Refill with you anytime

The second semester of the third year of high school started in a hurry.

The college entrance examination is less than five months away.

Ruan Jing was even more reckless in studying, and even ignored it as if he was masochistic. Qin Xijue, who was at the same table, felt it deeply.

Unlike when he was working hard to paint, Ruan Jing was training in the studio, even if he was as busy as he is now, he was still excited.

Now he is studying hard, as if his whole body is being forced to move forward by an invisible hand, as if if he runs too slowly, the abyss will chase him down, and he will fall down involuntarily.

Ruan Jing pushed himself too fast, and when he was out of breath, he would pull Qin Xijue to a place where no one was around, to cuddle him and draw some strength to move on.

His weary and complaining tone was soft every time, he rubbed against Qin Xijue's arms wildly, with a hint of coquettishness at the end.

Qin Xijue felt sore and helpless, so he could only let him go.

Qin Xijue tried to slow down Ruan Jing's rhythm many times, but the other party agreed repeatedly on the spot, turned around and continued.

Of course he knew the symptoms of it all.

Things that I feel powerless to do are the same to Ruan Jing.

Ruan Jing didn't mention anything about Lin Rong, or even the tragic quarrel that day.

After Qin Xijue returned from Ruan Jing's house, he was ready for the other party to break up with him. After all, he had no choice but to know that nothing happened.

He wanted to be happy about it, but couldn't.

After watching the quarrel in front of Ruan Jing's house that day, the situation that Ruan Jing often faced fell into his eyes.He suddenly realized that they had imagined this matter too simply.

Lin Rong's illness and still tough attitude made all the ideas of "getting over slowly" invalid.

This is no longer a matter of determination, he and Ruan Jing's persistence is constantly torturing Ruan Jing and his family, without a deadline.

And the side effects of these tortures were all borne by Ruan Jingzai alone.

"Working together" became the most high-sounding reason for this torture.

So selfish.

Ruan Jing studied as usual by his side every day, tidied up everything and pretended nothing happened, but his mental state was quickly consumed by the dual pressure of study and family.

It also broke Qin Xijue's determination bit by bit.

Occasionally getting along intimately, the other person's body becomes more and more obvious, and the sunshine in those eyes also disappears.

In the rare night of embracing each other, Qin Xijue looked silently at the sleeping person in his arms for a long time, and then slowly hugged him tighter and tighter, his fingertips were slightly blanched and tinged with undetectable tremors.

He suddenly realized that this person would be crushed sooner or later, and he was slowly approaching the edge.

Do you love someone in a way that almost destroys him?

----

Ruan Jing woke up in a daze with the ringing of the class bell. He stretched himself out, still exhausted, and his dream was strange, as if he had never slept.

Qin Xijue's coat that was covering him slipped off, and he folded it aside, glanced at the gray sky outside the window, and rummaged through the textbook listlessly in the harsh incandescent light.

For the past year, he has worked so hard that he hardly looks like himself.

It’s not that he’s bragging, if there is any inspirational interview about salted fish turning around after the college entrance examination, he has to volunteer to talk about it.

How much progress is not the main thing, the spirit of forging ahead is motivating.

After listening to the class for a few minutes, sleepiness slowly struck.

I can't sleep well at home at night, the quality of sleep between classes is not good, and the double espresso that is forced to refresh me is like a fake product.

Ruan Jing blinked a few times but did not get rid of the drowsiness. He continued to focus on the test book, but skillfully stretched his hand to Qin Xijue beside him, and put it into the other's large coat pocket.

The layer of the pocket next to the person was still warm, he woke up a little from sleepiness, and poked it suggestively.

Half a minute passed, and Qin Xijue seemed to be too disturbed to sit still, so he put his hand into his pocket, and tightly held that restless and cold hand.

Feeling the temperature against his palm, the sleepiness in Ruan Jing's eyebrows and eyes dissipated, and he smiled with a hint of triumph.

Speaking of which, Teacher Qin has been terribly strict recently, perhaps because the overall atmosphere is too tense and serious, Qin Xijue has also become more and more silent.

I haven't been in a good mood recently, and I can make many mistakes in the papers. Qin Xijue stared at those test papers for a long time, and he could only silently lean against the wall in the low pressure.

It's okay to have a bad face on the spot, and even get along with each other in the next few days with a bit of indifference.

Even the last time he couldn't stop his inexplicable nosebleed, when he glanced at the veins on the back of Mr. Qin's hands, he almost thought he was going to hit someone.

If Qin Xijue hadn't hugged him so tightly every time in private, with such a fierce attitude, he would have thought that he was in some kind of emotional crisis.

Ruan Jing secretly sighed, the recent state is indeed too bad, he wanted to take a good rest, but couldn't stop.

He is not stable at home, can't go out easily, and there is a dense and tense study atmosphere at school... He hasn't fallen asleep for a long time.

Get up and do the questions, but it is inefficient.

He didn't dare to tell Qin Xijue these things, and the other party was too busy to lose weight, and his spirit was not very good, so he had to adjust it by himself.

However, Ruan Jing sometimes felt that this time was too long.

He often lies on the table, unconsciously marking the rows of dates with his fingers, and some strange thoughts will come up.

What if you can't make it through?

It seems that I am rushing towards the destination with all my strength, but I occasionally raise my eyes to see the distance between myself and the destination... Why is it so long, so long?

I was a little confused for a moment.

But in his heart, he can still go on. If there is anything that supports him, except Qin Xijue, it is just this mentality of having fun while suffering.

However, Ruan Jing himself didn't notice it, but Qin Xijue, who was always watching him by his side, could see it clearly.

Ruan Jing's state is not as optimistic as he imagined.

The spirit is much worse, and the state has also declined seriously. Those outrageously wrong test papers are proof, some of which are even irrelevant to knowledge points.

The mental breakdown had a negative impact on the body. The blood in the pool and the pale face of the other party were shocking, and his rational line was also pulled to the verge of breaking.

At this moment, he looked at the person lying on the table as if without bones, only confusion and absent-mindedness remained in his clear and bright eyes before, and he couldn't help reaching out his hand to touch his drooping head.

Every time I touched Ruan Jing's head, like smoothing his hair, I would smile at him very obediently, and even rub his hand.

This time he suddenly stopped, retracted it, and slowly inserted his fingertips into his palm.

The limit has been reached, Qin Xijue thought.

It was a little bit close, and my own reluctance was about to drag the one I loved into the abyss.

----

A quarrel is ending.

Ruan Jing returned to the room as usual, the buzzing in his ears was sharp for a few seconds, and then gradually quieted down. The ensuing dizziness made him a little nauseous, and after sitting quietly for a while, all the negative reactions slowly disappeared.

In recent days, I have gradually gotten used to it, and I don't feel uncomfortable anymore.

At one time, he thought that the training camp was the hardest thing he had ever experienced, but he didn't expect that he would not give in much when he struggled in the culture class.

Those points of knowledge do not appeal to him like painting, but he understands that he must move forward and keep going.

How can there be happiness in forced things?

In the evening, I voluntarily took an extra session of evening self-study at school to brush up questions, and continued to copy the error correction book when I got home. It was almost early morning when I got out.

After stretching for a while, I was finally willing to take a sip of cold water when the phone rang suddenly.

It was actually Qin Xijue.

Ruan Jing was taken aback, looked at the time, and hurriedly picked it up.

Ruan Jing: "Xijue, why are you still up at this hour?"

The phone was silent for a few seconds: "I'm downstairs."

Ruan Jing suddenly raised his head.

He was busy with his mobile phone, picked up his coat and left the bedroom, wondering if there was something he couldn't say on the phone, or he was just like himself, simply couldn't help but miss it.

So the extreme fatigue faded away, and a little joy that made the whole person alive came into my heart.

Everyone in the family was asleep, so he tiptoed out the door.

In the early morning of late winter, the frost and dew are still heavy, and the night is as thick as ink.The air is damp and cold, taking a breath is like tiny ice slags piercing into the lungs.

In order to hide, the two made an appointment in the small gazebo where they confessed their love at the beginning.

Seeing the person waiting in the gazebo from a distance, Ruan Jing ran over happily, hugged him happily as soon as he approached, and teased: "This long night, does it teach Teacher Qin not to fall asleep?"

Qin Xijue looked at him silently and didn't answer, Ruan Jing realized that something was wrong with him tonight.

I don't know if it was because of wearing black clothes, or because the sky was too cold and too dark, Qin Xijue came in the night, and his eyes were also stained with the coldness and alienation of a winter night.

Just as Ruan Jing was about to speak in doubt, he saw Qin Xijue handing over a small box.

It was the painting utensil that Ruan Jing had placed at Qin Xijue's house before.

Ruan Jing took it over inexplicably: "Ah, why did you send it here on purpose..." As he spoke, he suddenly realized something, his words paused, his smile faded when he raised his head, and he looked at Qin Xijue, "...What do you mean? "

Back then, I bought this set of painting tools at Qin Xijue's house so that I could practice at any time when I stayed there.

Even when the two of them were not together, Ruan Jing didn't take it away, subconsciously he didn't want to have no contact with Qin Xijue.

Tonight, when Qin Xijue returned the painting tools late at night, the joy in Ruan Jing's heart dissipated, and a bad premonition slowly developed.

Qin Xijue looked down at the box, his eyelashes cast a light and cold shadow under his eyelids.

After several seconds, he spoke slowly.

"Ruan Jing, let's separate for now."

Ruan Jing's pupils shrank, and his heartbeat suddenly lost weight.

He reacted for a long time before he realized what Qin Xijue said. He thought he had heard wrongly, so he immediately tugged at the other party's sleeve and gritted his teeth: "Qin Xijue, say it again."

Qin Xijue slowly clenched his other hand that was tucked into his sleeve. Inside the hard shell he forcibly built, he raised his eyes to Ruan Jing, forcing himself not to look away.

"Let's separate."

Ruan Jing's hand holding his sleeve suddenly tightened until his knuckles turned white, and there was a little bit of anger in his eyes: "Do you know what you are talking about? Didn't my family's matter be settled together...I didn't Why do you raise points?"

Qin Xijue felt his eye sockets sore, and in the blink of an eye, he squeezed back the color of the water that had burst out.

The cold and hard shell was crumbling, it didn't matter, he showed the fickleness and ungratefulness that he had practiced thousands of times.

He slowly opened Ruan Jing's tightly clenched fingers. Those fingers that he loved to play with were cold with blood loss, making his temperature want to stay for a while...

But he is like a programmed robot, relentlessly loosening the opponent's hope little by little.

Qin Xijue didn't answer any questions, but shook his head slowly.

He turned to leave, but Ruan Jing immediately stepped up and grabbed him, finally believing that he was not joking.

Qin Xijue didn't look back.

The recent study load, the deteriorating mental state, and the endless quarrels at home...Under these pressures, this person who can always appear in front of others as if nothing had happened, at this time finally burst into tears of sadness and panic from a faint breakdown meaning.

"Qin Xijue, there is no one like you who gives up halfway through... If you didn't intend to face this, why did you promise me..."

Like taking away a heavy stone at the bottom of the mountain, the whole mountain that was about to collapse suddenly collapsed, and there was no way to hide the collapse.

Qin Xijue's nails sank deep into his palm, and the blood all over his body was icy cold, and he couldn't feel the insignificant pain in his palm.

He spent all his strength to restrain himself before he stopped and immediately turned around and hugged him tightly back into his arms.

Shengsheng endured until his eyes were red, and his voice was so low that he couldn't hear it.

"sorry."

Ruan Jing stared blankly at the figure who walked away quickly.

As if trying to wake up, to prove that the scene just now was just a nightmare.

He saw Lin Rong's checklist, talked with Zhao Bin, and tossed and turned for many nights in torment and pain.

It was only when he gradually calmed down that he made a plan—to stop irritating his mother, he planned to go out and find a temporary residence until the college entrance examination was over.

Even so, he never thought of breaking up with Qin Xijue to solve this matter.

He can bear the pressure at home, and he has the courage to endure any difficulties...

Unexpectedly, the other party gave up first.

The hand that had been supporting his back suddenly withdrew, decisively and resolutely, he suddenly fell backwards helplessly, and the whole world collapsed completely.

He stared blankly at himself who fell to pieces.

The self who vowed not to leave Qin Xijue before was really like a joke.