Accumulate feathers sink the boat

In the almost suffocating silence, Gong Yu was the first to come to his senses.

He snatched the hat from Lu Xiangzhou's hand, and hastily put it on the top of his head. He didn't rush at Lu Xiangzhou or anyone around him, but just lowered his head as low as possible, as if he was explaining to himself.

"I... I was... At that time, I was afraid of scaring people, so... I..., yes... It's too ugly... Ugly, I—"

"Ugly ass!"

Lu Xiangzhou's anger was like the flames at the bottom of the pot, and it was "cracking" out.

"What's ugly? How ugly? I think the ugliest thing on your body is this broken hat! What aesthetics!"

"Huh? I...I I..."

The disappearing voices of people around gradually emerged, and gradually became louder from near to far. Lu Xiangzhou heard some words, such as less whiteheads, such as albinism, and some more friendly words, such as "grandma gray" and "too short". together, pouring into his ears.

It turns out that no matter how great an individual's tragedy is, to others, it is just idle chat. The world is closely connected but irrelevant. If a person takes himself lightly, he is not even as heavy as a speck of dust in the air.

"Let's go?" Gong Yu's thin face became flushed with embarrassment, and the original deep eye sockets were sunken, leaving only endless exhaustion.

"Don't go," Lu Xiangzhou said, "Why do you have to go? I just started eating, and I haven't eaten my belly yet."

"But...but...my hair..."

"What's your hair? Do you eat with your hair?" The meat slices that were piled up in Lu Xiangzhou's bowl were put into Gong Yu's plate, "Help me eat some! I don't want to eat so much meat, I want to eat hairy belly! "

"Oh...Okay...Okay, then...Then let's go after eating."

"It's not about leaving after eating," Lu Xiangzhou looked up into Gong Yu's eyes, "We didn't get stuck here because of something, we came here for dinner, of course we should finish eating before leaving, don't say such strange things .We're normal, and you're normal, too."

"All right."

Some expressions that could not be described as embarrassment or shame surfaced on Gong Yu's face.

He really wanted to have a good meal with Lu Xiangzhou, he really wanted to, thinking that this incident had already appeared in his dreams millions of times before it actually happened.Sometimes it's at a hot pot restaurant, sometimes it's at a roadside stall, sometimes he takes Lu Xiangzhou to the best western restaurant he knows, and sometimes, very rarely, the arrogant Gong Yu in his dream will order it himself. Cook, cook a table meal for a real chef.

But these plots have never actually happened, and it is conceivable that they will never appear in the future.

Gong Yu didn't know why it was so difficult for him to maintain his dignity. Every day, every minute and every second after being abandoned, no matter what efforts he made, he would never be able to change in front of Lu Xiangzhou. Become a person who can see the past even a little bit.

He even worried, couldn't help worrying, worried that Lu Xiangzhou would deny all the past between the two of them that might be worth remembering because of his current embarrassment.If that's the case, if that's the case, isn't his life always an abyss?

"Do you want to take a walk? Or go straight back?"

The meal was eaten in silence, and Lu Xiangzhou, who had paid the bill, really wanted to walk around to get some air, but stopped when he was about to leave the hot pot restaurant. For some reason, he suddenly wanted to hear Gong Yu's answer.

"Why don't you go back? You've been with me for a long time."

As a result, the person who was supposed to be full of energy after the meal has no vitality at this moment, and it is completely different from the person who happily asked himself why he didn't eat hoof flowers when ordering food.

"Don't you feel bored? Wouldn't it be nice to eat hot pot on such a hot day to let off steam?"

"Bored?"

Where is it boring?I?Or a hot pot restaurant?Or come with me at the hot pot restaurant?

Gong Yu felt uncomfortable, helpless depression made it difficult for him to breathe, if there was a kind of magic that could make people exhaust their lives to gain a moment of joy, then he would give everything, use all his life in exchange for Lu Xiangzhou to forget this nasty night, even forget himself .

"How about going to the central square? I heard that the community invited a military band, and there will be performances at this time of day every day. It seems to be very good. Let's go and listen to it?"

"Looks like?" Lu Xiangzhou frowned, "Have you been there? How do you know it sounds good if you haven't been there?"

"Oh... I heard... I heard from the housekeeping aunt... Then... Then... You can also go to the mall, don't you like the cake shop in Theone, we can Go eat cake and—”

"Gong Yu, I didn't want to take a walk because I was bored or unhappy. I just wanted to digest food after eating too much."

"Ok?"

Some very simple but completely incomprehensible words came out of Lu Xiangzhou's mouth. Gong Yu turned around from the wheelchair and wanted to ask, but in the end he still didn't speak.

"Just walk around."

So Lu Xiangzhou didn't bother to talk to him, and just pushed the wheelchair and started to circle around the community.

The community, which he hasn’t been back for a long time, is still the same, with trees, flowers, and tiles on the ground. He can even recognize some familiar neighbors and call out the names of some dogs.The well-washed Shetland is called Dingding, the corgi with fat buttocks is called Qiuqiu, and the opposite one is called Doudou.

Everything seems far away, but it seems like it has never changed.The past and the future do not seem to be a concept of time, but a certain awareness of human beings. As long as the person standing at this moment thinks of the past, then this moment is the past, and if this kind of thinking occurs repeatedly in future life, the whole The world will always stay in the past.

Lu Xiangzhou didn't ask what happened to Gong Yu's hair, because he felt as if he had already guessed the answer.

This walk, which Gong Yu didn't understand and Lu Xiangzhou didn't bother to talk about, lasted for almost an hour. When he got home, the sky had completely darkened, and another day was almost over.

"What time do you usually go to bed now?" Lu Xiangzhou asked while changing his shoes. He originally wanted to wait for him to finish changing before going to help Gong Yu. Who would have thought that he would stand up from the wheelchair by himself and help him walk tremblingly? The machine started to take off the shoes.

"It's about this time, and I don't have anything to do at night."

"Okay, then I'll leave after you fall asleep."

"Actually... you don't need to..." Gong Yu wanted to say that he didn't need to waste so much time on me, but he couldn't get the words out.

"I told you I don't have class today, and I'll be idle when I go back. Go and change quickly. Do you want to take a shower? Is it convenient for you to take a shower now?"

"Convenient, I push the walker into the bathroom."

"That's fine, then I'll wait for you for a while, and call me after you wash up."

"it is good."

Without further rejection, Gong Yu turned around and moved towards the bathroom in the bedroom. When he heard the sound of the door being locked, Lu Xiangzhou got up and walked into the bedroom.

Different from the outside, Gong Yu's bedroom is a mess, all the clothes to be changed are thrown on the floor, the quilt and pillows are rolled up, and even the charging cable on the bedside table is tangled into a dead knot.

"Hey, sloppy king."

Lu Xiangzhou sighed, and started to pack his things reflexively.When he was about to finish packing, he saw Gong Yu's pills under the pillow. He counted them and found eight pills were empty. He didn't know how many pills Gong Yu took after he left last time.The aluminum foil passed over the palm of my hand, and it was a little cold and a little painful.

He didn't know how to find out the cause of Gong Yu.During the trial in the hot pot restaurant just now, Gong Yu's expression was very natural when he said that he changed jobs, and it didn't look like he was deliberately pretending or whitewashing peace.If it wasn't for a master performer guiding Gong Yu in performing arts training, then the fact that he couldn't be a doctor would not be the ultimate root cause.

But apart from himself and work, what else could make Gong Yu so sad?

The rustling movement in the bathroom disappeared, Lu Xiangzhou subconsciously stuffed the medicine back under the pillow, and within a few seconds, Gong Yu opened the door and came out.

"Have you cleaned up?"

"Isn't it obvious? You can sleep in a bedroom like this."

"I... I... Sometimes I will collect it, thank you." Gong Yu's face was a little red, I don't know if it was because of the water vapor or because of Lu Xiangzhou.

"Okay, then you go to sleep, I'm leaving."

"Eh!"

Lu Xiangzhou turned to leave, but was suddenly stopped by Gong Yu. He thought that this person was finally going to keep him for the first time, and before he could smile, he heard Gong Yu carefully say: "Shall I give you the money for dinner? You spent too much money, will it not be enough?"

"No!" Lu Xiangzhou didn't like to hear this, so he became impatient again, "How much does a meal cost? Is our school's salary paid for beggars?"

"No...no, what I mean is, the hospital cost you a lot of money before, you...do you still use the card I gave you?"

Card?When Gong Yu asked such a question, Lu Xiangzhou suddenly thought of the bank card that had been disposed of as scrap along with his precious book a long time ago.

"I threw it away a long time ago. I'm divorced. Why do I still keep your card? Hey, I said Gong Yu, can you stop looking down on people like this?"

"I don't!" Hearing Lu Xiangzhou's resistance, Gong Yu hastily explained, "Then let me give you the money? At least let me transfer the hospital money to you. You usually spend a lot of money, and there are many places—"

"I-have-money," Lu Xiangzhou said word by word, "Do you think you are the only one who will give me a bank card? I don't worry about money at all now."

This sentence was originally just for clarification, to get rid of Gong Yu's idea of ​​using money to win him over from the root, but who would have thought that Gong Yu would become nervous the moment he heard this, his pupils dilated suddenly, his lips turned purple, Even the hands holding the walker began to tremble.

"Hey... no, why are you panicking? I'm just talking about the card, you—"

"Who is it? Who is it?"

He was obviously afraid of this, but his tone of voice was so gentle and restrained. Wanting to understand Gong Yu's worry, Lu Xiangzhou suddenly felt a little funny, and didn't bother to explain, so he followed his train of thought and said, "Who else? Boyfriend?" Ah, he is richer than you, and treats me better than you, and I don’t have to worry about money at all when I’m with him.”

Boy friend...

Gong Yu never thought that he could still hear these three words from Lu Xiangzhou's mouth in his lifetime. Although this is not impossible, but, but...

"is it?"

An extremely unnatural and extremely deliberate smile appeared on Gong Yu's face. Lu Xiangzhou didn't understand why he was smiling at such a time, but he still held back his silence. He wanted to see what Gong Yu wanted to do.

"Can you tell me again? How old is your boyfriend? Where is he from? What do you do? How long have you been with you? Will you get married?"

"Did you check the account? Why should I tell you this?"

"Just... don't say anything, then... is it really good for you? Very good? Very, very good?"

"Excellent!" Lu Xiangzhou kept on doing nothing, "Peel me pomegranates one by one and put them in a bowl, pick me up to and from work, give me an umbrella on rainy days, and water on sunny days, and make super delicious pomegranates Yes, it won't be the same for several months, he has a good temper, and he reads a lot, and he knows everything if you ask him."

"that is real good..."

Gong Yu's trembling hands stopped, and he took a deep breath from his chest, the corners of his mouth raised, and he was actually smiling.

"That's great... that's great, I... I've been worried, that's great, Xiang Zhou."

Worry?What are you afraid of?Worried that I can't find someone else, or am I looking for someone like you?Lu Xiangzhou really wanted to sit down and ask Gong Yu carefully, but he lied too much, and he was afraid that if he said one more word, he would be ruined on the spot.

"Have you finished asking? I'm leaving after asking?"

"Yeah." Gong Yu nodded, still maintaining the previous expression on his face, but reached out and grabbed Lu Xiangzhou's sleeve the moment Lu Xiangzhou turned around.

"I'm much better. I can do everything by myself. You...you won't come in the future, don't let...don't let him worry."

When Gong Yu smiled widely, there would be small dimples on both sides of his cheeks, as if someone had poked a small hole with his finger.For example, now, the small round hole is deepening with the rising corners of the mouth, making the originally sunken cheeks look radiant, and it looks a little sweet.

But Lu Xiangzhou knew that his mouth was smiling, but his eyes were crying.The indelible despair radiated from Gong Yu's eyes, even a blind man would be burned by that unspeakable pain.

So reluctant, but still insisted on sending me away.Lu Xiangzhou couldn't answer, so he could only close the bedroom door and strode towards the door of the house.

He really didn't understand why Gong Yu hid his pain so much, why didn't he alleviate those despairing emotions that only appeared when he was saying goodbye, why didn't he change, why——

Wait a minute.

An incredible idea suddenly appeared in Lu Xiangzhou's head.

Only when I bid farewell, I'm desperate.

He repeated this sentence in a low voice, and then repeated it again. The iron door that had been pushed open suddenly became dazzling. He slammed the door shut, then took off his shoes, and walked back to the bedroom door gently, carefully He pressed his ear to it, and began to hold his breath.

1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes, violent panting suddenly erupted from the room, followed by the sound of heavy objects falling to the ground, the sound of aluminum foil packaging being snapped randomly, and the uncomfortable whimper that seemed to be disconnected at any time Voice......

Lu Xiangzhou finally understood that the cause of Gong Yu's illness was not his existence, but his departure.

In so many farewells with unknown return dates, Gong Yu put himself at the end of time time and time again. He thought it was the last time, every time he thought it was the last time, so the pain and suffocation were beyond restraint. In the mood swings, I experienced the severe pain of heart rupture time and time again.

But he never asked to stay, never.

He didn't leave himself a single chance to call for help, so many times of being calm, considerate, and calm, it wasn't a trick to retreat to advance, but a road to freedom that he risked his life to carve out for Lu Xiangzhou.

Gong Yu is using all his strength to keep his promise of "never appearing again".

his pain.

His pain was not presumptuous at all.

It is the restraint of a person who has clearly persevered to the limit but still frustrates his bones.