an idiot, anyway, when she becomes an adult, they will go their own ways, and let whoever cares if she loves it.

I spent the whole afternoon in the tea house, and it was already midnight when I went back. When I returned to the hotel, I saw the land bridge standing beside the car at the door.

He was standing next to a black car, wearing a black shirt, lit a cigarette, and looked at me calmly. One, I can't go through the back door just to avoid him.

"Mr. Zuo." He changed his name, took a deep breath, and said, "Where are you going to hide from me?"

"Hiding you?" I smiled, "You think too highly of yourself."

I bypassed him and walked to the hotel. He followed me until I got on the elevator. There were only me and him in the elevator. He said, "I know what you've been doing recently. Are you having fun with them? Is that the life you want? You're not like that."

I subconsciously wanted to touch the cigarette case, but then remembered that smoking is not allowed in the elevator.

"Zuo Qi, please, give me one more chance, I really... really miss you." He faced me, his expression looked really sad, but I didn't have any sympathy Feeling, after pushing away his hand, he went back to his room.

The medicine prescribed by Dr. Xu and the medicine of the psychiatrist are all a small pile. I swallowed it mixed with water, and I even felt a little full. I put some water in the bathtub, took a bath, and smoked a cigarette. Putting the wine on the table, he propped his forehead with his hands and looked through the photos sent by Xiao Zhu.

But halfway through, a few drops of blood fell on the screen of the phone, and I suddenly realized that I had a nosebleed again. I immediately took out a few pieces of tissue paper very skillfully, covered my mouth and nose, and then got up from the water.

I dyed my hair black, at least it won’t look too abrupt, and no one will ask me why my hair is gray, but my face in the mirror is not very good, my lips are pale, and blood runs down my nose As it dripped down, the paper towel was soaked, and the blood overflowed from the seam of the hand, and trickled down the bend of the arm.

I covered my mouth and nose with one hand, supported the sink with the other, and then took the medicine next to me, mixed it with the tap water from the tap in the sink, and swallowed it.

Then slowly slide and sit on the ground, waiting for myself to recover, it will be fine.

The author has something to say:

It's almost time for the ninth evil.

也快结束了。感谢在2022-03-2614:32:43~2022-03-2619:33:30期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel of irrigation nutrient solution: 1 bottle of small universe;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!