wall window

Various pressures on society.Maybe you will say that I am selfish, but I don't want to live in such a state, I can't help but care about other people's eyes.

Last time you asked angrily what was going on with the counselors in our department, but I refused to answer.In fact, I have been with him for half a year, he cares about me very much, I will not be afraid, not worried, not afraid when I am with him.I need such a safe and relaxed relationship.

……

This is Ying's last letter to me.After saying those words, she turned around resolutely and left.

"I want a place where it's just the two of us, with you forever." When I was 17, I pasted scraps of paper out of her wastebasket into a sentence.

"Why are you so nice to me, I love you." This is another sentence.

"Mu Chenyu, Mu Chenyu, Mu Chenyu, Mu Chenyu, Mu Chenyu." This is the third sentence.

She turned and left.

I stand in front of the window of my small room every day and look at the big maple tree outside my window. She once said that I am the blue sky on the top of the tree, and she is the white clouds floating among the trees. The beautiful things I wrote Poetry is fallen leaves all over the trees.

She showed up at the door of my college dorm, it was a complete accident, she got the wrong room.

But after this accident, there have been many accidents that were not accidents.

Her big beautiful eyes often flash outside the window of my bedroom. The big eyes like lake water are always so pure, and together with the yellow rose on the table in front of my window, they emit soft light.It is saying: I love you, I love you.

I couldn't help holding her hand and walked into her world.

I love bitterly and smile in disguise.She loved intoxicated and cried sadly.

For every time I leave.

I have to leave, back to my classmates, back to my friends, back to my dormitory, back to my old home, back to the city where I work, back to this bright real world .

That silly girl just cried for all the little Li, crying every day and night.Because I don't know when that small distance will become a big or even permanent distance.

I have no promises, I have no strength to promise.

She has no promises, she just wants to cling tightly to every day she can have.

We were in so much pain, she tried her best to leave me, but she couldn't leave me, and I kept running to her with a deep sense of guilt.We didn't know we could have a future, I didn't know it wasn't a crime.I left her when I made myself so painful that I couldn't live anymore.

This is forever away.

不 知道 你 现在 不 好

……

你 的 笑 对 我 很 重要

这些 年 你 过 得 不 好

……

Please believe that I am by your side don't forget

As long as you live better than me

什么 事 都 不 倒

所有 快乐 在 身边 围绕

As long as you live better than me

什么 事 都 不 倒

一直 到 老

……

This is a song I used to listen to back then.

Pei Fei, you are also getting farther and farther away from me.I am also leaving, leaving your world.

The stone road inlaid in the green grass not far from my window is the road you must pass every time you go back to the classroom. When I miss you, I go out and wait for those 10 minutes in the early morning and every class break.

I found a good position, a position where I can only see you, but you can't find me.

Watching my children, my students, and the girl I love appear in my sight far away, and leave my sight far away.Seeing you pass by happily or sadly, seeing you talking and laughing with your classmates or walking slowly alone, watching you hold Teacher Ying’s hand and discuss problems with her like her daughter, seeing you on Saturday Go back to school to participate in the basketball team's training in the morning, and then watch you leave with your teammates sweating profusely...

How many days can I watch you come and watch you go? I know very well that after graduating from junior high school, no matter how many years I wait, you will never appear outside my window again.

[-]. City in the sky

After the high school entrance examination in June, I found out that nine out of ten students in my original class passed the exam, and all of them passed the exam, including Pei Fei.

On the afternoon when they held the graduation ceremony, they also took me there.More than a year later, my monkeys have grown up, especially the boys, even the little ones who used to play hide-and-seek in the corridors of the classroom all day, are as tall as a big boy, which is amazing. It is metamorphosis.So I looked at them one by one. Although I often encountered them, I didn't re-examine them as carefully as today.Fortunately, their spirits are still there, their eyes are still shining, and their smiles are still bright and confident.They cheered me on, took my hand, and winked at me.

After everyone quieted down, I started to search Pei Fei with my eyes.She was whispering to ** Dan, smiling all over her face, her bright face couldn't hide the excitement, with a frenzy of excitement, as if it was such an exciting thing to graduate and leave.I know my smile has froze and my eyes have dimmed to black.I found a corner seat and sat down.The whole ceremony was really a pain for me. I was always like air, clearly existing but absolutely transparent. For two long hours, she didn't even glance at me.I ended up leaving the venue early.

I don't want to go back to the office, face my window, face the magnolia tree outside my window, face the stone road among the green grass outside the window.But I don't know where to go, as if I don't want to go anywhere.I just felt a thick cloud of smoke stuck in my chest, neither going up nor down, it was very uncomfortable.As a result, I walked to my community, walked to the grass surrounded by jasmine, sat down, bent my legs, folded my hands on my knees, buried my head in my arms, and only showed my two eyes.I stared blankly at the jasmine in front of me. It was in full bloom, and bursts of fragrance came to my nostrils. Such a vigorous and aggressive flower made people feel confused about their own existence.In fact, I felt that I had disappeared into its whiteness and fragrance, and I began to see nothing, hear nothing, and smell nothing.

The sky darkened little by little, until the mobile phone in my pocket rang a distant ringtone, like a camel bell in the desert. It took me a lot of effort to figure out that the sound came from my pocket.It was an unfamiliar number, and I put the phone on the grass, let it ring until it automatically went off, and went home.

I turned on all the lights in the room, including the desk lamp, pulled "Moonlight on the Water" from the CD player, and put it into Beethoven's "Fate."Then find out all the raw and cooked foods that can be eaten in the refrigerator, and put them on the table.Then study how to make a good dinner, and then start to cook the same thing, and finally make seven or eight dishes.I took out the pair of goblets and poured myself a full glass of red wine, the other was empty across the way.

I had just taken a sip from my glass when the doorbell rang.I opened the door casually, and suddenly froze at the door.

Pei Fei stood in front of me.

"I want to go in," I heard her say after a long time.

Yeah, you think, you want, you always say you want or you don't, you never think I want or I don't.In an instant, I burst into a bright and extremely gorgeous smile that I had never seen before.

"Well, come in!" I made an inviting gesture.

"Please come in!" Seeing her as if stuck to the door, seeing her eyes as if stuck to my eyes, I said again with a smile on my face.

She finally walked in silently and sat down in front of the empty wine glass.

I poured her half a glass of wine.

Then, while drinking, eating vegetables and meat, chatting and laughing excitedly, saying whatever came to mind, unknowingly wiped out most of the food.

"Don't eat any more!" Pei Fei, who had been listening to me silently, suddenly grabbed my chopsticks and looked at me in pain.Her eyes suddenly pierced my heart like a thousand arrows.I immediately turned my head and ran to the balcony, breathing in the summer night air hard, as if the stuffy heat in the room had severely deprived me of oxygen.

She came to me, took my hand silently, and I shook it away vigorously.

"I'm gay, you know that! Why are you still here? What are you doing here?" I suddenly turned around and looked at her closely, "In your eyes, I'm perverted, I don't deserve you to look at me, I don't deserve you to come and shout I'm calling teacher, isn't it? Aren't you scared? Don't you want to be a stranger to me? Why? Why are you still here?!" I heard my own voice become cold and stiff.

She didn't say anything, but stood in front of me numbly, tears rolling down from her lowered eyelids.I pushed her away and ran into the bathroom, I can no longer see her like that, the look that made me so heartbroken, the look that made me want to hug and kiss so impulsively, the one that made me love madly look.Pei Fei, why, why did you come here.

By the time I came out of the bathroom, I had become extremely calm.Pei Fei returned to the living room early and was sitting on my wooden floor listening to music. She changed a disc, which was the animation music of Joe Hisaishi and Hayao Miyazaki that I bought after Christmas. "Castle in the Sky" is playing, the Korean version, but I will recite the Chinese translation:

The distant horizon shines with light

That's because you're behind

Bit by bit the years are so nostalgic

because of you

come on let's go

Take a slice of bread, a knife and a lantern

stuffed in a backpack

……

The world keeps turning and you are hiding in it

flickering pupils flickering lights

The world keeps turning with you

Be with us until the day we meet again

……

I sat down on the couch next to her.

"Did the class hold an event after the graduation ceremony?"